Advice for Kink Curious Husbands

I get a lot of questions from readers asking for advice.

I imagine that's fairly normal for those who write here, and especially for someone like me who encourages readers to ask questions.

So here's some advice in answer to a question from a married man who would like to ask his wife to try something kinky.

His question is pretty specific about watersports, and I get questions about that a lot since it's a favorite sexual activity of mine, but with a little bit of common sense and wisdom I think you'll be able to apply my advice to other forms of kinky play.

Here's his question:

You've mentioned in the chat room that you are into water sports, and they show up a lot in your stories. Lately I've become even more curious about that kink, although to be honest I've thought about it off and on for several years. How did you bring it up to your husband that you wanted to try it? I really want to try it, but I'm freaked out that my wife will just think it's gross or I'm gross.

Buckle up because here's my answer about bringing up kink experimentation with your spouse. I am very lucky, because my husband and I are both into some kinky stuff, and we had those conversations early on when we were dating.

On our second or third date he told me that long term he needed a partner willing to experiment with some sexual play that wasn't normal. He warned me that if that wasn't me, we could still hang out and go to the movies and spend time together, but we shouldn't date as if we were establishing a relationship.

He was afraid we'd both end up miserable if one of us was vanilla and the other wanted kink.

I was twenty-two and hadn't tried much sexually at that point other than 'normal' stuff, but my masturbation and fantasy life were very kinky, so I admitted that to him then and there.

We ended up having a very kinky conversation about things he'd tried and fantasized about, and I told him about my big kink experience that helped clarify to me my love of not only pee play, but of kink in general (read my stories A Wet Summer Night and A Wetter Summer Night for more details).

I knew that night that he and I would have fun together. And twenty-two years later we're still exploring kink together.

By the time we were engaged however, I realized that our story is fairly unique. A lot of folks discover their interest in bondage or peeing or humiliation or control or submission or dressing up to sexually roleplay after they're married, so the chance to have that conversation early on isn't available.

With that in mind, here's my two best pieces of advice, whether you've been fascinated by a particular form of play for a long time or if you've stumbled upon it recently.

First: be honest.

Second: go slow.

You don't have to confess the total depth of your fascination initially, but don't pretend that it's just something 'weird' you heard about when you bring it up.

If your partner also happens to be curious or is embarrassed by their willingness to try it, if you pass it off as 'weird' they might not admit any interest for fear of being judged.

Admit that it arouses you, and you want to explore it. If you're honest there's a better chance they'll trust your interest. If they have seen your search history they probably already know, so there's no reason to pretend anyway.

But along with honesty be willing to go slowly.

Don't just say before bed some night "Hey I want to pee on you tonight."

No one likes being put on the spot.

Mention it after sex while you're cuddling. Hopefully I don't need to tell you that the best after sex conversation will come after you've made sure your partner has enjoyed themselves in every way you can help them to. Lots of foreplay and buildup and as many orgasms as they want.

Bringing it up after sex will give her some space and time to think about it for a few days without the pressure of having to make her mind up right then and there.

If you bring it up before sex and she tries it right away with no time to think about it or discuss it, she might wake up the next morning thinking "What the hell did we do last night?"

If she wakes up embarrassed or grossed out she might never try it (or anything else kinky) ever again.

If she has a few days to ask questions and think about it, as you're honest about how erotic you think it might be, she'll be more focused on seeing how much it turns you on and how much you like it instead of just the 'gross' factor.

Furthermore, when you bring it up, be specific that you'd like to start slowly and easy. As they say, getting there is half the fun. If your ultimate goal is to have her pee on you, building up to that over several nights or weeks will make that event even more enjoyable for both of you if you've savored the scenery along the way.

Tell her you want to start by peeing in the toilet with her in the bathroom, and you want to be in the bathroom when she pees, building up towards intentionally watching each other pee in the toilet.

If she thinks it's gross or silly or weird, and you reward her for letting you watch her pee before dinner with some mind blowing oral play a few hours later when you go to bed she might start to catch on just how sexually exciting this is for you.

Once you're at that point, challenge her to pee in the shower while you watch.

Again, I'd encourage you to mention this progression during that initial conversation. Don't let her think you'll be satisfied by just being in the bathroom while she pees, and then press for more.

Let her know that you want to progress further and further, but you want to do it slow enough that you can talk about it and assess each other's feelings along the way. If she feels respected, she'll be able to focus on the eroticism and arousal. If she feels used, she'll lose interest fast.

Peeing in the shower together is easy, especially with the hot water running. Give each other space to pee down the drain while being watched. The shower is PERFECT because cleanup is so easy. No extra laundry, no clothes or furniture to get splashed on, and you already have privacy and soap and hot water right there.

And just watching and being close is a great way to start because if one of you decides "This is too gross" you haven't gone so far that the grossed-out partner has pee all over their body.

I have a friend whose husband loves for them to pee on each other, and she hates it, but she lets it happen in the shower often because he loves it and it's easy for her to deal with in there. Plus, he always makes it worth her while afterwards in bed.

You should also bear in mind that you might be the one who discovers that this kink isn't for you as you try it. There's a big difference between reading a story or watching a video and doing the real thing.

Once she's comfortable peeing together you can try more.

Let her pee on your hand or your feet or leg under the running water.

Let her hold and aim your stream under the running water, building up to her aiming it at her own body while you go.

If she dislikes it, she'll understand from both your honesty all along and your thankful response to each step of this journey that it's something you want and enjoy, and if she feels respected that will increase the chances that she'll indulge you once in a while.

Whether you're interested in pee play or some other kink, building up to it slowly and with total honesty are the two best pieces of advice that I can give you.

If she allows you to try any amount of pee play, be sure to tell her how sexy it is while you're doing it, and afterwards how erotic you thought it was. Let her know that you're grateful to have a wife who is willing to try.

Seriously, there are many men right here on Literotica who would give anything to have a partner who will at least consider trying something kinky. If you have one willing to indulge you even a little make sure she knows how lucky you feel.

If she feels like a partner in kinky fun with you that's much better for your marriage than if she feels like a human urinal. And if your eventual goal is to treat each other like human urinals, your odds of that happening are far better if she enjoys the initial experimentation and the build up to that.

If you're engaging in a business transaction with a prostitute it's fine to announce right away that you want to try every aspect of a kink.

If you're in a long-term relationship, it's better to be honest up front and build towards more intense experiences as you go along.

Who knows? You might ask her to indulge in this kink, and she might counter-offer with a kinky request of her own.

And of course your mileage may vary. You know your partner and your situation better than I do. It might take you two years to get all the way into the kink you want to try, or it might take you three nights. Move at a pace that works for your relationship, and don't worry about what others do or don't do.

Friends of ours decided after several years to experiment with anal play. After the first night of some very shallow fingering, he came home from work with a rose for her. They continued this, with him bringing two roses, and then four after each time that they pushed a bit further. He was grateful and she felt loved.

After several months of building up to it he came home one Friday night to find a dozen roses on the dining room table, purchased by his shy and reluctant wife who was now ready to take their anal play all the way. She told me he smiled for a solid week afterwards, and since then roses have become their private joke.

Slow and steady wins the race, and unless you're in a porn movie, slow and steady will get you to your kink destination with much more enjoyment and frequency than getting there once at ninety miles per hour.

Let me end with this.

My husband and I have established this ground rule for kink-requests in our marriage: Either of us has the option to say no to anything at any time without having to explain or justify ourselves, but we have the obligation to at least consider it before saying no.