All Comments on 'Pervert's Revenge'

Not what I expected from the ending. I figured that given all the chapters you had going, there was going to be some sort of Karmic Blowback for Dave at the end. Like Rob getting ahold of the necklace, and punishing Dave, but because Rob had been mentally transformed into a pervert, he couldn't bring himself to turn Kelly and her friends back, so he just transferred their affections to him. That's what I was expecting anyway, given the First Person POV and the length. Not bad though, even if it was a little sad. You do seem to have a writing talent though. Let's see what future stories hold.

what a sicko unless you write another chapter to where he gets his revenge on dave and get the girls back

You are a very good writer. I think it would be interesting if Rob (convinced as he is of Dave's superiority) actively looked for more girls for Dave to fuck. After all, Rob realizes that the more cunts Dave fucks the more wanking opportunities he has. I bet Rob has a mother and a couple twin sisters with huge tits that he believes deserve to serve Dave.

Dave should wake up and his conscience kicks in. After all Rob and Jackie didn't make Dave a sorry pervert.

He should offer to restore normality to Rob Jackie etc if Rob agrees to be his accomplice. For example if the subjects memory was wiped of events Dave and Rob could have new fun with each of them every time.

Dave might set up a scenario where Rob is "captured" and Kelly has to perform "willingly" for Dave. Maybe even "force" Rob to double team Kelly.

The scenarios are endless.

Lame, down and out loser gets revenge. Poorly written, couldnt empathise with any of the characters and the ending sucked.

Basically shit.

""Nooooooooooo, fuck off Dave," said Jenny but Dave clicked his fingers and inevitably the expression on Jenny's face changed, "Ohhhhhhh yesssssssssss I am a slut," "

I mean come on. Surely you can write something generally better than "Ohhhhhhh yesssssssssss I am a slut"

I would rather just read the dictionary than to read drivel like this. If it is the best and most entertaining you can be you should just give it up. Sorry.

Dave eat shit

for all the shit that fag bonnie/vastie rates.