Roderick's Tale

My words seemed to settle her somewhat. "I know Rodi, but that doesn't mean this isn't wrong."

I gave her another squeeze.

"Come along, Roderick, I have need to speak with you alone," Grandfather stated flatly.

I glanced up at the family patriarch and nodded. I stood and moved toward the door where Grandfather waited. Edith stood watching on with her blissfully happy expression.

As Grandfather opened the door, I stopped and turned. "Mother?"

She looked up from where she still held Faith. She closed her eyes and nodded.

"I love you all," I said before turning and following Grandfather.

We returned to my study, where Grandfather shooed Ephram out and locked the door behind him.

Alone we sat in the same seats we were in the early morning Grandfather found me awake days after the attack.

"With your cousin pregnant, we will have to move ahead and advance the plans for your marriage," Grandfather said, looking me in the eye.

I nodded my agreement. I expected Grandfather to say more, but he looked away and didn't say anything further.

"Was that all Grandfather? I should get back to the women--"

"No, that is not all, Roderick," Grandfather cut me off, still not looking at me. I waited patiently, but he still didn't respond. A full ten minutes passed before he continued. "Roderick, would you marry your sister, were it a possibility?"

I was stunned. I didn't know how to reply. I'd never even considered the thought before. As my grandfather had taken the time to think about his question, I took the time to contemplate my answer.

"I think-- no, I know-- Yes, Grandfather, I would. But then, wouldn't we have to find a husband for Edith?"

Grandfather continued to look away from me. I had never witnessed Grandfather like this before, as he was always decisive and sure. He made a decision and went with it. He spoke his mind, and the world be damned. Seeing Grandfather now, so unsure, unnerved me.

"What if you could marry both Edith and Faith?"

"What are you saying, Grandfather? Why even consider such a thing. It would be impossible both in the eyes of the church and society," I replied.

Grandfather's head snapped up, and he peered at me intently. His gaze hit me as though a physical blow.

"Yes, I would marry both. I would care for and love them to the best of my ability."

He nodded once. "I've been in correspondence with high-ranking members of the Church of England, and it may be possible. And if it is possible in the eyes of the church, then society will follow."

Grandfather seemed sure of his statement, though I had reservations.

"What of your mother?"

In this, I did not hesitate, "As with my sister and cousin, I will love and support Mother."

"And what of the child in her womb? You cannot claim it as your own. The child would be your sibling, not offspring."

I thought about Grandfather's statement. "I may not be able to claim the child, but that will not change how I treat it. As long as Mother and the child reside with me, then I shall raise the child as my own with Mother."

Grandfather nodded. "Roderick, I have a task for you. Go to town. There is a jeweller on King Street, on the south end. Purchase two wedding bands. If things work out that you need them, you will have them. If you don't need them, you may simply give them as a gift. Women love to receive jewels," Grandfather ordered.

I nodded. "Very well, Grandfather. I will do as you say and get the rings."

"Good. You do that today, and that will give me a chance to speak with the women."

We finished up and set about our tasks.

Chapter 8

Grandfather and I parted ways. I left my study, planning on changing into my riding attire; however, I became distracted along my way. I spotted Grandmother, Aunt Lola, and Agnes in the parlour sewing.

I knocked on the doorway to announce my presence. The three of them looked up at me. Aunt Lola and Agnes smiled, Grandmother, however, held a stern expression.

"Well, Roderick, what was the trouble this morning?' Grandmother asked.

I cleared my throat. I hesitated because up until now, we sheltered Agnes from the events of that fateful night. I sighed, knowing we couldn't hide this any further. "It seems Mother, Faith, and Edith are all pregnant."

Agnes' eyes went wide in happy surprise before her face clouded in confusion. Grandmother snorted dismissively and returned to her embroidery.

Aunt Lola also looked surprised. "It seems, Roderick, your seed is quite potent to have survived the tea."

I hadn't thought about it but nodded my agreement. "It would seem that way, Aunt."

"Where are they?" Grandmother asked, not looking up from her work.

Though she didn't say who, I knew. "When I left them, they were in Faith's bedchamber."

"Come along, girls. We should attend to the women's matters," Grandmother stated, setting her things down and standing gracefully.

Aunt Lola did likewise, but Agnes tossed her work down without ceremony and ran by me, heading for the stairs.

I smiled and escorted my aunt and grandmother to the next floor, where I left them to go change.

Once ready, I walked sedately out to the stables, ready for my ride into town. When the groom appeared, I waved him off, preferring to tend my horse personally. I enjoyed the work, and it gave me a chance to think.

I thought about how things in my life were changing. It would seem I was to become a father three times over, by three women simultaneously, none of which I was yet married to.

I also thought about Grandfather's radical thought that I might be able to marry both Edith and Faith. The only place I had ever heard of a man being wed to multiple women were in savage tribes in Africa and a radical outlawed movement in the Americas.

Shaking my head, I mounted my horse and set off down the road to town.

The more I thought, my mind turned to my mother. I loved her as much as I loved Faith or Edith. I could not marry Mother, but that did not mean I could not signify my love for her.

It wasn't long before I reached the jeweller Grandfather told me about. After hitching my horse, I browsed the window displays of the surrounding shops. Finally, turning to the jewellery store, it looked small, with only a door leading into the stone building.

I entered the store, closing the door behind me. I waited a moment for my eyes to adjust to the dimmer lighting. I noticed an elderly man standing behind the counter, smiling when I could see.

"A good morning to you, sir. What, play tell, might you be looking for today?" the man asked.

I returned his smile and stepped up to the counter. "I am looking to purchase three rings as gifts for my Mother, Sister, and Cousin. Gold, delicate, and engraved. Similar, if not identical."

The man's smile widened. "I believe I have just the thing for you," the man said before turning and walking through the door behind him.

He returned carrying a rosewood tray a moment later, covered in a velvet cloth. On it sat an array of rings. Not all of them matched my description, but most.

He set the tray on the counter before bringing a lamp closer.

I studied the rings in the improved lighting, and I felt impressed by the workmanship.

While I studied the rings, the man asked, "If I might ask, sir, how did you find my simple shop?"

I glanced up at him and smiled. "Lord Ambrose Lockwood sent me."

The man nodded. "I remember Lord Lockwood. He procured his wedding ring here. He was one of my first customers."

I found the story interesting, and it made me wonder why Grandfather would have purchased the ring here and not closer to his home in Durham.

"I think these rings will do, sir," I said, setting my selections off to the side.

The man picked them up to inspect them, nodding. "Fine choices, sir. Fine choices. I'm sure your women will love them."

I couldn't help but smile. "Of that, I have no doubt. What is the price?"

I saw the man smirk, and he examined the rings quickly. "Forty-five pound."

I looked at the rings. "That sounds expensive. Thirty-three."

We went back and forth a few times until, finally, he said, "Thirty-nine pound, and that's my final offer."

I nodded and stuck out my hand, "Thirty-nine pound sterling. Agreed, sir."

We shook hands, and I paid the man with the appropriate notes.

When he stored the money in his lockbox, he gave the rings a quick polish before placing them into individual velvet pouches, which he handed to me.

I tucked the pouches into my waistcoat. "Thank you again, sir. I shall keep your business in mind if ever I need other jewels."

The man bowed his head in acknowledgement, and I left. While in town, I had a few other tasks, so I completed them quickly before mounting my horse to return home.

When I mounted my horse, something caught my attention. Tucked under the saddle's edge was a letter, sealed with wax but without a signet. When I read the addressee, it was for me.

I looked around the street, but I did not see anything out of the ordinary.

I broke the seal and read the letter.

It was not signed but read.

Congratulations. It seems our plans have come to fruition. You shall not hear from us again. We wish you and your children well, Roderick. Teach them not to be like your father.

I was dumbfounded and looked around the street again. Still not seeing anything out of the ordinary, I tucked the letter into my coat pocket and turned my horse for home.

***

I found Grandfather in my study as I entered.

Without looking up from the letter he was writing, he began, "I sent for your father--"

I tossed the letter down on the desk beside where he was writing, cutting off his statement. I simply passed by him and went to the table holding the port. I poured myself a generous glass and drank it down before pouring a second glass and taking my seat at my desk.

Grandfather looked up from the letter. "It is good I sent for your father. We will avoid what scandal we can, and your father should be able to help avoid confrontation."

I nodded my agreement and sipped my drink.

Grandfather studied me. "Did you do as I asked?"

I nodded.

"If, as you said earlier, are committed to the relationships, then what is the issue, Roderick?"

I glanced over at him. "How did they know?"

Grandfather didn't answer. He simply stared at me.

After some time, he went back to his correspondence. "If you are not going to work, go find somewhere else to brood. You are distracting me."

I couldn't help but smile, and Grandfather glanced up and smirked when he saw me. Though my grandfather could be gruff, I knew he loved me very much. Quaffing my drink, I did as he asked and went to find somewhere else to sit.

I thought about riding the estate, but before deciding if that was what I wanted to do, I came across my mother. She sat alone in the drawing-room, staring pensively into the small fire on the grate.

"May I join you, Mother?"

She glanced over at me and smiled. "Of course, Roderick."

I sat in the stuffed armchair beside hers and stared at the flames licking at the wood as well.

We sat in silence for a long while, both in our own heads. An undetermined time later, I asked, "Mother, are you all right? With all of this?"

Mother's hand moved to her belly. "I don't know, Roderick. I always wanted more children, but-- well, I couldn't stand the thought of being with a man again. Every time your father took me, I hated it."

I didn't know what to say. Until that night almost a month ago, I had no idea a woman could desire another woman. The thought was astounding and completely foreign, something I had, and have, no hope of understanding.

"I'm sorry, Mother, for what I did to you."

Mother's head turned sharply as she looked at me. There was sadness, pity, and love in her eyes. "Roderick, don't be sorry. You did what you had to, to protect us. If you hadn't, I have no doubt the experience would have been appalling."

I nodded. "Yes, but you were still forced into acts that you didn't want. You are now pregnant with your son's child. I didn't want that for you. I have always loved you, but you are my mother, not a lover."

Mother reached out and took my hand. "I know that, darling. Unfortunately, God wishes for me to be pregnant by you, it seems." She sighed.

"You plan on bringing my brother or sister into this world?"

She nodded. "I drank the tea with the hopes that it would wash your seed from my womb. Since it did not, I cannot bring myself to end the life within me."

I nodded and squeezed her hand. "I pray God will be kind to our family."

She smiled at me, "Whether kind or not, I have no doubt that you will continue to be a kind and generous man."

I smiled bashfully. "Thank you, Mother."

She released my hand. "I should go and find my mother."

Something sparked in my mind. "Mother, wait!"

She stopped rising and sat back, looking at me expectantly.

"Forgive me if this is too personal, but I feel that I must ask. You mentioned you could not stand the thought of being with a man." She nodded. "Does that mean you desired to be with a woman?"

She blushed and looked away. "Yes," she replied, barely above a whisper.

"Was being with Edith everything you hoped for?"

"Yes, and it was so much more."

"Thank you, Mother, for being candid with me."

She glanced back at me, worry in her eyes. "Do you think me wicked for these carnal desires?"

I smiled at her. "Not at all. You are who you are, as God made you, and I love you, as God loves you."

Love crossed my mother's face. Then without another word, she left.

I stayed in the drawing-room, watching the logs burn down. I looked up later, though, when my Aunt Lola walked in, and I stood to greet her.

"Oh! Roderick, I did not realize you were in here," my aunt said, turning to leave.

"Please stay, Aunt. It is fortuitous you came; I have need to speak with you."

She smiled and entered the room. My aunt sat in the chair Mother occupied, facing me; she sat with perfect posture, hands clasped on her lap, and waited for me to begin.

"Aunt, with the attack and now the pregnancy, I wish to marry Edith. I plan on asking her father, as is custom, but I wanted to ask you first. May I have your permission to marry Edith?"

Aunt Lola smiled wide. "Roderick, you know, like your mother, I have known for some time you fancied Edith. Honestly, I expected you to ask to court her long ago."

I chuckled. "The day my cousins arrived, I spoke with mother, briefly, about courting Edith."

My aunt nodded. "Yes, she mentioned it. I know events have forced the issue, but I think Edith would be happy with you. I know, at least, you will treat her well. Yes, you have my blessing to marry Edith."

Even with everything that happened to force the issue, hearing my aunt give her permission to marry Edith made my heart soar.

"Thank you, Aunt. You can't imagine how this makes me feel. I truly love Edith and will do what I can to make her happy."

Aunt smiled and nodded. "See that you do."

"Does Uncle Aubrey know about the attack?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Not specifics. He knows something happened, which is why I'm here. I know Father has sent him some posts, but as I understand, he also has not stated specifics."

I nodded my understanding. "My father has been sent for. After he arrives, I plan to go see Uncle Aubrey. Might I trouble you to write a letter for him, explaining the situation in detail? I will ask Grandfather to do the same. Uncle may then read what happened before I ask for Edith's hand."

Aunt Lola studied my face for a moment before she nodded. "Yes, I shall do as you've asked. I'll be sure to have the letter ready for when you leave."

"Thank you, Aunt Lola," I smiled at her, which she returned.

Chapter 9

Just as my aunt and I finished our conversation, Faith stepped into the room. I stood to greet her as I was taught.

When Faith took in the sight of Aunt Lola and I, she turned and left.

"Faith, wait! Wait, please!" I called out, though she did not stop.

"I beg your pardon, Aunt Lola. Please excuse me," I said, even as I ran after my sister.

I reached her at the bottom of the stairs before she could climb them.

I caught her wrist, though gently. She stopped and pulled her hand from my grasp.

"Please, dear Sister, may we talk?"

Faith did not turn to me. She stayed where she was, looking up the stairs.

"Faith, it pains me that we do not speak. I have not heard your laugh in ages. We have not even read together in the evenings like we used to. Why do you avoid me so?"

She still did not move, but I could see that her lip quivered, and her eyes welled.

I did not want to see her cry. I wanted to alleviate her pains, not cause more. I continued my plea, "Is it what happened that night?"

As I asked the question, a tear streaked down her cheek. I was about to say something more when Faith burst into tears and threw herself into my arms. She held me tightly.

Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. I knew this was not appropriate for us to be doing. A gentleman would not touch a lady in like fashion, and certainly not a brother and his sister. Yet I could not, nor did I want to, release the embrace.

I spotted one of the maids looking at us, and I pulled Faith into the parlour where we would be out of the view of prying eyes. All the while, she continued to cry into my shoulder.

"Speak to me, Sister. Why have you been so distant?" I asked.

She didn't say anything at first, though I could tell she was trying to master herself. I waited for her answer.

"Rodi, forgive me. I am wicked--" Faith began but broke down into sobs once more.

I rubbed her back. "You are not wicked, Faith. You are one of the kindest and purest people I know."

She laughed once in derision. "I am far from pure," she sobbed. "The baby growing inside me is testament to that. I am sullied, and no man will want me."

I tightened my hold on her and whispered, "I want you."

She sobbed harder at my words. "Sister, what? Why do you cry now? What is this wickedness you claim?"

She turned her head so that her cheek was to my chest. I glanced down and could see her eyes looking up at me. "You are, Rodi. I want you. I want to do what we did that night again. It consumes me. I obsess about you. How you felt within me. How I felt all over. It's wicked and wrong. I know it's wicked and wrong, but, God forgive me, I want it still."

Faith's words stunned me. Yet, as they sunk in. As I processed them, warmth flooded through me.

"I love you, Faith. More than you can know. Have you spoken to Grandfather at all today?"

I could feel her shake her head against my chest.

Releasing our embrace, I held her out at arm's length. I pulled a kerchief from my pocket and wiped the tears from her face.

"Come with me, Sister. Trust me, Grandfather spoke to me earlier, and I think you need to hear it also," I pulled her along by one hand, and I rushed her to my study.

"What's all this then?" Grandfather asked, looking up from the ledger he worked over as we barged in.

I schooled my face as I turned to address my grandfather.

"I beg your pardon, Grandfather. Faith was distressed, and I felt that she should hear what you are planning."

Grandfather sat back and took in his grandchildren standing before him. He nodded. "Very well. I received word back at the noon post, but we should speak with Edith and your mother as well."

I left Faith with Grandfather and collected the other women. When we were all in my study, I secured the doors.

At Grandfather's bidding, I was seated on the sofa with Edith on one side of me and Faith on the other. Mother sat in the chair across from me to the right and Grandfather to the left.