All Comments on 'QUIET! Ch. 02'

When I first started reading this, the first thing that stroke me is that I thought I was reading a different story. The expansive level of this introduction really wears you out. It is an extended sci-fi psycho-marathon of one person narration that really takes too long and it is more non-erotic sci-fi than Non-Consent-Reluctance or BSDM.

To make matters worse, narration is switched from the already troubled use of first person for the weak and naive (but smart , according to what she does, no?) heroine to this other character. This introduction was excruciatingly long. The problems of the first part now are compounded by more convoluted narration from this other character. The author should not forget the reason for a story like this, develop better characterization, focus on a character as the lead subject or rooting interest.

Otherwise this is just like watching an air show. Tech on display. Devoid of emotions, conscience, reluctance, domination, in short , human factors. A heroine(s) in danger being done things to and enduring and , why not , thinking and eventually finding a resolution or at least an ambiguous outcome. Smart up your main character and go to third person narration, as the other poster stated.

I'm very appreciative of your votes and comments (both private and public). In response to the main question being asked-- Yes, "Quiet!" and "Quiet! Ch. 02" are parts of an upcoming book that I'm writing which will be published in 2021. Because there are multiple story arcs, it's a complicated story. It's the type of writing that I enjoy authoring and reading. I'll post "Quiet! Ch. 03" next month which will be the final section that I'll post on Literotica. It will tie together parts of "Quiet!" and "Quiet! Ch. 02" while giving a sense of where the story arc of the book is going.

In repose to the Anonymous poster in "Quiet!" and "Quiet! Ch. 02" who recommends that, amongst other things, the characters are "Devoid of emotions..." and that I should "Smart up your main character and go to third person narration..." While I believe that your comments are well-intentioned, there's a reason why the characters appear to be in the emotional state that they are and why the narration that I've written is told through a particular character.