Recovery 01: Can I Love Again

Prologue:

This new Billyslate Love Story is a Slowburn Lesbian Romance tale. The storyline differs from most of my previous Literotica Story submissions. Children are not in PT: 00, but are in the latter PT: 01 and throughout PT: 02. As always in my stories, only limited sexual activity happens when children are at home. Also, as a general rule, no alcohol is consumed when children are present.

All descriptive sex in this story is lesbian, with young ladies aged 21 or older. Some explicit lesbian sexual activities may feature a strong but loving woman as the definite TOP controlling the action, with light spanking on occasion.

This and all Billyslate stories are 100% Fiction in every aspect.

Edited By Billyslate/Grammarly

ENJOY!

Ending Recovery 00: Introduction

On Thursday 24 MAR 2022, one month after Russia invades Ukraine my world turns Blood Red, when a grave-faced Colonel Marvel enters the Munich Consulate conference room, quietly closing the door.

I'm just starting to ask why she's in Munich this week when it hits me Like A Ton Of Bricks!

I scream, "NO NO OH GOD NO!" in despair, knowing my Darling Babe Khrystyna (Kris) is gone forever!

Collapsing to the floor, I curl my body in a protective fetal manner, convulsing, and loudly crying my eyes out.

Colonel Marvel instantly drops to the floor, gingerly cradling me in her arms, while a concerned Munich US Consul General quietly peeks into the room.

Recovery 01: Can I Love Again

It's 8 MAY 2022, 6 weeks following Colonel Marvel informing me of Khrystyna's (Kris) death on Ukraine's Eastern Border. My next week is filled with disbelief and grief, praying for Borden or the Colonel to tell me the Ukrainian Ministry is mistaken and Kris is alive.

Instead, I receive a phone call from Borden confirming Kris. her sisters, Darya-18 and Ivanna-19, and three other team members were killed on 22 MAR 2022. Kris's team often split into 2 or 3 operating units, so the six of them infiltrate close in by an Eastern Border Militia unit suspected of gang-raping several young Ukrainian girls.

Kris's team's mission is SIA, Search, Identify and Assassinate if there's an opening. The Ukrainian Military investigation team determines Kris's unit is setting an ambush for the Militia Rapists when a Russian T-72S (HE-FRAG) explodes danger close, the concussion instantly killing all six team members. There also appear to be collateral deaths, which are unidentifiable and assumed to be locals.

Kris's on-ground infiltration team(s) are Ukraine's best, so the Ministry of Defence-Ukraine stores DNA records on all team members. The six deaths are confirmed by DNA testing, which also detects nonregistered DNA at the explosion site, possibly from locals.

***

Kris and her team's deaths being confirmed by DNA is a relief, while also heartbreaking. I will never kiss, hold and cuddle my darling Kris again. I cry for days on end, before beginning my tedious journey of trying to return to normalcy.

When Kris and I are together in Aarhus, we talk in-depth about ruthless militias and mercenaries like the Wagoner Group. Many hardcore and violent prisoners sign contracts for 6 or more months, receiving pardons if they survive. Truthfully, most are rapists, murderers, and the worst of Russian Society. So, had any of Kris's female team members been captured, they would have been gang-raped by hundreds of these Russian militia members until a bloody death.

I'm spared the agony of that scenario but know my darling Kris and the five other warriors were dismembered by the T-72 HE-FRAG concussion. Borden's contacts said most body parts were inspected/collected by a Ukraine Medical Team and buried together in one mass grave near Kyiv. Maybe one day, I'll have the emotional courage to visit the gravesite.

***

Colonel Marvel hastily issues orders for a mental health break after I learn the original sketchy details of Kris's death. I'm physically and emotionally destroyed for a week, so the Colonel moves me to the VIP Villa on the secure Munich/NATO Military facility. GB-Communications Sargent Anita J Wells and Motor Pool Corporal Elleanor Austin bivouac at the Villa caring for me. I'm in the upstairs VIP area, while Anita and Eleanor bunk on the main level.

These two soldiers are fantastic at taking care of me daily. The Munich Consular General agrees with Colonel Marvel's request I stay as her attaché until JUN 2022. So, the Colonel, Borden, and Captain Jessica Andrews, keep regular contact with me via phone/email, as I slowly recover my spirits.

After wasting a week wallowing in sorrow at the Villa, I start running moderately long distances. A week later, I begin training Anita and Eleanor in natural stance self-defense Judo. BJJ/JJJ is outstanding for close-in self-defense and works extremely well blended with other GB-SF hand-to-hand combat training.

I also start eating better, gaining back the 6 pounds I've lost since Kris's death. So, I'm much better physically but remain in a dense emotional fog. Kris is my first and only love at nearly 26 years old, with us a couple for only seven months. Of those seven months, we are physically together for only 11 days in Aarhus and Munich. Despite my despair, Colonel Marvel feels my Recovery progress is remarkable so we're discussing my future at the Munich Consulate early next week.

***

My parents are an open wound at this time. It's been over a year since we truly talk, which is a big fight. Mom and Dad are aware someone close to me died but don't know the specifics. They still have one singular question when we speak by phone, am I coming (moving) back home soon?

Colonel Marvel, Captain Andrews, and I talk frequently, and they suggest I delay travel home to Whitehall, GA until I'm mentally alert and my emotions stabilized. If my parents hit the wrong nerve on their anti-LBGTQ crusade, I may go off on them, and our relationship likely dammed forever.

I agree 100% because I still love Kris as much in death as in life. So, I plod along with Mom and Dad, speaking infrequently about inane things. Maybe, I'll be mentally ready for a visit home to see them in four to six months.

Presently, my life revolves around Anita and Eleanor who are like sisters. We're back in our personal digs since the VIP facility isn't designed for long-term guests. Politicians, high-ranking military staff, and defense contractors routinely use this facility for short-term stays.

Although we live in separate digs, Anita, Eleanor, and I still see each other almost daily, rarely using our military/consulate titles. Both the Colonel and Captain are okay with our familiarity, but urge us to use caution, when other Senior Military Officers are present.

I talk freely with Colonel Marvel (Catherine) and Captain Andrews (Jessica), our having strong and trusting relationships. Both GB Officers feel my next Consulate station should be in the US, possibly managing the German Ambassadors Metro DC office. I will also have clandestine Ukraine and other special duties, with the VP's office, AG's office, and DOD via the Joint Chiefs. Again, Colonel Marvel remains my direct contact for all government assignments other than the DC Ambassadors' office.

We haven't delved into specific details, but I instantly think of Wanda as the Ambassador's DC Office's Operating Manager. We got on well during my six-week transition from DC to Munich, and she doesn't respect the Ambassador's current DC Chief, whom she fondly calls AK (ass-kisser).

I'll also need time to work with Borden on NATO's Ukraine activities, which he closely monitors. Our contacts may routinely be via email, phone, or Zoom, but we also need to meet personally a few days every 4-6 months. So far, everything on my need-to-do list is workable, while also taking over as the DC Office Chief. So my mood is positive for the upcoming consulate planning session(s).

I'm thinking the timing may work well for me to take a one or two-week vacation in Georgia, once the DC office is running efficiently. As time progresses, I'm less and less certain that my parental relationship will ever return to normal but must give it a chance. I certainly know I'll never live at home or in Whitehall, Georgia again, it's just too hypocritical with fake Christian values.

One potential glitch in the consulate meeting is I need Anita and Eleanor with me for a few months, so want them as official attaches' in my US duties. Eleanor is seriously considering applying for the GB-SF so I'm quietly coaching her. I intend to slyly feel Colonel Marvel out on Eleanor, keeping any official request on the down and low.

JESSICA ANITA-ELEANOR-ME

Since Kris's death, I routinely speak with Colonel Martel, and on a recent call, I learn Captain Andrews arrives a few days early to relax before our consulate meetings. Catherine will arrive the evening before our first session, so I ask her if Jessica, Anita, Eleanor, and I can have the VIP Villa for three days of downtime before the sessions start.

So, the four of us meet informally as friends for the first time. We spend most days lounging in the Villa getting a better feel for each other as friends. Jessica tells us we are on leave so ditching the usual military protocol. We're enjoying ourselves as friends, so what's discussed among us in the Villa stays in the Villa.

In one instance Jessica reflects, "Kenzie. I experience a similar situation losing someone close to me. Me sharing it with you may help your Recovery, as well as potentially benefit Anita and Eleanor in their army careers. If you are okay with my idea, let's grab a wine while I tell my story after dinner."

Cool by me Jessica, "You, Anita, and Eleanor are my rock(s) in surviving Kris's death. Colonel Marvel and Borden are the other two people helping me maintain sanity for the past two months, so I certainly need to hear your story. I think Anita and Eleanor feel the same, so let's relax in the study later and you tell us your story.

***

JESSICA'S STORY-POV

I start my dialog with general info on my family just before my 15^th birthday. My dad's an Army NCO-Sargent First Class (SFC) and my mom stays at home with us three kids. I'm the oldest, having 8-year-old twin brothers.

Our family name is Johnson; dad's name is Ralph Edward Johnson; mom's Betty Jean Johnson; my twin brothers are James R and Jerry R Johnson. Finally, my birth name is Jessica Ann Johnson. We were a fairly close family, even with the seven-year age gap between me and the twins. Mom was fairly religious and Baptist, but not over the top like a Holy Roller.

Dad was in the 1st Air Calvary Brigade and stationed at several Army Forts during his 17 years of Military Service. So our family often moved from fort to fort until I was almost 15. Life was a good living for us with Dad in the Army, but also difficult for a teenager trying to make new friends nearly every two years.

My dad was Killed In Action (KIA) somewhere in a Middle Eastern country several months after my 14^th birthday. No other information or explanation was given to Mom. Dad's funeral was a closed casket, so we don't for certain his body was in there. Dad's Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) death annuity was $100,000 and we three kids each received SSA benefits at 75% of Dad's basic amount.

I was devasted by my dad's death since he spent so much time with me before and after the twins' birth. Before the twins were born, Dad spent 90% of his free time with Mom and/or me. I vividly remember his teaching me golf and self-defense from my time as a toddler until his death. Dad also spent quality time with my brothers, but they were quite young when he was KIA.

Since the boys were only 7 when he died, Mom had mostly cared for them at home, while Dad played sports with me in his free time. The twins missed our Dad but did not have the terrible hole in their souls like me. I was a daddy's tomboy girl, nearly 6' tall by age 14, so I wept and cried every day for a month following Dad's funeral.

Suddenly one-day reality slapped me hard in the face. Pull yourself together Jessica and help Mom through her sorrow, otherwise, you will soon hafta bury her. For the next 3 years, until age 18, I matured a thousand years. I worked varying jobs during the summer school breaks in Fayetteville, AK to help Mom with family expenses.

Western Arkansas was a fairly racist area, even with being the headquarters for Daisy Air Rifle, Wal-Mart, Tysons, JB Hunt, and other large US companies. So my social life was nil, living in a largely racist white suburb.

We weren't starving, but Mom stayed at home raising us, so she needed to be frugal with Dad's insurance death benefits. One of Dad's Senior Officers, Major Alexander J Worthington owned rental property(s) near Fayetteville, AK, and offered Mom a small three-bedroom rental house at a good discounted rate. So we moved to Fayetteville after Dad's burial and our finances settled. Mom was still angry with Dad's military benefits settlement and the army in general because they never told us exactly where, when, and how Dad died.

UNIVERSITY

Life in Fayetteville was difficult, especially for me as a tall black fifteen-year-old girl. So I leaned toward reading about the military and studying martial arts on TV/WEB. At seventeen, I seriously considered going into Reserve Officers' Training Corps (ROTC) at the University of Arkansas.

My high school grades were great (4.00 GPA), which qualified me for a full ROTC Scholarship and extra military pay of up to $500/month. So, I could continue helping Mom with monthly bills, while also close to home for my twin brothers. Mom reluctantly accepted my plan that an Army ROTC College Scholarship and extra monthly payment was the financial boost our family needed. My twin brothers would soon start High School, with the usual costs doubled, so Mom needed more money.

The university campus was a lot like the nearby Fayetteville communities being quite racist unless you were a star athlete. So, I'm a loner there once the students learn I am not a basketball player, now standing at 6'1". I continue being an excellent student, keeping my 4.00 GPA as a Fresher and Sophomore. In addition to my studies, I have many ROTC-related activities, but still visit Mom and the twins one or two times a week.

***

My life changed dramatically in the first semester of my Junior year, which led to my sitting here with you three right now. There's an on-campus coffee shop, I often stopped in while studying or reading US Military History. One lady, Minnie who worked in the shop was always kind to me, so I gave her a small tip each visit and cute little inexpensive gifts on holidays.

When the 2^nd semester started many of the girls in my classes were mooning over this new transfer guy, Griffin Allen Matheson (Griff), whose family was wealthy. I hadn't met him, but he looked okay from a distance. Still, I wasn't interested in this so-called 'Hunk' Griff or any other male, since I was laser-focused on Studies, ROTC, and Family.

I was having my usual Thursday morning coffee, checking notes since my first class was 11:00 am. This was one of my occasional, I Hate The World days, so I was not in a happy place. I'd mostly bounced back from my dad's death, but at certain times, I had a don't mess with me, type day.

As I stare blankly at my class notes, a strong male voice says, "May I join you for coffee?"

Annoyed, I take a quick peek at this guy before snapping, "What, you feeling like slumming today?" I immediately see the hurt and why is she so mean look in his eyes.

Softly he says, "Sorry" spinning around to walk away.

I felt like a pile of cow dung, being mean to him and seeing the pain in his eyes. It's just not like me and I knew he wasn't being racist in his greeting.

Jumping up, I ran in front of him pleading, "Please forgive me, I'm having a bad day thinking about my dad's death six years ago. You did not do anything wrong and I'm so ashamed of myself."

I grab his hand now boohooing, "My name is Jessica Johnson and please let me buy you a coffee in apology." I drug him back to my table, begging please sit here. I only had enough money for one coffee, so asked Minnie to make a black coffee, with cream and sugar on the side. Minnie knew I was frugal since my money was always tight, so brought me a glass of ice water.

He says, "Thanks for the coffee, and my name is Griffin Matheson, but most people call me Griff."

I'm dazed, buying this rich guy a coffee mumbling, "I don't like Griff or Jessie, so you're Griffin to me and I'm Jessica to you."

Griffin smiled, "You got this coffee for me as an apology, right?"

Me shyly, "Yes Griffin, I am nice 99% of the time, but sometimes the reality of Dad's death slips up on my spirit, and I get angry. He was military and KIA in the Middle East, but our family was never given any details. Sometimes my mom and I get angry at the world, especially on his birthday or their wedding anniversary."

Griffin stood, walked to my side of the table, and kissed me gently on the cheek, "Apology accepted Jessica!"

Jessica's eyes gleam as she smiles, "And ladies, that's how I met my husband of ten years. After that wonderful morning, we started dating, and he proposed two years later. During our two years dating at the U of AK, we often had coffee in the little corner shop with Minnie, and planned our future.

"I was in love and wanted to marry Griffin, but he needed to understand the six-year commitment to the Army for my education. My military active duty debt was okay with Griffin since he wanted to be a writer, so we could live anywhere. In the end, Griffin took me in his arms saying he loved and wanted me forever. He'd be happy living a military-style life so I could honor my ROTC Scholarship obligation.

"During the two years we dated, my and Griffin's families became close. Initially, I worried his parents would reject me for being black and our family is lower middle-class. Within weeks I became best buds with his mom, Eleni, and my mom adored Griffin, who was fantastic with my twin brothers.

"So we got married at 22, after graduating from university and I started my military career. We had one other serious conversation and waited a month until we could visit our special coffee shop meeting place.

"There were two issues that needed resolution, both interrelated since I wanted to join the Green Beret (GB-SF) and Griffin wanted kids. I also wanted children, but if I were a GB, Griffin would have the lion's share of caring for them.

"We talked it through like our previous issues and decided to go for it. The six phases of GB-SF training took approximately 63 weeks, so we needed to plan properly. Everything worked out and we now have girls, ages 4 and 6, and Griffin's delighted being a house-husband. Including dating, we've been a couple for 12 years and hopefully, the three of you will meet my family one day."

Finally, Jessica finishes her brief history, "Kenzie, my family story is not exactly like yours, but has a similar theme. My dad's death fighting in the Middle East throws me for a loop, and it takes nearly 4-years for me to recover.

"But, even years later there are occasional moments of flashback, anger, and self-pity. It was a hard time for me, even with my mom's undying love. So I think of how difficult your Recovery will be, without your parent's strong emotional support.

"My worry about your visiting Mom and Dad too soon is you may harshly respond to their negativity, destroying any chance of a restart. I've often shuddered in my 12 years of loving Griffin; how wasted my life would have been if he'd called me an angry 'Bitch' that morning and stomped off.