Queen Of All She Surveys

I had only wanted to have ten days out of my marriage. I hadn't wanted it to end. I missed him and worried about him. I know it seems hard to believe, but I thought he would forgive me.

Peter was a constant support, but I only had him to advise and comfort me.

"If Glen had loved you as much as he said, he would have forgiven you."

What I didn't have at that time was someone to point out that if I'd loved Glen as much as I claimed, I wouldn't have abandoned him to have sex with his brother-in-law.

After the weeks of no communication turned into months, Peter helped me to realise that there was no going back. There would be no forgiveness from Glen. He arranged the divorce solicitor for me. He told me to let Glen have everything: the house and the money. He would keep everything and we would each keep our own pensions, but I wouldn't need anything else. Peter was, after all, a wealthy man and would look after me. If I married him, I would be a rich man's wife; I'd want for nothing.

The divorce wasn't finalised, and I was already wearing Peter's engagement ring. It wasn't really what I wanted. I wanted my Glen. I wanted to go back in time, but if I was honest, I wanted him before he was ill.

Peter was sure the rest of the family might thaw a little if they saw that we had left Glen in a strong financial situation. Peter treated me wonderfully; he wined, dined, and took me to all the best places. Of course, living in that beautiful house didn't seem real, none of it seemed real, yet all these things helped me forget what I'd lost; my lovely Glen and the respect of my girls and my nephew.

Alison and Emma barely spoke to me, but at least they answered my calls now, so I was hopeful that there was some truth in Peter's reassurances that things would improve in time. The girls refused to talk about their father. That was my punishment. I was desperate to know about him, but they refused. The only thing Emma once said was,

"You took a broken man and shattered him into even smaller pieces. We are slowly putting him back together. Don't ask about him again."

Soon we were divorced, and I was just left with my pension and car. Peter soon replaced the car with a new one - a Mercedes convertible. He knew I'd always admired Kate's. Our wedding was planned for a month after the divorce. It all went so quickly that I hadn't had time to think about what I'd done. Peter kept me so busy. He was still quite insatiable in bed. He wanted it all the time. I asked him to slow down,

"It's still our honeymoon phase, I've waited years for you and I can't help but want you."

Just one week before the wedding, we were having sex again and he roared loudly as he came. He collapsed onto me, I was used to his passion, but this was something else. I stroked the back of his head, and I talked to him, but he didn't answer. At first, I couldn't move him; he felt like a dead weight. That was when I realised that he was a dead weight. I screamed, but nobody heard me.

I was in shock afterwards. Ryan took over; he planned the funeral and everything. He organised caterers to be back at the house for the wake.

I had hoped to see something of Alison and Emma -- I needed them now more than ever. Other than agreeing that they would attend the funeral to support Ryan, I hadn't spoken to them.

That was the first time I saw my Glen since I'd gone on that damn cruise. Only he wasn't my Glen any more. I was shocked to see him but couldn't help but smile. He must have been having a very good day pain-wise as he was using his cane. After the service, I saw him back at the house; I didn't expect that.

"Oh, Glen, I'm so pleased to see you, even on this sad occasion," I stuttered.

"Sad occasion? What sad occasion?" he spat, "It's the best party I've been to in years. I'm just here to make sure that bastard is dead."

With that, the love of my life limped away, taking with him any hope that this nightmare would ever end. As it turned out, it was only beginning.

I went back inside and kept busy; people saw me crying quietly, and they assumed my tears were for Peter, but in reality, all my tears were for Glen.

After the last guests left, Ryan and the girls sat me down in the lounge.

"Well, Aunty Chrissy. There's no easy way to say this, but I don't think you deserve us to break this gently, so here goes.

Dad hadn't changed his will after Mum died. I know he intended to do so after your wedding. He told me as much because I had to be involved business-wise. Sadly, the marriage didn't happen for you, so consequently, I inherit his entire estate."

I looked at him and it suddenly dawned on me what he was telling me.

"So, what do I get?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing, apart from what he gave you as gifts. Except for the Mercedes, of course, as he bought that through the business. My business.

The engagement ring itself was worth a lot and I suppose that you deserve that for services rendered, so to speak."

I was just stunned; I had been in such a state of shock over Peter's death that I hadn't even thought about anything else. I'd just presumed. I did that a lot, just like I presumed Glen would forgive me.

Alison was next to speak,

"We've been upstairs, Mother; we've packed all your things. Legally, you are probably allowed some notice, but I am sure you will spare yourself and Ryan the indignity of that. Won't you?" she added firmly, looking me in the eye.

"Particularly after you killed his father," added Emma.

"What do you mean? I didn't; He just had a heart attack. It could have happened any time."

"Yes, Dad did have a weak heart. I imagine he never told you that, did he?" Ryan said, looking at me intently. "He wouldn't want you to know that you had swopped one sick man for another. He would have lasted for years, too, but all the gallivanting about to try and keep you happy and the constant sex to try and keep you satisfied, well, it wasn't going to end well, was it?

I can't blame you for the Viagra, however. He was popping them like sweeties, completely overdosing on them. All to prove himself to you, to make you stay."

Suddenly the constant erection and the extraordinary powers of recovery seemed obvious. Peter was desperate for me to stay, after all. It had killed him. I had killed him.

"Don't be in any doubt, Mother; Uncle Peter was determined to have you after Aunty Kate died. He pursued you with the same determination that he showed in the boardroom." Emma said, "I don't suppose you stood much of a chance, but it would have been nice if you had put up a tiny bit of a fight."

"I did -- he wanted and I told him --"

"Save your breath, Mother," snapped Emma, "You wanted what he was offering and you thought you could have it all and we would all forgive and forget. Well, we won't -- ever.

I can't believe you were married to Dad for over forty years and knew so little about him. You not only mistreated him, you actually thought that he would forgive you? That you had the right to treat him like that. We've always known that it was all about you, but I hadn't realised that you were so wholly self-involved."

Ryan said bluntly, "We will never forgive what you did to Uncle Glen. He is the best man I know. I've always idolised him. I loved my dad, but he was hard work. I've spent my life trying to prove myself to him, but if I'm honest, my Uncle Glen's approval was more important to me. He was always a man of integrity. He was the man I aspired to be.

That's why I'm not throwing you out in the street. The girls and I have sorted out a little rental flat for you. It is small but new and part of my property portfolio. I'll even let you have three months free rent. After that your pension will cover it, I'm sure. Of course, if you need transport, you'll have to sort out a car for yourself. Until then, there is a bus stop outside. You will get your bus pass in a few years, so then won't even have to pay."

I sat looking at my luggage and the plastic bags sitting beside them. It was hard to see what was left of my life in a sad little pile. It wasn't meant to be like this.

"Can I talk to your dad?" I asked the girls.

"Well, you could try Mother," said Emma, "But you'll have to be quick. He's moving to Tenerife next week. He reckons the climate there is so much better for his pain and they are set up well for people with mobility problems. I'm going to go with him. It will be a fresh start for us both; these two have promised to visit us as much as possible. Dad was worried after selling the house that he would still be a bit short, cash-wise. So, Ryan stepped in and helped him out a little."

"He didn't want to take any of Dad's money," Ryan smiled, "But when I pointed out that it was my money now and I wanted him to have it, he agreed. It's only fair that I help him out, too. I couldn't help you and not your victim, could I? That wouldn't have been right."

Still in shock, I found myself bundled into Ryan's car and taken to the little flat. It was clean and modern and new. I suppose I should be grateful, but it wasn't meant to be like this. It was all going to be so different. I didn't want any of this.

Well, you don't always get what you want, do you?