Proclivities XIV: The Party

"Mary? Karen?" I inquired, glancing at them for guidance. Neither of them objected. "Why not? You sure you're okay to drive?"

"I'm good. I've been behaving myself," George advised. "Nothing but water since my first drink."

"Then have fun," I told him.

"Besides," Karen added, "It'll give us some time for girl talk and you can insult each other to your heart's content."

Peter went out and loudly announced. "All the real men are going out on the boat. Any of you pussies want to stay for The Vagina Monologues, you're welcome to it."

"I'll be back," George said in his best Schwarzenegger as he left.

"Sorry about that, Linda," Mary apologized.

"No need to apologize," I assured her, laying my hand briefly on her forearm. "How was it George described his friends...full of innuendo and false bravado?"

"So true," Karen agreed, and we all shared a good laugh.

By the time the boat departed, we'd squeezed some extra chairs around the table in the gazebo, grabbed a couple of bottles of wine, and topped off everyone's cup.

"Ahh,..peace and quiet at last," sighed Mary. "So, Linda, we, at least Karen, Susan, and I, are dying to know how you and George met. I know you work at the same company, but how did he ask you out?"

Judy let out a snicker, drawing everyone's attention.

I gave her the stink eye and said, "We met at a company sponsored happy hour after work one Friday about three weeks ago."

"I remember that," Katie chimed in.

"And I remember you bailed on me, so I had to fly solo with busybody Betty...the office manager," I added for clarity.

"Sorry...Not! I'd already done my time with that battleaxe." Katie replied to everyone's amusement.

"Anyway," I continued, "We talked for hours. He was kind and funny, but a tad melancholy. That's when he told me about Kim and Marcie, but only because Betty gave me an earful about him before we were introduced. I was just trying to verify what she told me. She couldn't have been more wrong. We really hit it off. The next day he asked me on a date to a local minor league game."

"How sweet!" cooed Katie.

Judy coughed a "bullshit."

"Oh...there's more?" asked Mary.

"Do you want to tell them or should I?" asked Judy. "We're all adults here."

"Judy!" I exclaimed, feigning indignation. "But she's right. We used to be roommates and Judy got to witness my first, and obviously only, walk of shame."

"Don't fret. over it. We've all done that," Susan said, "or is that presumptive my part?"

Furtive glances were exchanged around the table. Karen was the only one to object. "Not me...I always waited til the third date."

Laughter erupted.

"Now, as long as we're on the subject, there's one thing I have to ask you, Linda," Mary said, nervously glancing between Karen and Susan.

"Sure."

"You probably don't know that George dated Peter's sister Julie back in college. Only for a month, six weeks maybe. Sophomore year I think it was. She's kind of flighty. And way too flighty for him. He was so serious back then."

"He did say how studious he was. Nothing about Julie, but that was then..." I reassured.

"Anyway, Julie has trouble watching what she says and...is it true?"

"Is what true?" I asked, but I was pretty sure where this was headed.

"Umm," Mary paused, "Julie said he was...gifted, if you know what I mean."

Judy burst out laughing.

"A lady doesn't discuss such things," I offered in mock protest. "Besides, it's not fair if I'm the only one answering questions."

"Truth or dare?" offered Susan.

"I've got a better idea," Judy said with a wicked grin I knew so well.

"What is it?" Katie inquired.

"I was at my cousin's bachelorette party last night. As part of the fun, we all took this quiz called Are You Sexperienced?" We could give it a try. "

"Sounds dangerous...I'm in." declared Katie.

"Maybe. How does it work?" asked Karen.

"Pretty simple. I text you a link, you sign in and answer the questions. I've got to warn you, they're graphic, but nobody else knows your answers. At the end, everybody gets a score. I don't know how it's graded, but obviously some answers are worth more than others."

"And you're sure we won't know anybody else's answers?" Karen double checked.

"That's right," Judy affirmed. "Just the scores and a summary of the answers are all we'll know."

"In that case sign me up, but I'll need a refill first."

"Me too," I said. "I'd better get another bottle."

"Aren't you going to answer the question?" Mary asked.

"Only after the quiz. Since it's the one answer everyone will know."

"That's fair," Mary agreed.

I fetched another bottle, and we passed around the wine.

Judy collected our cell numbers and forwarded the link. Unanimous stunned silence. Judy wasn't kidding, but, then again, it was almost like she'd written it. I wouldn't put it past her as the one to suggest at last night's bachelorette party

After a few gasps and giggles, Judy asked if we still wanted to proceed. We did, to late to stop now. The wine might have played a role. A hush filled the gazebo as we answered the questions:

Name (first name only)

1. Favorite Position (select one)

1. Missionary
2. Advanced missionary, knees up to your chest and pounded
3. Doggy
4. Cowgirl
5. Reverse cowgirl

1. Pubic hair (select one)

1. Full retro bush
2. Neatly trimmed
3. Landing strip
4. Bald

1. Oral sex, him on you (select one)

1. Guys do that?
2. Yes, but more often
3. He's a glutton

1. Oral sex, you on him (select one)
   1. Do I have to?
   2. Sure, but take it easy
   3. Oh yes, fuck my mouth

1. Spit or swallow (select one)
   1. Don't even think about cumming in my mouth
   2. Spit, yuck
   3. I must have swallowed a gallon by now

1. Anal (select one)
   1. Not in your lifetime, buster
   2. Tolerate it
   3. Yes, please

1. Kinks, even if only once (select all that apply)
   1. Spanking
   2. Bondage, you're tied up
   3. Bondage, he's tied up
   4. Exhibitionism
   5. Going commando
   6. Deepthroat
   7. Rimming, you on him
   8. Rimming, him on you
   9. Golden shower, you on him
   10. Golden shower, him on you
   11. Group sex
   12. Role playing

1. Toys and accessories (select all that apply)
   1. Vibrator
   2. Dildo
   3. Rabbit
   4. Butt plug
   5. Nipple clamps
   6. Pussy pump
   7. Rope
   8. Bondage cuffs
   9. Whip or flogger
   10. Strap-on

Submit your answers, click here

"I'm done," declared Mary, "but some of that stuff...eww"

"Could have been worse," Susan added., "but that would be downright creepy."

"Anyone need more time?" asked Judy, glancing around at us. "Okay then. I'll say we're done and...the results are in...but..."

"What? You didn't win?" I taunted.

"No," replied Judy, pouting melodramatically. "But let's wait on declaring the winner and look at our group answers."

"Hmm," Judy continued, "Equally trimmed or bald...half are spitters...thank goodness the guys are oral enthusiasts...some strong opinions on anal sex, either no way or all the way. Four yeas and two nays. Nobody just tolerates it."

"Don't look at me," Mary blurted out, "No way, no how."

"Hey," objected Susan, "I thought we weren't discussing individual answers."

"It's a big no for me too," Karen added. "You know, just to set the record straight."

"Don't knock it if you haven't tried it," countered Judy, which drew shivers from Mary and Karen.

Susan came to Judy's defense. "To quote Mae West, I'll try anything once. Twice to make sure I don't like it."

The levity broke the tension, closing the back door, so to speak.

"No water sports and no one owns a strap-on," Judy continued. "I guess that's a relief. Kinks are one to three each, nothing really trending. In toys, lots of vibrators, not surprising - to me anyway - but after that it's like mostly ones and twos."

"Enough of that," Susan declared impatiently, "Who won?"

With dramatic flair, Judy announced, "The winner...and new world champion is...Katie!"

Applause rang out, as a blushing Katie rose from her chair and bowed.

"Speech! Speech!" rang out.

"I'd like to thank the academy, and all the little people in the dark...and, of course, internet shopping" Katie said, still red-faced, but smiling broadly.

"Katie," I stated after she sat down, "I didn't know you had it in you."

"Obviously I did," Katie replied. "And often."

Once the next bout of tittering passed, Karen asked, "So how did the rest of us amateurs do?"

Judy scrolled on her phone. "As you know, Katie won, scoring an eighty-two. Linda, Susan and I were in the seventies. Beat you by two points, bitch," directing her last comment at me and sticking out her tongue. "Mary and Karen were in the sixties. Thank god no one scored in the prude range, like under thirty."

"I don't know about you, Mary," added Karen with a wry smile, "but I don't want to be a contender."

"Got that right, but we finished the survey, so you know what time it is now?" Mary asked mischievously.

"Whatever are you talking about?" I said in my best Scarlette O'Hara, batting my eyes.

"Time to fess up about George, of course,"

"Well...I'm no expert," I began, trying to evade details. "The sample pool is limited, but I'd have to say above average."

"That's all?" Karen asked. I couldn't tell if she was incredulous or disappointed.

"C'mon, Linda," Judy interjected. "Tell them what you told me...or should I say show them."

"Okay, okay," I replied. Why I should feel reluctant at this point escaped me, but I stacked my fists on the table. "Anyway, when I put both hands around it, the head sticks out the top...and then some."

"Holy crap!" exclaimed Mary. "Julie wasn't kidding!"

Stunned silence. Katie's eye bugged out in awe.

"For those of you playing at home," Judy announced, "that's more than eight inches...I just had to get out a ruler when Linda showed me."

"Damn," added Katie in jest, "if I'd only known that when I started at OTP."

"Too late now," I replied. "He's mine, all mine."

"That means..." Mary stammered, "you take that monster...oh my fucking god!"

"And lived to tell about it," I grinned, adding softly, "But, please, can we keep this amongst ourselves?"

Thank goodness everyone agreed.

"Uh-oh," I warned. "Time to clean up our act. Here comes the Proclivities L-T-D."

"What," Susan asked.

"George's boat. That's her name," I advised, remembering the joy George and I felt when the boatyard had added it to the transom a couple of days after my maiden voyage. "There's a story behind that, but I'll never tell."

Judy did a wine spit. "But I've got a good idea...I'm sure we all do."

"So says our first runner up," I quipped.

"Bitch."

"Skank."

"Cut it out," Susan declared, pretending exasperation, "You two are worse than the guys!"

As it turned out, we didn't need to worry about divulging anything. As soon as they got back to the patio, Peter recapitulated their insult fest, the others chiming in with augmentations and corrections. We 'ladies' just rolled our eyes and shared conspiratorial grins.

Yup, I think I'll fit in here nicely, I thought, exhausted, and little buzzed, as I drifted off to sleep once we'd said good night to our guests and showed the overnighters to their rooms.

One other unforeseen benefit was that Katie and I became closer friends too. We couldn't pass each other in the office without exchanging knowing smiles. We Are the Champions became our secret anthem.

Author's note: I value your comments, hoping they can improve my storytelling, so please leave a few (or more) words.