Robin's Way 10

It was Irina on the phone. I had tipped her off what I had done, if they had connected her with me and Surtees, then Dimitri's mob knew who she was, and she needed to get out of there. Macduff had come to the rescue.

"Thanks darling, I'm safe now. When do you think they realised?"

"My guess? It is when they saw the pictures, which was why I texted you."

"But where did the picture come from?"

"I have a theory," I said, "but look, I have another few calls coming in, and one of them I have to take. Catch you later."

"Sure, and thanks Robin, I owe you."

I had been in no doubt what to do about Irina. The moment I saw the pictures I had texted her to "get out, the police will help." And bless Macduff, he had delivered.

The first call was Jane.

"Darling, are you okay?"

"The deluge has just started," I said, "and I have not even finished my breakfast. How are things your end."

"If you turn on your TV in about fifteen minute's time, you'll see. Just know I have your back my darling."

Relief flooded through me. Whatever the day might bring, I had not lost Jane. That feeling really pushed home what I was already realising. However little I wanted anyone to pigeonhole me, I was a lesbian. I loved Jane, and that she was standing by me meant the world.

The next call up was from the BBC, wanting to interview me for their news programme, which I agreed to do. They said they'd send a car, and if I could go to their Ipswich studio, they'd have me on for eight o'clock.

I turned the phone off, showered, and fixed myself up. I was not going on the news looking like I had just got out of bed.

I put the TV on while I towelled myself dry. I caught the interview with Jane.

"Bishop Jane, as the Rev Topham's bishop, what do you make of the headlines? Do you support her? What is your view on the fact she is gay?"

Jane looked calmly at the interviewer.

"Can we disentangle that? One of my clergy was threatened by the Russian mob with being outed unless she ceased her efforts to help women they were abusing. The first thing to say is that anyone in the media who concentrates on her sexual orientation is, in fact, helping the Russians. Let me ask you, does that sit comfortably with you"

The interviewer, who was female, looked taken aback.

"We just report the news."

"I see," Jane said, "so the headlines concentrating on her sexuality and not the blackmail are, you think, in your considered opinion, fair and balanced?"

"We don't write the headlines?"

"Maybe not, but do you really think headlines about "Randy Rev's Russian Romp," are fair or balanced?"

"News outlets choose their headlines."

"We all do, and mine would be that one of my clergy has defied a threat to ruin her career in order to help abused women. For me, as a Christian, that is the story. You are always quick to report abuse in the Church, perhaps in this instance you might all consider not abusing the victim. After all, you would not want to look like a hypocrite, would you?"

"Thank you, Bishop Jane, that is all we have time for now, but there will be more later in our programme."

My heart swelled. Jane had stood up for me in public. I loved the way she'd avoided answering their questions, and made the effort to change the emphasis of the reporting. That was, I decided, what I should do.

The BBC car arrived just after seven o'clock. It would take the best part of an hour to get to Ipswich, I thought, but did not take into account the speed of the driver.

While he sped along breaking every speed limit, I took several more calls.

Macduff was brilliant. He wanted me to know Irina was safe, and asked how I was bearing up. I told him.

"You must have a million calls coming in Robin, so we'll talk later. We have your back, please don't worry. I have a car outside the Retreat, and we will have a presence at each of the three hostels."

Whoever had said all men were bastards was wrong, Mac was solid gold. But the Russians were ruthless, and they were hardly going to appreciate the storm I had helped them unleash on themselves.

The next call, just as we came close, was from an unknown number.

"Bitch, you better call the police off, or you will not like what happens next."

"I can't call anyone off, and fuck you!"

I sounded braver than I felt.

I texted Mac with the news and the link to the call.

At the studio, it was straight into make-up, and within ten minutes I was being seated next to the presenter. This was clearly their major interview of the moment.

"We have with us, the Rev Robin Topham who has made all the news headlines this morning. Thank you for agreeing to talk with us, Robin. Can I ask how you feel?"

"To be honest, as though the sky has fallen in on me."

"Can I ask if you were 'out,' before this?"

"You can," I said, "but if I had been, the Russians could hardly have used pictures of me kissing another woman as blackmail, could they?"

"So you are gay?"

I fixed her with a stare.

"As my bishop pointed out earlier on your programme, you can concentrate on the salacious, or you can concentrate on the women with whom I am working to rebuild their shattered lives. Would you like me to explain? I promise I will come back to your question."

She nodded.

I explained what had happened to the women and how we had taken them from under the noses of their traffickers, and the threats they had received.

"Your viewers might also like to hear my most recent call," I said, turning my phone on to release the recording I had made.

I could see the effect on my interviewer.

"That is horrifying."

"This is what we are dealing with. Last week these people killed a woman for telling us about the trafficking, and having failed to blackmail me, they a threatening to do the same to me. The Ukrainian women are working with me in Felixstowe to help those in our community who need it. You don't need to be a genius to work out who is doing God's work."

"And you, Robin, if I may call you that, how is all this going to affect you?"

"It is not going to stop me doing God's work."

"You said you would be willing to answer my earlier question, are you gay?"

I looked at her.

"It's a question I have been asking myself for years. If I ask, 'what is gay?' people will think that I am avoiding answering because I am ashamed. So I will answer it. Yes, I am attracted to women."

"Do you have a partner?"

"No," I said, "though I am in the early stages with a woman I love."

"Rev Robin, thank you."

As the camera switched away and they took the mic off, she leaned in and said:

"Bloody sorry for that question, but that was what they wanted."

"It's okay, I get it."

"Thanks - and best of luck."

By the time I got out to the waiting car, there were photographers and journalists there. I let one stop me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Exhausted and it is only eight thirty," I said, honestly.

"Anything you'd like to say to us Robin?"

"Yes, come to Felixstowe, see what the women are doing to defy the Russian mafia, and make the swine who tried to blackmail me pay for it. It would not take an investigative team long to find them."

With that, I bade them farewell and, turning my phone off, caught a few minutes sleep in the car.

Back at the Retreat, I went straight in. To my amazement, the Ukrainian women were all there and applauded me when I went in.

"Thank you, Miss Robin, from the bottom of our hearts."

I had noticed there was a squad car parked outside, and from Mac's texts, knew the other places were also protected.

Miriam asked how I was. I told her.

"Are you doing the confessions later as usual?"

"I am," I said, refusing to be intimidated.

"Are you sure that is wise?"

"No, I am not, but I believe I have a duty to help those women too."

"Should I telephone the Russians to see if they are expecting you?"

"You can do better, Miriam, you can tell them to get Dimitri to phone me."

Anna came straight in.

"Irina has been onto me. So she was working with you and the authorities?"

"She was, but as you will know, she is safe now. It's a shame she was outed as it was useful having someone on the inside there."

"Well, Robin for whatever it is worth, we support you."

"Thank you, Anna. We will not be bullied."

"Will you lose your job, Robin?"

"I have no idea," I replied, "but if I do, it is in a worthy cause."

I was well aware that at this early stage it was easy to get carried away on a tide of adrenaline, but there would be a reaction. The "Randy Rev" headline was out there and would haunt me forever. But it was not the opinion of the world which mattered.

Miriam came back in; she looked worried.

"They did not seem happy, Mother Robin, the man I spoke to said that Dimitri was surprised you wanted to speak with him. He said he would phone you this morning before twelve."

It was already nearly half past eleven, so I made my excuses to Miriam and made a call.

"Robin?"

"Elena."

"I saw this morning's news."

"I know."

"You know what?"

"Where those photographs came from."

There was a silence at the other end.

"You don't understand ..."

"I understand that you, an old friend whom, I trusted, gave those photos to Dimitri who used them to try to blackmail me."

"I had no choice."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he is blackmailing me too. I had mentioned to him that you had been involved in the Surtees case, and had referred to the photos. He remembered and told me that unless I gave them to him, he would send compromising pictures of me to the press. It was you or me."

I gave her credit for not lying to me.

"You must hate me?"

"Well, at the moment, you are not top of my Christmas card list. The question is what are we going to do about it?"

"I presume you are going to report me and that my career is over. I'll be lucky to avoid jail. Do you know what they do to policewomen in jail?"

"I can't begin to imagine. Mac knows it was you, though he has no actual proof. You are still in good odour with Dimitri, yes?"

"He is bloody furious with you. He said I was a good girl and wasn't to know that you'd pull what he called a 'stunt like this.' He wants revenge, it is his way."

"Does he know that I know you were the source of the photos?"

"No, he just thinks you refused to be blackmailed, which again, is a first for him."

"There is still a chance to redeem yourself, Elena."

"What can I do? I'll do anything."

"First, tell me the truth, are you really undercover?"

"Yes, but I was not supposed to go as far with him as to have sex and get myself recorded doing kinky stuff."

"Okay. Given what you know of him, you think he will revenge himself on me? How?"

"He's a sexual sadist, Robin, if I had to guess, he, or one of his goons will look for a chance to assault you."

A chill ran through me. That was, of course, very likely, and short of a twenty-four-hour police guard seven days a week, it was hard to see how to avoid the danger. So, I thought, what did one do with dangers one could not avoid - decided to face it.

"Okay. Elena, how about you becoming the bait?"

"What do you mean?"

"I presume you told him we had been an item at school?"

"Yes, I did."

"Have you said anything else about us?"

"Yes, I said I thought you still fancied me, and I certainly fancy you."

"Good," I smiled to myself. "What about we arrange for a date night, going back to yours after dinner?"

""Why not? Will that get me out of trouble?"

"If it lands them Dimitri, I think we might be able to make a case that the photo was the price you had to pay to stay undercover; thin, but plausible."

"I'll do it then!"

"That'll put you back on my Christmas list."

"You know I do fancy you, Robin."

"I guessed, and were I not involved elsewhere, I'd be interested to."

It was a white lie. After what Elena had done, I could never trust her. Indeed, could I trust her on this? It was my only way out. I'd tell Mac about it.

Just as I ended the call with Elena, Dimitri's name appeared on the screen. I took the call.

"Are you really thinking you'd be welcome here?"

"And good afternoon to you, too," I said, "and why should I not?"

"Because you have cost me a lot of money, and my bosses back in Moscow are not pleased with me."

"I can't tell you how upset that makes me," I commented, "because I'd be lying if I did."

"Bitch! You just stay out of my premises and away from my girls. If you don't, you won't like what will happen to you."

"What, are you saying you feel threatened by a woman? Poor thing!"

"Fuck you!" He screamed as he ended the call. From the sound of that, he might need a new phone.

I found I was trembling. What I needed more than anything temporal was a hug, so I sat, took out my Rosary and prayed it. Calm came to me. I thanked God. I was strong in Him, not in my own feeble strength. Mind you, as Miriam reminded me when she came to see how I was, "it's lunch time, Mother Robin, and I'm not sure what you've had to eat today."

I could see from the concern in her eyes that she was worried. In a strange way that reassured me. I was still shaken from her reaction to my admission about my sexuality. It hit me then, again, that I was being pigeonholed. But perhaps I was just gay? I did not have time for that sort of self-reflection. Things needed doing.

"I've brought you a sandwich, Mother Robin, Anna and the others would like you to join with them."

So I did. There was a deep fellowship in that room, deriving from the fact that we were all women and all under threat. I could only imagine what Anna and the others had suffered, though, through their confessions I had a good idea. But between the hearing of what happened to others, and the fear of what might happen to you, there is a gulf as wide as the suffering is deep. Empathy takes you part of the way. Fear takes you further down that path; far enough never to want to go further.

Anna looked at me during lunch, as I got up to help with the washing up, she joined me.

"I am sorry this has come upon you because of us, Miss Robin. Can we help?"

"Your love and sympathy help me, Anna."

"You know they will want to hurt you?"

"I know, as they do you. Why do they do it?"

"They are those sort of men, Miss Robin. They take us, they use us, we are not human to them."

"It is the dark side of our nature. God tells us we are fallen beings, Anna."

"Can I ask a question Miss Robin?"

"Of course."

"When the soldiers took me by force, I had several orgasms. Does that mean I wanted it, that I am a whore as they said? Why else would I do that?"

I looked at her with deep compassion. So that was what had been bothering her.

"If I tickle you, you will laugh whether you are amused or not, yes?"

"Yes, of course."

"It's a purely physical reaction to a physical phenomenon. That was what happened to you when they forced you, Anna. You mind shut down and your body's physical reactions took over. You are not the first woman to find that. Would you like to talk to a trained counsellor about it? I know it is hard for you and the others, and I have held back from suggesting it, but if you would like to?"

"But we cannot pay, Miss Robin."

"The Church has trained counsellors in our ranks, and I can arrange something."

"Thank you, Miss. So it does not mean I liked what those men did?"

"No, it most certainly does not. It means you survived, and that is what matters."

"I am worried they might do that to you, Miss Robin."

"So am I," I admitted, "but well..."

I stopped.

"Would you like to help me?"

"In any way we can Miss Robin."

I held her hand and thanked her.

"I shall let you know."

I phoned Mac and told him part of what had happened.

"So the bastard threatened you? We have a guard on you."

"You can't do that twenty-four seven," I said.

"We can arrest the bastard."

"For what? It is she said, he said. But I do have an idea. You know we think Elena let him have those photos?"

"I do, but we have no actual proof."

"But she does have an inside track with Dimitri, which has given me an idea."

I outlined my thinking.

"Robin, that's bloody dangerous, using yourself as bait. What if something goes wrong?"

"That's a risk I am going to have to take."

"So when?"

"I will let you know."

I wished there was another way. But this was the dark road demanded by my work, and I had to have faith that the Light would prevail over the dark.