All Comments on 'Ray Ch. 04: Breathe'

5 stars as always.

I love your style.

I have never been invested in two characters as I am with Ray and Nat. I want the rapist to burn in hell and I want these two to end happily ever after.

Please don't make us wait long.

It’s worth the wait every time. You’re not just a writer of literotica. You’re a great storyteller and there’s no doubt about that. How do I know? Because if you remove the mistress/slaves/Chateau/howling wolves/bdsm it’s still a great story.

Put an ordinary word... many people will read your stories and wish they could be that good.

But the story is losing its freshness. More of the same.

That would deprive us of your art, but I wouldn't mind paying to read a story so well written.

This is not smut.

This is Romance/crime/psychological beautifully written story.

I keep checking almost every day for a new chapter.

I discovered this story today. Like a precious gem someone forgot in a pile of ....

The characters are amazing. You want them to end up happily.

The plot makes you wamt to read more.

I dont comment here often but had to stop and say thank you.

Keep on writing.

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The first scene was excellent – the image of Nat wearing a collar-You’ve managed to put a twist in the bdsm femdom clichés

• The second scene was even better – Nice eerie setting, building the tension. You’ve fleshed out Elise. "Seeing your legs kicking while he choked you is an image I'll cherish forever." – Oh yeah, now she’s an "A" class villain. A Cersei Lannister.

• "It's not an assumption!" Elise shrieked, her voice tearing through the thick air. "I see how you treat him and how the other dommes treat him when you're there." – and now you’ve kind of ruined that. Mind you, your protagonists are as big as your antagonists. No one pays to see James Bond cracks a gang of car thieves. As big as Ben in the real world, the antagonist in the Domme world should be just as big. Don’t be scared that she’ll steal the focus from Nat. The bigger Elise is, the shinier Nat becomes.

• The sex scenes with Gwen and the bazillion girls orgy– “kind of meh” – again sex with people we don’t know anything about. Ray could have made love with a Dildo. Same impact. It’s missing all the emotion you’ve build with Nat/Ray/Elise/others.

“Their bodies closed in, surrounding him, blurring around him into nothing but pieces and curves. The only control required was his, and he had to hold on as long as he could. Red lips and pink tongues circled his manhood”

Oh, the horror of BDSM. ;) Really?

• Nat scenes at home – intense.

• Nat + Ray scene – Excellent. Like a beautiful painting. Alive and full of everything that makes a good story. When they are together sparks fly.

• Repetition – Ben going peekaboo moments are getting a bit old. Don’t repeat, characters and scenes. Keep things fresh.

• Jake and Ray and Nat scene – very nicely done .

I’m already losing sleep, trying to read all of this... Amazing narrative, it’s almost movie-like for me with the transitions.

Ps: i HATE ben! I’m already cringing ahead of his paragraphs.

Another incredible chapter. Finn brought me here and I absolutely love this story. It really is perfect mix of sex and story, with real characters you care about. Fantastic!