All Comments on 'Prime Time'

by lickemgood

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  • 4 Comments
pusskatpusskatover 13 years ago
keep going (in every sense of the word) ;)

The writing on this piece is fine -- don't let the negative person above scare you off or discourage you. This has great potential -- good dialogue, good characters. Your pacing could use just a bit of tweaking and some more description and a bit of "afterglow" -- it needs a bit of resolution. And where is the man's pleasure? That's just as important as hers. So far it's all about what you do to her; I suggest make it a bit longer and let her pleasure you!

Keep writing! I love older man/younger woman (I'm a younger woman married to an older man). I'm sure anything you produce will just keep getting better -- just like older men! :)

Cheers, K

meisteremeistereover 13 years ago
A good start....

The story has a nice, casual pacing- except at the ending where it goes from 0 to 60 in about 5.6 seconds. Good potential here- don't get discouraged.

JustForPostingJustForPostingover 13 years ago
Editor, please

This is a potentially good story, but the writing is just terrible.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
wrong

Get a clue the "OOO" isn't even close to correct it should be "OH", or "OOH" as the author's version is an error.

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