Petey Pt. 01

"Oh, um, well, it's not a pirate ship, Purdy, but flat bottom river boats were the way they shipped goods from the coast way back in the day. Well, although, I mean, tee he, they probably transferred a little of the booty too, tee he."

"Tee he, like the Hinds' family bloodline, Baxter, tee he."

"Tee he and they have been employed for eons, tee he, ahem, that's not nice us, ahem, tee he."

"Alright, Baxter, so, no pirate booty, check, Falcon Franny in a lady pirate costume, check, a muck covered structure, check, a nice viewing spot, check, a boner check for Starling Darling Darla today, check, double floating pizza box salvage cranes, check, so, what's next then, Baxter? Hurry up and wait then?"

"Check. Wait, what was that middle check, check then, Petey P?"

"Hah! You tell me, Baxter and I know how things work, so [cheek kiss] I'll leave you alone since Starling Darling Darla is on her way with a refreshment for you, so. Just don't peek as I shimmy back up snake charmer style, so."

LOL, regular guys, they always peek! But I have decent legs, so.

"Oops, I don't mean to break anything up here, but since I called dibs, well, I'm breaking this cozy little viewing party for two up! But here, Baxter, I brought you a hard ice tea and Petey P, I mean, that goth guy who lurks for you sometimes is lurking around the front sidewalk waiting for some apologetic and personal invite, again, LOL. Also, two of your neighbor men want to sword fight with me, so either give me sword or a place of privacy, jeez. Also, are we really going to see anything then? Or is this just a listening party for those two double floating pizza boxes that just seem to be going all "grr, clunk, winch, snap, jolt, brr, clunk" and stuff, hmm?"

"Well, Starling Darling Darla, I never said that this was going to be great or even worthy viewing party, so."

"Well, for short, get your spy eyes off of me and go do something with the guy out front. And find me a sword, for Pete's Petey P sakes! Or a condom. Or and a condom."

Well, I didn't have a sword, so. But I would have a word with my neighbor men later, but I didn't have a sword. And yep, it was Zapata Zack lurking up and down my section of sidewalk like he was walking up and down the Strip on a Friday night.

"Well, Zapata Zack, you can just lurk around the sidewalk or you could come around the back and join the fun, which isn't all that much fun, so? And I like your new leather afternoon vest. Also, the roomie put together several snack trays before she went to work, if you're hungry, so?"

"Well, people are going to talk and every time I step off of the sidewalk, I mean, my head goes like all "grr, clunk, winch, snap, jolt, brr, clunk" and stuff, so maybe I should just take off then, Petey P."

Well, that's in the rulebook too! They always think about the repercussions of messing around with a guy who dresses like a girl and split! But it's also in the rulebook that when a payback situation presents itself, well, go ahead and payback! But not double.

"Bye, Zapata Zack!"

Just like he said to me the night before!

"Well then, it sounds to me like I'm just in time for a relationship spat rebound bit of sex then, hmm? And let's make it a double, Petey P, so?"

"Oh, Dawson, um, Dawson, shut it with that and um, well, go around back then. The party is a complete bust, so, you know, join in."

"Aww, Petey P, that old piece of muck covered wood isn't coming out of the river until tomorrow, so there's plenty of time for us to figure out if I can fuck you without removing those shorts since they're so small anyways, so?"

"Dawson!"

"What, you don't want to work up a sex sweat then, Petey P, hmm? And let me fuck you just inside of Peacock Penny's bedroom for the thrill of it all, sound good?"

"Oh, that sounds good, Dawson, if that's the same as a death sentence!"

"Fine, then wrap your undies around my cock and suck me off in your bedroom then, Petey P!"

"Dawson! Seriously? Also (gulp), does that work, I mean, Dawson! Also, my bedroom might be busy with some legal rebound lip introductions between Starling Darling Darla and Baxter anyways, so. But grab a couple of snacks and a beverage on your way through the house. I'll just be checking in the mirror one more time for exactly how small these shorts are that I chose to wear today, so, so, well, how much of a sex sweat then, hmm? I mean, Dawson! Hush and go, hush and go!"

Well, here's what happened. Yep, my shorts were quite questionable in terms of size, I mean, after it was mentioned a couple of times of how small they were and yep, two hours later, the two floating pizza box crane barges were still going all "grr, clunk, brr, snap, lift, jolt, clunk, brr" with the chains and the cables and still nothing was popping out of the river, so, yay for my viewing party, right?

And I quickly changed shorts.

But here's what happened next. First, no matter what, I had a mixer and some people came over, so let the city of Middleton put that in the city's history book! But second, damn, a keel started to come into sight! And thirdly, well, that's where the salvage guys left it, which Dawson said was for the buoyancy of the river water so the length of the keel wouldn't snap under its own weight, but boy, that's when the salvage people went to work with the extra cables and ropes and stuff! I don't mean to toot Dawson's horn, but he said that once they had the remains up to the surface, that they had to lift it out that day!

Which was quickly becoming that evening, so, LOL, the salvage divers had all rubber covered assholes and elbows on board! Which wasn't all that much more interesting to watch, but all of a sudden, it was better and all of a sudden, there was a suggestion to grill burgers and I had Sparrow Sadie on speed dial, so, I mean, put me down for hosting an extended mixer, folks! In the history books!

"Text Sparrow Sadie to pick me up, Petey P. Hell, I'll run up to the grocery store with her in my lady pirate costume! I mean, LOL, even these guys have tipped me all afternoon when things on the river vessel lift were just going all "grr, clunk, brr, snap, lift, jolt, clunk, brr" and stuff, LOL."

Well, I mean, with the salvage divers working with the wrapping and strapping now, I mean, things were more like "whip, whoosh, pull, swish, whip, squeak" and stuff by then, so.

"Oh, Dawson, since I'm oddly and weirdly sun spot energy release blocked from everyone, would you mind sending a city-wide group text to announce that my mixer is now in extended mode, hmm? And highlight the word "extended", like as in double the anticipated time, so."

Which wasn't the greatest of ideas since Canary Mary picked up on that quick and unblocked me from texting! Also, huh, wasn't it odd how only my phone was impacted by the sun spot energy release then, hmm? Odd, right? Nobody else experienced the city wide "abnormal blocking" except for me, so, odd, right?

[Weep]

"Oh, now it's a sleep over party now?"

[Weep]

"For my ex and some Ho!"

[Whoop]

"Canary Mary, it's not a sleep over."

[Whoop]

"It's an extension."

[Whoop]

"And is Ho the same as the old BFF?"

Huh, her phone battery must have died, right? Or her head exploded.

But for the history books, my mixer was in extension mode! And noted by the roomie when she arrived home from work.

"Ooh, what's this then? Burgers and my favorite pirate lady! Hey there, hey, Falcon Franny!"

"Oh, hey there, hey, Peacock Penny! Let's get some more boys up here to brighten up your hot ass party, which nobody else along the river thought to hold! You rock, bitch!"

"Woo, you text your lost boys and I'll text my confused boys and we'll figure it out! But first we should figure out why we don't call each other by our real names, don't you think, Falcon Franny? My special little Falcon Franny with the short, pirate short skirt!"

"LOL, ask your weird ball roomie, it's his thing for the last year. But my lost boys like their forbidden ooh la, la Peacock Penny with the colorful hair, so?"

"Oh, I'm not trading up Peacock Penny for the world. I even partitioned the courts for a formal name change! Also, are you texting yet, Falcon Franny? We need to blow up my party up! And don't go getting all hussy and fussy if Randy calls you by Justine! Oh, hey, roomie, kiss, kiss, um, Petey P, maybe you should double up with the shorts tonight or you might get doubled teamed, sweetie."

Well, the original time stamp of the mixer for the Middleton history books still belongs to me, but I liked how the girls could blow things up so quickly. Also, seriously? Just like that?

And as things turned out, huh, the throw back scene confused guys wore their hair a lot like I wore mine, so that was kind of cool.

"I guess you're on the burgers then, Robert, hmm?"

"Um, Robby, okay, Petey P? I'm a confused boy! Well, not as confused as you, but still."

"Oh, okay Robin Robby, so, what do you think of the vessel lift then, hmm, Robin Robby?"

"I mean, I could see myself in a dive suit someday, Petey P. But not around some things that go all "whip, whoosh, wrap, swish, twist" like what's happening down there. That's actually pretty dangerous work. Also, I could see myself getting all wrapped up and swished up with you tonight, Petey P, so?"

"Oh, so, you want to test Peacock Penny's resolve then, hmm, Robin Robby? I mean, you are in her retro throwback scene crew, for Pete's Petey P's sakes! Also, wait, what, just because I think I was supposed to say that first, so?"

"Oh, so we can't go all "grr, clunk, brr, snap, lift, jolt, clunk, brr" and stuff a couple of times tonight then, Petey P? Besides, Peacock Penny is totally wrapped up in making this the event the viewing party of the year, so?"

My viewing event party of the year, by the way. But it's absolutely in the rulebook that "a couple of times" is worth investigating because most CDs don't get "a couple of times" in an open discussion, so.

"Well, Robin Robby, do you really think that we are a good match then? And answering with how my mouth will match up perfectly with your scene confused boy dick is not an acceptable answer, so."

Which I shouldn't have said, but that's what came out of my mouth! But that's what I ended up doing after a few more charming pickup lines from Robin Robby. I mean, re-read some of the above and it's all been about dirty on the down low sex and Robin Robby was actually being nice and sincere about it, we excused ourselves to the privacy of my bedroom and stayed there for a while. Like twice a while. Which, OMG, could be considered as a double!

Which was better than I could have ever thought! Especially when Robin Robby played back! However, even though my whip ass blowout viewing party trended all night, I mean, I must have missed it in the rulebook about how to reappear to the crowd after being absent for almost an hour, right? That, LOL, trended too!

End Petey P 01