All Comments on 'Pen Pals'

Boring

Okay so it's an interesting concept but there are problems.

1. The lead up the the sex is too long and can be a bit boring at times.

2. Grace's character flip flops. First she really wants sex, then there are guidelines for their first time, but she still wants sex. But then she doesn't even want to be groped. That might have been in the guidelines, but she does shift from really wanting sex to not wanting it at all. Maybe if she started off as only dipping her toes in the BDSM community and was a little cautious the whole time, it would have been better.

3. These are just personal things and not actual problems, but the slash was a little unnerving and the way the characters looked and dressed was a bit annoying. The slash thing was off putting for me, but I'm sure there were people who liked it. The appearance thing is just that they're not at all real people. Again, I'm sure people prefer that, but like, if felt like Cassandra Clare level of unreal; gorgeous people who are also really "edgy." All black clothes, pale skin, strong tall guy, small curvy girl. It's just a bit much.

Okay. Here are my critiques. You might think I'm incredibly wrong, and I might think so myself in a couple of years. I do really like the concept, but right now I think it could have been done better.

This was so bad omfg

@Magic Dicks, Anon:

I'm sorry this wasn't your thing but your comments aren't particularly helpful. Plenty of other people seem to have enjoyed this story

@Alright:

Thanks for the detailed comments, I really appreciate it. Regarding the first two point I think that's down to taste, personally I prefer stories with a longer lead up which is why I write like that, others might not enjoy that so much and that's totally okay. For point two I agree that the character's motivation could be better explained, I wanted to give the impression that she was conflicted but I'm sure I could have written this better if I was more talented/experienced. Regarding the third point, one of the characters is based very closely on somebody I know IRL (with their consent), this story was originally written for that person and so it also features what they would consider to be their dream partner. As you mentioned obviously this isn't what everyone enjoys, however it's what I and the aforementioned person enjoy, which is why it's written that that

Thanks again for your feedback and I hope you enjoy my other stories in the future

- J

This is one of the best stories I’ve read, I loved it!!!

Obviously none of them have been lucky enough to experience magical cock. It does exist, it's amazing and happens pretty much just like that. I thought the story was very well written, and HOT. Jack sounds like my kinda guy.

I feel a sense of reality in this story. I....it was a wonderful read and I couldn't help but feel like it was me or that there is some, no mostly truth in this. Why is my heart racing while I'm writing this?