Rock Paper Scissors

"It's not like you've actually tried." She looked away at that.

"What if I just want to spend some time with you? Is that so hard?"

It shouldn't be a problem, but Adrienne has made herself clear to me that she doesn't like Alex at all. In fact she just barely tolerates that we live together.

"No it's not. I just want my best friend and my girlfriend to like each other."

"I'm sorry, but it's not that simple. Normally I would never give an ultimatum, but this time I have to. It's either only me at the art show, or don't come at all."

"Are you fucking serious?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Why do you hate her so much?"

Movie downloaded or not, Alex shut her laptop and made her way out of the living room. Little did I know, Alex and Adrienne had had a few conversations themselves.

Alex

Dana may be my best friend, but sometimes- more often lately- I just wanted to kill her. I don't care how badly that idiot fucked up the Dewey Decimal System (Dana worked in a library), how could she leave me here with her evil girlfriend again? As I flicked through the numerous channels on the television, tension thicker than a snicker filled the room. Last time this happened, the conversation was directed at how I should stay away from Dana as much as possible. How I was supposed to do that when we lived in the same apartment escaped me. This time I didn't know what would happen.

I finally settled on the cooking network. It was hard to go wrong with that. As soon as I selected it, a groan escaped Adrienne's lips.

"You have terrible taste in TV." That comment earned her a glare.

"You know Dana watches this terrible channel too right?"

"Yeah I'm working to alleviate her fixation on food."

"It's not like she's fat. She's fit as hell actually." My mind trailed to Dana's body, rippled with muscle but topped with soft flesh in all the right places.

"You must not have taken my last warning too seriously, so here it is again. Back off." Adrienne sneered at her.

"I'm gonna need you to get the fuck off my back in my own house! You don't order anyone around in here."

"Ooh kitty's got claws? Well guess what? You don't matter. I don't know what you think you have on me, but she will never go for you. Not over me." She smiled smugly at me. I wanted nothing more than to bash her face in, but Dana would never forgive me. Instead I chose to stand up, and go to my room.

I heard the door shut when Dana came back. "Where's Alex?" I heard her ask.

"Oh she said she wasn't feeling too well, probably just hated being around me." Adrienne's sweet voice was back.

"That's too bad." Dana said, a distinct sound of displeasure lined her voice.

Adrienne must not have liked that too much, because her next comment made me sick.

"Well we can still have fun, just the two of us. She doesn't know what she's missing."

Oh yes, I do.

Dana

For the next 4 months my relationship with Adrienne grew and my friendship with Alex dissipated. Adrienne spent more days at my house, and consequently that meant in Alex's presence too. They were like cat and dog with each other and I couldn't seem to alleviate it. While it didn't seem to make a difference to Adrienne at first, I noticed it start to take a toll on her later. One day at a restaurant she finally brought it up.

"You know it bothers me sometimes that Alex hates me so much."

"She doesn't hate you. She's just looking out for me. She's seen me at my worst and doesn't want me to fall back into that again."

"Well that's sweet and all but she could've done the common "If you hurt her I'll break you" thing that most friends do." she looked down at her place, "The way Alex acts makes me think this is about more than protecting you from being hurt."

"What do you mean?"

"I have an odd gut feeling Alex feels more for you that friendship."

The shock that spread over my face was worth a photograph. I opened and closed my mouth like a gaping fish looking both for words and oxygen. "What?" I squealed. "No, no Alex and I are complicated but she couldn't feel that way and I not notice for three whole years."

"Well maybe it wasn't always like this for her, but she acts like a jealous ex when she's around us."

My eyes dart away from her face. Alex kind of was like an ex, minus the romantics.

"What are you not telling me?" Adrienne searched for my gaze, but I avoided her eyes. How could I tell her the truth? "I'll never understand if you don't tell me. Trust me and I'll try to be understanding."

I took a deep breath and spun the uncensored tale that was Alex and I. When I was done, I was devoid of color, air, and whatever dignity I kept to myself. The truth sounded a lot worse out loud. Adrienne took it all in and sat quietly for a few agonizing minutes until she started to gather her bag and coat.

"No, Adrienne don't go. I told you it's not like that anymore. I haven't even touched her since the day before our first date!"

"I know! I heard you. I just need a little time... to think."

"Think? About what? There's nothing to think about. It's entirely irrelevant."

"No it't not. Alex and I have had a couple talks away from you. I once told her that I knew how you looked at her and that I was thankful she never took interest in you. I told her that if she had ever tried to win you or take you from me, I would be no competition. I always thought back to the day I met her and wondered if that's what she was doing and- "

"Well if it was then it didn't fucking work!" I retorted. "I've been with you for all this time and haven't batted so much as an eyelash at her."

"Do you see what I go through whenever she's around?"

"I think you both are important but I don't want to have to sacrifice you for her or her for you. Especially if one of you is my girlfriend and the other is just my friend."

"Yeah. Well like I said, I need time to think and you probably do too."

Without another word she stood and walked to her car, leaving me right there at the table. I couldn't decide what to do first, so after about an hour of sitting there void of comprehension, I rose. I looked down the street then proceeded to walk- since Adrienne drove us to the cafe- home. As I processed what happened, I landed on a series of emotions. However when I boiled it down to its simplest form, I was angry. I was jogging by the time I reached my block, and I was sprinting up the stairs to get the door open. I jammed my key in the door and shoved it open with my shoulder shocking the dear life out of a half clothed Ezra.

"Where is she?" my voice no longer sounded like my own. It was deep and dark and full of pain.

His hands shot up like I'd pointed a gun at his face and he pointed down the hall. "Room."

I stormed down the hall and nearly collided with her when she peeked out to see what all the noise was about. As my original intention I prepared to verbally rip her a new one, but once my eyes caught sight of her whatever control I had disappeared in the wind. I grabbed her by her collar and forced her into the wall with enough strength to leave a bruise.

"The hell is wrong with you?" she yelled while gripping at my wrists.

"You are! How could you take the one greatest things in my life and ruin it? What kind of friend does that?" I screamed back.

"What are you talking about Dana?" she struggled against my hands, but I was too enraged to let go.

"SHE LEFT ME."

Her reaction was definitely that of shock, but as I watched every piece of it evolve I noticed the smallest trace of a smile. In one swift motion I pulled her from the wall, jutted my leg out and threw her over it in a Judo style takedown. I had her pinned to the floor now. Ezra stormed in the room and attempted to pull me off of her but to my surprise Alex was the one to halt him in his tracks.

"Stay out of this Ezra!."

"You know, I didn't think you would be so fucking jealous. There was nothing to be jealous about! She wasn't taking me from you, and I was still your friend."

"You were never even here! We had to beg you to spend any time with us."

"Don't drag Ezra in and make this about both of you, when you were the one to treat her like shit. Ezra liked her!"

"I'm sorry I wasn't her biggest fan okay?"

"You purposely disagreed with her on everything. You make it awkward when she was around. Even she said you acted like a jealous ex."

"That's not true."

"Then what was that stunt you pulled during the first time you met her?" she rolled her eyes at me, but refused to meet my gaze. "She believes that you feel something more for me than friendship, so you know what I did?"

She stared at me with blank face, bracing for whatever came next.

"I told her the entire truth. I told her everything. I told her that you practically were my ex minus the actual relationship! I told her that we fucked on a regular basis and that it never meant anything! Only she was so hung up on the sex that she couldn't even look past that." I wasn't sure who's face was worse, Alex's or Ezra's. I forgot that this was the first time he'd heard anything about that. Without a word, he turned on his heels and walked away. I'd have to deal with him later.

Alex took that moment of distraction to suddenly knock my elbows out causing my grip on her to collapse. She rolled me over and ended up on top pinning me much the same way I had her.

"Don't go and blame that on me when it was both of us doing it." she growled.

"How about we leave the sex alone since thats a big enough problem on its own and worry about why the fuck you were acting psycho when she was around? I don't care how horny you get, that wasn't the only reason you lost you're mind whenever she was around."

She glared at me for a long moment while she thought of a reply. Finally her eyes dropped in defeat as she drew a long breath. "Maybe I was jealous. Maybe I hated the idea that I had to watch you fawn over someone else. Maybe I was hurt, and maybe I wasn't sure how to tell you."

"I don't understand."

"I care about you! I always have but- I don't know- Adrienne came around and things just changed. It wasn't just the sex, I was with other people when you were with her. I felt... empty, angry, and sad. How could I tell you that when you were so happy with her?" she rolled off of me and pushed herself far back. I wasn't sure what to do. I milled through her words, searching for something to save me from the panic that was quickly building in my throat. I was pissed because she drove me away from Adrienne. I was happy because the love I'd felt for her since I met her was finally returned. I was sad because I hadn't noticed that the one person I'd always cared for cared for me in such a strong way. Rage won that contest though.

"So that's how you expressed it? Why couldn't you be honest with me then?!"

"Honesty?! You want to talk about honesty? You lied to me to me plenty of times since we met! You kept things from me, and you even had feelings for me back then so fuck your honesty!"

It was World War III, and bombs had just been dropped. I wasn't sure what fire to put out first. One in comparison to the other however, burned bright blue.

"You wouldn't know how the fuck I felt three years ago. You were straight as fuck and your head was up your boyfriends ass! I let you enjoy being in love with him and I was considerate enough to stay the hell out of your love life even if he was an asshole. Adrienne was always nice to you and you came out swinging! I was finally falling in love and you pushed her away from me!" I rolled up to my toes, grabbed the keys I'd thrown and charged right out the door and to the nearest bar to drown my sorrows in Jack Daniel's.

I'm not sure how many hours had passed, and I'm not sure how many drinks I had, but once I was good and fluffed up to the point that the room became a carousel, I payed for my drinks (with what I hoped more than knew was the right about of money) and headed outside. I hadn't checked my phone since I was left at the cafe, but when I looked at it I found it was bombarded with calls and texts from Ezra and, to my dismay, Alex. I'd thought about what I'd done to her earlier and a guilt trip tsunami washed over me. When the anger was beneath a pint of alcohol, all the other emotions surfaced. I couldn't help but think of how many times I'd done this before- getting wasted then falling prey to how my broken heart actually felt- and how Alex had always been there to save me. She was the first person on my speed dial, she always came when I needed her whether that was physically or emotionally- and I had slammed her into a wall and the floor in a very misdirected anger. I wasn't mad at her, I was mad at me. Shit.

I tried to call her phone but for the first time ever, she didn't answer. I called Ezra next as I was pretty sure they were together. He picked up.

"Dana? Where are you?" he sounded panicked.

"Hey Ezra, I'm okay. Calm down." I attempted to control the slur in my voice.

"Are you drunk?"

"Normally I'd say no, but yes, I am very much drunk."

"I'll come get you, send a picture of the bar and I'll be there-

"No!" I cut him short. "Send Alex."

"Are you sure? That didn't work out too well this afternoon."

"I need to talk to her."

"Yeah but not only are you hostile, but now you're drunk too."

"Would you put her on the phone? I'm pretty sure she's right next to you." She wouldn't answer my call out of being a hard-ass, but she cared too much about me to not wonder if I was safe. A long pause passed before I heard another voice.

"You called?" Alex said with a tired voice.

"Yeah, not like you answered."

"Okay you really don't have the right to be a smartass right now so tell me what you want so-"

"Shhhhhh! Just come outside and make a left. You'll run into me." I instructed, then hung up hoping to void her opposition.With that I started in the direction I knew was home. Before long (hard to judge time right now though since apparently it was 2am) I was on the block of my home. I came up to the door and stood outside on the left where I told Alex to look for me, then I waited. She came outside in such a rush that she nearly tripped over my foot, but damn she looked good. She wore a black top, tight jeans with a pair of knee-high leather boots, but best of all she wore a vintage leather jacket I bought for her birthday.

"Did you have plans before I called?" I asked, suddenly jealous of whoever she was dressed up for.

"Holy shit. You said go left but I didn't think you would be here already."

"I know. I'm sorry. Sorry for many things." I slid to the flood. By now I'd sobered up enough to control basic movement. She still stood, waiting for more from me.

"I'm sorry for earlier. I shouldn't have done that. I couldn't think and I said some things that I shouldn't have."

"How about we go in the house and talk about this?"

"I don't think Ezra can handle it."

"Yeah, he hasn't said anything about what happened earlier."

"It's better that way. At least until I, or we, can fully explain it to him."

"Well then we can talk in your room. Come on its cold out here." she said, nodding her head toward the house. I managed to find my balance and together we trailed up the stairs. As soon as we opened the front door Ezra came rushing towards me, swallowing me in a hug tight enough to cut off my oxygen supply.

"Sweet baby Jesus thank the Lord you're alright!"

"Thanks Ezra. You can let go now." my voice muffled by his chest.

"We'll be upstairs." Alex spoke, earning a raised eyebrow from Ezra.

"Please don't make me hit you." I whined.

Once we got up the stairs, the silence of the room swelled. The only audible sound was that of our breath which was ragged from the trip up 2 flights of stairs. I hadn't really seen her in detail outside since it was so dark, but now in the better lighting I took a few moments to study her. Her hair was tossed naturally in the way that makes me want to run my fingers through it. Her black eyeliner made the amber color of her eyes glow brightly. I could see the goosebumps on her chest, revealed by the low cut top she wore beneath her jacket. Her legs looked wonderful in her jeans, those squats had paid off. I made my way back up to her eyes, but realized they roamed my body much in the same way mine had just trailed hers. While my eyes usually spoke my attraction, her lips non-verbally spoke hers. As her eyes made her way down my chest, she licked her lips, and when she reached the curve of my hips, she bit her lower lip. I always noticed her lips, and I wanted to know how they felt on mine.

Suddenly the silence was broken.

"I'm going to change. All this leather is pretty hot up here."

"Sure, no problem. I should do the same." I hadn't even finished the sentence before Alex bolted back down the stairs to her room. As if a brick wall had just toppled over me, a wave of thoughts overwhelmed my mind. I wanted to kiss Alex. Not have sex with her, not make her scream, but just kiss. I'd forced myself to feel only blinded lust for her, only so I could protect my heart from the inevitable pain if I allowed anything more. My own internal rule: If I want to kiss her, I'm already in love with her.

Oh shit.

No, it's the alcohol. I was head over heels for Adrienne just this morning. I can't be in love with Alex in the same day. The devil on my shoulder said "Well it is 2:45am so technically it's the next day." No! This isn't okay! She is my friend. She is my best friend. We live together. I've been with her through her relationships with other people. We comforted each other when we had no one else. She meant the world to me. The more I questioned it, the more the argument failed. In seconds it went from "How could I be in love with Alex?" to "How could I not be in love with Alex?" I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, but it wasn't until the incredulous look on Alex's face before I realized that I never actually finished changing. I stood there in a sports bra and track pants.

"Oh shit, sorry. I need a shirt."

"It's fine, as long as you're comfortable." she said once she reclaimed her composure.

"Not with you staring at me like that I'm not." I grabbed a cut-off shirt- which honestly didn't cover very much, but it was very hot right now- and threw it over my head. The awkward silence that followed was absolutely suffocating, but Alex, being the angel she is, gestured to the bed and spoke. "Ready to talk?"

She sat down first and scooted back to the wall, knowing I preferred the outside of the bed.

I couldn't think of where to start. What with my newest revelation and everything else that was swimming through my mind, I was more nervous than a porcupine in a balloon factory. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. Let's talk about those things I mentioned earlier maybe?"

"What were they again?"

"The things you never told me about."

"Right, right." Her accusation was pretty general, but I had an idea about what she was talking about. "Okay. First of all I did tell you Jason was cheating on you. You didn't believe me."

"Well you sure didn't tell me you knew he was fucking your chemistry partner."

"I wasn't going to throw her under the bus and have her fuck my grade up over drama."

"Okay, and Eric?"

Ugh, Eric was a cute guy in our Poli Sci class. I thought he was good-looking, but I wasn't one to make the first move, especially considering he was just my distraction from Alex. I figured I could use him to draw my attention away from Alex, who was quick to jump on him and one day I just found out they were together. Worst double date ever.

"The day I found out I was on a date with Dante. What right did I have to claim him? And plus, I only thought he was cute."

"I know it tortured you to see me date him and I wouldn't have if you'd told me. It's not like you hid how upset you were on that date."