- Incest/Taboo
- Reunion
- Page 3
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Click hereMartha was home, and she felt like crap. Everyone in her life had left her, one way or another. She blamed herself for most of it.
Her doorbell rang, and she answered. It was a Fed-Ex package. When she opened it, she found a one-way ticket on an airline and a short note. "If you want to see us, now is the time. One chance only. Take this flight." It was signed by both Dave and Leigh.
She pondered this for only a moment and began packing. Two days later she was on a plane, headed to Charleston SC. When she arrived, she found a man with her name on a small sign. He put her in the back of a limo, and then told her "You must wear this. My client said it was not negotiable." as he handed her a blindfold. She put it on and sat back, stomach churning.
When the limo finally stopped and she was let out, the blindfold was removed. She was astonished by the beauty of the place. A woman came out and said, "Please come with me." leading her out to the back of the house. She declined a drink and sat at a table, watching the ocean waves.
"Mom..." came a small voice behind her. She turned and saw Leigh with Dave, holding hands.
She broke down, crying and babbling "I'm so sorry...he told me we were doing the right thing...please forgive me!"
Leigh went to her and hugged her, Dave at her side. "Mom....it is in the past. It's over. Let's just start over." she murmured in her ear. They began to talk, and the barriers began to come down.
"I suppose you know about me" Martha said. "I was given six months to a year two months ago. I'm just happy to see you before I go." she said.
"Mom....there is more people to meet!" Leigh said. Dave called into the house "Vivian, Ella, come here. Bring your brother!" Two beautiful twin redheads came out, pulling a wagon with a young boy behind them.
"Viv, Ella, Peter, I want you to meet this lovely woman. Her name is Martha, but you can call her Grandma." said Dave. All the kids went in for the hug as Martha hugged back with tears.
After a long day, it was almost bedtime. The kids were already in bed and each adult had a glass of wine. Martha looked at Dave and said "One last question. I know there was bad blood between you and George. Did you have anything to do with his....accident?"
Dave didn't answer for a moment, but finally looked at her and said "I had to make him stop looking. I also needed to get revenge. I'm not going to lie to you, but I won't tell you everything either."
She just nodded at him and said "I wish I could have watched. He ruined my life as well."
Nine months later, after the funeral, Dave and Leigh sat on the back patio watching the sunset. Leigh was rubbing the small bulge in her belly. Life ends, life begins.
- COMMENTS
vanyeover 1 year ago7 years isn't unreasonable if you factor in reparative surgeries and recovery, as well as earning money to let them hide. It sucks, yes, at least it fits
Wargameralmost 2 years agoGreat story, but again the gap of seven years was just too long.
Two to three years would’ve been sufficient time apart for the story to work as well as it did.
But still a great story and a 5/5
Rancher46over 2 years agoGreat story with an ironic twist, from cousins to siblings in a blink of an eye. George got exactly what he deserved for what he did to Dave and then trying to control Vivians life to keep them apart. Well in the end it all turned out OK and they lived happily ever after. I am amazed how some readers can't just enjoy the story for what it is without picking it apart. 5/5
Anonymousabout 3 years agoWell, first of all, third cousins can marry in all fifty states. Not only that, so can second cousins. Even first cousins can marry in 25 states (yes, I looked all this up, because I thought the story was making too big a deal out of a very distant connection). I thought, that was such an easy thing to research, how could the author make such a glaringly obvious error?
Then, you hit us with the punchline, and you got me, at least, good. I didn’t see that coming.
However, that brings up another point, and this was covered in another story about siblings who did not grow up together (can’t remember if you or someone else was the author). They both have different last names on their birth certificates, and there is no legal reason any government authority should want to have them take a DNA test, so in the eyes of the law, they are only third cousins, and completely able to marry.
So, that was the first point I had trouble buying into.
The second credibility stretch was they were both over 21 at this point and could tell her father to go to Hell. Their lives were none of his business.
The third plot hole was why was her father never charged with assault and attempted murder? It didn’t matter his motivation. He was guilty of a vicious attack, and in the real world, he would never have gotten away with it.
The fourth incredible item is that we have a grown woman who is still being controlled by her father. If he didn’t back off when she told him to (and if she didn’t, why not?), she could have easily gotten the authorities involved to help him “see the light.”
The fifth, and last item was the viciousness of the revenge. If the authorities had been involved when they should have, it would have been unnecessary, but the fact that Dave would be responsible for something so violent would have called HIS character and integrity into question with Leigh; possibly to the point of ruining their relationship.
I loved the story, and the surprise (third cousins is NOT incest; siblings is), right up to the point of the attack by Leigh’s father. What had been wonderful pacing and storytelling went right off the cliff from there.
Now, I really hate it when reviewers tell an author what he should have done, but I’m going to break my rule about not doing that, and suggest that the author rewrite from the point of where Leigh and Dave are at school together, happy, and find a different approach to introduce conflict/tension, and then resolution into a happy ending. The reconciliation with the mother was nice. I’d just find a better way to get the father out of the picture (and if he was so evil, why didn’t Leigh already know about it, growing up with him?).
I think this story could be saved with a little work.
oldsage_1over 3 years agoWouldn’t want a study diet of this but (second half) but for a one shot deal it was OK. If you are looking for coaching in feedback, be careful of extremes. Both the beating and the revenge were over the top. Remember we come here for enjoyment the blood and gore is on some other site.
All that considered I still give you 5* for style and talent. Content on this one not so much. Just ease it back a touch. The rest of your material I have read as of 2/21 is very enjoyable.
Looking forward to reading your future material.
Cheers
SAGE
Anonymousover 3 years agoFirst half was really good.
The second half was one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent writing were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this site is now dumber for having read it.
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoI like the erotic story in a decent short story story. Please keep writing.
