Primal Atavism

'That's an old reference.'

'I'm surprised you got it, to be honest.'

'I'm more like Zack before he started trying.'

'He won in the end,' I point out.

She smiles again then frowns as she tries to scan a tin of tomatoes. 'The barcode on this doesn't seem to be working. Do you mind waiting while I check with a colleague?'

'Not at all.'

She gets up, and Rachel looks at me with a sly expression.

'What?' I say.

She shakes her head. 'Nothing at all.'

'It's because they're on offer,' the checkout girl says as she comes back, 'but there's no discount label on this one so yay, not my fault.'

'Never in doubt,' I say.

She scans the rest of the items without issue, then I finish bagging the shopping as Rachel pays.

'So, rating out of ten?' she asks me after handing Rachel the receipt.

'Hmm...solid six.'

She opens her mouth in indignation.

'Just kidding. You'll be giving Vince a run for his money soon.'

With a final smile, she says goodbye and we head for the exit.

'Well, I've never seen that before,' Rachel says as we walk across the car park.

'Seen what?'

'My brother flirt with a complete stranger.'

'I wasn't flirting.'

'Oh, come off it. I felt like a third wheel.'

I mull it over, replaying the conversation in my head.

'Now do you see what I meant about positive changes?' she says. 'There's no way you'd have done that three weeks ago.'

'You're right about that,' I concede.

'She was into you, by the way.'

'Now you're being ridiculous.'

'Oh my god, men can be so oblivious sometimes. Did you not notice how she was smiling at you?'

'Yeah, but...'

'And the fact that I turned into the invisible woman? She didn't acknowledge my existence once.'

'You really think so?'

'A hundred percent. Did you like her?'

'She was cute.'

'Then go back and ask for her number.'

'Whoa, I don't know about that. She's working.'

'So?'

'She might be serving another customer. I don't want to embarrass her.'

'You meanyou're worried about being embarrassed if she says no. Look, if you don't take chances with women, you'll never succeed with them. Most of us won't make the first move, even if we like a guy. That might seem silly, but it's the way it is.'

'Remind me why I agreed to come shopping with you...'

She ruffles my hair. 'Because I'm you're awesome big sister. Now go. She'll be sat there totally confused as to why you didn't ask. What have you got to lose? I'll still love ya if she says no.'

'Fine,' I say with a sigh. 'You're so annoying, you know that?'

'Bet you I'm right, though. Go get her.'

Before I have a chance to talk myself out of it, I jog towards the entrance. I arrive back at the car a couple of minutes later, my heart beating like a drum.

'Well?' Rachel asks.

I wave my phone. 'Actually got it.'

'See, big sisters know best. What would you do without me, eh?'

I don't answer, but sometimes—if I'm being honest—I have no idea.

*

I'm in my best mood for a fortnight as we drive home, optimistic that I might have finally turned a corner. We unload the shopping from the car, then I help Rachel prepare a seafood curry with a spring in my step, all the while chatting films, work, uni, and life in general. I enjoy being on cloud nine so much that I lose track of time, and the buzzer signals Aleisha's arrival before I know it.

'Can you get that?' Rachel says, her hands full of raw prawns.

I buzz Aleisha in and meet her halfway up the stairs to take her suitcase.

'Oh. Thanks, Dylan,' she says.

'You're welcome. How are you?'

'Good. Excited for the wedding, it's going to be so much fun. You?

'Loving life all drugged up.'

'Oh yeah, Rachel told me you were part of some trial. How's it been so far?'

'It's had its ups and downs, but I'm making progress.'

'I'll say,' Rachel says as I lug the suitcase through the door. 'He got a girl's number today.'

'Oh really?' Aleisha exclaims.

'Rach said it was the finest display of seduction she's ever seen,' I joke.

'Obviously. We're in the presence of Lothario himself,' she retorts.

I take the suitcase to Rachel's room while she and Aleisha greet each other with their usual excitable hug. They're only just parting as I get back.

'You get one too, of course,' Aleisha says.

She walks over and I wrap my arms around her in a firm embrace. As always, she smells amazing, and I savour the tickle of her soft hair brushing against my chin.

'Wow, that's different,' she says.

I back away, worried I've accidentally done something inappropriate.

'Don't worry,' she says with a giggle, 'I meant good different. You've always seemed so reluctant when I've hugged you before.'

'Thank god. I got worried for a second after I... Never mind.'

'After you what?'

'Tell her,' Rachel says. 'You can't not. It's too funny.'

'Ooh, now I'm intrigued,' Aleisha says.

I remain hesitant.

'Oh come on, you can't leave me hanging now.'

With a sigh, I relent and tell her what happened in the bookshop while Rachel struggles to hold back laughter like an immature schoolgirl. When I get to my infamous faux pas, Aleisha gasps in horror.

'No way!' She looks at Rachel in disbelief. 'Is that true?'

She nods.

'Wow. I've heard things like that from drunk people on nights out, but never in a bookshop. I bet the poor girl didn't know what to do.'

'I'll never know,' I say. 'A guy decided for her and threw me out.'

She puts her hands to her mouth, although she can't stop herself laughing. The consolation is that she looks so pretty doing it, I don't really care that it's at my expense.

'Why the hell did you say it?' she asks.

'I don't know. It wasn't conscious, it just slipped out.'

'I don't know how I'd react if some random guy said that to me.'

'I do. You'd tell him to piss off,' Rachel says.

Aleisha considers for a moment. 'Yep, that sounds about right.'

'Well, you won't have to say that tonight,' I say. 'I promise not to comment on your boobs, bum, or anything else.'

She ventures a smile. 'You probably couldn't say anything I haven't heard before.'

My stomach flips as I catch what looks like a mischievous glint in her eye. I can't say for certain, but something in her demeanour during those words seemed flirtatious. As I try to convince myself I'm imagining things, Rachel opens a bottle of wine, my cue to go to my room while they have girly chat on the sofa.

Just as I'm about to leave, Aleisha looks at me while Rachel's back is turned and claws the air while miming a roar. I freeze like a statue, stupefied, and I'm still staring at Aleisha long after her attention is back on Rachel.

'You alright, Dyl?' Rachel asks. 'You look miles away.'

I snap back to the moment. 'Couldn't be better. See you at dinner.'

I shut my bedroom door and wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans, realising I've overestimated my new-found confidence. For all the progress I've made, a bit of playful teasing from Aleisha and I'm back to being a nervous wreck. What was all that about, anyway? She's always called me 'tiger', but the roar and clawing the air? She's never done anything like that.

The questions set my mind apace, and it strikes me that if I did comment on any part of her, I'd have plenty to say. I think back to her tipsily lifting her dress for me before she and Rachel left for their night out: that lace thong bisecting her perfect arse, disappearing between her cheeks towards the promised land of her sex.

Shit... My respite from sexual thoughts is well and truly over, thePrimal Atavism in my veins seemingly affronted that I could ignore it for so long. My loins make their presence felt, excited about the swarthy beauty sat meters away. I collapse on my bed with a wry smile; of all the days for Aleisha to stay over, it had to be today. I finally turn a corner and there she is, ready to tease me into a u-turn.

As I ponder how flirtatious her demeanour really was, I spring up with a rush of clarity. No! U-turn be damned! I barge past Aleisha on my metaphorical road, pledging that I'll be the master of my thoughts from now on, not the other way around.

*

'Dinner,' Rachel calls.

I wash my hands and join them at the table. I accept Rachel's offer of wine—something I seldom do—and tuck into the seafood curry.

'This is amazing Rach,' Aleisha says. 'You didn't have to make my favourite, you know.'

'I'm happy to. It's nice to cook something different once in a while. Dylan helped too.'

'He's proving to be a man of many talents, lately,' Aleisha says.

Again, I detect something in her voice. 'I barely did more than chop the onions. I've got a long way to go before I'd call it a talent.'

'Speaking of your new talents,' Rachel says, 'are you going to message the girl from the supermarket? What's her name, by the way? You never told me.'

'Mia,' I say. 'Some of us pay attention to name badges.'

'I wasn't interested in pulling her,' she retorts.

Aleisha chuckles. 'Do you two do this all the time? You're like an old married couple.'

'I'd be tempted to file for divorce,' I say.

'You wouldn't find anyone better,' Rachel says. 'What do you think, Leish?'

'Sorry, Dylan. As her friend, I'm obliged to agree. Anyway, tell me about Mia. I want all the details.'

'I only spoke to her for a couple of minutes. There aren't many details to give.'

'Don't be coy, of course there are. What's she like? Is she pretty? What did you say to her?'

I puff out my cheeks, trying to collate a response to the quick-fire questions. 'Well...she's nice, cute, and I talked about a film from the noughties.'

'You've got to give me more than that,' she presses.

I look to Rachel for help.

'You divorced me, remember,' she says. 'You're on your own.'

'Sorry, I get a little enthusiastic,' Aleisha says. She gives Rachel a knowing smile. 'Your sister's used to it. But you must be able to describe her. Is she blonde, brunette, short, tall, black, white? Anything?'

'East Asian,' I say. 'Although she has a London accent, so I think she grew up here. Other than that...dark hair, slim, nice eyes and smile.'

'That's the best you're going to get,' Rachel says as she gets up to clear away the plates.

'She sounds lovely,' Aleisha says. 'So, when's she going to hear from you?'

'I don't know. This is new territory for me. I've heard you're supposed to leave it a certain amount of time.'

'Oh, you've got so much to learn, tiger. I'm going to enjoy being your teacher. If you're thinking of the three day rule, it went out with the dinosaurs. Girls these days need to know you're interested, or they'll move on.'

'She's right, Dyl,' Rachel says from the sink. 'Greg texted me the same night.'

'And we know what happened after,' Aleisha says with a knowing grin.

'Leish!'

'What? It's not like he doesn't know.'

I begin to wish for the ground to swallow me up. Grumbling to herself, Rachel gets back to cleaning plates.

'You should text her right now,' Aleisha says. 'Have you got your phone?'

I nod, pulling it out of my pocket.

'What are you going to say?' she asks, her tone getting ever more excitable.

'I haven't agreed to anything yet.'

'Come on, you've gotta trust me on this. What have you got to lose?'

'That's what Rachel said earlier.'

'Then you should listen to your sister. So...do you trust me?'

'Fine,' I relent.

'That's the spirit. So what are you going to say?'

'I dunno... "Hey, how's it going?"'

She looks at me like I've just kicked a puppy. 'Sure, if you want to be boring and predictable.'

I let out a sigh. Things are more complicated than I thought.

'Maybe that was unfair,' Aleisha says. 'There's nothing wrong with standard, but it's not memorable. It won't make you stand out.'

'What should I say then?'

'Relate it to the conversation you had with her. What was the film you talked about, again?'

'Employee of the Month. It's about a guy who tries to win employee of the month to impress a colleague.'

'Is it a comedy?'

'It's supposed to be.'

'Okay, then how about something like, "Are you employee of the month yet?"'

It doesn't strike me as a terrible idea, and it's definitely more interesting than asking how she is. 'Alright, you're on.' I key it into my phone. 'Sent.'

'Now the fun part,' Rachel says, putting the profiteroles on the table. 'The wait.'

My phone vibrates just as we're finishing dessert.

'Ooh,' Rachel says, 'get it out.'

'Relax, it's probably not even her.' I look at the notification and can't hide my grin. 'It's her.'

Rachel claps excitably. 'What does it say?'

'"Not yet, but if you've got any tips I'd love to hear them." Followed by a winking emoji.'

'Oh, that's perfect,' Aleisha says. 'Signed, sealed and delivered.'

I begin to feel giddy, amazed at the doors I've opened after being proactive for less than a day. 'What should I say back?'

'Give it a few minutes so you don't sound too eager,' Aleisha says, 'then suggest a meetup.'

I take her advice, replying six minutes and thirty-four seconds later.I'd love to tell you in person. Are you free next week? As soon as I hit send, a pang of regret sets in as I start to overthink every word and piece of punctuation. Was it too forward? Was 'love' too keen? Should I have matched her emoji with one of my own? I thrust the phone back in my pocket, knowing that stressing about it is pointless. It's gone, transmitted as zeros and ones on its way to Mia's phone. Nothing I can do. I'll know if it was a good or bad idea based on her reply. If I get one.

I go back to my room, where my phone vibrates about half an hour later.

I finish my shift at 6 on Friday. Does that suit you?

I reply that it does, then try to keep my excitement in check as I saunter to the living room to tell Rachel and Aleisha the news. With a simultaneous sixth sense, they both turn to look at me.

'So?' Rachel says.

'I'm seeing her on Friday.'

'Ooh, congratulations.'

I look at Aleisha, expecting her to say something, especially since it was her idea to send the text. She doesn't. Instead she smiles with the same mischievous glimmer in her eyes I thought I saw earlier. After a glance to make sure Rachel isn't looking, she glides her tongue over her top lip before biting the bottom. Rachel turns back to her, and she empties her face of all flirtation as though nothing had happened.

'Night, then,' I say. 'Enjoy the wedding, Aleisha.'

'Night, Dyl,' Rachel says.

'Night,' Aleisha echoes.

I change into my pyjamas and brush my teeth, my mind divided. Arranging a date with Mia should have been the most exhilarating thing about tonight, and it would have been were it not for Aleisha's wiles. Did shereally bite her lip? If she did, did I interpret it correctly? What other way to interpret it could there be? As I leave the bathroom, I hear my name mentioned in the living room. I tiptoe down the hall and linger out of sight, curious as to what they're saying.

'You were right, Rach. I can't believe the changes in him.'

'You and me both. And the crazy thing is, he hadn't noticed them until I pointed them out earlier today.'

'He was always so quiet and shy, I can't believe the change in his confidence. The hug he gave me earlier—he actually hugged me. Normally he tries his best not to touch me, like I'm diseased or something.'

'To be fair, he's fancied you rotten for years.'

'Reeeally? I never noticed.'

'Right. That's why you teased him mercilessly whenever you could.'

'I know I shouldn't have. But his reactions were so cute.'

Rachel chuckles. 'I guess they were.'

'It makes you wonder what else has changed,' Aleisha ponders in a conspiratorial tone.

'Don't even think about it!'

'What?'

'You know what. I've seen that look in your eyes before.'

'Relax, you're being paranoid. Can you imagine?'

They both giggle, then I hear one of them get up. I hurry back to my room before I'm seen, then lie on my bed to reflect on yet another twist in this crazy day. While it sounded like Aleisha was expressing curiosities about me that go beyond innocent hugging, I dismiss the possibility. She must have been playing around as usual.

There's no way I'd get that lucky.

*

A creak invades my consciousness as sleep approaches, followed by the soft click of a closing door. Faint footfalls pad across the carpet, and I anticipate the beginning of a dream, although it feels more lucid than most. I half open my eyes to see an outline disturbing the gloom. The silhouette comes closer, each step refuting it being the product of a dream. When I realise it's no such thing, I bolt up to confront the intruder.

A hand extends to my chest as the silhouette leans forward. The sliver of moonlight sneaking through a gap in the curtains illuminates Aleisha's face.

'Wha—'

'Shh,' she says, placing a finger on my lips. 'Let's not wake Rachel.'

She pushes me back on the bed before passing though the moonbeam, giving me a fleeting glimpse of her silk nightdress, silvery in the midnight light. My heart races as she sits on the bed, and even though it's a cool night, the duvet suddenly feels oppressively hot.

'What are you doing?' I whisper.

She leans in, grazing her lips against my ear. 'What you've always wanted me to do.'

'Why?'

'There was something about you today, something I haven't seen before. I want to know what it is.'

'Alei—'

'Shh,' she whispers again, her voice like audible silk. 'Would you like to know what my lips feel like?'

Before I can stutter a response, she kisses my earlobe, sending an electrifying pulse from the site of her lips to the furthest extremity of my body. A breathy moan escapes me as try to decide if this impossible scenario is real.

'You like that,' she purrs. 'I think I've discovered a kink.'

She takes my ear in her mouth and sucks, liquefying my bones, and I clasp the bedsheet with both hands as the squelch of her mouth massages my brain. My spine tingles. My toes curl. The duvet gets hotter—I should kick it away, but I daren't move lest I break the illusion, if that's what it is.

Her tongue has implications elsewhere in my body. I'd never thought about there being a connection between ears and loins, but my cock is well and truly hard, lifting the waistband of my pyjama bottoms with the realisation that this is not a drill. Aleisha must sense it; she sweeps her hand down the duvet to find the yearning tent.

'Wow, you certainly enjoyed that,' she says. 'And that was only the tip of the iceberg.'

The implication of her metaphor ties a knot in my throat. 'What do you mean?'

'All in good time. Right now, I want you to touch me.'

I raise my hands in the blackness, and when I do no more out of fear and ignorance about where to put them, she takes them in her own and guides them to her waist. My fingertips land on her nightdress like a butterfly gracing a flower, so reserved is my touch. She tries to encourage me, pushing my hands into the contours of her body, manoeuvring them down over her hips and thighs.

'Don't be shy,' she says sweetly. 'Maybe if I make it easier for you.'

As I'm about to ask her what she means, she pulls back the duvet and straddles my stomach. She raises her arms, then I hear the crumple of clothes hitting the floor across the room. Her nightie is gone.

'Oops,' she says.

The air feels so thick it's a wonder I can still breathe. The woman of my dreams sits on top of me in a culmination of years of fantasies, her thighs warm around my waist, everywhere her skin touches mine raising goosebumps on my flesh. I summon some bravery and touch her, the sensation enhanced by the absence of sight. How ironic that after all the times I've gazed at her body, yearned for her breasts, bum, and sex, now they're laid bare in front of me, my eyes are unable to enjoy them.