Ronnie Ch. 01

What do you do when your electric garage door stops operating properly? You play the unconditional social protocol card and make a call to the guy who claims that garage doors are his thing, even if you're not that guy's favorite person because of way you choose to dress. And how do you avoid any major confrontations with said garage door repairman who doesn't have any compassion for guys who dress like girls? LOL, you call him on the phone first!

"And why would I want to help you, Ron?"

See? I am not Danny D's favorite person, but we've known each other for many years and I needed his expertise. But at least he didn't hang up on me.

"Because it's unconditional social protocol, it's what friends do for each other when one of them is in need because of an unsafe condition and I need your expertise with my weirdo garage door."

Ah, that sounded good to me. I mean, he had to listen to voice of reason, right?

"Ugh, state your business and be quick. What is your garage door doing or not doing that makes your life so unsafe? And if I find out that your idea of an unsafe condition is the possibility of breaking a nail, well, we're done, again!"

Yup, electric garage doors are Danny D's thing and my garage door stopped doing its thing.

"Well Danny D, the garage door only goes up when I push the button on the doohickey in my SUV and it's the same for when I enter the four-digit code on the thingamabob on the outside door frame. I have to yank on the emergency chord and close it manually, which could cause me to break a nail. So, the problem is probably with the doohickey in my SUV or the keypad thingamabob on the wall because I power wash the whatchacallit things in the corners with the little lighted eyes all the time to wash away the spider webs, so they are both super clean. Also, you won't die if you call me Ronnie."

"Fine, Ronnie, garage door sensors are somewhat weather proof, but power washing them isn't a good idea, so in the future, use you leaf blower or a small broom to whisk away the spider webs or you know, leave them alone because spiders eat all of the other bugs. It's kind of their thing, Ronnie."

"Oh, like electric garage doors are your thing, Danny D? I'm living in an unsafe condition and I already played the social protocol card, so you have to be professional and help me. I'll pay you and I will even provide you with an Italian Sub for lunch and all the ice tea you can drink."

"Fine, but keep this between us! I'll need to stop by tonight and check things out so I know what parts to pick up from the home improvement store. Can I assume your sissy ass will be home because you have absolutely nowhere to go?"

See? I'm not Danny D's favorite person, but it appeared that playing the unconditional social protocol card actually worked, right? Oh, and when he showed up, well, I would have offered to power wash his nasty work truck if I hadn't changed into my best capri jeans.

"Danny D, do you need me to get the doohickey from my SUV or the 4-digit code for my thingamabob key pad?"

"Probably not. I can see from how much water and suds is still dripping from the whatchamacallit sensors that this is where your problem is. I just need the model numbers."

"Well, they are super clean and spider web free, so you should easily be able to find the numbers. And by the way, you haven't acknowledged me as Ronnie yet and you've been here for 11 minutes. I know I'm not your favorite person, but I am not your enemy, Danny D."

"Ugh, fem boy validation issues! Fine, Ronnie, I'll be here in the morning around 11 am and the work should take me about an hour. Now, I have one last question before I go."

"Fine, I'll answer all of your questions then. I shave everywhere because a smooth body suits me, even though no one other than me has ever experienced it, even though it's clear to me right now that you are wondering what my smoothly shaven legs look like, which you will find out for yourself tomorrow morning because Saturday mornings are made for shorts. I like my cheeks slightly Rosey when no one else is around, but my eyes are always lined at some level. Eye shadow is tricky and it's messy when it doesn't go well, so I rarely go that route because it shouldn't run across the bridge of my upper nose. My undies are mostly modest, but I think I fill them quite nicely back there. I sometimes wear pasties for no reason at all and I don't mind admitting that I'm wearing a pair of what are called cover ups right now. I'm not sexually active, but I look at a lot of stuff on Chang. My closest sexual encounter was last month when Julia told me that someone wanted to "hate fuck" me, which I can guarantee you will never happen and that's why I don't attend many social events as you pointed out yesterday over the phone. I wouldn't mind having your hair, but I do what I can with what I have and it's no secret right now that you don't mind my swooshing bangs. I am not in this to fill the shoes of a girl, but I have found a nice soft and comfortable place in life and if someone needs to call me a queer for all that, then I hope they can find within themselves to add a few kinds words for me within their slander. I got really lucky with nice feet and Denim is my best friend, but soft capri pants are a blessing in themselves, I wear fem jammies to bed and I have a cheap lock on my bedroom door. I feel that my fem presentation to you this evening is very pleasant, although you haven't verbally really given me an indication one way or the other. I'm still trying to take the perfect bathroom sink booty selfie and I expect a little more conversation from you in the morning because that's included in the non-negotiable social protocol card that I pulled on you over the phone earlier. And I would be on my best behavior if you ever wanted to pull the unquestionable social protocol card back on me and let me ride shotgun with you to any of the car shows you attend no matter how large or small the show may be. Whew, did I miss anything that you might be wondering about, Danny D or did I cover all of the questions you had for me?"

"Oh, well, geez, you talk fast Ronnie, but it sounded like you covered a lot of stuff, like a lot more stuff than I wanted or needed to know and I'm feeling a little discombobulated right now, so I should get going now. Oh, um, all I was going to ask was would you please have Suzi give me a ton of extra Italian dressing for my Italian Sub tomorrow, but all that other stuff was good too, I guess."

Hah, discombobulating people, right? I mean, if he didn't want to hear about my life history as a cross dresser, then he shouldn't have asked so many questions, right? I mean, I just responded to all of his inquiries, so I'm innocent, right?

On the flip side of his discombobulated state was that all "CD hater" flames that were shooting out of his eyes when he first arrived seemed to be extinguished, LOL, for a minute anyways.

Hi folks, as you read above, I live a few days a week as Ronnie and believe me, LOL, you'll like Ronnie so much better than Ron. Ron has issues with speaking with some people out of fear of being labelled as a queer, but as Ronnie, well, I guess I just ramble on.

And Danny D showed up right on time the next morning, although my non-optionable social protocol card of more conversation didn't seem to be working. I may or may not have played too many cards for this project, but I held my end of the social protocols and served him cold ice tea and prepared a place on the garage bench for his lunch.

"Anyways Mr. Radio Silent, your Italian Sub has arrived, so it's in the refrigerator and Suzie added a lot of extra Italian dressing just as you requested. I think she also scented the bag with her perfume for you, so I left that on the kitchen table. Also, there is beer in the refrigerator for when the work is done."

LOL, I learned a valuable lesson with those quick sentences and that lesson was that one pair of risky Saturday morning shorts beats all of the socially acceptable protocol cards ever created! From his vantage point on the garage floor near the sensors, he had a perfect point of view of my freshly shaven legs and well, you just don't need to play as many cards to seal a deal when you show a little skin.

"Are you still discombobulated, Danny D?"

"You're making it very difficult to hate you with you being so nice to me, Ronnie."

Oops, he wasn't supposed to stand up and face off with me, right? I mean, holy who is discombobulated now, snap, right? I had never been so close to another person like that before and he wasn't going all "Danny D, CD Hater" on me, which was as awkward as things could have gotten. So, LOL, I spoke first.

"Gulp!"

"LOL, most folks would say "swallow", but we'll go with your idea, Ronnie."

"Double gulp. Ah, have you finished installing the new sensors and now you're hungry and that's all you can think of?????"

"Where did you learn how to perfectly place your hands on another person like that, Ronnie?"

"Gulp. Sorry, but it felt natural. Ah, are you pressing against me? Gulp."

"Ah, you don't seem to mind so much. I'm done installing your new sensors, Ronnie. Two screws and two wires each, so now it's time for something else."

"Oh, like, ah, like I should trot out to my SUV and push the button on my doohickey for a test? Or were you thinking that you would continue to push me down to my knees right here in the garage, Danny D?"

"I ran into Julia at the club last night and she had a slightly different version of your "hate sex" story, so let's talk about that."

Oops! Julia and her big mouth, right?

"Gulp!"

"According to what I heard last night it seems that maybe you have wanted me to "hate fuck" you for a while now. Does any of that sound familiar, Ronne?"

"Gulp, gulp, gulp."

"Also, according to Julia, well, you want it that way so you can claim your innocence, yet get it over with. Does that sound about right, Ronnie?"

"Gulp! I'm having a hard time breathing, Danny D. We should, ah, go inside and eat. Remember Suzie jazzed up the to go bag just for you."

"Ah, yes, inside. Is that where you keep the lubricated condoms that Julia bought for you, at your insistence? Hmmm, specially formulated lubricant is what I believe she said."

"Gulp! Seriously Danny D, I'm about to faint, so let's get inside of my house."

"As you wish, Ronnie."

Oops, I may have forgotten to give you reader folks a few details.

"Oh, and just many times did you power wash the whatchacallit sensors on purpose before they failed, Ronnie?"

"Now Danny D, you know how (gulp) stories change every time someone tells it, right?"

"How many power washes did it take Ronnie?"

"Gulp! Like 5 times, but you never paid me any attention, Danny D!"

Well, I had little choice but to lead Danny D inside of the house because he kept pushing me down lower and lower and I have neighbors who can see right into my garage. So, I had no choice, right?

Also, apparently, I was no longer in charge because when I approached the refrigerator, well, Danny D wasn't so hungry for his Sub at that moment.

"The Sub can wait, Ronnie."

"Or "hate sex" can wait, right Danny D?"

"Oh, you may hate it at first because Julia told me that you only practice with bananas, but trust me, after you get into it, well, you may still hate it, but that's why I'm here, right Ronnie? Now banana peel my cargo shorts off."

Stupid Julia and her stupid big mouth! But, OMG, sweet Danny D and way he knew how to hold onto a person, right?

Anyways, to make a short story even shorter, down went his cargo shorts and I kind of followed them, not that I knew what I was doing because bananas hold whatever position I hold them at. And I suppose you all can guess that the short story ended with me ending up on my knees with his hard dick pointing at me. LOL, which is exactly what the bananas do, except the bananas don't throb as much.

Well, that was weird, that was wet, that was awkward, that was discomforting at times, that was hot, that rough, that was nothing like practicing with a banana, but that was what I knew was coming sooner or later if I ever wanted to be taken out. Oh, and that was nasty when Danny D grunted and made it nasty, but he seemed pleased. Unfortunately, I think, that was all Danny D needed or wanted for the day.

"Ahh, that wasn't too bad, Ronnie. Catch your breath and clean me up a little more, fem boy. I can't go to the next job site smelling like crusty sex."

Like I said, there was a nasty side to all of that, not that all the chatter on Chang didn't mentally prepare me for all of that.

"There you go, Ronnie. Now, I'll be on my way, I'm taking the Sub with me and don't lose those condoms that Julia bought for you, OK? That was just a blow job. Hate sex involves the condoms."

"Gulp!"

"And not a word of this to anyone, got it, Ronnie? You did not just suck my dick dry, got it?"

"Gulp."

Hah, and just why did I start to get additional invites to various social events as early as that night if it wasn't me who told anyone?

End Ronnie 01