Persistent Ch. 02

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Not sure about the Category choice, this part follows the wife's affair.

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Paul was watching TV lying on the sofa. He jumped when he heard the house door was opened. He wasn't expecting Linda until Sunday. He couldn't be happier. His nightmare was over.

"Linda! Did you return?"

"Paul!" she sounded flurried "Where are you?"

He walked to the door to hug her "What happened? Why did you return that soon?" but he stopped seeing the tears in her almost red eyes.

"What's going on?"

Linda thought about this moment since she got on the plane and no previous practice could prepare her for such a thing. Seeing the look on Paul's face, she already knew she ruined everything.

"I..."

Paul understood that this was a disaster level situation. He knew that his life and their life was changed. He was curious and he would want to hear what was going on but his mind already started to build up all possibilities. He knew that she made that huge mistake.

"Please don't tell me you..." he tried to calm down "tell me what's going on."

She looked at him then nodded.

He never saw her that vulnerable and helpless. She hardly walked to the living room and sat on the sofa. Paul was following her and he turned the TV off. He sat on the armchair because he wanted to see her face.

She couldn't start talking. She was trying to start sentences but after first word she was starting to cry again.

"Did you cheat on me, Linda?" He had no patience.

"Yes."

Paul's face turned white, his eyes were squinted and teardrops were visible there. Linda started to cry loudly after seeing him like that.

"With him?"

"Y-yes."

Paul felt his life power draining from his body. He even didn't have the will to kick furniture or hit the walls. He just sat like that, looking at her. It was apparent that Linda was even more sad than he was. She was having trouble breathing but he didn't have the energy to do something about it. He thought of telling her to calm down but he didn't care about her at the moment. He always knew his life was too good to be true, marrying her was like a miracle and he was facing the consequences of that miracle at that moment.

"Say something, please." Linda was still acting like she was his but it didn't matter in such a situation.

Paul was staring at her, he wasn't talking.

Linda's guilt, sadness, fear all feelings were overcome by the panic of losing Paul when she saw that.

"Paul! Please talk to me!" she was shouting and crying at the same time.

"I can't..." Paul stood up and walked to the door "Not now."

Linda heard the closing sound of the main door and collapsed on the floor, crying on the carpet.

She couldn't reach him for two days. His phone was off.

Paul was trying to think, to ignore his feelings in the hotel room. He was hoping that he would build enough anger to overcome sadness, he was waiting for that to happen. But it was getting worse.

Linda hated herself more every second. She wanted to disappear when she cried that night, at the hotel. She wanted to hurt herself after she returned and Paul left. She already accepted the fact that Paul was possibly going to leave him when he learned but living through this wasn't bearable at the moment. She called every hour, sent tens of messages but he didn't turn his phone on.

The night at the hotel was blurry to her, like a dream. She even forgot to tell him she didn't sleep with him.

When she realized that, she panicked even more. Paul was somewhere, picturing her with Nick like that. Of course, she knew that she wasn't going to stop Nick if he tried to go further but if the actions mattered, this was important. But both situations were unforgivable at similar levels, so, she didn't care.

Nick, on the other hand, was detached from the people around him. In the next morning, the one after the elevator incident, he knew that Linda was going to spend the next day with some people and the whole day he was in an agitated state. He frequently needed to remind himself that Linda had to be thinking of him and his seductive manipulations were too advanced for her to resist.

She had to be struggling to stop herself from doing what he told her to do and she was going to lose that fight. She had to. He hoped to see her at the bar all dolled up, to offer herself to him.

Normally he would be living that moment in his head, finding ways to strengthen his hand such as acting cool, ignoring her a bit, touching her and then staying far. He would be making plans to make her show how she wanted him in front of all those people.

But he wasn't. He was stuck, trying to get rid of his worries about that night. He had to be right, there was no need to worry. He practically dropped a napalm on her confidence and resistance. She had to be burning at that moment for him, so why was he worried that much?

Was it because she was stronger than any other woman he met before? Or, was she the most dignified woman? No, she wasn't. She was flesh and blood, he was immune to her character or beauty and she was a member of the most vulnerable group to him.

It had been a piece of cake for him to get her to that point.

He wasn't confessing that to himself but he knew the reason for his worries.

He wanted her. He wanted her too much. He wanted to fuck her, taste her and to start all over the next day. That night at the elevator hit him as well.

It was clear but not because he couldn't help and came in his pants. It was because he forgot to enjoy her struggles or to observe how her will broke apart. He was observing her instead. Smelling her, looking at her, feeling her ass in his palm or against his cock. Hearing her.

Kissing her wasn't enough and he did it again and again.

Yes, his final move was perfect, leaving her like that. But what if she misread that? He had her the way he wanted, what if he wasted that moment? Normally, he would have ended the night without talking. Leaving her like that. She would have felt ten times worse, confused and thinking that he had his way with her and didn't want more. He acted different than he always did and that was making him nervous.

He hated to wait. He was impatient for the first time. His thoughts were changing, he was considering that she had to be his woman. Nobody else's. He had to be careful, not to ruin her that much.

He waited there at night and when he realized she wasn't going to shop up, he went to her room and knocked on the door. He called her and her phone was off. He went to the reception to learn that she checked out early in the morning.

At that point, he didn't know what to think or do.

His Everest moved away while he was half way climbing her. And, he could have climbed to its climax if he wasn't that arrogant.

He kept calling her all the time. Mostly her phone was off and a couple of times she rejected his call.

He knew that he was right about calling her his Everest, he was right that she was special and he was right to be worried.

Martin and Steve were aware that something was wrong as well. He didn't tell them about the elevator thing because it was an embarrassment. They were going to think that he acted cocky beyond his worth. He could have told them he had his fun, rejected fucking her and he was letting her burn with desire for him or other bunch of crap; only if he wasn't feeling a mess and showing it to everyone. Nobody would buy it.

Plus, it wasn't his way to gloat on sexual stuff. He loved to humiliate women and stain their names only after making them act as his fuckables. Not like that, not the day after. And he even didn't see her pussy! This thought was consuming his energy. She wanted him to fuck her and he...

Paul was in his office when Linda opened the door. She was timid, he was surprised. He forgot that he was angry at her for a moment. Then he remembered. But in that brief period, his heart jumped. He still loved her and this was his curse.

"Hi" Linda said with a soft voice.

He nodded pouting his lower lip. He was trying not to say something bad; he was already feeling as if he was sick and he didn't want to add a burden to his conscience, hurting an already surrendered woman, whom he loved; his problems were enough.

"Will you come back?"

He showed a faint smile to her and kept silent.

"Can we talk?" Linda wasn't expecting to win his heart back but she hoped that they could at least smooth the breakup or that she could remind him she was the same Linda that he loved, who screwed everything up at some point.

He had lots of questions but he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answers.

"Do you really want to talk? I'm not being sarcastic; I really am not sure if I want to know more about this."

"Paul..." She didn't want to tell that disgraceful night but she would, if she had to. It wasn't easy for her to talk about anything but she knew they needed to. She felt that she was about to cry, so she stood up and said "I don't, I'm sorry" before she ran out.

He punched his own head, finding himself in the exact position he was trying to avoid. But that was too much to ask from a man who was betrayed in the most horrible way. He didn't have to blame himself. But blaming her or hating her didn't work. He tried that.

He couldn't get rid of his feelings for her and she was still too valuable. He had no one in his life that he cared about, she had been the center of everything. He was aware that his undecisive thoughts were going to make everything worse. He had to leave her or suck it up and go back to her. She wasn't going to wait forever. He felt that it was impossible to leave her, when he was in front of her. Seeing her made him want her back.

But he was sure that he would brutalize that bastard if he came across him, in spite of the voice in his head, which was telling him that it would make him feel worse. That was stupid, he was going to feel good, that was for sure. But it wasn't going to change the fact that he managed to fuck his wife.

Linda visited Paul again, tried to make him talk. He wasn't different much but he managed not to upset her. He didn't want to see her leave like that again.

"Can we go to lunch or dinner? To spend some time together? I know it may backfire but maybe if you see me, you will understand that I'm the same person, I'm not that person who..." she felt that this was useless.

"Not yet, Linda. I'm not ready to talk, you will regret spending time with me when I'm feeling like that."

"I know, I still want to. Maybe if you hurt me enough, you can feel different? It's OK if you want to curse at me, if it's going to help. I can stand, please..." she wanted to say "give me a chance" but he probably thought that she didn't deserve one and he wasn't going to trust her again.

"That would only make me feel worse, Linda. Give me some time."

"OK" and she left.

Nick was trying to reach her every hour without success until they returned from the vacation. He was feeling a mental fatigue, this was turning into an obsession for him.

He didn't know what was going on, what she was thinking and why he cared that much. But he got the taste of her and not having her started to give him tunnel vision. He wasn't thinking anything but Linda. He was still dedicated to try for years for her but why? Why and how did she recover from that state of mind? Did she?

In fact, she didn't, not exactly. She was in so much fear that she was focused on Paul only. And she didn't want any thoughts to make her feel worse.

On Sunday, Paul was exhausted from his unproductive struggle to make a decision and he wasn't thinking clearly. He was losing it. He was thinking things like "Finally it's Sunday, he's returning. Linda must be happy." but such thoughts weren't solving anything.

He knew he was envenoming his mind, piling up thoughts full of hatred, hoping that they would erase the sadness and his despair.

He hoped that somehow, he was going to see her differently and tell her his decision. But he was still feeling weak. Seeing her that sad was preventing him from hating her.

And the worst fact he was trying to ignore was there and it was keeping him from moving on. She was way above his league and he was going to live with that void for the rest of his life. He wasn't going to be able to find such a woman.

That wasn't love, that was a selfish search for the 'least bad'. Not the right one. He knew the right ones. If her mistake was one that he never would forgive, he had to leave her, period. Otherwise, he had to have his fight with her or talk to her and decide.

Then he started to think about their short but unforgettable conversation. He started from the moment he saw her. That wasn't normal. He wasn't an expert on such a thing but it was awkward for a woman to cheat her husband and run to him to tell him like that. It was possible that she didn't do it intentionally, she was sorry and she regretted doing that. It was also clear that she valued their marriage, her panic was genuine and she didn't even make him ask twice while answering his questions.

This didn't change anything as well. It wasn't something he could forgive.

There was a lowlife guy, chasing her for years and she was complaining about him, showing her loathing about him all the time. She was looking down on the women who let themselves used by him.

She wasn't even a sex driven woman, they never had wild sex in their life and Linda was the reason for that. He would love to have some stray moments, leaving their standard sex life time to time. She never let him do that. Linda let that son of the bitch ruin his dignity by letting him take his wife. No excuse or regret or apology could change that.

And, he was in a hotel room, feeling thinking about those, how that bastard had his way with his wife.

He hated to picture Linda with that man, fucking in a hotel room. He didn't see him before but Linda's face was in front of his face, as if he was watching her as she was complimenting that bastard when he was fucking her. Even this didn't look realistic to him because he never saw her losing herself during sex.

But he was still lingering to find a way to stay with her. He felt pathetic but he didn't care.

Fuck. He wanted to find him and reshape his face.

It was interesting that every time he thought something showing his weakness, he was telling himself that he was going to beat him. Reminding himself that he was stronger man than Nick. But Nick had his way with his wife, beating him up wasn't going to change that.

Probably, Paul felt an extra hatred about him because Nick was the reason that he was struggling in that 'being a man' test and failing. Linda was going to start questioning his manhood if he went on like that.

On Monday, it was another hard day for Linda. If she didn't go to work, people were going to start asking questions. She could explain her early return, saying that she had personal matters. But she had to make a decision.

It looked like Paul was probably thinking of leaving her and she didn't see a slight chance of him changing his mind.

If she left her ground unattended, Nick could ruin her career as well. He could try to do that or act careless about her reputation. That risk would still exist even if she was there but she could do something to manage that risk.

So, if she didn't want to feel even worse, she had to act as she planned and hide her emotions.

She thought about this a lot after that incident and she had some action plans, depending on the course of events. She hoped she didn't have to act on any of them.

On the other hand, Paul was answering her calls after her visits. It was hard for him to explain that but her presence in his life was important. He wasn't able to make his decision yet and he started to think that he was feeling too insecure to do that.

Hearing her voice, talking to her was some kind of a life support for him. She was the reason for him to suffocate and she was the source of oxygen. He still was determined to leave her but he needed her support to go through this.

Linda was in her office when Nick barged in.

"Where have you been? Why aren't you answering your phone?"

That sounded like her, talking to Paul in his office.

"I was busy, Nick. Was there something urgent?" Yes! She managed to act indifferent. She was hoping that Nick would be confused and that he stepped back.

But his reaction wasn't as she expected. He couldn't understand how she was acting as if what they experienced was a minor affair, without even blushing about.

"Linda, are you playing a game? Why did you leave early?" Of course, if that was a minor thing, she wouldn't have left so abruptly. She left because this was a trauma for her psychology. She had to be hiding her feelings. She was trying to avoid the inevitable, giving herself to him.

He was going to break her again. She wasn't going to escape; she was his already.

But she thought about this conversation many times, she had many answers.

"I kind of needed to back off, Nick. You were all over me and that made me feel like you were too carried away with that fling. I was planning to have a little escapade on the side but the words you told me made me think that this meant something else for you. Something with a deeper meaning."

He felt this speech was full of logical bullshit in it but it matched the way he was feeling at that moment. Could he be feeling like that and was she telling him the truth? Could she have felt something even he wasn't aware of?

"Bullshit! You were nothing near being cool about having a fling with me. You were terrified, you looked desperate for my attention. You wanted me, more than I wanted you!"

That wasn't going to be easy. She felt cramps in her stomach after hearing those and that arousal was knocking on the door. She didn't want to recall those sensations but they were still strong. She remembered that hot, compelling and arousing feeling of desperation. She still desired that feeling.

But he was talking in haste and seeing him that stressed showed her that she was on the right track. If she caved, that would be the end for her. She had to stay on top. She had to answer fast.

"Oh, Nick. So, you were thinking that I didn't know anything about you? How and why you started to hit on me like crazy after I got married, exactly the same way you did to those other women?"

He was looking at her trying to understand where this was going.

"I'm not denying that I was turned on in the elevator or before that but how can you imagine that I was ever vulnerable? You managed to get my attention and knowing what you dug for, I participated willingly. You were the macho boss; I was the confused vixen. We both wanted that."

He had a stupid look on his face. Linda realized that something she never expected was happening. She was amazed to see him insecure like that. She was making him feel the way he did to her. She loved that feeling. She felt relaxed seeing that he was speechless and wanted to scratch that open wound.

"Look, Nick. I liked that fantasy game, what you were offering. It was better than what I expected. But you were too carried away with your stupid games, you wasted that opportunity. I'm not saying that I didn't like it but I was hoping for the whole package. Because of you, it became an unfinished business. You didn't think that we were starting a relationship, right?"

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Seeing him that frustrated, she couldn't stop teasing him more.

"But still, it was a night to remember, don't beat yourself up about it. Now, if you excuse me, I have a meeting."

"You can't fake blushed cheeks!"

"I didn't say I faked anything, I wanted, you couldn't deliver. Maybe you chickened out, maybe you fell in love, I don't know. Bygones."