Perks of Being a Zeta

Dozens of young men filtered out of the house. They emerged from the oak doors like a torrent of water, breaking around the large white pillars and cascading down the steps to once again form an orderly group as they approached the sidewalk. Nick's stomach soured at the sight of so many young men who looked exactly like him. He found it difficult not to be cynical while being paraded around like a piece of meat.

As the last dregs came out of the Zeta Rho house, the current fraternity members sealed the door behind them, disappearing back into the bowels of the fraternity house to smoke and drink before the next herd of prospects charged through the door. Nick cleared off a bit of the sidewalk and sat down as a few of the others in his group did the same.

The late summer sun bore down on them, sapping whatever energy they had left. For three days, Nick and the hundreds of other Greek prospects had gone from house to house as part of fraternity rush. The idea of being in a fraternity had not appealed to Nick at all, but the culture around Greek life sucked him in. His roommate, Luther, who made his way up through the crowd to sit down beside Nick, contributed heavily to roping Nick in to the entire circus. From the day they moved in together, Luther had droned on and on about becoming a Zeta. As part of this destiny, he'd brought Nick to as many pre-rush parties as Nick would agree to attend. Through it all, Nick stuck out like a sore thumb.

"What'd you think of the last house?" Luther asked as he settled down beside Nick. Unlike the majority of the prospects, Luther maintained his enthusiasm about the process. "They had a lot of great guys. I met their rush chair for a minute, but he kind of grated on my nerves. How about you? Did you talk to anyone in particular?"

Nick knocked a pebble back and forth between his feet. "No. I went downstairs."

"Aw, come on, Nick. We talked about this. How are you going to know how to rank places if you don't talk with the brothers."

"I talked with a few, but then I wanted a drink of water. Besides, I don't think those guys are my speed. That video they showed had a guy taking shots off of a very low priced stripper. Not exactly what I'm in to."

"What do you mean? Do you not want to do body shots with a stripper?"

"I don't like to drink out of a dirty glass, let alone a communal stripper."

"That's...a fair point. Well, Zeta is up next. You'll have plenty of guys to talk to here. They're going to take me into the legacy room. Mark already texted me. You need to find Max or Tommy and talk to them for a while. They have big voting blocs behind them, and they tend not to seek out people to talk to either. They've already said they like you."

Their Rho Chi meandered past them, announcing that the next round would start in five minutes. Nick was fairly certain that the rush councilor position prohibited smoking, but that did not seem to stop any of them. While the prospects spent their time chatting with the fraternity members, the Rho Chis would float through the house looking for rule violations while looking absolutely ridiculous.

Half of the prospects thought this came from the fraternities selecting their worst members for the jobs while the other half believed the Rho Chis were intentionally parading around like fools in an effort to throw people off the scent of which house they came from. Nick thought they looked like the only people enjoying any part of the process. Their neon yellow shirts let them stand out in the sea of polos and khaki shorts, but the floppy sun hats and the over sized women's sunglasses took things to an absurd level. Nick pictured himself as one of that happy few easily, but fitting in with any of the other houses seemed impossible.

Nick eyed the anxious group of young men around him. Up ahead, in front of the next house, another group of about eighty waited. Around the corner and down fraternity row, similar sized groups did their best to avoid the sun. The Inter-Fraternity Council announced the largest rush class yet during the opening ceremonies. Over eleven hundred young men would go through the meat grinder to find their home for the next four years.

At each house, the lines would form and every prospect would shake the hand of every brother. For the members, that meant over eleven hundred handshakes in the first three days. For the prospects, who faced the full membership of fourteen fraternities, it meant four thousand handshakes. After the unending line of handshakes, the prospects herded into a common area where the fraternity told them about their chapter, what they do for fun, and what they expect of pledges. This usually was accompanied by a video or some sort of poorly produced skit. The remaining time per round was devoted to members speaking with prospects in an effort to create a bond and determine whether the two fit together. In fourteen thirty-minute sessions over three days, eleven hundred young men were meant to choose a group of strangers with which to become life mates for the subsequent four years.

Nick assumed the process had many similarities to speed dating. He imagined both to be equally depressing and frustrating. At the end of each day, the other prospects talked happily about their experiences and how much various houses appealed to them. Nick went to bed early, nursing his sore hand and aching body.

Luther clapped him on the shoulder, "Let's get in line. Last house!" He pulled Nick to his feet. "Hey man, in case we come out at different times, good luck with your rankings. You're going to put Zeta as at least second right? I mean, you don't have to, but it would be cool if we pledged the same house. I'm putting it down as my top pick, of course. I don't think I could do another even if I wanted to. Still, I don't have to pick it right. Just have to get the bid. That's what my dad said any way. He says no one has ever turned down a Zeta bid though."

"You've said that."

"Sorry, just nervous. Excited. Not nervous. Maybe both."

The Rho Chi started blowing a whistle and the long column of young men lurched forward. They plodded down the walkway towards the Zeta House as the doors opened and the members stepped out with broad smiles on their faces.

***

Nick had never seen the full membership of the Zeta Rho house all in one place. Luther went ahead of him, moving down the line as if greeting old friends. Nick tried to mimic his roommate's enthusiasm, but hoped he at least managed to suppress his fatigue. As he shook hand after hand, silently cursing any of the guys who thought it was a test of strength, he counted. Fifty two. Not the smallest, but a far cry from the largest. Nick wondered if some of the members had already left for the day or were occupied elsewhere, but none of the Zetas he had met were missing. The other small fraternities took great pains to bulk their numbers and not look anemic compared to the juggernaut houses which boasted more than three hundred members.

The size of the fraternity determined many facets of their social calendars. A larger fraternity had more funding and organized more swaps with sororities. The biggest one would have sorority mixers, inviting two or three of the female Greek organizations in pursuit of a one to one ratio for their members. Boiled down, this was an advertisement of opportunities for sex. The smaller fraternities usually compensated by being more eclectic or advertising a better ratio with fewer parties. Though it worked for some, Nick quickly realized that the majority of his fellow prospects saw more value in throwing the net multiple times than throwing one specialized net fewer times.

As the prospects gathered in the small dining room of the Zeta house, outnumbering the house members almost two to one, Nick wondered how such a small group could command such respect around campus. This fraternity was the elite of the elite, but they did not have a reputation for being particularly rich or particularly exclusive. The interior of the house, which Nick had seen many times over the last few months, seemed more functional than frilly. Certain upstairs rooms had the honor of nice furniture, but the majority of the house had a rustic minimalism to it. Though it made perfect sense when the room was crowded with drinking patrons and music, it seemed very sterile and empty as the prospects watched the Zeta rush chair, Mark, move to the center of the room for a speech.

"Welcome to the Zeta House guys. I know we're all tired. It's been a long three days, and you're probably all ready to go enter your rankings and head out to the prospect party tonight. If it's any consolation to you, we have a long night ourselves deciding who we're going to be issuing bids to this year. We hope that some of you will be on our short list, and we hope that we will be on some of yours. Let me tell you a little about the brothers here. Other houses are all flash no substance. We take the word fraternity very serious here. If you look around the edges of the room, you'll see that several of our alumni have come out to take part in the festivities. We are all important to one another here. Our primary goal is to create a real family."

Nick watched as more and more of the prospects tuned out. The last house on the last day took every ounce of energy even to get through the handshake line. Mark's speech certainly failed to light a fire under everyone. Every other house started off with screaming and yelling and as much nudity as they could get in to a five minute video about the fraternity. The Zeta's somber tone caught everyone off guard and put off most of the group immediately. Nick looked over to Luther whose face looked like his puppy had been stomped on.

Mark continued, "Zeta Rho is the oldest house on campus and the oldest charter in the region. We have been a strong presence on campus without interrupt since 1842. Our brotherhood stresses a commitment to academics and extracurriculars that you will not find at other houses. We operate on a program we call the Dignified Brother Initiative. Ask some of the guys about it and what it's done for them. Even if you have no interest in our house, we still want to get to know you. Our ongoing relationships with other fraternities are based on our rush week conversations. Even if you're not our brothers, we still want to be your friends. With that in mind, we want to get the chance to talk with everyone. Again, welcome to the Zeta House."

Those who were still paying attention shared Nick's shock at the mundane speech. Mark's introduction resembled a midday corporate meeting more than a raucous fraternity pep talk. The rush chairman clapped his hands together, and the brothers started to disperse into the tightly packed group of prospects. Nick watched as one of the older men put his arm around Luther and discreetly guided him out of sight. A few other prospects were zeroed in on by the fraternity members. Nick had seen this happen at a few other houses. The highly sought after prospects received the lion's share of the attention. Nick did not know what made any one guy desirable to a fraternity, but the Zetas continued their peculiar behavior by targeting people the other fraternities had effectively ignored. He knew this to be the case because Mark walked right up to him and extended his hand once more. Nick shook it, reluctantly.

"Hey Nick. Wanna come upstairs and talk for a minute?" the rush chair asked. Nick nodded, and they quickly moved out of the fray. A few others Nick recognized grabbed other prospects and ushered them upstairs. None of the selected few had been among Luther's cadre of Zeta fanboys. The remainder of his prospect group milled about awkwardly in the dining room, circled by a loose contingent of the Zetas who were making polite conversation with some of the more eager prospects. As Nick ascended the stairs, it became clear that the Zetas positioned themselves to keep anyone from wandering off. They passed a Rho Chi on their way upstairs. Nick knew separating prospects for intense rushing violated the rules and expected the Rho Chi to say something. Instead, the councilor, who had temporarily abandoned his novelty glasses, and Mark joked for a moment before the Rho Chi wandered off to the water table. Mark continued up the staircase, and Nick nervously followed.

"This is the chapter room," Mark said, opening a large oak door in the upstairs great room. Inside was an open space with large comfortable chairs circling the room. At the back, several long benches had been stacked behind a wide oak table. Along the walls, old portraits of young men smiled at Nick. Other regalia and colors adorned the walls and, as they approached the table, Nick saw a large crest had been etched into both the table top and the floor of the room. "The floor was done by the class of '63. They bought the lumber from a local railroad that went out of business. Then they sanded it down and had one of the brothers etch the crest into it before they put the finish on. We're thinking about having it touched up next year. What do you think?"

"It's...nice."

"Wondering why I pulled you up here, right?"

"Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like you guys, but I'm still not sure this is my sort of thing."

Mark nodded. "We're hoping we can convince you otherwise. Have a seat." They moved over to a pair of chairs. Another of the Zetas entered the chapter room and sat on the other side with his chosen prospect. The other young man looked as confused and bewildered as Nick assumed he did. "You've probably guessed by now that this whole week is more about shoring up numbers for the big frats, right? I don't know, it's hard to remember what it's like from your perspective. How much do you think someone can learn about people in an hour? That's why we do pre-rush parties and research."

"Research?"

"Yeah. It's easy nowadays. Facebook is a god send for rush chairs like me. We like to have a good idea of who we're dealing with. Then the guys talked with you. To be honest, you've been rubber stamped all the way to this point. Now we're here to convince you that Zeta is right for you. I mean all that stuff I said down there. If you're looking for a party frat, this isn't the place for you. We have our share of fun, but it's not Animal House. And I should say, pledging is the first step on a long process."

Nick squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. Across the room, the other prospect seemed to be in the same turmoil. "What about Luther? He's done nothing but talk about joining Zeta since I met him? That seems like the kind of guy that you'd want. He's ready to cut his arm off for you guys."

Mark sighed. "Luther. I like him. He's a nice guy, but he's not a Zeta. His dad called us this summer and let us know his son was going to rush. It's complicated when this happens, but his dad shot him down immediately."

"Oh fuck."

"He's finding out now. The things he wants out of a fraternity don't fit with the things we are as a fraternity. That may seem awkward since he's your roommate, but that will work out too. Besides, if you decide to join Zeta, you'll move in here at the start of next semester. So, tell me what you need to hear. What do you want to know about us?"

Nick thought for a while. Mark waited patiently beside him, drumming his thumbs on his waist. Finally, Nick asked, "How are you so different? The other fraternities all acted the same. Loud, obnoxious...kind of what I expected. Thought you guys would do the same."

"That Dignified Brother Initiative thing isn't some scam. We actually follow that. Universities started up around the idea that a man should be well rounded. Zeta is an extension of that idea. We take classes together. We do group projects together like this floor. In the summers, we go on trips together. We have a member in charge of orchestrating all this stuff. Shit, we go and see plays together one night and then have a Smash tournament the night after that. Not every guy likes every thing, but we all participate somehow. We call them brotherhood events."

"What about sorority swap parties and stuff?"

"Do you think any of those guys out there wanted to have swaps before the fraternities started to tell them such a thing existed? Swaps are middle school parties where alcohol is slightly more acceptable. It's bizarre, like a big singles event. If you're worried about meeting women, you've been to our house parties, has that seemed like a problem?" Nick shook his head. Though he hadn't spoken to any of them, he'd been happy to watch the gorgeous women come and go from the Zeta's parties. He knew if the collection of Zeta girlfriends had lined up to greet all the prospects, the would have had to beat away the guys desperate for a bid. The more he thought about it, the stranger it seemed. "Alright, what does your gut say? Do you want to be a Zeta Rho?"

The response hit him instantly. "Yes." It made sense. Mark was genuine and convincing. The brothers all exuded a strange confidence that Nick had written off as not for him. All his life, Nick had allowed the attention to be for everyone else. Luther had lapped it up while Nick had sat with the other Zetas and joked and had fun. He'd been part of their circle for a month without knowing it.

Mark slapped him on the back. "Good man. Knew you'd come around. Let's go make it official." Mark went over to a shelf behind the chapter table and retrieved a large book. He dropped it on the table and started turning the pages, revealing a long list of names. "You'll need to rank us first in your choices. Then you'll get a bid delivered to your door room. It's a whole show for the other houses, but for our guys, come to the house any time on Saturday. We have something special that night." He reached the first blank page and stopped. Taking a pen from his pocket, he offered it to Nick. "You have opportunities to quit in the future if you don't like what you wind up in. That's happened once or twice over the years. But for right now, I have to ask, are you sure you want to pledge Zeta Rho?" Nick nodded. "You have to say it. Then sign your name."

Nick took the pen. "I am sure I want to pledge Zeta Rho." His fingers tingled slightly as he put the pen to the page and scrawled his name. As he finished, he felt a great relief wash over him.

"Awesome!" Mark took back the pen and slid the book away. "One other thing. Tonight, we're prohibited from mingling with any of the prospects so that we don't sway you one way or the other. Again, mostly a show for the other frats. Instead, take this." Mark handed him a thin, teal coin which had the fraternity crest on one side, on the other the image of a woman and the words "A Thing of Beauty."

"What's this for?"

"Do you know Omega Chi house? Ox House? They're a sorority, but they do open bidding and stay pretty out of sight most of the time. They're like our sister sorority. Lot of their members come to our parties so you've probably met a few of them and not known it. They're having a party tonight. Take the coin, and they'll let you in. You can see some of your pledge brothers there. They'll have coins like yours."

Nick flipped the coin. It made a pleasing metal ring.

***

Nick left the Zeta house feeling better than he had in days. Rush had been a source of worry and dread for months, and in a ten minute conversation at the very end, all of it lifted away. The other prospects wandered toward the Greek Life building, each of them visibly distraught with choice. Nick pitied them on some level. Though he had not wrestled with a choice of which fraternity, he had struggled with whether or not he should join at all. He had expected doubt in his decision either way, but he felt more sure of his choice than any other before it.