All Comments on 'Picking Up My Daughter's Friend'

You need an editor, it might be that English is not your first language. Too many mistakes.

The premise was ok, but I had no clue whether people were talking, thinking, or even who the words belonged to. Please...study English punctuation and how to quote dialog. It will make a fair story good and a good story great.

NEVER punctuate dialogue using -. Just look at any book or story? Do you see it? No! Why? Because it's fucking stupid. That's the whole point of quotation marks (").

.

- I'll increase my pace, okay? -

NO!

.

In English:

"I'll increase my pace, okay?"

Gave you a three -3- mostly for attempt.

I believe that English is not your first language and suggest that you source out an editor much more comfortable with English than yourself.

Continued reference too the young lady as he, for example, is a major faux pas.

Word sequence dictates your use of literal translation rather than conversational English. This has to be addressed should you wish to write in English. First example, young women do not call men uncle unless they are the brother of one of her parents.

If, by chance, you are taking English as a Second Language, perhaps your instructor/teacher could proof read for you. Teachers are often charged with being supportive AND non judgemental . . .

You have started a thread here on Literotica.com, please continue to submit with the comments made in mind, otherwise we might not have the opportunity to read more of the developing sexual trusts you have with your young neighbour.