Reflections of a Bisexual Man

Ever since my first sexual experience with another person at the relatively late age of 21, I have not had the desire to be a conventional heterosexual man. Decades later, I reflect and conclude that I avoided a huge burden.

My first experience was with an older man who knew more about what I needed than I did. Meeting him after a long day of hitch-hiking and deciding to stay at his rural California residence for the night, he gently urged me to overcome my hang-ups and move beyond solo masturbation to the exciting realm of getting off with other people. After he seduced me, I returned to my home town and soon started having sex with women, also.

I came of age at a time when the conventions were being challenged with psychedelic drugs and a cultural revolution. Most people today have no idea how profound that revolution was in the 1960s and 70s. There was no internet, so people still met by relating directly to each other in person, rather than by pre-selecting their contacts through text-based messages and images that are invariably postured to achieve a specific agenda. So many people today seem to live in a somewhat two-dimensional virtual world where relationships tend to be transactional, and where sex tends to be based upon clichés that are promoted through digital media.

So, from my first thunderous ejaculation in the mouth of that generous man to my active pan-sexual life nearly 50 years later, I have not been bound by convention, homophobia, or transphobia. I have gradually changed over time, moving from the more physical stimulus-response aspects of sex to the profound openness and human connection that can lead to orgasms just as thunderous as that first time I dropped all my inhibitions and exploded in that nice man's mouth with at least seven pent-up spurts of semen.

Most of my experiences with women have led to long-term relationships, and so far, all of my encounters with men have been one-time things. But that is changing. I am hearing about more bisexual men who want a more regular same-sex partner. I'm meeting more women who do not necessarily equate sex with a lifetime commitment. These men and women tend to have a greater capacity for recognizing their needs and discussing them with others. I insist on following safe sex practices with all lovers who are not connected to me in a long-term relationship.

Just as people told me in various ways during the early 1970s that homosexual practices were not acceptable, many people of today are simply not ready for the sexual adventurism I still practice. Coming from an adventurous age, I have not allowed other people's rules to stop me from my explorations. Also, I do not feel compelled to broadcast my explorations to every person in my life, particularly those who subscribe to a narrow set of rules.

The person and the lover I am today did not result from following the rules and bowing to the taboos of a society that continues to make judgments about various forms of consensual sex and gender identification. As a result of following my own path, I am especially aware of how many people in society are conflicted about their sexuality.

I've met men who alternate between attraction and repulsion for same-sex encounters. Their social conditioning inhibits them from actually connecting with the whole person involved in their same-sex interactions. They tend to deny the bisexual aspects of their personality, clinging to the more socially acceptable self-perception of being "straight".

I've met both men and women in sexless relationships who resentfully deny their need for satisfying sex, because they have reached an impasse and regard monogamy as a moral imperative. The internet is full of these tragic stories.

Lately I've met older women who have lost their long-term lovers to death or separation, and who are now practicing or at least considering a more casual but safe approach to sex with other men and women.

Generally, I find that women are more likely to talk about their inner conflicts and how those conflicts affect their sense of sexual fulfillment. However, occasionally I meet men who also have this ability, and who have not succumbed to the societal judgement that men loving men is wrong. These brave men tend to be very good lovers. I met one at a natural hot spring in Colorado, and another at a clothing optional river shore in Oregon. They did not rush, both before and after orgasm. They were secure in their sexuality, and one was quite affectionate. Many men take same-sex affection off the table, which is a shame because they are missing out on something that can really enhance a man's ability to connect and get off.

After many years of intimacy with both men and women, I have come to the conclusion that bi men and bi women tend to be better lovers. I think if more people were secure in bisexuality, there would probably be more meaningful conversation and less testosterone-driven conflict in society. The secure bi men I have met tend to have that same expressive and empathetic spirit that a lot of sexually secure women have. When you meet and recognize the whole person, it becomes obvious that we have a lot in common.

There is a growing underground of people who are not accepting the premise that sexuality today either involves the extremes of shallow players or moralizing control freaks. My advice is to spend less time on electronic devices and more time in meaningful conversation and satisfying activities with real people in real time.