Rag Doll Ch. 07 - Ricky's Family 02

I collapsed on the bed, gasping like a drowning man, my heart hammering like I thought it would burst, my body soaked with perspiration, and my muscles trembling in reaction to such a massive climax. Yaz was in no better state, her belly was rippling and twitching with aftershocks and I could clearly see her heart fluttering as her chest rose and fell.

We lay in silence, catching our breath and calming down, until she turned her head and smiled at me.

"Love you, cute boy!" she smiled, poking me gently on the tip of my nose.

"Love you too, pretty girl." I grinned, gently tweaking her nose and making her smile. I leaned over to kiss her, and stopped, because I could swear I heard a soft sob right outside my door. Yaz stared at me as I padded over to the door and looked out into the Rec room, but it was silent and deserted.

"Something wrong, baby?" she asked, looking puzzled, and I shook my head.

"I thought I heard...never mind, it's nothing." I said as I climbed back into bed, gathering her into me. "Goodnight, pretty girl..." I whispered in her ear, and listened to her breathing until I fell asleep.

*****

When I woke in the late morning, I was alone, so I got up, had a shower, bundled up my sheets to launder them, and headed upstairs. I found the girls having tea in the breakfast room. Shari waved me to a seat.

"Ricky, Yaz and I have been talking, and we've decided, if you agree too, of course, to accept the best offer for the business, the house, everything; the house is owned by a trust, Yaz and I are the sole remaining trustees, so we can divest ourselves of it quite easily, just take the money and run, which seems like a good idea right now. It's time we looked at getting away from here, now that mummy's gone there's nothing holding us, and Robert's sleazebag cronies are still around somewhere; let someone bigger than us deal with them if they show up, I think we should just go and start up again somewhere far from here."

She poured me a coffee and passed the sugar-bowl and cream across to me, before picking up her cup and staring pensively at me.

"The big question is, though, how do you feel about going to find Bobby and bringing him in? He's one of us, too, he's still our brother, I think we need to go make the effort, at least; do you agree? And if we find Bobby, maybe we can find out something about Nicky; he's our big brother, he's as much part of this as any of us, and we need to try and put our family back together again. Do you agree?"

Everything she said made sense; mum wasn't here anymore, but she was still with us, and especially in the girls, I felt that most strongly; wherever we went, mum was going to be part of us, so I felt no wrench at the thought of leaving this house, home though it had become; wherever I went, mum would still be with me.

I sat for a moment, wondering how Bobby would react to us just turning up unannounced, but ultimately Shari was right; let the new owners deal with any threat from dad's old cronies, I had my sisters to think of, and being a long way from here was infinitely more appealing than staying here and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Let's do it; let the legal people deal with selling the business, this place, everything; let's go to Carlisle, you'll be safe there, and we already have a house there. Let's do this, let's get out of here while we can."

*****

Two months to the day from our decision to uproot and relocate, Yaz, Shereen and I sat in the family's grey Mitsubishi Shogun parked outside the house. The 'For Sale' sign had already been taken down, and the new owners' solicitor had just left with the large envelope with all the keys, the alarm system instructions, the access codes and instructions on how to change them, and user manuals for the range cooker, twin microwave, and new Neff dishwasher and washer-dryer safely tucked inside. Shari sat in silence behind the wheel, her face immobile, her red, puffy eyes the only clue she'd been crying. Yaz was still crying; now that the time to leave the only home she'd ever known had come, it had hit her hard, and her hand on my arm was like a death-grip.

Shari shook her head and started the car, and Yaz was suddenly galvanised, popping her seatbelt and swinging the door open before I even knew she'd done it, and now she was on the pavement, holding the black-painted railings so tightly her knuckles were white, and sobbing piteously.

"Yaz..." I murmured, my arm around her waist, and she sank to her knees, tears streaming down her face, never relinquishing her grip on the railings..

"Mummy, please, I don't want to leave you, I want to stay with you..." she sobbed, resting her forehead on the iron bars.

Shari had jumped out of the car and came around to kneel next to her, holding her head against her chest as she cried, but I heard her whispering as she held Yaz to her.

"It's OK, , we can do this, it's OK, mummy's with us, sweetie, wherever we go, she'll be there too, this is just a place, we can let it go, but we'll always have mummy, OK, sweetie? Come on, get in the car, it's time we left, Ricky will stay with you, let him hold you, yes? Come on, baby-girl, please, it's time to go..."

I helped Yaz back into the car, buckled her in, and wadded-up my jacket to give her a pillow to rest her head against. Out of Shari's line of sight, her hand crept into mine and she gave me a small smile, even as she wiped away the single tear that spilled down her cheek.

"I'm ready, let's do this..." she murmured, so Shari nodded, put the car in gear, and as we pulled away, Yaz looked out of the window one last time, and I saw her mouth 'I love you mummy, I'm sorry...' before she turned back to me, swapped her pillow over to the other side, and rested against me with her eyes closed, while two big tears rolled down her cheeks, resolutely not watching as we left everything she knew behind for the last time.

****

Nicky stretched and tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn, while Ashley looked around almost in shock at the lowering skies; how long had they been sitting listening to Ricky talk? All the children were parked on various chairs and divans, huddled together and fast asleep, some with throws and shawls pulled up over them, obviously they'd tired themselves out and bedded down unnoticed by her while she'd been enthralled by Ricky's story.

Julia stood up from where she'd been sitting on a hassock, completely unnoticed, and crossed the room to kiss Ricky on the forehead, chucking his chin as she did. At the same time, Judy stretched with an immense, jaw-cracking yawn, working her thighs because her legs had gone to sleep where she'd sat for hours cross-legged on the carpet leaning against Leon's knees, fascinated by Ricky's story. Bobby sat with his arm around Shari, her head on his shoulder and her eyelashes glinting with tears, young Nick on her lap, and little Ayesha fast asleep on his lap, and David, Julia's husband and Ricky's surrogate father, in his favourite armchair, with 10 year-old Rachel, Nicky's little sister sitting on his lap, her eyes bright with tears for her brother Ricky because he was hurting so much.

Ricky looked around at his audience in something like shock; his entire family had gathered around him and listened while he'd spilled his heart, and told them everything he'd kept bottled up and buried deep inside where it didn't hurt so much. He raised his fingers to his cheek, feeling the moisture there as he realised his cheeks were wet, but before he could wipe his eyes Julia thumbed them dry for him, brushing away the tears and tipping his chin up so she could look into his eyes.

"I'm so sorry for your pain, sweetheart, I wish I could have taken it away long ago; Ayesha was a special person, she was your mother, she loved you, and now we get to love you too; she brought you up well, Ricky; we'll never forget what she did for you."

Yaz stood from where she'd been sitting on the floor leaning against Ricky and hugged Julia, her eyes red and swollen where she'd been crying silently as memory awakened and grief for her mother once more surged through her. Julia sat her down and held her as only a mother could, gentling her through her fit of grief brought about by Ricky's story. As she held her, she whispered to her, and finger-combed her hair back so she could look into her eyes; whatever she saw there seemed to satisfy her, because she smiled as she gently blotted Yasmin's tears, whispered briefly in her ear, and watched as she slid onto Ricky's lap, hugging him fiercely.

Ricky looked around the room, at all of his family gathered there to share in his unburdening, and, strangely, he felt at peace at last; the last shreds of throttled pain and anger, the brutal sense of loss and guilt at Ayesha's death, and the burning urge to seek out his father and pay him back for what he'd done and the pain he'd caused, things he'd held rigidly in check for years now, all had finally gone; for the first time in his life, Ricky finally felt completely free, and fully at peace.

His epiphany must have showed in his eyes, on his face, if the keen looks both Nicky and Bobby darted at him were anything to go by. He smiled for the first time in his life a smile with no reservations, finally, no holding back, and he saw both Nicky and Bobby nod slowly as they got it too. He kissed Yaz as she let him stand, the two of them exchanging a nod and a fleeting smile as something passed between them.

In answer to Nicky's questioning look, that expressive, quirked eyebrow of his, Ricky smiled, suddenly looking uncannily like Nicky.

"It's over, guys, it's finally over, I get it now. It's all gone. Now, if you don't mind, I need to be alone for a while, you take care of things down here, I won't be long."

Julia put her hand on his arm.

"Sweetheart, are you OK? Take some time, baby, please..."

Ricky patted her hand, and kissed her on the forehead, before hugging her to him.

"I'm fine, mum, honest; I can let all that stuff go now, I think my mum would have wanted that; she was only mine for a little while, and she taught me everything I need to know, but I never got to say 'goodbye' to her, or thank her for being who she was, and that's what hurts most. I need to go talk to her, now, and tell her all the things I never got to say, and a few things I just learned about me. I'll never forget her, or what she did for me, she made me part of this, my family, she showed me how it could be, how I should be; she made me a real person. I don't know if I can ever be everything she wanted for me, but I think I should at least try; it's the least I can do for my mum."

He smiled even as he blinked back tears, tiny crystal droplets winking in his eyelashes.

"I think she'd like that."

****

Finis