Rebound Pt. 02

"That's why I want to hang out with you two, I feel safer if I can keep an eye on him."

"Ew, you're going full American TV show LA Big Bro. Doesn't suit you." He stared at me. He wasn't taking the bait.

"Wanna hang out?" He asked.

"D's probably busy."

"Ask him." I kept polishing cutlery furiously and didn't reply.

Absolutely not. I didn't want to seem desperate. And two days in a row was kind of unheard of. So I refused, and we got on with our days. But Russell was obviously messing around with my life behind my back because weirdly D texted me and asked if I wanted to go to the movies with him Russ and Shona. Ugh. Since when were we a cute little family who did cute double dates? That wasn't exactly Russell's MO either. Bet it was all Shona's idea. Fucking Shona.

-----

Jude

----

All the office was dying for an excuse not to work, which meant I had my desk to myself and could focus on getting stuff done. There was nothing less appealing to me than milling around with dry cake and listening to people moan about deadlines, so I sat at my desk and got to work.

I was settling in pretty well, enjoying the peace and quiet for once, and I jumped up as someone approached me. He seemed as surprised as I was that anyone was around and folded his arms.

"Ah... Hi?" I tried. He cleared his throat.

"Sorry, I was looking for Caro." He said. "You surprised me, that's my old desk." He raised his eyebrows. "You know I thought they'd put up a shrine or something." I laughed. His old desk. I looked him over. He was short- but shit he was so built. Even under his suit you could see the outline of some pretty incredible shoulders and biceps. He had long dark hair pulled up in a bun, kind of like Nate actually, and I could see a tattoo... and actually... was that a hickey?... peeking out of his collar. I grinned at him. He had to be.

"Sam?" I guessed. His eyes widened.

"My reputation precedes me." He smiled. "I don't know you, sorry." I stuck out my hand.

"Jude." I said. "I work with Ryan a bit." Sam nodded as he shook my hand and I could see the flash of recognition in his eyes. Ah well, I suppose I couldn't ask Ryan not to spill my dirty laundry to his husband. I swallowed.

"The party's upstairs." I said. Sam nodded and sat down at Caroline's desk.

"I hate those things." He said. "And Ry will be there and he's so awful in public." I laughed.

"Yeah- well I don't know if it makes you feel better but he's pretty enamoured with you in private as well." Sam shook his head and slumped over Caroline's desk.

"God, he's too much." He moaned. "No wonder you knew who I was." I shrugged. "Ahy, he's all right really." Sam seemed trying to convince himself as much as me. I laughed.

"He must be more than alright, you married him." Sam looked at me shrewdly. Uh-oh. He raised an eyebrow.

"Some people just get married because they think it's the right thing to do." I blushed. God. Some guy I'd just met was giving me life advice I hadn't asked for. Just how desperate was I looking these days?

"Well not you and Ryan." I said. "He said some very sweet words about being together forever." Sam snorted.

"I'm guessing he skipped the bit where we broke up." He said. I raised an eyebrow. Huh. Interesting. Sam smiled.

"We should go up." He said, looking upstairs. "I'm only here because I'm Moana's old boss, seems a bit shitty to be a total no show." I grunted. He could go. I wouldn't be missed. "Come on." He read my mind. "Help keep Ry busy, please."

I found myself accompanying Sam upstairs and practically shoved into Ryan's arms while Sam made his rounds. I sat down next to Ryan and helped myself to the lukewarm brownish liquid on offer. Hmm. It might be coffee. I sipped on it. I still had no idea.

"Little birdie told me you lied to me." I said to Ryan as I consumed the anonymous beverage. Ryan glanced at me, frowning.

"About...?" I raised my eyebrows.

"You said marriage didn't change anything between you and Sam. Sam just told me you guys broke up." Ryan sighed and glanced over to Sam, who was engaging a whole bunch of people in conversation. He was really magnetic. Almost as magnetic as his husband who seemed to have the whole team eating out of his hand.

"God, he's so annoying." He said as he smiled across the room. I cleared my throat and he snapped himself out of it. "Ah... Jude. It's different ok?"

"I was looking for advice- if it worked out between you two...." Ryan held his hand up and stopped me.

"Jude." He said quietly. "It's really different." He sighed. "Sammy and I... well. We ah... have a whole thing." He looked cautiously at me. I didn't blink. Everyone has a THING. "We're into... a lifestyle..." Ryan said slowly. Oh. That kind of thing. Well that wasn't that surprising either. I glanced at Sam across the room, remembering the bruises on his neck, and Ryan followed my gaze. "BDS-"

"Got it." I cut him off and he blushed.

"And uh... Sammy gives as good as he gets, better actually, believe me... but I have like 100 pounds on him and one day I... went way too far." He mumbled. "We didn't... -break up-... we just needed a break. We needed to get comfortable with each other again. So. Therapy. And a lot of talking." He sighed and patted my back gently. "We managed to fix it because we got better at communication. But we never lied to each other." He winced as he looked at me. "Which is a little different to your problem, right Jude? From what you've said... Levi is cheating on you. And you're just... pretending it's not happening."

"So it's my fault?"

"I didn't say that!" Ryan recoiled as though I'd slapped him. "Jesus, Jude. I'm on your side. If it was up to me you'd break up with him and go have hot sex with that barista..." I laughed in spite of myself and he smiled slowly. "But if you want this to work- to actually WORK, Jude, where you TRUST him- either fucking lean into it and get into being a cuckold or tell him you can't handle it because THIS..." He gestured at me. "THIS isn't working. And trust me. I know the type. He will leave you. He'll wait until you're broken and he'll leave you. Don't let that happen." I sighed and stared at my drink.

"I think..." I said slowly. "I mean... we did try talking. A few times. It never changed. He never changes. Maybe for like a week but even then it's all flowers and apologies and sex and..."

"Jude." Ryan said firmly. "This is the last time I'm going to hear this from you. You're a fucking addict, Jude, and I don't know if you're addicted to Levi or to heartbreak but as your friend, I'm not enabling it. Leave him. That's my advice." I swallowed and felt my chest get tight. Ryan stood up. He bit his lip as he looked at me. "And... don't rebound on the barista." He said quietly. "I was joking about that." I laughed.

"Yeah." I said quietly. "Well." I looked glumly at the table. "Thanks."

-----

Nate

-----

Jude was in one hell of a mood when we started work in the evening. He barely greeted me, when usually he's all smiles and asks me how my days been and thanks me for my work... not that I NEED all that validation, but hey, I'll admit I like it. He basically plonked me in a chair and pointed at a screen and let me put my music in and I got to work. Eh, everyone has bad days. I just smiled and got on with it.

I was switching between screens when I caught sight of him in the monitor. Oh no. Fuck. His head was in his hands and his shoulders were shaking. Oh Jude. I turned around, and I awkwardly pulled my headphones out, silencing New Order. I bit my lip and got up. I knelt next to him and touched his arm.

"Hey... Jude...." He flinched and looked up. There were tears streaming down his face. He lurched away from me and dabbed his eyes.

"Oh, sorry Nate... I thought you were..." I bit my lip.

"Need a hug?" Jude shook his head, but his eyes squeezed shut and more tears leaked out. I ignored him and wrapped my arms around him anyway, and his shoulder shook as I embraced him. I patted his back as he sobbed. God. Rough day, huh. Eventually he pulled away from me and took a deep breath.

"Ah Nate." He shook his head. "Sorry. Having a personal thing." I nodded and bit my lip. I didn't know too much about personal things. I mean, they seem to suck. Maybe that's why I try not to get into them.

"Seems rough." I said. He nodded. I swallowed. "Hey Jude." I said seriously, staring at him as he recovered from his breakdown. He nodded as he looked at me and my lips twitched. "Don't make it bad." I said. He rolled his eyes and in spite of himself started to smile. I grabbed his shoulder and started to sing to him, in my absolutely tone deaf way and he started to laugh and punched me in the arm. "Ow!" I laughed as that cut me off.

"You are so unoriginal, Nate. I expected more from you." I grinned.

"Stopped you crying though." He shrugged.

"Yeah, I'll give you that." He glanced at the time. "You should go, Nate."

"D's picking me up at 7." I stood up and went back to the computer I was working on. "May as well stick around till then."

"Hmmm." I glanced up. Jude was looking at me thoughtfully. "Two of you seem to have gotten pretty serious." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Fuck off Dad." I joked- and then I blushed and hid my head in my hands. "Oh my god. Sorry for swearing, Jude." He laughed.

"No, fair call." He said. "Sorry, Nate. Didn't mean to pry." I grunted and returned to the computer.

-----

Jude

----

Crap. I felt Nate touch my arm and flinched. Shit. I tried to make my apologies but I was already fucking sobbing at my desk- at that point 'I'm fine' doesn't really have a particularly honest ring to it. Hmmmph. I just really wanted everyone to tell me I was insane, and Levi was amazing, and nothing needed to change. Life would be so much easier if nothing needed to change. But I'd caught sight of myself in the bathroom after talking to Ryan, and this fucking thought just struck me that I was thinking about this everyday, and I was questioning everything everyday, and I was damn, fucking, ridiculously unhappy, and I was avoiding that serious conversation with Levi because it wasn't going to go well.

Nate was an utter sweetheart, he gave me a hug, and made me laugh, and invited me on a double date he was dreading to distract me.

"Double date?" I grinned. "Thought you said it wasn't serious?" He laughed.

"Ugh, God Jude, you sound like Russ. It's super not serious. It's all Shona's idea."

"Who's Shona?"

"Russell's girlfriend? She's...." He shrugged. "Well he's really into her." I frowned. That was a curveball. I'd assumed Russell was kind of majorly crushing on Nate. Because who wouldn't be.

"Is Russell straight?" I asked. Nate choked.

"Oooh don't let him hear you ask that." He said. "You have no idea how many people assume because he's tra..." Nate cut himself off and swallowed. "Uh, yeah, no sorry. Uh yeah, straight, dude." I tried to work out where he was going but I didn't follow.

"People assume he's gay?" I asked. "I mean, I wasn't making assumptions..."

"Oh, yeah, no, you're good." Nate swallowed. "Anyway I think Shona has this dumb idea that the four of us are gonna hang out and be best buds and stuff. I dunno. God, he's so overbearing you know? Like God forbid I'm just having fun with someone. He's always like this if it's anything other than sex, like he has any say- but you know if I ever say anything about his girlfriends I'm the asshole..." He trailed off. "Crap." He said. "Sorry Jude. I swear if I get that internship I will never ever ramble about all this. It'll be strictly 'how do you like your coffee' and 'yes sir, let me just punch in those numbers'...." He hung his head.

"Alright." I touched his knee. "And I promise I'll keep the crying on my desk for after hours." Nate grinned at me.

"Na, if you need a cry just come on my coffee runs. We can say the tears on my shoulder are where I spilt the first round." I grinned at him.

"Well. That's believable." Nate punched my knee.

"Don't say that." He laughed. "Just because it's true."

"I'll take the clumsiest human I've ever met who's surprisingly competent with numbers over the most graceful second year Uni student any day." Nate stopped pretending to work as he talked to me and everything about him seemed to sink into his chair as he looked at me.

"Really?" He asked quietly. "I sent you my CV and stuff."

"Yeah I thought I'd have a go at it tonight."

"I... does it look really dumb that I'm applying?" He seemed to shrink as he spoke to me. "I... like, you know. I'm 26."

"Well you could pass for 22." Nate chuckled.

"And you could almost pass for 40, on a good day." He teased me. I rolled my eyes.

"20 minutes." I said. "Bet you can finish this before your adorable double date. Come on."

"Yes, sir." Nate saluted me. Real fucking mix of emotions there. Mostly annoyance because I'm always a bit pissed off when someone acts like I'm some- actual boss. Especially Nate. It makes me feel old. Which, HA, not outrageously older than him after all. 26 and 32? Levi was 37, that's practically exactly the same. Which is totally irrelevant but you know, my brain went there. Anyway. Annoyed and feeling old... but also... uh. Not bad when he called me Sir.

----

Wednesday

----

Nate

----

"So we can't stand Shona, right?" Darius muttered to me as we slowly woke up the next day and lay in bed. I rolled my eyes. Actually, annoyingly, she seemed fine. She bought the tickets and pretty competently wrangled us away from the bar before Darius could suggest a drink, which I'd normally be all for but, you know, that was kind of my only rule about Darius. After the movie, which was a trash blockbuster I had no interest in at all, she'd taken us out for a late night snack- sensibly, again, somewhere they didn't have a liquor license and we talked about nothing in particular- but she was funny. She made me and Russell laugh doing impressions of the cast and even Darius looked like he was having a good time. It was so mean of me, but you know, I'd really wanted to dislike her. Only she was... irritatingly likeable. I glanced at Darius, deciding to forgo that whole conversation, and I rolled on top of him.

"Fuck me?" I suggested. He laughed.

"One track mind." He stroked my hair. "I'm too tired. There's no way I can keep it up." I laughed.

"So let's switch." Darius' eyes widened and he looked genuinely concerned for a second. I laughed. "Ah, you're right." I said. "Save that for when you haven't eaten two greasy burgers the night before." His body relaxed under me and he smiled.

"I didn't know you'd be into that." He said slowly. "Would you?" I blinked at him.

"Yeah? I switch a bit."

"Not with me."

"Well, no, you're so insecure it would probably make you feel like less of a man..." I teased him and he rolled his eyes and pulled me close.

"Ah, probably." He said. "Not opposed, though. Weirdly." I glanced up at him and didn't say anything. He sighed and rolled us over, so he was cradling me. "Nate." He mumbled. "I'm seeing someone else tonight." I started to wriggle out of his grip and stretch.

"Ok?" I said. He shook his head.

"Is it?" He said. "This old... ah... mate... from Blenheim is in town and I said yes without thinking. But if... you...." I didn't look at him as I stood up and began to hunt for my clothes. I mean, I was the one who turned down being exclusive- be a bit rich to then tell him he couldn't hang out with other people. Although I guess I... couldn't deny that I cared. I dunno. You make dinner, and you go to a movie with your brother and his girlfriend on some dumb double date and... it was all really nice. Nicer than I expected. Obviously I'd been on dates before; it wasn't always hi, I'm Nate, let's fuck... but I'd never... consistently hung out with someone... uh, turns out it's pretty nice. I guess that's why it hurts when they're not there. I swallowed. Whatever. You don't want D anyway, not really, I reminded myself. He's way, way aggressive, and he listens to shit music, and he probably only likes you because you're easy.

"Na, D." I smiled at him. "You're fine, and you don't have to ask, we're just doing what we've always done."

"Ok." He said quietly. He stared at me as I got ready and I frowned. Did he want me to tell him no? Well, fuck that. No fucking way was I getting feelings for this asshole.

-----

When I left work for the day I realised I was lonely. Which was so dumb. Nate, you can spend a night by yourself. Don't most people kind of like alone time? I drove home and greeted Alex and took the dogs for a walk, even though he said he'd already done that. I just wanted some company, and the dogs are better than Alex. He's very quiet. When I got back he was still up, eating some curry and watching TV. He gestured to the pan.

"Made extra." He said. I glanced at it. "It's vegetarian." He said. "Sorry, I know you're vegan, there is like a cow worth of butter in there just a warning." I laughed and guiltily helped myself.

"I'm not the world's best vegan." I admitted slowly. "Thanks Al." I sat on the couch opposite him and idly played with my phone as I ate the curry. I caught up on reddit and my mind drifted to... well... boys... and I glanced at Alex and switched to Tinder. Maybe magic strikes twice. Maybe this time he wouldn't be allergic to dogs which is really probably like the only dealbreaker I have.

I glanced up, because I felt Alex's eyes on me and he smirked.

"Left, left, left, left..." He teased. "Huh Nate, didn't realise you had standards." I rolled my eyes and blushed.

"Um." I put my phone down. "No one seems to be looking for like, casual you know?" Alex raised his eyebrows at me. "Man I wish there was like a way you could say I'm really just looking for someone to get off with, frankly we don't even need to meet up..." Alex stared at me and slowly put down his book.

"Ahhhh..." He said. "You're.... just on the wrong app for that." I blushed. Oh yeah. Can't believe my ex homophobic flatmate had to remind me about Grindr.

"Ah.... Fuck." I stammered. "Ha ha. Good call." He rolled his eyes.

"I'm about to go out." He said. "You can host." I blushed even worse.

"You... really don't have to." I said. He shook his head.

"I really am going out." He said. "I have a date. Tina? Smoking hot redhead?"

"Oh yeah." I vaguely remembered. I looked at him. Freshly showered and in a button up. Oh, ok. I felt ok if he really was going out. He grinned and stood up. "I'll wash up." I said. "Thanks for dinner." He grinned.

"Thanks. I'll be out all night." He said. He laughed. "Hopefully. See ya tomorrow."

"See ya stud." I grinned.

Anyway that left me alone that night. Just me and my hand... I laughed. I was such a dumbass when I was alone. I'd been messaging guys since I was like 14 to help me get off. I grinned as I opened Grindr. Thank god for modern day conveniences. When I was a teenager I completely destroyed the family computer with a slew of viruses and Russell and I had to be sat down by Mum for an excruciating lecture about shady websites... Russell actually covered for me which was really sweet of him and meant he was grounded for like a million years. I guess I never did make that up to him. And I only sort of learnt my lesson about shady websites. Because getting off with someone else is just... so much better than getting off alone. Anyway, you can even do it on reddit now, did you know that? I fiddled with Grindr for a bit, trying to work out what I wanted. I think after so long with Darius I was in the mood to be a top tonight. I changed my profile and started scrolling.

It wasn't long before the shadiest profile in the world messaged me.

Married. DL. Cheating Bottom Slut.

I laughed at his headless torso pictures and read his message.

My husband's lying next to me.