All Comments on 'Pursuit of Happiness 08'

I love this story. But hot damn I can't wait for Emmett and Randall to find them, or Nathan, which would be freaking amazing. I know u just updated, but don't keep us starving!

your milking it with shitty small ch's that stretch out 2 pages but could probably fill 1~, just like before...

I remember what yahtzee said once, "meandering around", thats what these chapters feel like, about half story, the rest nonsense that I can care less about (or even relevant to the story)...

I like your story but for me, i have marked you as an author who makes storys best classified as: "read only when finished, or be severely disappointed and left feeling empty"

The leap from one location or event in the story to another without indication, ie **** , or "Meanwhile, back at the Wyeth compound . . .", or a couple of paragraph lines of separation, really is a reading hinderance.

The style of storytelling isn't at all the same as that of Animal Lover. Feels very disjointed, almost like the outline of the story, to be filled in later.

the story needs a better flow. the "chapters" are too short. It almost reads as an outline instead of an actual chapter

I have to agree with everyone. it's like your rambling on with your story. and you make them look stupid.

I like your stories but its beginning to become very confusing.

I think you need a better way to break-up the flow of whom is speaking. With some --- or ~~~~. The way you are writing this is very confusing and I don't want to abandon reading it but unfortunately I will.

This is good stuff you need some tweeking or an editor.

****

I have enjoyed your writing and this story had great potential but the story does not have a good flow and you are stretching the kidnapping out to the point to where it is now getting boring

This reads like an outline. There's no real narrative, and when people started telling you to ***** to separate POV's 7 chapters ago, you should probably have listened to them. It's frustrating because I really want to love this story, but you're making it very difficult! I don't actually mind the pace of the kidnapping plot, but we're not really learning anything new so I can see why others feel bored. I'm looking forward to your next submission.

I find the terse narrative style to be spot on for conveying the desperation of the Wyeth wolves' situation. It's a "Just the facts, Ma'am" approach, which emphasizes how on edge the wolves feel.

IT'S STILL A GOOD STORY

I like it..waiting for more

..

I also have to agree with previous comments. The flow of the story is disjointed. You keep jumping around.

Also, I am getting bored with the story. It does not make since. Why does Micheal want to be mated to Joanna? How did Michael know to be at that field? Why wouldn't Lyssa not tell Emmet who the kidnappers were when she sent the warning. There was time. How long is this kidpnapping going to play out? I have read other were stories and having other packs/prides etc help had not been unheard of so why not ask for help?

Yesterday I tried to empathize with Michael. I thought he was redeemable. Today I see he is just evil. How can 2 nice people like Calvin and Sabine produce such a rotten kid?

This is a good story but sometimes it is hard to read and is a little confusing.

Why has Michael kidnapped Jo and Lyssa?

They must be rescued soon and why keep drugging Lyssa surely it is dangerous to keep her drugged all the time.

Michael is an evil bastard that need seeing too as well.

but the kidnapping scene is tragging on too much and you have boxed yourself in a bit now in terms of how it could plausibly be resolved....best to wrap it up now and move on

Like other commentors I am getting kind of bored with Jo and Lyssa's kidnapping, Jo told her not to move earlier and still she does you would think she would be smart enough not to let on she was awake so she could contact her mate, they need to be found now and please NOT by Robert! Maybe he is their inside man, he did say he goes to that clearing often to think so maybe that is where he made contact with them.

Michael is a character that is easy to hate. There seems to be no reason for his evilness other than the fact that he is who he is by choice. We have not been given a reason to believe he went to the dark side because of an otherworldly experience. He was sorta thinking to himself..., and that leads me to believe he might have had a hand in his mother's death. His power play seems really thought out. If others in his pack could see the difference in his behavior..., how come no one has commented to anyone of importance? Personally I hope he dies a horrible ear bleeding death. Lyssa's character really needs to listen more, and think before she acts. I like the story. I may not agree all the time with where it is going, but it is yours and I await your next chapter. Can someone just GUT Michael? And can Thomas find a mate before he gets killed by Emmett or gets black palms from extensive masturbation.

Can you please separate when your with the pack and when your with the two females. Its confusing cause I get into the story deeply and when the scene changes from one to the other I have to re-read everytime.

Can you put stars or dots or something PLEASE

I agree with a previous comment one here. I'm loving this story but a little separation would help when you switch from location to location. Its a little confusing and I eventually pick up but then it seems the location is changed again and I have to go back and read. I really am loving this story though

I suggest you look for an editor if English is not Your native language. The mix of the tenses is just horrible.

it doesn't make sense and i can't figure out who's saying what and there's no separation between anything/or any of your ideas. there's no flow and i just can't follow what the hell is happening. completely unreadable. sorry.

All of you who are whining about not understanding the story--did you read the first series, "Animal Lover?" If not, that's part of the reason you are confused. Yes, the changes in tense are annoying as hell! The lack of any sign of changing POV is also confusing, but I am managing to figure it out with no problem. It's really not that hard IF you are reading carefully. Instead of just bitching, try to figure out whose perspective we are seeing. Yeah, it's a bit of a challenge. But it's a damn good story and well worth the trouble.

Still kind of hard to read. I think Lyssa should get out of her drugged phase soon. It also isn't very realistic that the males wouldn't rape her while she's drugged. I don't want that to happen but some realism is lost that they'd just leave her alone.

as soon as that punk ass would not grant me premision to cross his land i would have attaked him becuse he is guilty