Quotes From A Diary

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November 10, 2008

I found out that I really like computers and word processing. I'm doing my diary like that now so hopefully less spelling and grammar mistakes, although I've taken Mrs. M's advice and not tried to go back and rewrite my embarrassing entries of the past. To me computers are like math, the only subject I was ever good in, and my instructor says that if I stick with it I'll end up as a great computer nerd. Don't know if I want that, lol.

I learned two things in fashion class today, one a downer, one an upper, but both important.

#1 I don't have any fashion sense. Mrs. Barnes, the instructor, who always dresses likes she's in a Nordstrom catalog, is really nice but also direct. She told me that I have no career in fashion -- you have to have some innate sense, and I just don't. She said she's going to give me a B just because I try so hard and can learn things for written tests -- but to give it up as a potential career.

#2 Mrs. B thinks that I'd be a great breast model. I didn't even know there was such a thing. Mrs. B showed me photos and articles about breast models including Alissa Bourne who has been on the covers of Maxim, Playboy, Good Housekeeping, Vanity Fair and many other magazines, and on the covers of half a dozen romance novels. Also she has been the model for literally hundreds of ads for bras in magazines, newspapers, and online.

Mrs. B also showed me statistics that I didn't know existed. According to her -- and the reports she showed me -- surveys of men and women alike -- showed that 41% consider round breasts the best shape, medium colored areolar the most attractive, 45% fullness above the nipple and 55% below the best look, and 60% of women and 54% of men find a C cup to be the most attractive.

I know that I have a C cup bra and many guys, and some women, have told me that I have perfect round breasts, but Mrs. B is an expert so I asked her opinion.

We're not shy in fashion class, and in my class there are eleven women and one gay guy, so it's not like Mrs. B hasn't seen other tits before. I asked her to measure and evaluate my naked titties. Her conclusion (as best I can remember it) "Perfectly round breasts, hard to determine but likely between 42-48% fullness above the nipple, a very slightly bigger than C cup, and medium color areola. You're perfect for a breast model. If you want I'll inquire about jobs."

"Do I want?" I laughed since compared to factory work it had to be easy, "Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?"

Mrs. B laughed and said she would ask around a fashion house she has an in at.

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December 13, 2008

When I got to work this Saturday morning I found my machine was down for repairs -- sure wish they'd told me that yesterday. I set up a program for Monday and then went home, about 10:30 instead of my normal 12:15. What do I find; Johnny dipping his stick in the rear end of some big-assed woman who looks to be in her 30s. "What the fuck's going on?" I yell, like I don't know.

Johnny looks at me with a chagrinned (my thesaurus says it's a synonym of "annoyed" but I haven't used it before) look and actually busts his nut before removing his dick. "Listen Jenny," he says while the big-assed cow is flat on the bed "I just need a big ass once in a while."

I grab his tool belt and start pitching tools at the fuckers. I hit them both at least once before they get behind the other side of the bed. Then I leave.

I call Doris on my cell phone (I got one a few months ago cause I'm making good money even working just 34 hours a week -- almost twice as much as Johnny) and ask if I can come over. She says sure.

I tell Doris about it. She's 38 and lives in a house with her husband Dave and two kids. Dave makes good money so their house even has a guest room.

I go back to my apartment later that day, it's good that Johnny isn't (no more 'ain'ts' for me) there. I get most of my stuff, which Doris and her oldest son help with, and bring it back to her house. I'm royally pissed but also relieved. Things haven't been going good with Johnny since I make more money than him, go to community college, and because of the bbq. I think that it's time to dump the ass lover and get a tit lover.

December 14, 2008

I ask around my apartment building while Johnny isn't there. I found out that the fat ass he was fucking had probably been to my apartment every single Saturday that I worked. I'm mad as hell, just like in the movie Network (way before my time but I saw it on TV once).

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December 16, 2008

The semester was over last week. Today I got my grades. A in computer and advanced math, B in fashion, and even a B- in English. I feel great. I think that I may actually be pretty smart for the first time in my life. I tell the apartment I shared with Johnny I'm not responsible for rent anymore.

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December 25, 2008

Doris is gracious and her family celebrates Xmas with me. I get her kids, Dave, and Doris nice presents. Johnny has been trying to call for the ten days but I don't answer the phone. Dave was married once before and his wife cheated on him (no kids) so he has the name of an attorney.

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January 8, 2009

I start the next semester at community college. I take the next levels of computer, math, and English. My fourth course is American History which I embarrassed I know nothing about. The High School that I went to simply passed kids that they thought were dumb, like me, through without really teaching much.

After classes I go to see Lisa Brandt, the attorney Dave recommended. I ask her if I'm a hypocrite (is that the right word?) for wanting me to dump him for cheating when two, and possibly three guys, fucked me while I was married. Lisa tells me that my situations were entirely different than Johnny's since he's having an intentional affair and my two times weren't planned, I just got myself in a bad situation. She tells me that I should move out of Doris' house, get a new apartment, and file for divorce.

I tell her to go ahead with the divorce papers. Since we have only one joint account, and that has virtually no money in it, to leave it alone.

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January 20, 2009

Today, Tuesday, is a banner day for two reasons. The first is Johnny got served with the divorce papers. The second, even though Mrs. B is no longer one of my teachers she's been looking out for me and gave me a number of an agency looking for a breast model. I called them and have an interview for this Saturday, the 24th. I'm so excited I could pee my pants.

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January 24, 2009

The interview was a little strange because I had to have them look at me in a bra, and topless. There were two women and one guy. I laughed to myself at the look on the guy's face when he saw my naked boobs; the women were very professional and non-chalant.

I didn't get the job today even though I thought that the interview went well; the job wasn't really up my alley because my face and hair had to be shown. They were honest with me that my face and hair "needed work." They would have to see me after a makeover if I would be eligible for other work where my face and hair are shown.

Even though they said that I wasn't right for the present job, they expected one to come up in the near future that I would be perfect for.

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February 7, 2009

After work I met with Johnny. He accepted that we were breaking up. I was glad that he finally came to terms with it; I don't want to hate him, or for him to hate me. We don't have that many possessions. I'm just going to take my car, maybe four pieces of furniture, my clothes and other personal possessions, and nothing else. We're not going to have any alimony -- I know that he's too proud to accept it even though I'm sure that his attorney told him he could get a few bucks per month since I make more than he does.

He wanted one last fuck; I would have been OK with it, but Lisa told me that it was a REALLY bad idea, so I declined.

I asked if he was going to hook up with Ms. Fat Ass. He "demurred" (I got this word from my thesaurus -- it's what in High School I would have called a "ten dollar word" and would thought that it was pretentious (lol another ten dollar word from the thesaurus)).

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March 7, 2009

I had another interview with the Blane Agency today. I'm so excited I actually did slightly pee my pants. I got the job. They even accommodated my schedule. I'll miss work next Saturday and they'll take photos then. Just my chest, no lower body, face or hair -- but some neck.

Judy Blane -- she seems to be the big boss -- gave me some exfoliator. I never heard that word before, but it's on the tube. I've heard of the brand name before -- Clinique. It's supposed to be really good stuff. I should use it three and one days before the shoot on my chest and neck.

Only lotion for my boobs, though, no exfoliator. The brand name of the product Judy gave me for that is funny -- "Acai Your Boobies Polish." I tried it when I got home. It tickles a little.

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March 14, 2009

I just got back from the "shoot" (lol I'm talking like I actually know the lingo). I did five or six shots each with ten different bras, and they took a bunch of shots of my bare boobs. No face, no stomach or below. I got $75 per hour for three hours. I like that (smiley face).

The bras photos will be in a department store catalog. The naked photos will be used to create artist renderings for one medical journal and some actual photos for another.

They told me to get a makeover by April 4 for an interview where I could interview for a job with face and hair shown. Judy says that I have good bone structure in my face and with the proper makeup I could be a good torso and face model. The pay for that is much higher. $200 per hour.

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March 27, 2009

I guess I haven't learned my lesson yet -- but so many things are swirling around in my brain that I admit that I'm all fucked up. Since I don't have anyone to split rent with me, like Johnny, and since I miscalculated how affordable the nice apartment I got is even with my modelling money I'm still short for the complete makeover that I want to get. The fucking thing at the spa I want to get it that covers everything, with tip, will be $650. At most I have $300.

So what did I do, which I swore I never would?

Well, at least one girl in my fashion class last semester told some of her guy friends about Mrs. B's opinion of my perfect boobs. The last three weeks I've had some very enthusiastic male pseudo-stalkers. Two of them are really cute, but since I'm still technically married, so I should have shut them down, period.

Stupid me; I went out with friends from community college after classes on Thursday. A few too many drinks, two cute guys, and I ended up in an apartment near the campus with the guys sucking my tits for money.

God, I'm SOOO Stupid. I got so turned on by the tit sucking that they both ended up fucking me. So now I can't fool myself that I'm not a whore. At least the $400 will get me the makeover I need.

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April 3, 2009

I took off work today at noon and I went and got my makeover. I never had a facial, manicure, pedicure, pubic hair trim, or massage before -- I got them all today. I also got a new haircut and I do believe that I look better in it. A makeup artist did me up too; she was so helpful when I told her what my spa day was for that she actually loaned me an outfit that she said fit my coloring exactly. I can return it anytime next week to the spa. I was shocked at how good I looked. I even started crying -- but she stopped me and laughed when she told me not to ruin her makeup job. She gave me tips, and some sample cosmetics, on how to touch up my makeup tomorrow.

April 4, 2009

I took off work and went to the interview (which I learned they call an audition). At first the people didn't recognize me, not even Judy. When she did she was speechless for a good ten seconds -- that doesn't usually happen to Judy (lol). They took lots of photos of me. Most photos were of me in a bra from the waist up, showing my face and hair. Some were full length shots with me in a bra and panties. A few were shots of me topless but showing my face and hair.

The audition took place between 9 a. m. and noon. They took me to lunch, and asked me to hang around. About 2:30 Judy informed me that I had the job. They would take more shots of me next Saturday. I was surprised when they paid me $800 for the day, even though it was supposedly an audition, since they could use a number of the photos that they took. That more than covered the $650 for the makeover. I'm thrilled.

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April 11, 2009

I didn't realize that modelling could be hard work. It is; you have to remain "on" all of the time. Of course I don't have the poise and class of famous fashion models, but I have gotten lots of nice compliments about my appearance and how natural I seem before the camera. I got $1000 today and Judy told me that a company in Los Angeles wanted me to come out there for a photo shoot. They would pay my way. I'm really excited.

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April 30, 2009

Final exams ended today. I think I did well.

I haven't received a final offer from the people in Los Angeles. Judy informed me that the L A shoot might require complete nudity. I'm thinking about that, but in case it does despite my 10 hour days at work and eight hour days at school during the week after the audition on April 11 I started an intense exercise regime after work or school, and on Saturday and Sunday I worked out 2 hours a day and studied the rest of the time. I haven't been laid since my last titty suck session that turned into being fucked by two guys. I have to remedy that soon.

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May 5, 2009

I got my grades today; As in math, computer, and American History; a B in English. I actually am starting to feel smart.

Now that I'm on summer break I'm going to keep working hard on my body in case I get an audition in L A. I'm going back on 8 hours a day, five days a week, at work, so it should be easier to get time for workouts.

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May 19, 2009

I got the final divorce decree today, which included changing my last name back to Boyd (although there isn't anything fucking special about that name, mostly low lives). I was surprised that I really didn't have any reaction to it. Johnny has been out of my thoughts for a long time. However, I did think that I had to have some sort of a celebration so I called up one of my classmates from my American History class who has always been sniffing my butt and asked him over that night. He "got lucky" and I had three nice orgasms, before I kicked him out about 11 p. m. I wanted him to know that he simply had a one game ticket, not a season pass.

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June 14, 2009

Just when I start thinking that I'm smart I do something stupid again; maybe I can't help myself since I'm constantly getting hit on at work as my body -- except my tits which remain perfect (lol) -- gets better. I ran into two guys from school yesterday. They flattered me and got me drunk and offered $200 to let them play with and suck on my tits for a half hour. Of course I woke up in a strange bed, between them, this morning. Not only did I remember both of them fucking me but from the condition of my cooch it was clear that they both had.

They were still asleep when I took $400 out of their wallets, $200 for the titty play and another $200 for the fucks.

Maybe I'll never learn because I like it. I don't like thinking of myself as a whore, however.

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June 16, 2009

I got "the call" today. An organization called SP Productions LLC wants me to come out to LA for an audition. They're paying my airfare and hotel. I'm taking off work Friday and will be gone at least the 19th through the 21st. They told me to leave my return open.

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June 19, 2009

I got a flight early in the morning. It was my first time on a plane. When I met with the people at SP Productions they seemed nice, but I was a little taken aback by their approach. They wanted me to be completely naked doing a few normal things like walking, wading in a pool, pretend gardening on an indoor set, etc. without any cameras. I felt uncomfortable for the first few minutes but then calmed down -- maybe I'm a closet exhibitionist.

They took me to dinner, and the hotel I'm staying at is much nicer than I expected. I was glad to not only have a year of community college under my belt but I've been reading articles on the Internet and watching news and news-related programs on TV for the last year, so I'm able to converse intelligently.

I'm going to bed exhausted; I've never dealt with a time change before but that and a hard day wiped me out.

June 20, 2009

Today I found out what "SP" in SP Productions means -- soft porn. I guess I was really stupid not to realize that given what they had me doing yesterday.

At first I was put off. However, then I decided not to reject it out of hand. I went for a long walk during which I evaluated what my goals were, what was different about soft porn (aside from members of the public knowing about it) and the three times I had unintentionally (at least that's what I told myself) whored myself out, and whether I could deal with it.

When I got back to SP I talked privately with one of the female actors, and then with a female producer. Their words helped me make a decision.

They took me to dinner again, and when I went to the hotel I told them that I'd give them a decision tomorrow.

I called Doris that night -- she's the only completely loyal and trustworthy friend that I have. Even though it was late her time when I called since it was Saturday night she was still up. I told her everything.

She asked me a few pointed questions, which I answered the best that I could. Then she surprised me with "If I was in your situation, without a husband and kids and a perfect set of tits and sculpted body, I'd try it out for six months or a year, and then re-evaluate."

I thanked her profusely.

June 21, 2009

I asked the people at SP to let me read a script of the high-brow (lol) movie they wanted me to be in, and exactly what part I'd play. After I looked it over I said "yes," but that I needed to close out my apartment, quit my job, and move. They told me "no problem," and told me that I'd be sharing an apartment with the female star, Sherri. We'd start filming June 30; I had to have my lines memorized (as if viewers would give a fuck about that I laughed to myself). I took a flight that got me home about 10 p. m.

June 22, 2009

My boss was quite distressed when I told him that I was quitting. Since he had been so good to me, especially with arranging my work schedule around community college classes, I agreed to work today through Wednesday since they had a very important run and not enough operators to finish in a timely manner if I bailed on him.

I told my landlord that I was vacating -- my lease was month-to-month and my apartment complex had a waiting list -- so that was no issue. I had only a few things that I wanted to keep in storage and found a small inexpensive local storage facility.

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June 26, 2009

I was touched when the people at work gave me a party at lunchtime on Wednesday -- I have been too busy to write since then -- and some gag gifts. I told the community college that I wouldn't be there next semester but asked what the procedure was for sending my transcript if I found another one in LA. I sold my car, and transferred the few things I needed to keep in the storage facility I rented.

The last two nights I had dinner with Doris and her family. Neither she nor I told Dave exactly what I'd be doing in LA; we just said "modelling."