by His_beloved_roisin
This story was compelling in the beginning. I get how you were trying to illustrate the depth of feeling here, by his devotion during her convalescence. Unfortunately, that's pretty much all this chapter was about so it didn't move the story along very much. I'm still reading because the first chapter has left a hell of a lot of questions that this chapter hasn't even begun to cover.
So, next chapter, move the story along by filling in some of the blanks and questions. There's no need to take a whole chapter to show devotion.
i will admit, since this story is based on true events, it would have been hard for me to move on in this, especially to the D/s aspects of their relationship, without working intensely hard to show the trust.
after Iz was abused in a pseudo-D/s relationship (because it honestly does not deserve the title whatsoever), it will take a LOT for Etienne to pull her back into a place where she can submit to Him without fear. and even still, even as we work toward the submission in this story, you will see hesitation and fear even as thing progress.
i know it seems a little "slow" now, but trust me, those who are in the D/s lifestyle (my own Master in particular) would agree with me that this part was and is imperative.
The devotion was well covered. I should apologize for my impatience. I don't do well in meetings either because once I get the point, I want to move on and not belabor the point. Perhaps, as a writer, you might extend some trust to your readers? His devotion has been demonstrated. But why is he so devoted? What does he owe her? Is it his fault, what happened to her? Those were the questions I assumed would be covered in this chapter.
I'm still here, still reading, still compelled to find out what happened and how she came to be in such a brutal relationship, why she thought Etienne was dead, where the hell was he if he wasn't dead, and most important of all, what are the events that lead to her (hoping its safe to assume) eventual healing? So you see, your first chapter went a long mile in creating an attachment to her story and desire to learn more.
Thanks for taking the time to reply to my comment. That was very nice of you;)
all your questions WILL be answered. it might be another chapter or two, as i tend to not be the biggest fan of the instant reveal, but i promise that your every question will find its answer coming in the next couple chapters.
Sent you feedback. In case you don't get it, great story! Can't wait for more.
I think its perfect! Why does everything need to be rushed these days people? This story is a work of beauty and depth - the author commented at the beginning it wouldn't be a quick fling. Go with it, enjoy the ride. I am quite sure what comes next will be just as enjoyable... I love this, please don't change.
This story is a work of art, it's so beautiful and the depth that HBR goes to to show their feelings is very much needed in order to show that just how much love these two have for each other. If I wanted a quickie non feeling story I would not have continued this far. So, I'm just glad that you have continued with this story and I'm really surprised at all the critical comments that both chapters have received. Wow, somebody actually dared to write a love story and not just a romance or stroke story and people critique it negatively...hum, go figure.
beautiful story. Can't wait to move on to the next chapter. I think I've found a treasure. Thank you.