All Comments on 'Room D21'

Good Lord Anonymous... It's a fictional story. Nothing more, nothing less.

Damn...

..however the pacing in this is abysmally fast. there are barely any details that feel appropriate for an erotic story besides the underwear, what feels like two moments of fucking, and only the barest hints of mind control. this feels like a very good synopsis that could be expanded into multiple chapters with more detail.

there is a lot of potential with this idea! but we learn hardly anything about anyone and there’s not really any plot - what’s the purpose of the ‘marriage’ ritual? are these actual nuns enslaving someone or some themed slaves designed to please? our main character has a sudden shift from “oh shit act normal” to “eh, might as well” but it’s not clear if that’s something mind control related at all. even the nuns seem like they could just be kinky rather than under our protagonist’s control.

and the hotel! there’s lots of questions there too: who set it up to be that way; and why? what’s the point of the disorganized rooms? are patrons assigned rooms and, therefore, companions? what’s their pr like?

these are all answerable questions and ones that a reader should be made aware of. setting is important in writing, since you don’t want a reader confused and therefore not paying attention! overall, id recommend in future writing that you expand further upon your ideas and create a narrative that’s developed enough to feel complete.

This feels like it should be part of a larger story. Is D21 somehow magic? Does it steal the will of some guests and award them as treasure to other guests? Does it physically alter them when it does? How does it decide who becomes a slave and who becomes a master?

I feel like there is another part of the story missing, how the two nuns got to where they were. Nuns are kind of a dying profession, and there are not that many left in the world who are not elderly women, so perhaps these two are from another time or era, or they were made young again, but at a price.

You do not, and probably should not answer all the questions at once, but you could keep coming back to the room, and each time unlocking a little clue on what is going on here. That is how I would progress the story. If you have other ideas, it is your tale, so you do what you like.