Recovery 01: Can I Love Again

"I know how deeply you loved Kris, and always will, but the strength of your love for her will help you carry the burden of her death. Kenzie, you are a strong, talented, and dedicated young lady, and will be back on top of your game in a few months.

"Yes, at times you'll have flashes of pain and anger from physically losing Kris forever, and that's why it's called true love. Yet, your seven months together have made you stronger, which will help make our world a better place for humanity."

Jessica smiles brilliantly, "Until you heal sufficiently, Catherine, Anita, Eleanor, Borden, and I are here for you!"

Kenzie sniffles, "Thanks so much Jessica, hearing your story is just what I need to understand my absolute love for Kris. From the moment she walks into the Aarhus University conference room, she's special to me. I've never felt so close to anyone in my life, after only knowing Kris for a day.

"On our first night together, I hold Kris close so she can sleep peacefully, knowing I'm falling in love. I know I can best honor Kris's memory by always fighting evil and never quitting. She wanted to live but willingly gave her life fighting for Ukraine's right to exist as a sovereign democratic nation.

"In Munich, Kris and I choose celibacy until Marriage, knowing the risks of the oncoming Russian invasion. Yet, our unwavering love is so intense, that we 23 and 25-year-old virgins decide our love for each other supersedes any desire for premarital sex. We know the risks of our decision since Kris is a daring Ukraine Infiltration Specialist. But even now in her death, I'm so happy with our courage to delay sex until marriage, technically leaving me a virgin today."

MUNICH CONSULATE MEETING

Today's meeting will be tense since we're discussing the specifics of my long-term future. But, Jessica's revelation of her and Griffin's meeting in college, falling in love and life together, gives me hope for my future.

All goes well with our meeting and by day's end, we decide I'll return to the USA in a few months, with two primary duties. I am Chief of the German Ambassador's US Metro DC Office and will appoint Wanda J as Office Manager. I am certain she and I will work well together, with Wanda having 80% of the day-to-day office management duties.

My second charge is to permanently remain Colonel Marvel's Political Attaché. I'll represent Colonel Marvel, when meeting with the Vice President (VP), Attorney General (AG), and the Joint Chiefs of Staff (JC), focusing 100% on Ukraine.

Colonel Marvel agrees to Anita and Evelyn staying attached to me for the first 4-6 months of my USA transition. Both soldiers will take the lead on work with the DOD, again focusing on Ukraine. I'm certain the Colonel and Captain also expect them to babysit me.

After six months as my attaché, Anita will transfer to a different GB-SF team, the 1st Special Forces Group. This Special Forces group primarily operates in Asia and the Pacific and is based at the Joint Base Ft Lewis-McChord in Tacoma, WA. There, Anita will return to her normal Communication Sargent Duties with a new SFOD-A Team.

I will also help prepare Eleanor for her GB Phase I Special Forces training, which starts in five months. The Special Forces Preparation Course 1 (SFPC 1), is the first of six Phases of training to become a Green Beret. If successful, Eleanor will traverse the 6-Phase/63-month Special Forces training program, becoming a GB Operator.

LIFE'S RECOVERY PHASE

Approximately, 9-months ago at the age of 25, I join the German Ambassador's Munich US Consulate staff as a Political Attaché, full of spirit on a new adventure. This is my first time traveling in Europe, although I'm fluent in German, and speak a smattering of a few other Euro languages. Before joining the German Ambassadors team, I had worked for 6 months as a translator for a US-GOV contractor, so to date, I've been away from home for 18 months.

My departure from DC to Munich is bittersweet since I fully break from my parents, who demand I not take this one-year consulate posting. My parents and I haven't spoken openly or kindly since I start work at a major US-GOV contractor in Washington, DC, after completing my Master's Degree (MA).

***

Now, months later, I'm enroute to Washington, DC, as Chief of the German Ambassador USA-DC Office. Anita and Eleanor are taking two weeks' leave before joining me in DC. It's our first time being separated in the four months since Kris came to Munich for a NATO-Ukraine meeting. Anita and Eleanor are my rock(s), as I fight for Recovery and sanity since Kris's death. So, it seems a bit weird traveling without them.

Sipping an inflight beverage, my mind wanders to Mom and Dad. We haven't spoken fondly to each other for 18 months, and it bothers me. On the other hand, I'm 26 years old and should be able to make my decisions in life. Colonel Marvel stresses it's too soon after Kris's death for me to visit Georgia. She's definitely on the money there, as resentment boils, with my just thinking about them. So again, I move Mom and Dad to my back burner.

***

I've rested a week after checking into a luxury DC hotel, so will inspect my new digs later today, located near the Naval Observatory. The entire apartment building is contracted to the US-Gov. Initially, I'll have a four en suite bedroom townhouse style place, since Anita and Eleanor will bunk with me until they deploy.

The MBR, GBR, sitting room, lounge, and breakfast nook are upstairs, while there are two bedrooms/baths, a living room, a dining room, and a study downstairs. The place is quite spacious for the three of us, but we need the 4^th bedroom for guests such as Captain Andrews, Colonel Marvel, Borden, and others. I like the place a lot and will move in tomorrow since it's fully furnished.

My special items shipped from Munich arrive, most of which are clothes, so I'm unpacked and ready for work a couple of days later. I leave legal size envelopes for Anita and Eleanor with building security so they can get set up in their rooms upon arrival. I also ring Borden for an update on Ukraine, who seems a bit pensive. After knowing Borden for nearly a year, I can tell some things weighing on him.

After our hellos, he softly says, "Kenzie, I'm maybe onto a big deal and will know more details in the next 72 hours. You may need to take a quick jaunt to Aarhus early next month. Get some rest, and I'll keep you posted."

I laugh cutely, "Borden, only you would say, Kenzie needs a quick jaunt to Denmark! What's the actual flying time, 10 hours?"

Borden, "Oh hell Kenzie, you know my Danish humor, see you in one or two months."

I giggle loudly, "Just ring me, Borden, I'll come when you need me. Talking to you today is my first time truly laughing in months and it feels great. Thanks so much for your great friendship!"

***

Dressed in a heavy black pullover, military-style black pants, lightweight spit-shined boots, and a beret, I breeze into the Ambassador's DC Office. This is my standard clothing for travel on military helicopters/small planes in Europe. We frequently fly low, just skirting military action for the NATO field meetings, so Borden and Captain Andrews agree on this covert type of dress for me, since I'm technically a civilian. I choose this outfit today, wanting to show strength.

Two cute petite office girls smile brightly, welcoming me to the Ambassador's office. They look 19 or 20, so I think they're a bit young to work in such a prestigious place. But in their favor, the two young girls are certainly a happy pair, unlike most of the other glum faces.

Wanda J spots me, "Kenzie, Oh My God that's you! Wow, you didn't dress that way when we met nearly two years ago."

I dash over giving Wanda J a big hug, "What is your last name Wanda J, now that I'm your boss?"

Wanda J dances around cutely, "Kenzie, you're the new boss starting on Monday?"

Laughing gleefully, "Okay, Wanda J give me your last name so I can fire you right this minute, then say April Fools. You're now promoted to Office Manager"

She looks at me questionably, "Ok Kenzie, I'm Wanda Jane Rawlings," and we hug tightly again as I tear up,

One of the happy girls that first greets me runs over with a tissue, "I'm Bernie and we work for Kelly Temp Service who placed us here, but I don't know how long we'll stay."

I say thanks for the tissue glancing at the other young girl. "Hi Bernie, I'm Kenzie and you said we work for Kelly's temp agency?"

The second little cutie pie comes over, "I'm shy, but my friend Bernie talks enough for both of us. I love math and am super great with numbers, so if you need help just call on Shy."

Holding out my arms for a hug, "Nice meeting you Shy, what's your middle name, Ly?"

Shy giggles. "You're funny, I like you, Miss Kenzie, I'm Brenda.

I notice Wanda watching over the two girls, smiling like a mother hen, so I jump right in developing camaraderie. "We're having a staff meeting at 3:00 pm, so Bernie please order Pizza, KFC, and the works." handing her my Consulate credit card.

I yell, "Brenda, get off your duff and help Bernie with the math. Then start a snack budget, which you will manage. Oh, I forgot, you two delightful young ladies are now full-time in our office, with a big raise. Wanda, your new Office Manager, will give you the salary, hours, medical insurance and other personnel information. Now get to work on snacks for the staff meeting before I have to fire you ten minutes after hiring you."

Brenda looks dazed, "Miss Kenzie, are you truly hiring me and Bernie? Can our office have uniforms like yours?"

"That's a great idea, Brenda, what's your favorite color?" I ask her

She smiles brightly, "I love sky blue Miss Kenzie, it makes me feel happy and this office will be a happy place."

Okay, "Each female worker will get two skirts, one pair of pants, and three blouses, but the shoes must be dressy style, with black 2" heels! I'm often in the field with Green Berets, so I wear boots, but the office staff dresses in black low heel shoes. Brenda, you're in charge of the clothing budget, so give bossy Wanda J a list of your estimated weekly expenses until you have an approved budget."

An irritating masculine voice scowls, "Who the hell are you lady you best be on your way. This is the German Ambassador's Washington, DC Office!"

Smiling, I speed dial, "Hi Anita, I know you're on leave, but are you busy right now? Great, please get the Ambassador, VP, AG, Captain Andrews, and Colonel Marvel conferenced to the main DC office number. We'll conference via our office speakerphone."

Anita, minutes later, "You got it, boss, I'll stay online monitoring the connection?"

Me, "Hi Ambassador, Colonel, Captain, AG, and VP. I know you're all busy, so here's the deal. I am lonely after lazing around the hotel for a week, and then three days setting up our new digs near the VP's residence. So as the Ambassador's new DC Chief of Operations, I start working two days early. I'm cleaning house today, so two weeks out, this office will be the most efficient in DC.

"Wanda Jane Rawlings is now the Office Manager, reporting to me. Two smart and caring young ladies, Shy and Sky are on Wanda's Reception team, but Shy also has to develop, manage and monitor my operational budgets and forecasts. Shy tells me she loves math and is amazingly clever, so I'm giving her a raise after 30 days.

"All other DC office staff are on paid leave effective today and may reapply for their jobs in a week. Otherwise, all permanent layoffs will get a month's pay next week."

I look at Brenda, "Shy, any questions for the Ambassador?"

Brenda's eyes are huge, "Mr. Ambassador, I promise Miss Kenzie here and now, this office will be twice as efficient in two weeks at 25% less operating cost. From the moment Miss Kenzie walks in, I nudge my friend Sly, saying she is a good person.

Bernie (Sly), "I'm Bernie Mr. Ambassador, AKA Sly. Ditto on Brenda's AKA Shy, promise to work her tushy off for Miss Wanda. Brenda and I are friends who grew up together as orphans. We always hide from people that we're orphans but after 15 minutes of seeing Miss Wanda J and Miss Kenzie hugging, laughing, and talking kindly to us, I say, Brenda, we're not in hiding anymore."

Bernie adds, "Mr. Ambassador, Brenda and I are a team since 5 years old, so I'll get a raise in 30 days as well.

There are snickers from everyone on the call with Colonel Marvel saying, "Kenzie, you still have your flair and the magic touch, and I'm so proud you're my attaché.

A month later, our group is the most respected Ambassador's Office in Metro DC. We keep two other original staff and hire a young guy available from a DC Embassy that's reducing staff. He's a fantastic worker, but that office is shuttering in a few months so we quickly snatch him up.

There are now seven of us staffing the office, Wanda, Shy, Sly, and Jed, with me at 50%, and two half-time college students who are great. With this increased efficiency, Brenda's also reduced our office's overhead costs by 50%.

CONGRESSIONAL GUN HEARING WITNESSES

With a dramatic increase in mass shootings, the VP &AG takes the lead in trying to move the President's new gun legislation forward. Both are pleased with our office's operation, so ask Wanda to help their team schedule the congressional hearings. It's a quiet time for the office, so I jump in to help as well. I also release Anita for a month's leave before she reports to Tacoma, and will miss her terribly, but it's Anita's time to move forward in her GB career.

I'm helping Wanda get the needed White House and other clearances for the congressional committee witnesses. So, I review the backgrounds of several persons who's lost a family member(s) in recent mass shootings. I'm saddened by their pain, realizing many people other than me, suffer from losing a special person to civil or military violence. This gives me a new perspective on Kris's death which also helps my healing from losing her.

There are several interesting invitees to the hearing, but I'm searching for one super-special person. Our VP and AG want private talks with someone who can give this hearing wings, helping spearhead the passing of hard gun-responsibility legislation. Wanda is going great guns running 90% of the day-to-day office operations, leaving me time to solve tricky issues such as selecting special invitees to the hearing.

I'm stuck identifying the one super person who can make a difference, so Brenda suggests hosting a small reception for three or four persons with high potential.

God, that girl is brilliant, "I'm so happy you and Bernie are out of hiding; your idea is fantastic so we'll host the reception at the VP's home. I need Wanda to help me with a developing issue, so Shy and Sly are managing the reception. Wanda will get your clearances and all five of you please dress nicely in our more formal office attire.

Brenda's eyes widen, "We are invited to the VP's home, unbelievable?"

Snickering I add, "I'm not taking the blame for you guys blowing it, and need you there as my scapegoat so I can point fingers, saying they blew it!"

The five full-time office staff walk on air for the next few hours after chiming, "You two are the best bosses ever, and we'll plan the perfect reception for our four guest families!"

***

Meanwhile, Borden has important information for me, so we talk at length by phone. He needs me to visit Aarhus ASAP since there has been an interesting Ukraine development. I explain our upcoming reception at the VP's residence, asking if my visit to Aarhus can wait four or five days.

After several moments Borden answers, "I'm taking a huge risk since this situation is explosive and fluid. But, I fully trust you Kenzie, so plan on meeting me at the Secure Munich NATO facility six days from now, gotta go!"

Borden's actions daze me since he's always so precise, but I proceed with the welcome reception in three days as planned. It's a fun evening, with our DC Ambassadors office staff shining. We're in our Sky-Blue dress skirts and jackets, black thigh highs, and 2" Jimmy Choo Hills. The VP loves our cohesiveness, jokingly asking if our team will host all her future receptions?"

Brenda jumps in, "Bernie and I have been a team since meeting in the orphanage at a very young age. It'll be an honor for us to host your receptions. Please confirm the next six months' dates with our Manager, Wanda and it's a go for us, with her and Kenzie's approval."

The three junior staff whines, "We can help too because our Ambassador's DC office believes in teamwork!" They turn to me, grinning, "Right Big Boss?"

I notice a woman with her daughter, I presume, eying me speculatively as I smirk at Brenda, "Okay DC Team, but I'm not paying you one dime of overtime."

Brenda strolls over hugging me, "We love you Kenzie, and will never work for anyone else, right Ms. Wanda?

Wanda says, "I interview Kenzie for the German Consulate two years ago. Within two minutes of talking, we gain each other's respect. You're 100% correct Brenda, we'll only work for Kenzie, so you stay safe boss.

The VP, AG, and several congressional staff watch these exchanges with raised eyebrows. They then look closely at our office staff's professional dress and demeanor, realizing we're the Real McCoy.

I notice the same lady from earlier, keenly watching us/me while standing with the young girl. So, I casually walk over to greet her;

"Hello, I'm Kenzie assisting the VP/AG to organize specific parts of the congressional hearing on guns. My German Ambassador's staff in sky blue uniform colors plan and host this social hour."

She smiles, "I'm Marsala Marie Gilson, and my seven-year-old daughter, Tanya Elaine Gilson. Why is the German Ambassador's office involved in a US Congressional hearing about guns?"

I smile cutely, "Hi Tanya, I guess this party is boring for a sweet little seven-year-old. Maybe, I can give you and Mom a tour in a few minutes. There's a special room where we can see a few nice pictures and maybe comic books if you want to."

"It's nice to meet you, Miss Kenzie and I'm okay right now. But it'd more fun if other kids my age were here," says Tanya with a cute grin.

I stare at Tanya, "I'm the person who invited your mom Tanya, and there were no other kids on my special list. Please forgive me and I promise to get you some super delicious ice cream in a minute. But first, I want you to meet my Military Attachés who are awesome ladies. They are with me in Munich, Germany, and now here in Washington, DC for a few months longer"

I signal Anita and Eleanor over, looking sharp in their GB uniforms. Tanya's eyes are huge as she smiles at them. I explain that Anita is leaving me shortly, joining a new Green Beret unit out west. Eleanor is also leaving me soon to start her Green Beret training in North Carolina, so I'll be sad when they leave.

Peering at Marsala intently, "My familial name's Kenzie Ellen Nichols and you call me Kenzie. May I call you Marsala or do you prefer something else?" I will answer your question about why I'm here as we walk to a quieter area. Are you okay with Anita and Eleanor charming Tanya for a few minutes since there are many clever items in the Naval Observatory?"

"You may call me Marsala and Tanya seems quite happy with Anita and Eleanor, so lead on to a quiet place where we can talk sincerely."

We walk toward a corner study, which is off-limits to most people, but my Ambassador Office Staff is allowed to use it when needed. So, Anita and Eleanor will bring Tanya here for ice cream shortly.

Once we're seated, each with a chilled glass of PepsiMax, I briefly explain the past two years of my work, not mentioning Kris. I'm now Chief of the German Ambassador's DC Office, also assigned to the Department of Defense (DOD), on special projects for VP/AG/Joint Chiefs.