All Comments on 'Pity Fuck'

Oh man! I loved it so much. Hopefully this will be taken as constructive rather than needlessly critical, but I could have done without the Sotomayor part. I wish he’d just continued along adding girls to his harem. But super cool premise, and really hot :)

Really good idea

That was a great story and concept... even better series. Untl the end totally messed it up. Also I would highly suggest a creative writing course and you have great outline and concept but writing of this type needs a good flowing creative discriptions. A Good writing paints a picture. Sadly, you just told us, you didnt show us. Show and not tell. Yeah I was still impressed but the ending came off lazy and easy. Its like you can out of gas and just wanted to end it. You seemed to have some good starts at character development that was wasted because of how you ended it. You took the focus off of everyone and turned the entire focus on the last charicter you introduced... as if she had been the main character all along....

I loved the ending it was such a hoot. Very creative writing style! Can’t wait to see your next story!!!

That ending was… weird

@SouperKev777, I had a lot of fun with JUST THE IDEA, of throwing in Fan-Fic for SCOTUS AJ Sotomayor. So fun! Strangely, though I wrote it in one sitting, I re-read it and edited, and found that from a distance, it even puts Sotomayor in a good light. Like, we know she's being controlled by another entity, but at the same time, she doesn't do anything bad, really. Would be SOOOO cool to find out she'd read this. LOL. Almost certainly I'm not writing to appeal to the 69 year old uber-brainy mature-woman crowd, so, yeah, I have no illusions she'd be interested. Still, lots of fun.

Mostly enjoyed this (though it could use a good editorial hand for occasional awkward phrasing, repetition, etc).

The "pity" based psychic-control was odd, but... whatever, all the MC genre needs some sort of a conceit of this kind! Made me curious, I'd like to see it explored/explained! In the end, though, it's not a critical element.

The ending, though. So much deus-ex-machina. Suddenly-omniscient and omnipotent (except doesn't know what's going on with them) random 3rd party jumping into things, activating everyone's tech and creating an impromptu "Family Court" was just a few weirds too far, to me.

@Anonymous, thank you kindly for your comment. YES, Agreed, lots of deus ex machina. Admittedly, I didn't know where to take this story next - I've written many others with 'and they lived happily ever after' endings, but this oddball take was super fun to contemplate, so I rolled with it. What the heck. As noted above, SURE, why not bring in a SCOTUS judge, most of the fan-fic community is obsessed with 'Good Omens' gay scenarios now, I'll chime in with one that isn't that, like REALLY isn't that. LOL. Be well, happy reading.

Well...... It was

Well.... That was something a bit different! I have so many mixed thoughts and emotions.

After reading in a bit of lyrics from a song in Hairspray, Your Timeless to Me, popped in my mind. It is Tracy's dad Wilbur singing to Tracy's mom Edna. Does it exactly fit how the story made me feel? Not a clue.

Good, bad, odd, not sure....

All I know is I won't forget it like many short stories that I read. I give it 3.75* plus a bonus 1* for uniqur surprising weirdness, rounded up, for a provisional 5*. I will have to submit it to the counsel of voices in my head, for final verification. Go Groundhogs!

'You got me going hot and heavy.

You're fat and old, but baby

boring you ain't!'

Sotomayor, nice twist! Enjoyed the read. Thanks.