Patti Cake Ch. 05

"You know I may be you mother -and I may be nearly 60yrs old... Well... soon enough -but, believe me Dale, I am no prude and nor am I naive about things like pot, sex --or a person's sexuality. I've had my share of life experiences, some of which you 'may' find out about when I'm ready to tell you...But remember... I am a woman after all Dale and not 'just' your Mom..."

As I sat looking at her I began to see and think that it was true, I had never really viewed at Mom as a 'woman' or as someone who could be 'sexual'... But who does? Until then, it was just never on the cards, it wasn't something I ever needed to consider.

As she had said when giving me my first taste of femininity in her hand-me-down-panties, we were about the same size in body frame and height. I'm short, I know, but for her 5ft 7-inches tall, Mom is what you would call a 'normal-height' for a grown woman.

Her hair is the same colour as mine, a middling brown, to chestnut, depending on the lighting, but where my hair is dead straight, Mom's has more a wave and curl thing going on. There was a time where she may have worn her hair longer in days gone by, now it was short, and funnily enough, about the same collar length as mine...

Her face I've always thought was pretty and she still is, even at her young-looking 59yrs of age -save for the odd crease or wrinkle, you'd never know it unless you were to ask, but that's not polite now is it..? And besides, she's kill you with a look if you dared...

Her eyes, not like mine but more a brown colour like her hair, not like a dark 'doe-brown' though. She doesn't wear a lot of make-up, just a bit of mascara and eye shadow sometimes or some rouge and lipstick as well if she's going out.

As for the rest of her..? What's a son to say really..? She is thin, with a trim, tapered waist line; I'd say her bum had become somewhat bigger and a little more full and shapely through the passage of time, like any healthy, mature woman -but again, I'd never say that to her. Lastly, her breasts are average in size I'd say. I haven't asked or measured her for myself -that would have probably garnered me a slap in the face for being so rude. But to hazard a guess..? I'd say her breast and cup size would be a healthy 36B..? But don't quote me on that...

***

"But honestly though honey..." She went on but I was kind of day dreaming, I was looking at her and seeing her in a different light, seeing her not as my Mom -but for the first time that I'd really thought about it, I was seeing and thinking of her as a woman...

"It's a different world these days with human sexuality being so out there the forefront, so open and so free... I for one find it quite refreshing and liberating that we are evolving like we are... To where we are at a point that not only is it okay, but now we are encouraged talk, and be open about our sexuality, so that we can accept who we are, no matter the of choices we make..." Mom continued.

"I just wanted to say that sweetie, let you know that I think it's all so wonderful to talk and to share like this so please... Please don't be afraid of anything I say -or ask you alright..?" Mom ended her statement asking that I not be afraid or offended with anything she was going to ask me... Hmmm?

"And as for pot..? She started again, changing the subject on me...

"I see it and smell it everywhere these days and to be honest, since your father has been passed on from us for a while now, I've been thinking I might let my hair down and give it a try too..." My eyes were wide now... What was Mom telling me..?

"Like you and Darren have said, you like it better than drinking and I'm not a drinker either that's for sure... Well, maybe a glass of wine over dinner or a good conversation but, yeah... I might like to try smoking a little 'reefer' as you folks all say..."

Aside from being totally shocked and thrown for a loop with what my Mom had just told me, I still had to laugh out loud with what she had said in trying to look cool, or hip...

"Ha-ha-ha..! Oh Mom you're a riot... No one has called weed "reefer" since like the 1940's..!"

And then together we both had a good laugh... One thing was for certain, it sure did break the tension I was feeling... Well, for the time being, because I still hadn't told her yet... I still hadn't told my Mom how Darren had kissed me and the thoughts of analyzing that one 'all night' did have me a bit on edge, to say the least.

***

"I'm sorry Sweetie, I went off a tangent, there is just so much we need to talk about... So please, tell me...What happened when Darren and 'his little-buddy' were out getting stoned..?" Mom asked, again playing on the nick-name Darren had given me but this time she just squeezed my hand to let me know she was just trying to keeping things light.

"Well..." I began again...

"I don't know how much you know about weed and the smoking culture, but sometimes, when there isn't much weed around, or like after the wedding when it was really late... Anyway... When a joint burns down, it's not like a cigarette where you keep going down to the filter while still holding it... No when you smoke a joint it gets really hot and hard to hold when it's near the end..." I explained to Mom, hoping I wasn't losing her.

"Okay... I can understand that... Now go on..." She said, directing me.

"Okay so when this happens, in order not to just toss it away and waste what is left, there is a way, a thing you can do to get more out of it... It's called a blow-back or a Super-toke..." I went on, hoping I wasn't boring her to tears.

"I'm sorry, if this is sounds dumb and boring but I am getting somewhere... Just bear with me, and also, this is kind of hard to tell you so; I'm focusing in on the mechanics of it... But please, bear with me... I'll tell you..."

"It's okay darling I see what you're saying... I'm not board, you tell me what you have to in your own time, I'm here --I'm listening..." Mom said, being sweet, reassuring me once again as I then took a breath while trying to get to my point in telling her what really happened between Darren and I and what had me so confused and quite freaked out because I liked what happened way more than I think I should have.

"Well, it wasn't my idea and I had no clue he was going to do this -but as the joint we were smoking burned down, Darren said he 'wanted' to give me a blow-back to not only finish off the joint but also to finish me off because it was so late and I had said I was going to crash soon..."

Mom sat smiling, still holding my hand.

"Well... When he leaned in with the joint in his mouth, holding it in his teeth, backwards so he could 'blow-back' the smoke into my mouth..." Pausing, I let my eyes drift away and then back up to hers.

"He...He... Kissed... He kissed me..." I said at last, letting my Mom know what I had been so worried in telling her.

"He kissed you..? Wow..! But are you sure sweetie..? Are you sure that maybe his lips 'just happened' to touch yours as he gave you this blow-job...? Oh..! Ha-ha... I mean blow-back..?" Mom asked and I wanted to laugh at her slip too but it was just serious a moment for me. And besides... How Freudian of slip is it when it's actually a mother who's making the faux-pas about her son's sex life..?

"Well that's what I thought, at first... I was shocked but was afraid to pull away -and when he didn't move either, I just let him stay like that with his lips pressed to mine while he blew the smoke back to me..." I explained, hoping she might understand that although this wasn't a full on mouth-to-mouth kiss... I still believed that is was more, much more that 'just' a blow-back...

"Hmmm... Yes that does sound rather suspect and curious if you ask me..." Mom started, believing me and getting it as I had hoped she would... Thank God...

"Well..! This certainly is a revelation... Tell me Dale can I ask you some things about stuff like this..?" Mom commented and then asked with a cautious tone.

"Well... Yeah, I guess so... I mean, that's why I came to you with all of this Mom, to ask for your help with these... Umm -things, so yeah... I'll answered your questions, and I'll be honest. I know I have no reason to hide from you... But remember, this is hard for me still...

"Of course I know that this is difficult for you but I'm very, very happy to have you trusting me enough to tell me where your true thoughts and desires lie... I love you sweetie, you're my son and I know that some would find the things we'll be talking about are to be seen as being 'wrong' or immoral in their eyes -but I don't care, this is our family and this is how we chose to live our lives... Mom said making a statement and making me feel much more at ease.

"Now honey... Dale... Like I said last time, I don't care if you're straight, gay, bisexual or anything else they have a name for people's sexual orientation these days... You're my son and this is what I want to know..." Mom began sounding confident, loving and very understanding.

She paused then, held my hand a little tighter, looked to and asked...

"Did you like it dear..? Did you like the kiss Darren gave you that night..?" She asked, suddenly her voice going down an octave, sounding smokier and darker, leading me to believe again she too was finding all of this rather tantalizing, because that's what I was feeling from her.

This was heady sexual stuff and being with Mom or not, I too was feeling aroused in a way that I probably shouldn't have been... There was a lot of that going on in my head in those days, thinking of things I shouldn't be...

Swallowing, I had to admit my own truth to her... "Y-Yes Mom... I did... I did like it... It did something to me... I don't know what but I've thought about it quite a lot over the years, playing it over in my head when I'm home and- and d-dressed..." I said her in a stutter, admitting what I knew she wanted to hear, but stopping then, I was unable to finish telling my Mom of my long hidden fantasy.

"When you're dressed up dear..? Is that when you think of him..? Is that when you think of Darren kissing you..? When you're next door all alone in your cute little panties and nighties..?" Mom asked again, this time there was no mistaking; this was turning her on as much as it was me. But it was so wrong too... Yet I knew she wouldn't let me stop -and neither would her innuendo and teasing...

"Y-yes... When I d-dress up in the 'gifts' you sometimes leave me... I said to her and for the first time acknowledging this 15yr old fact. Smiling at me then, I knew Mom would understand.

"Well sweetie when you say it 'did' something to you, do mean like it makes you want to 'do' something, while you're next door playing dress up..?" Mom asked, continuing her line of questioning. Leading me to believe or to think that she wanted to know if I masturbate to the thoughts and images of what it meant when Darren kissed me.

""Y-yes... Yes it did Mom... But I can't say it..." I said to her, wanting to look away but her knowing, motherly eyes wouldn't let me.

"It's okay darling I can say it... I can say it for you... It's important that we get this out in the open now that you've told me..." Mom said then, giving me cause to cringe, knowing she was going to further this cause and keep digging up all of my dirty thoughts for her to know about --and do what with?

She paused... I waited -tortured...

Looking at me smiling she asked... "Did you play with yourself darling? Did you play with your little pee-pee while imagining Darren kissing you again..? Kissing you and maybe doing things..? Other things -with you...?" Mom asked then, making me feel like I was in some sort of trance, however judging by how hard my stiff little dickie had become, -or my 'pee-pee' as Mom had called it, he was fully aware of what was going on... My Mom was titillating me with the pictures of Darren kissing me, bringing them up, the feelings and emotions swimming in my head, it was so wrong, but felt... so -- Uhhh!

"Yes Mom..." I answered her again the same way, telling her how turned on Darren kissing me had made but then, just as the tension was building again, Mom change the course of this, our most strangest and also our very most intimate of 'tea-times' that we've had ever had.

"It's okay darling, I understand, I can see how Darren doing that to you, kissing you the way he did, I can see how that could affect a sweet-soul like you... Don't worry though... Even if you do play with your little penis while picturing what happened, and doing it while in you're dressed up in your girly underwear and stockings... You don't have to worry... I still know you're not completely gay..." Mom said to me in a loving way -yet her last assertion most certainly caused me to raise an eyebrow -or two...

"But let's put that aside for the moment, we can come back to help you with your bisexual tendencies a little later okay..?" She went on, and still her use of such terms ringing in my ears and making me feel flushed with a renewed sexually-charged embarrassment.

"Right now It think you need to cool down, from all that you're remembering, so for now -and don't worry, we'll get back to how you liked the idea of Darren kissing you and how it makes you 'want' to do other things to him, or 'for' him but sweetie let's talk more about your phone call with Patti..." Mom said to me while on one hand trying to bring me down -but with her rehashing the event over again, she wasn't making things too easy on me. I was however agreed that we needed a change in the direction our conversation was going... A very rapid change.

"Umm... Okay..." Was all I could say back to her, because I was indeed having trouble keeping my composure... Sitting up and smiling at me she began again... "So I guess the first thing I'd like to know is, does all of this business with Darren, does it interfere with how you may be thinking about Patti..?" She asked.

"What...? No... I still have feelings for Patti and since this afternoon, I think I'm starting to feel them bubbling up again... What happened with Darren is something that may or may not have even actually happened Mom... It could be that my mind turned it into this fantasy that I play over in my head while I umm..." I said to Mom sounding like I was pleading with her then stopping as I always seem to do.

Stopping to gather what I want to say next, or if I'm able to say it at all... But realizing just how 'out-there' she was being, and how she wanted me to be... I relented and just went for it...

"While I masturbate dressed up in all of the wonderful little girly-gifts you leave for me..." I said, hoping that she would understand that the thing with Darren was always just a fantasy and now that Patti had miraculously popped back up into my life, I wanted her back... I couldn't deny it... I did, I wanted her back...

"Aww baby... It's okay... I understand and I get it about the whole Darren thing with him kissing you, and we 'will' get back to that later but again -and sorry to get so side-tracked but something else I'd like to know is..." Mom said then took a breath herself.

"What are you ideas of a future..? Do you see for yourself with Patti, should things go the way you might want them to..?" Mom asked, making me think.

"Oh geeze I don't know, I haven't really though that far ahead... I know I'm excited about seeing her again and from the way she sounds, she might feel the same..." I answered.

"But, if -- if things do go well would you want to get together with her..?" Mom asked then her question leaving me to wonder.

"W-why..? Don't you think it's a good idea for me to think this way? Do you think I'm getting my hopes up too high..? Because to answer your question... Yes..! Yes I'd love to get back together with her... Or I'd at least like to try, I mean because after all -it does all hinge on where Patti's head is at and with what her true intentions are..." I said to my Mom why trying reason some of this out.

"No dear... Oh no sweetie... That's not where I was going..." Mom began... "I know what I've said of her in the past -of Patti -but as you've told me, if what Darren says is true then, maybe she has changed -and also, maybe she is truly sorry for how she hurt you all those years ago... If that's the case, then I'd say yes... Absolutely yes... I mean to be honest, now that I've seen how her mind works with you... I can't think of anyone else that would be more suited for a sweet, lovely feminine guy like you..."

I will admit, I was taken back a little with what she was saying and calling me 'feminine' -but I couldn't deny again that my Mom was right, and that Patti was indeed perfect for me, and right again, who else would I find..? I was convinced, and I was happy that my Mom was on board because if she wasn't... I was afraid that we might be in for a battle of wills that always saw me losing... as always...

"And if I can add..." Mom said starting up again but she needn't have, I was sold with her. I just let her go on though because I liked some of the things she was saying about me, shocking as they always were to hear, I still liked them all the same, I'm sure I found it just as titillating as she did.

"Remember darling, it was Patti who set you down this road of leaning and discovering your penchant, if not 'love' for all things girly and feminine, and because it has been a part of you for all of these years, it will be something you will have to consider giving up if for some reason you lifestyle no longer fits into her scheme of things..." Mom said to me as a warning, which did make me think - think and worry.

"Hmmm... I never really thought of that..." I said to her as a look of concern came to my face.

"Aww honey, I wasn't trying to scare you, I just want you to consider all of the possibilities before you go head-long into waters without knowing how deep they are... That's all... And besides, I doubt Patti has changed all that much, I mean let's look at what we know already okay..?" Mom said then, staying reasonable.

"We know that this all started with her, she was the one who wanted you to dress-up for her, even if it was just in a pair of pantyhose, we still know it's a fact that she has these ideas for you in her head..." Mom began.

"These pictures she's probably formed of seeing you looking so delicate and sweet in your girly-wears... So, I think you might be safe there..." Mom said making her first assertion that Patti is indeed interested in me-in a 'feminine sense'...

"And..." Mom went on..."We also know now that Darren bailed her out of whatever troubles she was having while she was out West and she's back here working for him, as well as living under his roof -which I'm sure must be humbling in a way for a girl like Patti, a wild and free spirited from what you've told me..." Mom reasoned some more, working the facts rather than to speculate, and of course, I agreed.

"So... With that in mind and with how happy she was to speak with you... And how she wants to take you out on a date -in 'her' car so that 'she' can apologise to 'you' in person..." Still on a roll and giving me more and more hope with each thing she said... oddly, she stood then and headed off towards her bedroom with no other words.

Confused with where she was going and why she was leaving me like this in mid-thought, I watched her walk away until she was just at her bedroom door when she turned to me and said... "Don't move, I have something for you... Something that I know will help you make up your mind about how Patti is probably thinking of how she might like to have you... I've figured it out and I'm sure you will in a minute so hang on... Don't go anywhere..."

Watching silent, she disappeared into her darkened room, leaving for just a minute, just a minute to think and wonder what she had in mind this time...