Princess Cindy

On the thirteenth as she drove up the driveway with her kids in the car, she noted a box on her front porch. Once the kids were in the house, she went out to get it. Inside was a small flower arrangement of yellow daisies with a note attached.

"Dear Cindy," it read, "I want to offer my apologies if I upset you the other day. It had honestly not registered in my mind when I asked you for a coffee that the day in question might have some significance for you. Sincerely, Your neighbor, Roger."

Suddenly she felt awful. Roger was a nice guy and had simply asked her out for a cup of coffee. It wasn't a big romantic date, just a couple of neighbors sharing some time together. After a few minutes she parked Mandy and Chris in front of Sesame Street and made them promise they'd stay right there for a short time while she ran across the street.

She could hear the doorbell chiming inside and the approach of his feet. Once the door opened, he smiled at her.

"Hi, Cindy. Can I help you?"

"Roger, I have to apologize for my behavior the other day..."

"There's nothing to apologize for. I hope you got my little peace offering."

"Yes, and they're lovely. Thank you. Anyway, uh, I, uh, I kinda need to explain myself."

"No need to, Cindy. Really."

"Yes, I do. For my sake, I need to. Can I come inside for a minute? It's cold out here."

"Sure." Once the door was closed, he offered her a seat and she declined mentioning the children were unsupervised and she needed to get back quickly.

"Anyway, uh, Valentine's Day was our first date and also the date he asked me to marry him. Ted, that is."

"Your husband?"

"Yes," she sniffled as tears slid down her cheeks. "He was the love of my life and it still hurts to have holidays without him, especially Valentine's without him."

"My heart goes out to you, Cindy. I can't imagine how painful it must be for you. I only hope you understand I completely spaced out the other day when I asked you for coffee. I merely wanted to repay your kindness for the chocolate and the fun evening with the kids. I had no intention of anything more. None."

"Thank you. And thanks for the flowers. They're pretty," she sniffled some more.

"Yeah," he chuckled, "You have no idea how hard it was to get yellow flowers today."

"Well, I need to be getting back. Sorry for the tears," she said as more tears fell. But before she could turn back to the door, he took a couple of steps toward her and quickly wrapped his arms around her. Sobs wracked her chest as Roger gently patted her back. After a few minutes she seemed to have gotten control of herself, thanked him for the shoulder to cry on and let herself out the door. Back inside she avoided going into the TV room for a few minutes until she could compose herself.

Surprisingly, she did quite well the next day. Even though there was a general sadness in her heart, she didn't cry and was able to go and help out at the preschool Valentine's party without breaking down. Each child received a mylar heart balloon to take home. Roger saw them get out of the car and he waved at them. Mandy shouted "Happy Valentine's Day, Roger" and giggled when he blew her a kiss in return.

"He's so funny, Mommy, he blew me a kiss for Valentine's."

"Yes, Mandy, he's a nice man."

"Mommy, can we invite him over for more fairy tales sometime?" asked Chris.

"Well, sure, I think we can sometime. Now, who wants spaghetti for dinner?"

"I do, I do!" they shouted as one.

-----

It was one of those rare, glorious days in late February where you got the sense winter was slowly losing its grip. It was actually rather warm and Cindy told her children it was too nice to be cooped up in the house watching Saturday comics. Over their protests she dragged them outside and got them working with her in the garden. As she frequently did, she used this opportunity to teach, and this time is was about flowers and pollination and why bees were so important for the flowers. It was all casual talking but she could tell they were absorbing every word.

Suddenly Mandy shouted out, "We're learning about flowers and bees."

Cindy turned around to see Roger grinning slightly. "What about the birds?" he laughingly asked.

"Yeah, Mommy, what about the birds?" asked Chris.

"Oh, ask Roger, let him explain," she answered, laughing to herself at how she'd perfectly returned his serve.

"Well, uh, you see," he said as he crossed the street, "Do you know what the bees do?"

"Yeah, Mommy just told us about pollen going to part of the flower to make seeds and fruit. The bees help with that."

"Well, yeah. And, so can birds. You've seen a hummingbird before?"

"Yeah."

"Well, they go from flower to flower looking for nectar, a sweet liquid down in the flower. When they put their little beaks into the flower, it can make the pollen go where it can help make seeds. See?"

"Wow, you know so much about the birds and the bees," said Chris innocently.

Roger glanced at Cindy and with a grin said, "Maybe I do." Then, he went on, "Cindy, I'd like to fire up the bar-b-q grill this afternoon. If I were to grill some dogs and burgers, would you guys want to come over and make sure I do it right?"

"Yeah, Mommy, let's." "Please, Mommy, I wanna go."

"OK, Kiddos, I think we can. But it is always polite to accept an invitation and then volunteer to bring something. Roger," she said turning to him, "Is there anything we can bring?"

"How about drinks? I don't know what you guys like, so..."

"Great. We will bring some sodas. Uh, brews?"

"Yeah, that would be nice. I love a cold one with my burger. What about you?"

"I've been known to partake now and then. What time should we come over?"

They arranged it for midafternoon giving Cindy a bit of time to wrap up the gardening, feed the children a small snack and race to the store for a six pack of Wild Skunk Ale.

Once at his place she helped with the food prep while the kids pestered him and asked dozens of questions about bar-b-q's and grilling food. She let them each have a bit more soda than usual while she and Roger slowly nursed their beers. The hotdogs were a hit with Mandy and Chris while she enjoyed the feta cheese-infused patty in her burger. By late afternoon the kids were fading and she knew they needed a quick nap.

She had just put them down when she heard a quiet rapping on her front door. Roger stood there with a sheepish grin.

"Yes?"

"Uh, I, uh really enjoyed this afternoon, Cindy, but I have to say we, you and I, that is, didn't get to talk a whole bunch. Your kids are sponges soaking up so much, but I didn't get to say much to you at all."

"Oh? And what do you want to talk about?" she smiled at him. "The birds and the bees?"

"No," he replied with a hint of a blush. "Not that I'm not interested, you see, it's, uh,.... I'm digging myself fairly deep into the hole, aren't I?"

"Roger, I'm teasing you. Sure, come on in. Let's chat a bit until I have to get them up."

For the next forty-five minutes they enjoyed adult conversation. She learned more about him; where he grew up and went to school, his family, his work at a small tech firm and a few words about his recently finalized divorce. She shared similar background information and surprised herself when she mentioned Ted once or twice without suddenly puddling up.

"Look, it's getting late and I know you probably have your routines with Mandy and Chris, so I better be going. Thanks, Cindy, for letting me drop by."

"No, it was fun and thanks for the afternoon invite. I know the kids loved it."

"Yeah, well, see you," he said as he turned away at the door.

"Roger?"

"Yes?"

"Could I bother you for another hug, please?"

"A hug?"

"Yeah, a hug. You know, two people, arms around each other, like the other day."

He responded by holding out his arms and wrapping them around her as she wrapped hers around him.

"Mmm, feels nice. I get energy from hugs. You?"

"Yeah, I do too. Good night, Cindy," he said as he gently broke the hug. "Sweet dreams."

As she closed the door behind him, she leaned up against it and let her eyes close. It felt so good to be in the arms of a man, even if it was only the neighbor and even if she had to ask for it. Then a pang of guilt hit her but she forced herself to ignore it and went to roust the kids up from their naps.

-----

After the bar-b-q Roger and Cindy saw each other a bit more often. On a couple of occasions, they were able to chat when the kids were at preschool or with their grandparents. Roger was always polite and very much a gentleman. He never initiated any physical contact and it was Cindy who got into the habit of asking for hugs, but only when Mandy and Chris weren't nearby.

In April Roger came over as Cindy returned home from her volunteer work at the Seniors Center. The children were still with their grandparents when he arrived. After their initial greetings he paused a few seconds before asking, "Cindy, would you be interested in having dinner with me?"

"Sure, name the time and we'll be here."

"Er, uh, I was thinking more of you and me, uh, no kids. You know, at a restaurant-kind-of-dinner."

"Oh," she paused, "Like a date?"

"Umm-hmm."

"Whew. I don't know, Roger. You're nice, a great neighbor, great with my kids, but I'm not sure I'm ready for dating. You see, I'm still pretty..." she faded off, not finishing her thoughts.

"Look, Cindy, I understand. If you don't want to go out, I'm perfectly OK with that. I enjoy being with you, talking with you and I thought...."

"Roger, tell you what: Let me think about it. You kinda caught me by surprise and I don't know what to say right now. Can I get back to you?"

"Sure, no rush. Just thought a dinner would be nice."

"I appreciate the thought, I really do."

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds before he went on, "Say, Cindy, I meant this as a casual thing. Nothing fancy. And no expectations. Just food, maybe a glass of wine, then home to your kids."

"Yeah, like I said: Let me think about it."

"Sure. Take care."

Cindy went into her house totally flummoxed. She had been asked out on a date. No question about it. And Roger was a nice guy. But she wasn't ready to date, was she? As if ever she would be. No one had asked her out since Ted did all those years ago and she wasn't sure she was ready for dating. Yeah, she missed the closeness of a relationship, but more importantly, she missed Ted. How could she go on a date with her head held high when all she could think about was Ted? These and many other thoughts raced through her mind as she had a glass of wine and waited for her mother to bring her kids home.

After an hour or so they came racing into the house.

"Mommy, we're home. What's for dinner?"

"I haven't planned anything. Pizza?"

"Yea, yah, let's"

"OK, kids, go on into the house and I'll plan on a trip to the Pizza Oven. Give me a few seconds with Nana, OK?"

Mandy and Chris ran into the house while she went out to talk with her mother.

"Hi, Mama, how were the two today?"

"Oh, you know they were great. Your dad and I love having them over. You've got great kids, Honey. We love helping you with them."

"Thanks, Mama. Uh, I've got a bit of news, but I'm not sure I know how to react."

"What's that?"

"I've been asked out, you know, on a date."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, this man across the street asked me for dinner."

"Is this, what was his name? Oh, is this Roger?"

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Your kids have a way of talking about everything. They mentioned him a time or two. Seem to like him. So, who is he? Is he nice?"

"Yeah, Mama, he's nice. I just don't know if I'm ready."

"Listen, Honey, I'm going to give you some advice, since you brought this up. You'll never know if you're ready unless you try. It's been over two years. It may be too soon, maybe not. But I would suggest you go to dinner and see how you feel, see how it goes. The worst that could happen is you realize it's too soon and you wait. What's so bad about that?"

"But I'm so afraid I'll break down in tears..."

"OK, so you break down in tears. Big deal. If he's a decent man he'll understand."

"I've already cried on his shoulder once," she admitted.

"See, and still he's asking you out. Honey, you need to go. Try it. We'll be glad to have the kids over for a sleepover so they won't know anything. Finalize the date and we'll be there for you."

"Thanks, I guess. Let me sleep on it and I'll let you know. OK?"

"Sure, give us a call. Now I've gotta pick up some carrots for our salad on the way home. Bye, Honey, talk to you later."

After their dinner at the Pizza Oven the kids were exhausted and went to bed without complaint. She thought about Roger's invitation and decided her mother was right. She had to try it. Since she did not have his phone number, she went upstairs to check on the kids. Both were sound asleep so she quietly let herself out of house and rushed across the street. A few seconds after she rang the doorbell Roger appeared.

"Oh, Hi, Cindy."

"Hi, Roger. Uh, I can't stay long. The kids are asleep. But I wanted to say 'yes' to your invitation. OK?"

"Yeah, definitely OK. I'm pleased."

"Quick, give me your phone so I can put in my number." Once she had put in her number she turned to go. "Give me a call sometime. We can set things up, OK?"

"Yeah, sure," he answered as she rushed back across the street.

A few minutes later her phone rang with an unknown caller.

"Hello?"

"Hello. I'm calling as instructed to set up arrangements for a diner for two," he laughed.

"You crazy man! It's been, what? Five minutes?"

"Hey, I didn't want to lose out on an opportunity for a nice dinner."

Rather quickly they decided on a dinner at a local Italian place for the following Thursday. Cindy knew her parents would be available that night and he wanted to avoid the big, weekend crowds. They then chatted for another twenty minutes or so talking about this, that or the other thing. When she hung up Cindy had a little smile on her face.

Then the guilt hit. How could she even think about a date? It was cheating on the memory of her husband. And though Roger had always been a perfect gentleman, she knew at some point dating led to sex. How in the world could she even think about sex with another man? Sure, she'd not been a virgin when she met Ted, but once they were sexually active, she couldn't imagine ever sleeping with another guy. With a troubled mind she called her mother and told her the day she planned on going out.

"But, Mama, I'm feeling guilty about it."

"Cindy, I'm going to pull the 'mother card' here. I'm going to tell you what to do. Then I want you to do it. And then, only then, if it doesn't work out, you can change things. But for now, I'm telling you: Go. On. The. Date. See. How. It. Goes," she said emphasizing each word. "Then, and only then, you get to decide if it was the right decision. OK?"

"OK, Mama," she said in a subdued voice. "I'll try it."

-----

Her mother picked up the kids from preschool while Cindy drove home from her volunteer work. All the way home her mind was racing. She was going on a real date, with a new guy. And she was petrified. She couldn't remember when she'd been so nervous prior to a date. As she thought about it, she recognized she was worried she'd think about Ted or cry or both. She didn't want to embarrass herself, but how could she control her emotions? Once she thought about it a bit more, she smiled slightly and thought if Roger was a good guy, he'd understand.

She showered and decided on a nice, simple knee-length dress with a bit of a low bodice. This was accented with a nice scarf. She stuffed her phone in a tiny purse and waited for him to arrive. Sharply at seven her doorbell rang. Nervously she answered it. Roger stood there for a second looking at her before saying, "Wow, you sure clean up nicely."

"Thank you," she replied with a little laugh. "You didn't know mothers can wear things besides dirty jeans and tattered tops, did you?"

"I know this one can. I've even seen her in a nice gown."

"Oh, that was an old bridesmaid dress from way back."

"Maybe, but I'm sure you looked very nice then, as you do now. Shall we?" he asked as he gave her his arm to escort her to his car. On the way to dinner they talked about their days and the upcoming spring festival in the community. At the restaurant they were ushered to a fairly secluded booth. Once they ordered their dinners and a glass of wine each, they talked, laughed and joked. She was totally relaxed and realized with a hint of guilt she went for minutes without thinking about Ted.

Dinner was delicious and they shared a dish of tiramisu for dessert and each had a cappuccino. On the way back she was fairly quiet and stared out the windshield.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"Oh, I've been thinking about the most pleasant evening I've had in years. Thank you, Roger, for making it so nice."

"Hey, I've enjoyed it, also."

"Uh, before we get home, I'd like to ask you a favor."

"Sure. What is it?"

"As you might guess, this is the first time I've been out with someone since..."

"Yeah, I kinda figured."

"Could we please keep this friendly? I mean, don't ask me for a nightcap, you know..."

"Cindy, I had no plans to do anything except escort you home."

"Good, thanks."

"I will, however, use this opportunity to let you know I've had a great time tonight. And I'd like to repeat this. OK?"

"Yeah, I think I'd like that. Thank you."

"Well, here we are, your chariot has arrived at your drive." He hopped out and opened her car door and escorted her up the steps. "Thank you, Cindy. Sweet dreams," he said as he gently held her hands in his before he turned back to his car.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Uh, what?"

"My hug, Dummy, what about my hug?"

"Oh, my bad. Here," he whispered as he took her in his arms. They stood there a few minutes quietly holding each other before she broke the hug.

"Thank you, Roger. Good night," she whispered as she let herself into the house.

For the next hour her mind was racing with thoughts of pleasure and guilt. She truly enjoyed her evening with Roger. It was so nice to relax, have fun with someone and to talk about grown-up subjects. It had been ages since she had done that. But then her thoughts of Ted loomed in her mind. How could she enjoy being with another man when Ted was the best she could ever have hoped for? And she felt guilty for being with another man.

Finally, she called her mother. "Hi, Mama. It's me."

"Hi. Well, how'd it go?"

"OK. Roger's a nice guy."

"You don't sound terribly excited."

"No. No, I had a good time, but Mama, I've been home for over an hour and all I can think about is Ted."

"I'm not going to try and persuade you about anything. You need to decide what's right for you. But remember this one thought: What would you want if the situation were reversed? You know, if you had died. What would you want him to do?"

"You're right. I'd want him to move on. Find new happiness, especially for the kids. They'd need a new mother..."

"Of course, but more importantly, you'd want him to be happy, right?"

"Yeah, you're right. It's just I miss him so much," she sobbed.

"Of course, you do. And going out with Roger or Bill or Sam or whoever doesn't mean you won't miss him. It means you are an attractive woman with certain needs..."

"Mama!"

"Now, you wait a cotton-pickin' minute. I was that age once and I know what a healthy woman needs. Quite frankly, I know what a healthy woman of my age still needs."

"TMI, Mama, TMI," she laughed through her tears.

"Well, whatever. Anyway, I think you should go out more, meet people, do things with men and someday, maybe, just maybe you'll find someone who can make you happy again. But if you don't try, you'll die a miserable old lady. So there, I've said enough. The rest is up to you."