Piper Learns to Share

For the first time, I felt my lover push inside me. My vagina started to stretch to accommodate the invader, but it couldn't keep up with Danny's pace.

"Oh God," he said, "You feel so good, Piper."

Oh God. It hurt like hell. Burning, pushing, tearing into me. I didn't want to say anything. This was supposed to be our special moment. Danny held there, buried in me. I was very aware of a hot, hard thing pulsing inside my body. I knew it was supposed to go there, but it only felt wrong. Foreign.

My body began to settle. I felt my vagina start to stretch more. To become accustomed.

"I'm going to move, OK?" Danny said.

I agreed. My jaw tight. My fingers squeezing his arm. Dany drew back and pushed forward. Some part of me, distant, said that this sort of felt good? But most of me was still sore. Danny did it again.

"Oh God. Oh Pipe. I'm s... sorry, I..."

Danny groaned and I felt his dick pulse inside me. He leaned down and kissed me while he filled the condom with his ecstasy. Then he went limp. Heavy. The moment felt so awkward and uncomfortable. Not knowing what to do, I slowly patted his flank. Finally, he raised his head up and pulled out. His rapidly shrinking dick ran slick against my leg.

"I'm so sorry, Piper," Danny said, "I couldn't. You felt so good."

"I know. It's OK," I said. It was a weird incongruence, to be told that I felt so good yet to not feel any of it for myself. Danny stripped off the condom and tossed it in the trash. We lay back in the bed. He held my hand.

"Was it? I mean, did you?" Danny asked.

"It was nice," I said, "I liked being with you."

"But you didn't..."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But I also couldn't lie. I shook my head and hoped it would be enough.

"We can do it again," Danny said, "In a little bit. Just give me a moment to recover."

We lay there for a while, silent, and then Danny started kissing me again. Running his hands through my blonde hair. Cupping my perky breasts. He got another condom and I spread my legs. Helped him inside. This time, while I was still sore, the ache of his entry was more of an echo.

Danny moved back and forth inside me. He told me I felt good, amazing, and this time I could kind of see where he was coming from. It felt nice to be filled. To feel his body tremble with every push. Our closeness, our connection.

The third time, as he pumped me, I felt a little something start to build. Nothing came of it. I didn't get close, but I could see how, in the right circumstances and given enough time, I might get to a point where I would get close.

By the time we fell asleep, all five condoms were gone. We thought about running across the street to get more, but at that point we figured the place had to be closed. It was OK. My poor little vagina needed a break and I could tell Danny's dick did too. He'd barely been able to keep his hard-on the last time, the poor boy.

Danny was so eager, so driven to please me and share his own pleasure with me It made me feel wanted. Desired. Maybe it wasn't the wonderful, romantic night I'd always pictured, the both of us writhing in spontaneous, simultaneous multiple orgasms. But it was still sweet, and it made my heart swell to see how much Danny cared about me.

Danny had a thing so I stumbled home alone the next morning. Heels in my hands, dress half off my shoulders. In that moment, I very much understood the concept of the 'walk of shame.' Even the homeless guys in Kenmore Square gave me odd looks.

I opened the door to my dorm room and found both Anna and Colt, lying there -- half asleep and fully naked. They were both in her bed, thank God. As soon as they saw me, the both grew knowing smiles.

"Hello there, lover," Anna said, teasing.

I gave her a half-wave and passed out, face first on my bed.

*

Fall fell into winter and my relationship with Danny got deeper, as well. We spent almost every day together, as much time as we could. We weren't raging perverts, but most days, we ended up having sex in my dorm room. Fortunately, Anna was almost always away at Colt's place.

We tried different stuff. I sucked Danny a few times, but I couldn't get him off that way. My jaw would get tired and so I'd finish him with my hand. Still I liked having him in my mouth. The way he groaned and stroked my hair. It made me feel powerful and sexy.

We did other couple stuff, too, of course. We went ice skating on the Frog Pond and shouted/sang Sweet Caroline at a piano bar on Lansdowne. We went to 'our' Italian place in the North End a bunch of times. At the beginning of November, as we sat out on the Esplanade -- watching the Charles roll by -- Danny told me he loved me. I told him I loved him, too, and we kissed.

I could have stayed on that park bench with him forever.

*

"You guys should come out with us," Anna said. She was standing in front of her mirror, primping as she got ready to go out with Colt.

"I don't think we can run with you two," I said. I was lying back on the bed in a tank top and sweats. My Astronomy 101 book was half open on my chest. I told myself I'd start reading it eventually.

"It'll be fun, the two couples, hanging out and having drinks," Anna said.

"Danny and I are both under twenty-one, remember? No drinking," I said.

"So am I, remember?" Anna said, "But Colt has some at his place, and we know a bar up in Allston that doesn't check IDs too closely. We can dance, hang out, that kind of thing."

"I don't think you really want to hang out with me," I said. I was being honest. Anna and I were serviceable roommates but horrible friends.

"Of course I do," Anna said, "You're fun? I mean, you could be fun. Theoretically."

"Gee, thanks."

"You said it yourself, you're only eighteen," Anna said, "But you're acting like some old woman. Sitting around the dorm room and reading all day. Hell, you're already practically married to your boyfriend."

For a moment, a picture flashed in my head of me and Danny on our wedding day. My white dress flowing outward. Danny trim in his tuxedo. I sighed, content.

"When was the last time you two went out?" Anna asked.

"Danny and I go out all the time," I said.

"Not out out. You're not going to clubs or parties or, I don't know, cool stuff. You're doing, like, the opera and shit. Come on, be young while you're young. Get drunk, listen to loud music too loud. Do something stupid. Hang out with us."

I didn't respond. But I picked up my phone and texted Danny.

Me: Want to hang out with Anna and Colt tonight?

A moment later, the flashing ellipses showed up. I prayed for my boyfriend to pull me out of this. After all, none of the stuff Anna had suggested were things that Danny enjoyed. All he had to do was say 'no' and we would be in the clear.

Danny: sounds great!

I sighed and told Anna we were in. I rolled off the bed and started digging through my drawers for something to wear.

*

I ended up in a pair of tight, dark jeans, and a pink blouse with a light sweater over it. Anna was wearing jeans as well, but she had on black, leather boots that went up to her calves and a checkered, button down shirt. She left it open down to her midriff, exposing a ribbed, white tank top and a whole lot more cleavage than I would ever show. If I had that much to share, I mean.

We pulled on our heavy winter coats and met Danny in front of the dorm. Then we all rode the T up to Colt's apartment.

"Not used to seeing you with pants on, Daniel," Anna said. The train was fairly full, so we leaned against the sides in the center of the car, the walls bending around us as it turned.

"I've been known to wear them on occasion," Danny said. He had on his usual uniform of khaki pants and a sweater over a dress shirt. He was wearing a long, navy pea coat over all that, but he left it unbuttoned, as if, somehow, he was warm.

As two of them went back and forth, Anna ran her eyes up down my boyfriend, like she was assessing his new state of dress. "Eh, I liked you better with the pants off."

"I know some people who'd agree," Danny said. He gave me a kiss on the cheek.

We got off at Harvard St and walked about two blocks south of Comm Ave, past a bunch of bars. It was early in the evening, the sun was down, but the streets were already filling up with people. The night was cold, though no snow was on the ground yet, and I held my arms close to my chest to stay warm.

Anna buzzed Colt's apartment and we tromped up three flights of stairs. The place was dumpy, with old dirty tile, and it smelled like three-day-old stew. When we got up there, Colt was waiting for us at the door.

I'd met Colt a few times, but it was only ever in passing. He was wearing actual, real cowboy boots, jeans, and a white t-shirt. He wore his dirty blond hair down to his shoulders and had on a ripped up, red baseball cap.

"Howdy, ya'll," Colt called down the hallway.

Even though he wasn't at all my type, I could concede that Colt was an attractive guy. He was well built and tall, with just the right amount of scruff. He had that good-ol-boy, 'aw shucks, ma'am' thing going on. Like a young Matthew McConaughey.

Inside, his place was small and messy. A pile of crusty dishes overflowed the sink. Discarded pizza boxes littered every surface. The cabinets, the countertops, everything was cracked and brown. Or at least that was the color that showed up from the layers of dirt.

Anna acted like she was walking into the Ritz. She looked around with a deep, satisfied smile and kissed Colt on the cheek. I introduced Danny and the two boys briefly shook hands.

"Beer?" Colt asked.

"Sure," Danny said. Colt handed me an icy bottle of Bud Lite from the fridge. He took a deep swallow of his own and we all clinked bottles. Then we went into the living room.

Both Danny's roommates were there, sitting on a beat-up futon and playing video games. Like Colt, they both looked older than us. I put them at mid-twenties.

Colt introduced them as Jeff and Jordan. Jordan was Black, wearing a pair of stained sweatpants and a wife-beater shirt. His dark arms were well-muscled, his hair cropped short. He looked like he was probably an athlete, but I didn't want to assume. Jeff was Asian and was even more ripped than Jordan. He had on a similar outfit of sweatpants and a t-shirt.

The two men waved at us, distracted, then went back to their game. Danny and I sat down in a couple of folding chairs off to the side. Colt settled down in a big suede La-Z-Boy and Anna fell into his lap.

"So, Piper, what are you studying?" Colt asked as he sipped his beer. It was the standard question, but coming out of Colt's mouth, with his heavy southern accent, it sounded almost mocking.

"Gender Studies," I said.

Colt chortled. "Gender Studies," he repeated, "Well damn, if that ain't a real college major or what? You been studying lots of genders lately?"

I shared a guilty grin with Danny, but I didn't rise to the barb. Instead I took a sip of my drink. I'd had beer before, but I never liked the taste. Too bitter and sour. I didn't want to seem rude, so I kept drinking it.

"What in the hell do you do with a gender studies major, anyway?" Colt asked.

"Lots of things," I said, trying to keep my voice even. "There's policy stuff. Psychology. Law. Those kinds of things."

"What about you, Daniel, you studying genders, too?" Colt asked.

"I'm pre-Med," Danny said, tightly. I knew it was a sore subject with him. His parents had given him an ultimatum: either he studied to be a doctor, or he didn't go to college at all. As if that was even a choice.

Danny was so smart, he could pass all his classes with ease, but his heart wasn't in it. He told me that what he really wanted to do was be a writer, but his parents would cut him off if he even mentioned it. He'd shown me a few of his short stories and they were pretty amazing. It made me sad to think he was stuck in a life he didn't want.

"Colt's getting his MBA over at Northeastern," Anna said. She took off her boyfriend's hat and played with his hair, possessively.

"You are looking at the future of entrepreneurial America right here," Colt said, gesturing to the apartment.

"Damn straight!" Jeff and Jordan chorused and raised their beers.

We spent the next hour sitting around the apartment, talking and drinking. Watching Colt's roommates fight to the death on the TV screen. I noticed, at different times, both of them eyeing me in a way that made me distinctly uncomfortable. Like they could see right past my clothes. Or wanted to, in any case.

I gradually got used to the smell of the apartment. Colt alternated between friendly and aggressive, asking us questions and laughing a bit too loudly. I finished two beers without even thinking about it.

Eventually, Colt announced it was time to go. We grabbed our coats and headed out of the apartment. I was excited to leave and anxious about it at the same time. I wondered when if it wouldn't be too soon to say I wanted to go home.

*

Outside it had gotten even colder. Even Danny buttoned up his coat as the wind sliced through us. We walked a few blocks, navigating through thick crowds of drunk students. I was feeling a little stumbly myself. Not smashed or anything. Buzzed, I guess would be the word. Anna grabbed my arm and pulled me close. Like we were besties.

"Colt thinks you're cute," Anna told me. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to react to that. I mean, I guess it was a compliment? For a moment, I thought that I should respond with something similar back, but I didn't know if Danny found Anna attractive. I assumed he must, he was a boy after all, but it felt weird to say it.

We stopped at a small place in a side alley off Beacon St. The bouncer, a big guy with green/blue tats up and down his arms and a broken front tooth, recognized Colt immediately. They bro-hugged and talked for a bit, then he let all four of us inside.

The club was so dark that I could barely see anything. The music thumped in my chest. Everything smelled acrid with a hint of incense.

Both blind and deaf, I grabbed onto Anna's arm and let her pull me through the morass of people writhing on the dance floor. We found a little corner to ourselves, back by the bar, with a table but no chairs. I leaned against the wall, feeling it scratch rough against my back.

Colt went off to find us drinks. I could see a little better now, but barely. I caught Danny's eye, he was leaning on the table, and he beamed at me broadly. Colt brought back beers for himself and Danny, but he had glass tumblers of something bright green for Anna and me.

"It's a midori sour." Anna was yelling in my ear and I could barely understand her. "It's my favorite drink."

I took a sip and, whoah, I could see why. It was super sweet and fruity but with a tart twist, like drinking a liquid watermelon Sour Patch candy. Before I knew it, the whole drink was gone. Colt winked at me when I put down the empty glass, but he went to the bar and brought me another. When he handed me my drink, I reached into my purse to pay him for it, but he waved me off. His mouth moved and I thought he said something like 'no worries.'

When we finished our second round of drinks, Anna grabbed Colt's hand and pulled him out to the dance floor. That looked like fun, so I did the same with Danny. I didn't really know what I was doing out there. I tried to move to the music. Seeing how Anna was dancing with Colt, I put Danny's hands on my hips the same way and ground onto his leg.

God, my boyfriend was so cute. And kissable. And sexy hot like wow. The music thrummed in time with my heart and our bodies were so close. I could smell the powder of Danny's deodorant over the sickly sweet of the club. His fingers tingled on the back of my neck.

"You're awesome," I said to him. He nodded like he heard me.

Anna grabbed my hand and dragged me and Danny back to our table. She'd taken off her overshirt and was wearing just the white-ribbed tank. Her breasts, massive, seemed liable to pop out any second. I saw that Danny's eyes were about to do the same as he goggled at her chest. I guess that answered my earlier question about him finding my roommate attractive.

When we got back to our spot, I pulled Danny close to me and kissed him, hard, to make sure he knew who he belonged to. I could taste the beer on his breath. We broke apart gasping.

"Woooo!" Anna shouted, loud enough that I could almost hear her.

I felt the familiar pressure in my bladder that told me I needed to use the bathroom. As I walked back to the women's room behind the bar, I dragged my hand along the wall. I didn't think I'd fall over if I let go, but why risk it?

There was a line of women waiting, but eventually I got my turn. The bathroom itself was smaller than my dorm room closet. Barely enough room for the toilet and a tiny, prison-style sink. It was a little quieter in there. The bass beat against the walls like it was desperate to get in.

I did my best to pee without putting actual flesh on the seat, then jumped up. I splashed some water on my face and felt a little clearer. Not all that drunk, I told myself. Just a little high. A little giggly. If I wanted, I could be way soberer-erer. Way... whatever. Less drunk. Yes. That was it.

When I got back to our spot, I saw Colt leaning on the table, but Danny and Anna were gone. My roommate's boyfriend had a glass full of something clear and he used it to gesture to the dance floor. My boyfriend and my roommate were both out there. Neither was doing anything untoward; they weren't even touching. In fact, it looked kind of funny. Anna in her jeans and ribbed tank top was easily half a foot taller than my preppy boyfriend. It was like two opposite characters from completely different movies stumbling into the same scene.

Colt pushed another full glass of green liquid my way. I took a sip, but the taste had gone from delicious to cloying and my stomach wasn't happy about the idea of having more.

Again, I tried to give Colt some money for my drink. Again, he pushed me away.

"Seems like bad business sense," I said, "Not taking someone's money." I had to lean in so he could hear me. Close enough to smell him: sandalwood and leather. I had to admit, the aroma was not unpleasant.

"Seems like bad Gender Studies, letting a guy buy you drinks," Colt replied. His breath tickled warm in my ear and I could almost feel the moisture of his mouth on my lobe. A little chill ran down my spine.

"That's not what it's about," I said, indignant. "I'm not some man-hating, feminist dyke." As soon as the word came out of my mouth, I regretted them. Danny and I both strongly believed in gay rights. People should be allowed to live their lives, no matter what their sexuality was. "Sorry," I said, "I shouldn't talk like that."

"No worries," Colt said and sipped his drink. I caught a whiff of it, and it smelled like something I could use to clean wounds. "You know I'm just busting your balls, Pipe."

I nodded as if I'd been in on the joke the whole time.

"Trust me, I like a liberated woman," Colt said, "Look at Anna out there. You think she's gonna let me anywhere near her unless I respect her first?"

I looked at the tall woman dancing with my boyfriend. No, she didn't seem the type to take crap from anyone. Watching her out there, she seemed so confident and free. Beautiful, too, of course. Every instinct I had -- built up by years of ugly cliques and shitty people -- told me that she was not my friend. But damn, if I was being honest with myself, I wanted her to be.

Anna saw me looking and gave me a little wave. She led Danny back to our table. Both of them panting and sweaty.

"Hope it's OK that I borrowed him," Anna said, "You were in the bathroom and Colt was getting drinks, but I wanted to dance."