Pleading for Probation

This is part of the Letters of Love 2022 Story Event.

Here is a short series of letters inspired by "Dance in the Rain." This correspondence, as was the story, is inspired by a real boyfriend I had when I was eighteen who really thought and behaved as described. Like many victims of abuse, it was hard to learn to put my own needs first, just as Irena struggled. Please choose to put your needs first, you are worth more than this manipulation disguised as love.

~~~~~

Irena,

I am sending you the letter I mentioned on the phone. It is enclosed here. I hope that reading it is not too upsetting and that you can use it as you explained to me. Good luck.

I was so glad to hear about your art show at that gallery in Cheyenne. Although I do wish you were living closer. Now that Bobby's career has grown so quickly, surely he can move? I hope that you'll settle down nearby so that we can see our grandkids easily. Not that I'm pressuring for grandkids, mind.

Just, come visit some time. We miss you.

Love,

Mom

~~~~~

Babe,

I hope you are doing well. Since I do not know where you are living, I am sending this letter to your moms' house. I hope that she will kindly forward it to you.

I have had a lot of time to think lately, what else is there for me to do? I had come to understand exactly where I went wrong. If I had only been less in love with you, then none of this would have ever happened. You see that right? That everything I did was for love?

You are my everything, my soulmate, my heart. I admit, I took you for granted, a little. I didn't treat you the way you deserved. But you were just so nice about everything... I don't know how I could have known you were so unhappy, could I?

When I came home that day and you were gone, that insipid letter left behind... It hardly counted as a letter, really. A one-line note just saying that you were leaving me, returning your ring, and that was it. Why did you do that? Why didn't you just talk to me? I know I would have convinced you to stay. We were going to be married. How could you turn your back on that?

So, of course I had to come after you. It just took me a few days to finish up some important work and then I came right for you. Not even two weeks delay!

When I saw you there at your parents' house, with that fucking biker, it was like the world opened beneath my feet. You were mine, and in less than two weeks you found some other dick to fuck? And a punk ass gangbanger? What the fuck, babe? I mean, really, what the actual fuck was that? Surely, you can't blame me for reacting poorly to the shock?

You know, it wasn't even hard to find you. You know I have a good memory. So even though everything went so fast, I got that bastard's license plate number. Fucking Wyoming? You left me for a back country hick cowboy dickless motorcycle riding punk gangster? I thought you had better taste, Irena.

No, I'm sorry. That was rude of me. I'm sure that fucking 'Robert Good' is good for something. Not as good as me, though, right?

So, I got his fucking license plate and I called up my buddy on the force back in Chicago and told him how some fuckwad had run off with my girl, he was happy to help. Bro code, you know? Bros before hos. At least one person fucking understands where I'm coming from.

It didn't take him but a minute to find out all about your boy toy. Did you know he has quite an extensive juvie record? My bro read me one of his court statements from when he was a teen. The lawyer laid out this real sob story about a dead father and that crap. Oh, boo fucking hoo.

You're better off without that prick, babe. He's damaged goods. I may be having a little setback at the moment here, but you know I can take care of you better than that half-orphaned loser.

Listen, about that, just tell the parole board it was all a misunderstanding, all right? Tell them I've changed, you've forgiven me, whatever, just get them to approve my parole. Then, I'll be out of this shithole jail and back where I belong. And you too!

I know you must miss our house, all your nice dresses and jewelry I bought you? You looked so fucking gorgeous in that shit, you know? You haven't gained weight, have you? It would be such a waste if you couldn't fit in your dresses anymore. But you can lose it real quick if you have to, I know you can do that for me, babe, am I right?

You never had the prettiest face, but your body was bangin'. Why don't you at least send me some photos of your perfect shaved pussy? It's fucking miserable here with nothing but men everywhere, and all of them fucking horny mother fuckers. I hate this fucking place, babe. You have got to get me out of here.

Five years for kidnapping is a fucking joke anyway. I didn't kidnap you! So, I picked you and carried you a few feet, so what? I was gonna put you down as soon as we got outside. I was rescuing you from those MMA goons, anyway. How was I supposed to know they weren't the kidnappers, huh?

You were looking so good that day, babe. Maybe I was wrong to insist on dresses all the time. You were so fucking hot in those tight jeans. I'd like to take those jeans off you now, peel them down your perfect thin, long, legs. Do you still keep your pussy bald? It always looks so sweet that way, like you were just an innocent girl.

I never told you, but I always liked to pretend I was your Daddy. You do have Daddy issues, you know, since your father left you. I think maybe that's why you were always so eager to please. Do you think so? Your my little girl now, aren't you, babe? You need me to take care of you.

And it's not like I asked for much in return, right? I just wanted to fuck you whenever I wanted, which you should have wanted anyway. Well, that and cleaning the house and cooking three squares a day. That's barely anything compared to all the nice shit I bought you. And you left all that behind, which really bugs me. It's like you didn't even care about the things I got you so you could look your best? Did you not even care, babe?

That really hurts, you know. If I had you here now, I'd bend you over my knee just like I used to and spank you. I know you liked that, even if you did cry. You never had a problem with being spanked, did you? But one slap on the face and you run off to get fucking therapy?

It wasn't even that hard of a slap. You just fell cause you were wearing those six-inch heels I got you and they put you off-balance. It wasn't any harder than I smacked your ass, that's for damn sure. Why'd you go and throw such a fit over it? Therapy, really?

Of course, I wasn't going to go to therapy. That shit is for stupid dickless pushovers and I ain't a pushover, babe. What did that therapist bitch tell you anyway? That bitch must have said something to send you packing, running away home?

Babe, if you were here, after I peeled off your jeans and spanked you a bit, I'd pound your pussy until you forgot all this stupid kidnapping and domestic abuse bullshit. All that was just passion. People today don't know what passion is. I thought you understood me, babe? I thought you were ready for a passionate relationship. I thought you were stronger.

I guess I should have known you were a weak bitch, Irena. I'm so fucking disappointed in you, babe. We could have been great! We could have been epic.

I want you to go listen to our song, you know the one? Love the way you lie or some shit like that, with Eminem and Rhianna. Let's see if I remember the lyrics, the ones you loved.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?

Well, that's alright, because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry?

Well, that's alright, because I love the way you lie

I loved when you sang that with your sweet-ass voice, babe. I knew you understood me when you sang that song. What happened, huh? I thought you liked the way it hurt, and then you fucking left me?

I can't even think about you with that sick biker-fighter fuck. There's no way he treats you better than I did. No fucking way, babe.

So, come on, do me a favor with the parole board, will you?

I'm sorry I didn't write sooner; I was still mad for a bit. But I realize now that this wasn't your fault. It was that fucking MMA loser. You were always a good girl, and I'm sure he put you up to it, saying those terrible things in court. I know you didn't mean it that you don't love me anymore. That can't be true. I've thought about it a lot, you know.

So, I forgive you, babe. Do what you can with the parole board, and I'll take you back. It will be just like old times, better even! I'll even help you out by doing dishes a couple times a week after you cook. That way you'll have more energy for sex, and that will be fun for both of us. I can't believe I didn't realize before that was what the problem was. It was, right?

I mean, some nights you'd just lay there like a fucking log. I really felt like you didn't love me at those times. So maybe you were tired or upset with me just because I told you that your lasagna was burnt or whatever, but you could still put in a little effort you know? After all, I was the one who worked all day, you just sat around and did your fucking art projects.

You could have been a much better cook if you had quit spending all that time on drawing shit. You're not stupid, just lazy, I guess. But I'm not even mad about that, babe. Really, I'm not - don't get the wrong idea. I don't mind that you're a shit cook and a shit lay, because I love you!

See, see how much I love you? I love you enough to drive two fucking days across the country, track you down, and try to bring you home. I'm in fucking prison for you! How can you not appreciate that? You'll never find a guy who loves you more than me, is more devoted than me. It's all about the passion, right?

We can have all that back again, babe. Ahhh... How wonderful it was to let you suck my cock after you'd fucked something up. You were so passionate then, so remorseful, so good. Those were the best times, babe. So, how can I be mad at you? I know when I get out of here, you'll pay me back with some great cock-sucking, right?

Anyway, I got to go. The fucking pigs are collecting mail now so I'm closing this letter up with a kiss. Right here, touch your lips here and it'll be like you're kissing me. You like that?

Love you babe,

Your future husband.

P.S. Don't forget to talk to the parole board!

P.P.S. I really think I'll kill myself if I cannot get out of this hellish place. You wouldn't want that on your conscience, would you? You care for me enough to at least not want me to die, don't you? Remember, I love you, babe.

~~~~~

To the parole board RE: Inmate W29435 upcoming hearing:

Unfortunately, I will not be able to come in person to the hearing, but I would like to forward you this letter sent by the inmate to me, care of my mother - as he doesn't know where I currently live. Thank goodness!

As you can see, he is absolutely not ready to be released, despite his good behavior while incarcerated. I genuinely fear he will try to find me again if allowed probation. Please, I beg you, don't let him have that chance.

I can only hope that, eventually, he will learn to let me go. I pray it will be before he is allowed freedom.

Thank you for your continued support,

Irena Good.

~~~~~

RE: Inmate W29435

Dear Mrs. Good,

The Connecticut Parole Board is in receipt of your letter concerning the above offender. The material will be reviewed by members of the Parole Board prior to any hearings conducted for the offender.

The Parole Board welcomes your input. Information about the crime itself and the impact on those who have been affected by the crime can assist the Parole Board in making a balanced and informed decision.

Thank you for providing this material to the Parole Board. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact me.

Sincerely,

Victim Services Coordinator

~~~~~

NOTICE OF BOARD DECISION

Inmate W29435

The board of probation and parole rendered the following decision in your case:

Following an interview with you and a review of your file and having considered all matters required pursuant to the board of the probation and parole, in the exercise of its discretion, has determined at this time that: YOU ARE DENIED PAROLE. The reasons for the board's decision include the following:

- Your minimization / denial of the nature and circumstances of the offense(s) committed

- The negative recommendation made by the prosecuting attorney

At your next interview, the board will review your file and consider:

Whether you have maintained a favorable recommendation for parole from the department of corrections.

Whether you have maintained a clear conduct record.

You may file an application for parole no sooner than ONE YEAR after the date the last decision denying parole was recorded.

Sincerely,

Board Secretary