All Comments on 'Pride and Marriage'

Broken English doesn't make for smooth reading

Might try an editor who does. Just dreadful. Maybe try writing in your own language for the sick fucks that like this shit.

this is just stupid.

Try non-English or non-erotic, either of those would fit quite nicely.

If you can't appreciate top shelf dialogue like that, I feel sorry for you.

Cog

What is this story about? The writer puts a pompous title and then tells a story about people who seem to be mentally retarded!!! The husband, the wife, the friend, the Nigerian, all seem to live in mental asylum for half-wit people...the sad about it? It seems they have two children!!! Who's going to save these children from this retarded parents? 1*

Needs it badly

1*

thaat wuz ghow ui=t was dun

I can see the intent of the writer. Cuckolding is not so easy a topic for writers with a solid grasp of English because it is a lightening rod attracting haters who will use any small mistake to pick it apart. I read criticism heaped upon cuckolding stories by these hateful readers and wonder how often their lives have blown up from having been abandoned by former lovers.

Anyway, this work does not translate well from idea to word on page. Pluralizing words and not showing possession of actions among characters made in opening paragraph's the does not augment she augments his income by selling from their home. Many similar language short falls through out.

2 star

So I gave it a 5

But cheating, not pride, ruins marriage.

Shouldnt read stories by foreigners. 5

VOTE 1* FOR EVERY STORY RATED BY THAT TRANNY BITCH FOOL VASTIESMITH2 AKA BONNIETAYLOR2 AKA ANON!

for a good read and effort and for pissing off the asshole of LIT

Hey dickbreath put this nasty shit in I.R.!!!

# 1

for content and effort and for a great LW story that pissed off the ashol of LIT!

for content and effort and for a great LW story that pissed off the ashol of LIT!

Ramblings.it b what it b

it took her three comments to spell her last name asshole.

VOTE 1* FOR EVERY STORY RATED BY THAT TRANNY BITCH FOOL VASTIESMITH2 AKA BONNIETAYLOR2 AKA ANON!

vote one for bony/vasty. I got it. I voted ONE STAR because this story sucked big time. only the unwashed would even consider a story like this erotic lol lots of unwashed on this site, bony is one of them

what happens to retrenched eunuchs.

Now I know, they come here and write stories

1* for the new eunuch baboon

It's pretty obvious that English is not your first language. However, the theme of your story wasn't bad. The English is so bad that I don't know that an editor would help. Maybe you should write in your own language and have it translated.

The story seems more like a single chapter rather than a whole story. Also can't tell which way the story is going. Are we looking at a btb or fuck story. Hope chapter two will clarify

It's s pity that the author hasn't put any details in the biog notes. It would be interesting to know location, background, first language, etc.

For those who didn't make the effort to read the story for the story itself because of the use of English, you missed a story that was much like many other stories in the LW category - no better certainly, but no worse either. For those who are entertained by cultural differences and authors' use of English as a second language, it was fascinating.

And for those who complained about the use of English, do you even have a second language? I don't. Could you write a reasonably coherent story in it? I appreciate the efforts of those who try.

L

Slow day, so i actually read this racist dribble. My mistake. Not sure who is slandered the most here ... white, black, men, women?? It was that poorly concieved.

What a piece of shit this is.

So if I write a bad five paragraph story in Spanish (I can, by the way), mangle the language and generally screw the pooch, that's good and courageous because I write badly in my second language? Bullshit. Write well in the first language. There was nothing remotely interesting about this story and the language problems were just inexcusable. That doesn't even take into consideration that it was a racist piece of shit. How can you possibly defend this kind of blatant racism?

but I loved the comments. Keep up the good work readers.

Total racist BS, usual rubbish, sensible white woman submitting to giant black dicks. Absolute bollocks written by a knob 1* is too good but I'm sure the usual suspects will give this 5 so must score to bring the overall down.

Learn the difference in words to dam hard to figure out what your talking about

Another white trash Nigger loving whore. Get the rope and hang the whole lot of A-Holes

I tried to read it, but your writing is absolutely awful. Proof-reading probably wouldn't help - you need an editor.

you just created a wimpy cuck, TK U MLJ LV NV

What this really needs isn't an editor or proofreader but a better translator.

Whoever translated this doesn't know English well enough.

You are in dire need of an editor. The editor might, just might, make this a readable story. You need to read as you type, or read carefully after you type. Be aware of the use of tenses, also. Words like to, two , too, all sound the same but have far different meanings. Had to quit reading this after 2 paragraphs on the first page.

just unbelievable.

Unable to read beyond the first page.

that English is a second language for you. This is one of the worst written stories I have read on this site. Prose does not hang together. Subject verb agreement is seemingly a 50-50 proposition. Don't misused several times. Run on sentences and fragments abound. The characters are not developed. Plot is non existent. Just an interracial cliche'. Racist really. It rated a zero.

This guy could not possibly love his wife to know what she was enduring. Actually she wasn't his wife anymore because he gave her away for some guy to be his fuck toy to share with his friends while he gets his rocks off. Not much of a man or father.

All black guy are 6, 6 mountains of muscle with 30 cm long by 15 cm across cock that is hard for days. On to of that they cum by the liter. Best yet, they treat women with contempt and derision.

Oh how can a white husband compete? They loose half their dick on saying "I do". On top of a now 10 cm pencil dick that only lasts 3 minutes tops they respect their wife (well except this looser).

0

.....because it is very, very difficult to get anything out of your story, for all the bad grammar, bad spelling missing words in sentences and ad or missing punctuation.

PLEASE, get help. I'm not criticizing your ideas, just your delivery. That can be fixed, if you can get an English-first-language editor.

EVEN NO STAR IS TO MUCH

Re: "IS THERE A TOP OF STUPIDITY OR THIS DRIBBLE IS ABOVE

EVEN NO STAR IS TO MUCH"

Those making comments have assumed that the author's first language is not English. May we assume that English is your first language but you don't know how to use it?

Let's just start with your use of "dribble". Did you perhaps mean "drivel". If you don't know the difference, please do invest in a dictionary.

And "Even no star is to much". If you can't tell the difference between "to" and "too" then perhaps a course in remedial English would be helpful. Or maybe not. Your whole comment is bordering on unintelligible.

D

Oh Luedon 5 stars for that comment I am still giggling at that riposte.

Joe yes the story is in dire need of some polish from an editor

No you stupid cunt . It is just [saliva to run from the mouth] and...

even a "o" too much ist too much too.

Now you have some wholes to suck out offfffffff

chapter 2? well? hah?

Is that the writing is so technically bad. It was hard to read and it's incomplete to boot.

wrong cat. this goes in illiterate cuck shit.

...form as to be very difficult to read. A very uncomfortable exercise.

I take this as fiction, because anyone stopping to her depths would either become suicidal or a target for a good divorce attourney.

I wouldn't wish you I'll, but ask that you get editorial help. You obviously speak English as ESL and are courageous (or a damn fool!) for writing in English AND submitting any story at all to the LW category. It is easily the most socially hostile place on earth.

Please consider getting help. Either kind will do: 1. Help for the mania that allows you to submit stories to LW, or 1. Help with the stories to make them readable.

cuck shit.

Your english is not good at all. you really need an editor.

Where is the next part confrontation and divorce..?

Or May be Gina lied to get to fuck him...that would b a twist.....

I fucking hate incomplete stories....

*1

Ignore the abusive jerks, who haven't written anything here!

I admire your courage to write in the most hostile category of Literotica in what is clearly not your native tongue. Pay attention to the comments suggesting an editor, or even writing in your first language and having someone translate it.

You might want to read some of Winterfox's stories in chronological order to see how he improved his use of English over the years, as he kept writing. You can do lkewise!

Pointless and stupid cuck story.

I could push out a grade A growler and it would smell less like shit than this mess