Problem with a One Night Stand Ch. 04

I held back my sigh and went back to focusing on the conversation, which had shifted to something that happened at a party last weekend. "Hey, Barry's here!" Robby exclaimed. My head jerked up and I followed his gaze to where, sure enough, Barry was cutting through the crowd and heading towards us. He was cleanly shaved, his hair gelled back, and he was dressed nicely. My heart dropped to my stomach as I remembered the anniversary dinner planned for tonight. That settles that.

"Hey guys!" He greeted, trading bro hugs with a couple of the seniors. His eyes caught mine over Brian's shoulder, but he didn't do anything beyond smile. It wasn't a flirty smile, it wasn't a snarky smile, it was just there. My heart was pounding and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. No acknowledgement. I couldn't help but notice that he didn't hug me, though. "How's it going?"

"We were just talking about the race on Sunday." Brian informed him,

'Yeah, we're going to try the different positions you told me about the other day after this race, see if we can improve for future races." Robby added. "I think you're on to something."

"What changes?" Brian looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Move some people around so we can get Josh in a power seat in Barry's boat." Robby told everyone. "I think it is a great idea, actually."

"Of course he wants Josh in his boat." Brian snickered, but instantly just up when Barry glared at him. "What? It's true!"

"What's true?" Another guy came up behind Barry, putting his hand into his until their fingers were intertwined as he pushed his way into the circle. My eyes laded on their intertwined hands and I couldn't stop staring.

"That Barry wants Josh in his boat to help us win." Robby told the guy.

The new guy rolled his eyes. "Oh, the infamous Josh. I am so sick of hearing about how great Josh is! It's all Barry ever talks about anymore. If I didn't know any better, I would think Barry was in love with the guy." Brian coughed a few times to cover a laugh, and I felt like my whole face was burning. The guys had turned to look at me, but I couldn't force myself to say anything. I made every effort possible to school my features so no one would see how I was truly feeling. Barry was staring at me, and Casey was looking around the circle trying to figure out what was going on.

"Um, Casey, this is Josh." Robby told the guy, nodding in my direction, a questioning look in his eyes as he did so. Casey looked my way, and clearly sized me up, his eyes grazing over me from head to toe and back up again, a smirk on his face. "Josh, this is Casey, Barry's boyfriend."

I swear, a little part of me died inside in that moment. All that time, I thought that Barry was having an adventure with me, that I was a walk on the wild side, he was experimenting, he was expressing his pent up urges. I basically went though the ten stages of hooking up with a straight guy this week, and it turns out he wasn't even straight? What the fuck? The world as I knew it was crashing around me. "Um, hi." I finally got out. Barry looked like he was about to stroke out, and all I could do was stand frozen in my spot. My fight or flight instinct was failing me. All I wanted to do was run away, yet here I was, stuck in the middle of this fucking party I didn't want to be at, watching the guy I had started crushing on hold hands with another guy.

"Hm." Casey barely acknowledged me, choosing to slide in closer to Barry until their sides were touching. There was no way to make a graceful exit from the group without being weird, so I opted to stick it out until I could get saved. I did manage to send an SOS text to Jason with hopes that he would come save me from the awkward situation as quickly as possible.

When I looked up, I saw that Barry was staring at me, an unrecognizable emotion in his eyes. I couldn't tell if it was panic or relief that I didn't say anything to Casey. Brian finally cleared his throat and turned to Casey, luckily pulling Barry's attention off me as well. "So, Casey, how long are you sticking around for?"

"I'll go back tomorrow. I just came up early for a couple doctor appointments. And to surprise my baby here, too. We had our anniversary date earlier. Six years, can you believe it?" He nudged Barry playfully with his shoulder, but I swear he was looking at me as he did so.

"That was nice of you. Wasn't that nice, Barry? Must have been perfect timing for you." Brian taunted. "You really needed a break from everything, right?" Barry flushed under his glare, but played it off pretty gracefully. It was actually a little infuriating to see just how easily he could lie in front of a group of his friends. Casey. Me. What else was a lie?

I was getting more and more uncomfortable with everything. Casey continued to joke with the others, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Brian and Robby were being shady. I could kill them for making it obvious that they knew something, or at least suspected something had happened between us. I took that chance to give him a once over. He was nothing like me, at all. He was stick thin, tall, and blonde with fair skin. He wasn't totally unfortunate looking, but there wasn't anything special about him, either. Maybe under different circumstances, I would find him attractive, but right now, I was suppressing my desire to wring his neck

"Josh!" Finally, Jason was making his way through the crowd with Matt at his heels. "You have to come with me right now! Lindsey needs us!"

A moment of panic burst through me at the mention of Lindsey needing help, but then realized that, duh, I had asked for an excuse to get out of here. "Shit, I have to go. See you guys later." I told the group before bolting out of the room as quickly as I could with my friends. By the time we got to the front of the house, I plopped myself down on a chair on the porch. "Thanks, guys." I told them. "I had to get out of there. Is Lindsey coming too?"

"She's going to stay with some of her other friends." Matt told me, rubbing my back gently. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I considered telling them I was fine, but I was tired of holding it in. Instead, I suggested we go get some food, and we moved our discussion to the diner down the street. It was still too early for the party crowd to come in, so we had no problem finding a booth and sitting down. I filled them in on the whole story, starting with my day of adventure with Barry and culminating with the drama of tonight. Jason was mad right along with me, and Matt tried to be the voice of reason that helped see the other side. Ultimately, I was having a hard time feeling bad for Barry. He led me on, fucked me, and then fucked me over. I couldn't let myself feel guilty over that. Not this time.

"Josh? I thought you went home for an emergency?" Barry's voice interrupted us. I looked up and saw he was standing at the end of our table, looking all kinds of awkward.

"I think you have done enough damage today." Matt told him. "You should probably go."

"Damage? What's wrong?" Barry looked concerned, and I found my anger melting away. He was like a little clueless child. It would be endearing if he hadn't been crushing my spirit for the past four days. "Josh, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I told him. I looked up and saw Casey was on the other side of the diner with his back to us, but he was hanging out with the other guys from the crew team. It pissed me off how seamlessly Casey fit in with that group, infiltrating my circle of friends. He had known them longer, I guess. In fact, I was actually the outsider in the situation.

"Can I talk to you outside for a minute?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder at the group. Brian was watching us carefully, and it bothered me. He obviously knew what was going on between us, and had gotten to witness my uncertainty all week while his best friend tormented me.

"Fine." I agreed, sliding out of the booth and following him outside. He walked about halfway down the block before turning to me, probably not wanting to chance Casey looking out the window at us.

"I owe you an explanation." He told me.

"You think?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

He kicked at the sidewalk, and I have to admit, it was giving me a sick pleasure to see how uncomfortable he was trying to talk to me. "So. Casey showed up early."

"So I noticed."

"He...didn't tell me he was coming."

"Obviously."

"I'm sorry I left like that on Tuesday. I didn't want to, but he had already been trying to get into my place for over an hour and knew I wasn't home. He even called Brian to see if I was with him after that's where I said I was. I didn't want to run out on you like that. It wasn't right, but he is crazy jealous and wouldn't understand, even if I didn't tell him I hook up with you."

"Sounds like a super functional relationship." I smirked.

"Josh, I'm trying to apologize here. I'm sorry that this all went down the way it did. I never wanted this to happen. It was all a mistake."

"What? Hooking up with me?"

"No, that wasn't a mistake." He shook his head. "I still don't want Casey to find out. Ideally, I would have broken up with him before anything happened with you, but I lost control and dragged you into my mess. I just couldn't resist you."

I stared at him in silence for a moment, processing what he was saying. "So you wanted something to happen?"

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and stared down at the ground again. "Yeah, I mean, I have since the first time I saw you. But things with Casey are...complicated. I can't break up with him yet. I would love to, but I just can't. He needs me too much right now."

"I don't know what you expect me to say to that. He needs you too much? What does that even mean? If you don't want to be with him, you aren't doing him any favors by staying with him, regardless of whether you had feelings for anyone else. For crying out loud, you guys are graduating this year. You're an adult."

"It's complicated."

"So you say. Uncomplicate it."

He sighed. "Look, when we were 16, Casey came out at school and it didn't go very well. He was bullied, really bad. Like, to the point he was having panic attacks every time any of the football players even looked at him. I felt bad for him, and so I finally started sticking with him so that he wouldn't get bullied, and he kind of latched on. I hit my growth spurt early and was just always a bigger kid than most of our classmates, so no one messed with me. But he was still getting harassed when I wasn't around."

"I feel bad about that, I really do. No one should be treated like that, but I am not exactly seeing how this relates to me. Or you. Or you fucking me and then avoiding me like the plague for the better half of the week."

"Well, there was one time when things got really bad. He ended up locked in a janitor's closet, and when he was finally found, he was passed out and barely breathing, and while they were waiting for paramedics, he had a seizure. Turns out, he was diabetic and no one at school really knew yet. I probably spent the most time with him of anyone and I didn't even know it. He nearly died that day, and it was because I wasn't there to protect him. So after that, I promised I would stick around him as long as he needed me. He just hasn't stopped needing me yet."

"None of that is your fault, Barry. You were a kid. You can't honestly expect that you were responsible for other people bullying him. And at what point did you becoming his protector turn into a romantic relationship? Clearly you guys are involved and in more than just hand holding."

"It wasn't like that at first. I always had an idea that I was gay, but I never really acted on it. My family wouldn't have cared, but I grew up in a small town, and I didn't really think that my peers could handle it responsibly. When I saw the way they treated Casey, there was no way I was admitting it. But after some time, Casey began to put the moves on me, and I figured that since we were sticking together, I might as well have some fun with it."

"You're a shmuck, you know that?" I told him. I wasn't actually upset with him over this whole story, but I was still so mad that he hadn't explained anything that helped explain the way he acted earlier in the week.

"I swear, Josh, I'm really not. I want to do the right thing, but it just got so twisted up. Casey got more attached to me, and there was never a good time to break it off. I thought going to different colleges would help, but it made no difference. I love him, I really do, but I'm not in love with him. I'm not sure I ever really have been. But every time I start to distance myself from him, something goes wrong. He gets sick, or he gets bad news from the doctor, or whatever. He needs me."

"What do you need?" I asked him. "There are two of you in that relationship. What is it that you need?"

"I need you." He told me softly.

"Excuse me?"

He stepped closer to me. "From the minute I saw you in that gym, I knew I had to have you. Do you believe in love at first sight?" My heart was racing in my chest, and I couldn't force myself to say anything back. "I wanted to break up with Casey. I wanted to end it and then go after you, but I just couldn't get it done in time. What happened on Monday was amazing, and I don't regret it at all. I do regret that it makes me look like a cheating asshole, but I'm not that guy. I wanted to do things right with you, to woo you. I've watched Andrew screw you over, and I can't stand it. You deserve someone who will treat you well."

"And you think that could be you?"

He stared at me in silence. Finally, he shook his head. "No, I don't."

I blinked a few times. "What?"

"I don't think I can break away from Casey yet. He just found out that his blood sugars are getting worse, and he has been having some problems with his vision lately. If I leave him now, he'll think it's because of that."

"That sounds so manipulative." I told him.

"Barry?" Casey was walking down the street towards us. Good thing we had been arguing pretty quietly, or he would have heard what we had been talking about. "What are you doing out here?"

"Hey, babe." Barry greeted him, the nickname a spear directly into my heart. "I'm just talking to Josh. I'll be back in a minute."

Casey didn't accept that answer and instead came up to us and stepped between us before wrapping his arms around Barry's waist. I looked away right as their mouths met, disgusted that Barry would even think of doing that to me after all the things he had just said. I didn't give the conversation a second thought, instead just turning and walking down the sidewalk towards my dorm as fast as I could without breaking into an all out sprint. When I reached a crosswalk, I turned and saw that they were talking, but neither of them were even looking in my direction. Love at first sight, my ass. What is wrong with me that all the men in my life treat me like dirt beneath their shoe when something better comes along? When will I stop being just a dirty little secret and actually be someone that matters? I broke out into a full run, anxious to get back to the dorm. I anxiously let myself in and bolted up the stairs, desperate to get into my room and lock myself away from the weekend. I needed to get away from this, away from Barry, as quickly as possible.

Once I was in my room, I began to pace back and forth. I had to break this cycle. I had to stop this somehow. How did I manage to let myself get twisted up in these emotions again? What the hell is wrong with me? Would I ever learn to stop making such stupid decisions or was I doomed to let my heart lead me into nothing but solitude and loneliness every single time I came across a new guy? There has to be a point where enough eventually becomes enough.

Anxious to do something to break up the pain that had settled in my chest, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. I had missed a couple texts from Jason, checking to see why I had never come back inside. I shot him a text saying I was fine and had to go home. Before I put my phone down, I opened up a text to Andrew. Come over. Right now. I threw my phone onto my bed and resumed my pacing. I felt like a caged animal, nothing felt right and I seriously thought I could crawl out of my skin at any second. I couldn't identify the emotion that was causing the pain in my chest. I was far too angry to think it was sadness, but not angry enough that I was seeing red. Not jealousy, because that would be ridiculous. Barry wasn't mine, and obviously never would be. I would only have to deal with him for a few more weeks of crew, and then we would be done. He would graduate in May, and I could continue on my merry way.

Minutes ticked by and I realized Andrew wasn't coming either. That was probably for the best, seeing how I'm not sure that a mindless fuck would make me feel any better either, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed that he wouldn't answer me. Another name on the list of failed relationships with men. God, I am pathetic. I sat on my bed and played with the idea of texting Adam. Maybe he could make me forget about the hurt I was feeling right now. My fingers played with my phone for a moment, but I realized I had more self control than that. I needed to stay far away from him. He almost ruined my life once, I wouldn't let him do it again. A new wave of anger coursed through me as I realized just how stupid I was for even thinking of calling him. I needed to keep him out of my life. Frustrated, I yanked my shirt off and kicked my shoes and socks into a corner. I just needed to go to bed. Everything will be better in the morning. That's what my nanny used to always tell me whenever I got upset about having to spend another night with my parents gallivanting around DC. It was usually enough to cheer me up, before we sang some Spanish folk songs and I could fall asleep peacefully. At least tomorrow I got to go to work. I did truly love the job at the consulate, so hopefully that would distract me from the mess I had made of r4e3w2q1 `my life.

My pity party was cut short by a knock on the door. With a sigh, I went to go answer it, and was surprised to see Andrew standing there in what looked like pajama pants and a wrinkled t-shirt. "I got your message." He told me, sleepiness saturating his every word.

I sighed, feeling like an absolute asshole for texting him in the first place. "I shouldn't have texted you. I'm sorry."

"Can I come in?" He asked. Against all my better judgment, I let him in. He made himself comfortable on the futon, so I sat on my bed and stared at him. "I just wanted to let you know that I was serious the other day. I think we should give this another shot." He finally said, staring me straight in the eye. My insides flipped at the thought, but I couldn't help but think that he was just trying to get something out of me. Nothing about his earlier behavior showed that he was at all interested in something serious.

"Oh really?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Really."

"Fine." I told him. "Take me on a date. A real date, where people can see us."

He nodded. "How does Monday work for you?"

"Fine."

"Fine." He smiled at me. "Will that make you happy?"

"Maybe." I leaned back onto my elbows. "It's a start."

He took the bait and moved over to the bed with me. "Just a start? What else do you want?"

"I think you know." The words had barely made it out of my mouth before his lips landed on mine, and his body crashed ungracefully onto mine. There was nothing sweet to it, it was all teeth clashing and sloppy kisses as Andrew rushed to get my pants off, pushing his own clothing off in the process. A little piece of me felt like I was doing something wrong, but I shoved all thoughts of Barry and happiness to the side and just let my hormones take over. At the end of the day, Andrew would get me off, and that would have to e enough for today. It as nothing but sweat and lust and that was going to be enough for tonight. Andrew's final thrusts inside me left me writhing beneath him, sticky with my own cum. He collapsed on top of me, our sweaty skin sticking together as we struggled to catch our breath. "Fuck, that was good." He groaned out, rolling to the side. He grabbed a t-shirt from the floor, not sure if it was mine or his, and wiped himself down before handing it to me. I cleaned myself off before tossing it back on the floor. "I should get going." He told me.