Phoenix Rising

© Copyright 2019. All rights reserved.

This is a work of fiction. All characters depicted are 18 years and over.

This is a hard story to tell. It involves the very bottom a person can reach and the very top a person can aspire. I know, I have been in both places. The low can make you suicidal, and the high can be unbelievable. Fortunately the high has continued for me, and it is all due to a man and woman I met in college. They have supported and encouraged me for the last ten years. They mean the world to me and I am so fortunate to have met them. This is our story at the beginning of our relationship.

But I guess I have to start at the low point so you can understand just how much of an impact it had on me. In high school I got involved with a boy that put me on a path to destruction. When I met him he seemed normal enough but in reality he was self destructive. And he took me down with him.

After turning 18 in November of my senior year I decided that I should spread my wings a little. I had dated before then but nothing sexual had happened, mainly because I didn't think I was ready. In the spring semester I met Donnie in Biology of all classes. He was my new lab partner for the spring semester. We dissected frogs, examined all sorts of insects, and even visited a lab that stored many types of animals in cold storage. But of course, that was not what got me in trouble.

Donnie seemed normal enough and when he asked me on a date, I answered 'yes'. On a Friday night he took me to a friend's house where there was a party going on. There was a lot of alcohol at the party and since I had no real experience with it I got a little too drunk. The next thing I know I am led to a bedroom where I was forced to have sex with about five boys. That was not a bad as it could have been since all the boys were almost as drunk as I was and actually treated me with at least some respect. What I didn't know was that was not the bottom for me.

Over the course of four months I kept going out with Donnie and the parties kept getting more and more wild. Soon all kinds of drugs were involved and the sex became almost non-stop. I started sampling the drugs and before I knew it I was hooked. Not only on the drugs, but on the sex as well.

By the time my senior year was over I was a total mess. I barely passed my classes, I missed a lot of school, I was hooked on alcohol and drugs, and I had lost all my friends. My family realized I needed professional help and they got it for me. I spent the whole summer in a rehab center trying to break my addictions and getting my life back on track. The big mystery for me was how I did not become pregnant during my binge period. The doctors examined me further and it turns out that due to a condition never previously diagnosed I can not have children. This news on top of everything else was devastating and sent me to my lowest point of depression.

Luckily, I had top notch doctors and a really good psychiatrist. They partially pulled me up from the depths by the middle of the summer. At least enough that I considered going to college. But it was hard. I was still down in the dumps most of the time and none of my old friends wanted anything to do with me. It was a very lonely time for me while I struggled with my depression. I attended sessions with the psychiatrist twice a week and that did help me through the rest of the summer. He suggested that if I attended college I do so at one as far away from home as was reasonably and financially possible for my parents.

Since my grades from my senior year were not very good I knew it would not be possible to attend a really good school so I had to settle for something a little more reasonable for my grades. I applied to ten colleges and to my surprise I was accepted by two of them. One of them turned out to be a little too close for comfort to home so I settled on the small college in Kansas City that accepted me. It was far enough away and small enough that none of the people I knew in high school were thinking about attending it. I would be a complete unknown there and I could make a fresh start.

I got my current psychiatrist to recommend a doctor in Kansas City so I could continue therapy sessions while I attended college. He was very supportive and recommended a psychiatrist that turned out to really good for me.

My parents were extremely supportive. I was an only child so they went very far in providing financial support as well as emotional support for me. They got me a used car that would probably last through college and with that I packed it up and moved to a dorm on the campus about three days before classes started. I hopped that I was ready to begin a new phase of my life and leave all the heartache and troubles behind me. I had no idea what that might mean, but it had to be better than what I had been through for the last two years.

When I got to the dorm I had almost forgotten that I was sharing a room. When I walked in my roommate was already unpacking. She looked up and smiled. "Hi, I'm Carolyn."

I quickly put down my armload of stuff. I extended my hand and said "Hello, I'm Josephine, but you can just call me Joey."

We shook hands. Carolyn seemed warm and friendly which was a good sign for me. In many ways she was the polar opposite of myself. Where she has blond hair, I had natural dark auburn hair. Where she was only about 5-1, I was 5-5. Where she had a slender form and long legs, I was slightly less slender with normal length legs. And where she was rather small in the bust area, I was rather well, but not overly, endowed.

"I hope you don't mind that I picked out my side of the room already. I got here early today and I am mostly unpacked."

"Oh no, I don't mind. Either side is good for me."

"Do you need help bringing your stuff up the stairs? I have the time and I don't mind at all."

"Thanks. That would be very helpful." Things were looking up.

We proceeded to unload my car and pack my belongings upstairs to our room. It took three trips but it was not really a lot of stuff, mostly clothes and my laptop. When we finally got everything into the room I started putting it all away.

"Do you need any help putting things away?"

"No, it's not that much. Did you leave any room in the bathroom?"

"Oh yes. I am not much into a lot of makeup and lotions, so there should be enough room for whatever you have."

"Great. I am a lot like you in that department. I don't use a lot of makeup either. But I do use a little body lotion as my skin can get dry."

"And it will get dry here. The winters here can be a little brutal with the snow and all. I will probably have to get some lotion before then. But you don't have to worry too much until late November. That is when winter really starts here."

"Thanks, I will remember that."

Carolyn was really nice to talk to. It had been a long time since anyone my own age wanted anything to do with me that it was a little over overwhelming. It was hard at times, but I tried not to be too quiet and hold up my end of a conversation.

I decided that Carolyn should know that I was having problems.

"Carolyn, there is something you should know about me. I will be attending psychiatric sessions on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. So if I disappear during those times you will know where I am. I have had some problems in the past involving depression and I am continuing therapy to help me resolve my daemons. My problems in the past don't involve violence or anything like that, but they are more of a substance abuse problem. I would like to think I am over that but I have been told that this is usually an ongoing problem that is never really resolved."

Carolyn sat on her bed and thought about that for a minute.

"As much as I would like to know more, I will not ask. Is there anything I can do to help you out?"

"You are already doing it by being friendly and supportive. I don't really enjoy talking about my past but if you want to know you can ask me later. Right now it is enough that you know that I am in therapy and that you seem supportive."

Carolyn smiled. "I'm glad. You seem like a nice person and I will support you in any way I can. I'm glad you told me so I don't have to guess about your mood swings.

"And by the way, I have a little knowledge about psychiatric problems. My older sister went through something similar a few years back and although I couldn't really help her I tried to support her in every way I could."

"I can assure you that my problems were somewhat severe. It took me over a year to recover to this point. Lord knows I do not want to relapse, but if you spot a problem please tell me or my doctor. I will give you his number so you can speak with him directly if needed."

"Thanks. I certainly hope it never comes to that point."

"Me too."

Two days later I started my classes. For this freshman year I decided to take just the prelim courses for just about any degree. This meant English, History, Algebra, Physical Science, a general business class, and physical education. And I had to dive straight into them all. It was going to be tough, tougher than I had suspected. But, it turned out to have good consequences. Between classes and study I did not have time to be depressed. I just buckled down and try to do the work.

But there was one bright spot in my Algebra class. I got there early for the first class and sat about half-way back in the middle of the room. As I was watching people walk in, a young man came in and I was immediately interested in him. As luck would have it he took the seat next to me in the next aisle. I did not want to seem too overly enthusiastic so just kept quiet.

He started looking around the room and spotted me almost immediately. A smile crept across his lips and he spoke to me.

"Hi, I'm Thomas, or Tom as you prefer."

He extended his hand. I had to return the gesture.

"I'm Joey. It's nice to meet you."

"Same here."

And that was the extent of the conversation until class was over.

We both got up to leave when Tom spoke again.

"Do you need a study partner. Joey?"

I thought it over for a full thirty seconds. All kinds of thoughts went through me head. Is this another Donnie? Or something worse? In the end I figured that if I do not take some chances I will never be able to live a normal life. And Tom seemed nice.

"Yeah, I think that would be nice. I might need the help as I did not do all that well with Algebra in high school."

His face brightened with a really nice smile.

"Great. Lets not set up anything yet since we have not even attended all our classes yet. Maybe we can make a schedule after the next Algebra class."

That sounded very reasonable to me.

"Yeah, that sounds good. So I will see you next time."

The rest of my classes were pretty normal. Except for physical education. It had been a very long time since I exercised any at all and I was very sore the next day. But it did feel good and I began to look forward to the exercise. It also seemed to improve my mental state, which surprised me.

At the next Algebra class Tom again sat beside me.

"Do you have time after class to discuss a study schedule, Joey?" he asked.

"Yes, I am free for an hour."

"Good, we can wait until then."

After class we went to a little bench outside the Math Building and sat down.

"So what is your class schedule like?" he asked.

I told him and he replied "That's pretty close to mine. Most of my evenings are free but I wanted to ask about your evenings."

"I can do any evenings except Tuesday and Thursday."

"Okay, how about Monday and Wednesday at about 7:00pm. We can add a weekend day if necessary, but I would rather keep those clear if we can."

"That sounds good. Where should we meet?"

"How about the library? I am sure we can find a spot to study. Lets start next Monday evening and meet at the front of the library."

I was much relieved it was a public place. "Alright. I guess I will see you in Friday's class."

"See you then."

And we left it at that. Little did I realize I had just met the man I would come to love. There was not even a little emotion attached to this budding relationship at this point.

When I got back to the dorm I sat down for the few minutes before I had to be at my next class. Just then, Carolyn came in.

"You look a little down in the dumps Joey."

"Yeah, I just hope I have not made a terrible mistake. I took on a male study partner for my Algebra class today. I hope it is not a huge mistake. He seems very nice, I just hope this does not turn bad on me."

"That's all anyone can hope for. None of us know where any relationship will lead, good or bad. Just go with the flow, but be cautious. You can always drop the bomb on him at the first sign of trouble."

I smiled. "Yeah, I suppose that is true. I just feel a little uncomfortable about it. But I guess I should postpone my worry until there are clear signs to be worried about."

"Yeah, good girl. Be patient but suspicious until you are more sure about him."

"Thanks, Carolyn. I feel a little better now."

"Good. Oh, look at the time! We had better get to our next class. I only came by to get a book, but I'm glad I did."

"I'm glad you did, too."

With that we both left for our next class. Carolyn did make me feel a little better.

The rest of the week was uneventful, except for what happened early Friday morning. I woke up to a sound of moaning. It was a low sound but persistence. Then I realized it must be Carolyn. After listening for a while I realized she was masturbating. I had my back to her so she probably believed I was still asleep. While I was somewhat fascinated with what she was doing, I kept quiet.

You see, it had been a long time since I masturbated. In truth, I was almost afraid that by getting myself off I would slip back into my old sexual habits. But as I listened to Carolyn, I started to get aroused. I could now hear a slurping sound that was probably her fingers slipping in and out of her pussy. It was making me very horny.

Eventually Carolyn had her orgasm and things quieted down. I stayed awake for a while thinking about what had just happened. I finally came to the conclusion that I should get back into the masturbation groove myself. I couldn't stay away from sex forever. But I should be extra careful with how far I went.

That weekend went by without incident. Carolyn went on a date on Saturday night. I used that time to experiment with masturbation. And I must say, it really had been too long. I came three times that night. When I was done I went to sleep and had the best night of rest in a very long time. I woke the next morning refreshed and with more energy. Carolyn noticed the difference right away.

"You sure are a bundle of energy today."

"Yeah, I feel better than I have in a while. I just hope it lasts."

"Maybe it will. Lets go get some breakfast."

Over breakfast, I decided to broach the subject of her Friday morning fling.

"I heard you on Friday morning."

She seemed a little stunned. "I hope I didn't disturb you too much.'

"Oh no. It was ... stimulating. I have not been that close to a sexual act in months. It reminded me that I can not escape my sexuality."

"You mean you have not masturbated in months? You poor dear. I can not go more than a day or two without a session with myself. But I prefer men, they seem to provide me more stimulation and comfort."

"Yeah, I'm not ready for that yet."

"I understand. But sex is more than just stimulation. It is also about closeness and the relationship between two people. And if you are lucky, it can be about love and a commitment between two people. Unfortunately, I have not experienced love yet, but I hope to some day."

"That would be really nice. But I just can not get past my initial fears about men."

"You will, just give it time."

Carolyn looked thoughtful for a minute. "Maybe you should try women for a while. That would at least get you comfortable with performing sex with another person."

I thought about that for a minute. I had never considered having sex with a woman before. It was a new idea for me. But I remembered how I felt when Carolyn was masturbating and how horny it made me. Obviously that stimulated me and taking it to the next level was enticing.

"Maybe you are right. Are you offering yourself as a partner?"

She smiled. "Yes, you could say that. I like you and I want to help you. This might be an avenue to help you recover. And I must say I have thought about it more than once."

"Let me give it more thought before I answer you. But it is an intriguing idea."

"Okay. Lets leave it at that and see where it goes."

Actually, what I wanted to do was talk to my therapist about this idea. He seemed pretty open about such things and he might be able to provide me some insight and guidance. It would mean waiting a few days until I could see him but I had waited this long, I could wait a little longer.

The next few days were uneventful. I went to classes on Monday and Tuesday. I had a study session with Tom on Monday night which was good. Finally I saw my therapist on Tuesday night.

We discussed Carolyn's proposal (if that is the right word) at length. In the end he thought it was a good idea if I had no reservations about it. I told him I had given it some pretty deep thought and I felt that I could handle it. So I got the go-ahead from my therapist.

When I got back to the dorm I sat down with Carolyn and told her about my therapy session.

"In the end he thought it was a good idea if I was okay with it. I told him that the idea stimulated me and that I was looking forward to it just for the intimacy. So, how do we proceed? I don't have any experience with a woman so I don't have any idea how to start."

"If you like I can do all the work until you are comfortable. It would be my pleasure."

She started by coming over to my bed and sitting beside me. She put an arm around me and soon she was using running her fingers lightly over my neck and shoulders. It felt good to have someone touch me that way. In fact, I could not remember when anyone had touched me that way.

Soon she was unbuttoning my blouse to reveal my breasts encased in a bra. She took my blouse off and then started rubbing my back. It felt wonderful. She had strong hands and could get deep into my muscles. She unfastened my bra to give her an unobstructed access to my back.

"Why don't you lie down on your stomach so I can get better leverage."

So I did as she wanted. She spent a lot of time on my back rubbing and kneading it. It was very relaxing. But soon her hands wandered onto the back of my legs. She worked them until they were like jelly. And then her hands wandered again to my butt. She worked on top of it for a while and then she plunged a hand between my thighs and up against my womanhood. I have to say she knew what she was doing. I was getting more stimulated and wetter by the minute.

"Why don't you turn over now."

I did so and the started working on my legs again moving upwards. The anticipation was driving me insane. But she bypassed my crotch and worked her way up to my breasts. She started by lightly touching them and circling my nipples. Then she cupped each breast in her hands and softly kneaded them.

"Are you okay if I suck on your nipples?"

"Oh yes, I think that would be nice."

With that she leaned in and took each nipple in turn into her mouth lightly sucking on them. Then she pinched each nipple slightly.

"I'm going to take off your pants now if that is okay?"

"Go ahead. I think I am ready."

She unbuttoned and unzipped my pants to reveal my panties. The she pulled off my pants.

Carolyn smiled. "You are really beautiful. And you are turning me on something awful."