All Comments on 'Red Swallow Ch. 03'

Need more please!!

keep going really liking your story but i hope they get Mark for what he did to him and make him hurt as well maybe have someone with a big cock do mark in the ass

Really good story, I really like it. Definitely, well above the rest I read.

I held off on commenting before to let your story develop a bit before I did, but I liked it from first sight. The premise is interesting and you know how to write.

Your plot and writing style is very good. I felt you were rushing ahead at first (especially I expected more from the scene where her colleagues catch Desiree the first time) but that is understandable if you want to get to the meat of the story. But you kind of rushed things you shouldn't have either. I am sure Desiree's first sexual explorations with the dildo could have made for sexy reading and I wish we knew her mind while doing it. In fact if I have one criticism of your otherwise great work it is the sex stuff. It is hot yes but like most erotica writers your sexual scenes are short and could use with more descripI held off on commenting before to let your story develop a bit before I did, but I liked it from first sight. The premise is interesting and you know how to write.

Your plot and writing style is very good. I felt you were rushing ahead at first (especially I expected more from the scene where her colleagues catch Desiree the first time) but that is understandable if you want to get to the meat of the story. But you kind of rushed things you shouldn't have either. I am sure Desiree's first sexual explorations with the dildo could have made for sexy reading and I wish we knew her mind while doing it. In fact itiveness. Some advice I would give is use a lot of dirty words, shocking euphemisms, focus more on the emotional state of the actor(s). I am sure you fear to be repetitive but sex is kind of repetitive by nature ;) Short and insufficiently vivid scenes are worse, you avoid repetitiveness by using varied words to say the same thing in the way I advised. So in short do not skip or stint out on poignant moments (wish we saw more of Desiree's internal rationalizations for deciding to entertain clients, the buildup and suspense before meeting her first client) or the sexy scenes.

As for the plot so far, plausible for certain. If Desiree found it hard to stand up to Carl at her old job she will find it much harder to escape the far more intricate manipulations of Anastasya. Good job on writing the typical way working girls are entrapped by the sex work business. I am sure she will find her share of the earnings small and the various costs and expenses she makes great, all to keep her desperate and working. She will have to outsmart or outperform Anastasia before her bosses if she wants to rise above her current station. Or that is my guess.

Keep writing and I will keep reading, you are doing great though there is always room for improvement ;)

I read your comment yesterday and had to think about it for a bit...but, yeah...I think you're right about the Practice Dildo Scene Idea...that would have been a good scene.

Although I am trying to balance erotica with literature and develop my writing skills through practice I am still new to publishing my stories on line, so having insightful feedback such as this is helpful. I do think leaving some ideas unexplored or merely hinted upon is an effective storytelling technique and will continue to do so, but I think I dropped the ball on that one.

This story is 99% complete, other that a few elaborations and grammar and spelling corrections that I make on my final read through prior to posting...but...If I find time to write out an elaboration then maybe I'll find a way to incorporate that scene as a memory or reminiscence.

Thank you for taking the time to communicate with me, I appreciate it!

He's an incredibly smart nerd and he's not trying to do his dream work? So his career change is working a whorehouse. I've been around guys like this. He would be insulted to do what he's doing and would have ran out the door when faced with a $4000 tab that has nothing to do with goals. Everything the MC is doing is opposite the profile the writer created. WTF!