Rosie's Ballad

"Dad not with you?"

"No, I didn't know he'd left,"

"I thought you went out together yesterday?"

"No, I don't think so. Did he not say where he was going?"

"I guess I didn't catch him before he left, I thought he went with you,"

"Hm."

"So where did you go?"

"Out for the day with Mel. I couldn't drive home yesterday, I'd had too much,"

"Right. Well, Tommy's back; he's in the kitchen if you wanna say hi,"

"What? When did he get home?" Home. That word sounded disgusting coming from her mouth. For a second I considered picking myself up and leaving all over again.

"Yesterday afternoon, he didn't ring,"

"Of course he didn't. Heaven forbid he speak to his family over the phone,"

Dani didn't respond to that.

I could hear heels clicking on the flooring toward the kitchen.

"Hi, Thomas,"

"Hi, mum."

"You didn't ring ahead to tell us you were going to be back?"

"I didn't."

"Should I even ask why not?"

"No, you wouldn't be satisfied with the answer."

"Hadn't thought so. Are you staying long?"

"I don't know yet, I'm staying in the city definitely but I don't have any other plans from there,"

"Well you're welcome to stay here as long as you need. You sister moved back in not too long after you left,"

"Yeah, I saw that,"

"You've met little Rosie?"

"I have,"

"She's making me miss having a baby of my own. Hi Livvy,"

"Hi mum, you have fun yesterday?" Thank god Liv took over that conversation. I wasn't interested in talking to my mum any more than I already had.

"It was nice, me and Mel went out for dinner at the new Italian place that opened near her,"

"Any good?"

"Very good, great food, great wine. Italian is one of my favourites." She paused, long enough that I thought she might have expected Liv to respond, but how do you respond to that?

"Dad come back with you?"

"No, I don't know where he went,"

"We thought he went out with you,"

"Dani said as much, I have no idea where your father is. Anyway, I'm slightly hung over so I'm going to have a lay down, enjoy your breakfast, you lot,"

"Bye, mum,"

Liv waited until she heard mum's bedroom door shut. She started speaking just as Dani walked back in.

"What was that? That was weird,"

"I don't really want to talk about it, Liv, do you mind?"

"I do a bit, but I actually can't be arsed to bug you about it,"

"Thanks,"

The three of us had all finished eating either before or during my mother's return, so there was no reason to stay really. I loaded the dishwasher and went back to my room.

I dumped myself onto my bed, but I'd decided I would be too warm if I got back under the covers. Thankfully, my phone was nearly fully charged now and I could roll over. I checked to see if my girlfriend had texted me back.

-good morning x

-morning x

-you sleep okay?

-yeah, gs taking good care me

-hbu?

-slept fine

-weird being back home tho

-isnt it?

-im seeing my mum today

-think im gonna be out all day

-ill text if i can

-you got anything planned?

-no

-no plans

-still exhausted from the move tbh

-im absolutely shattered too

-but i miss my mummy smmmm xxxx

-bet she misses you too

-you know it

-i gotta go babe

-see you soon x

-see you soon x

I pressed the power button on my phone, and dropped it onto the bed as the screen went dark. My head was empty for a while after that; I lost track of time, just staring into nothing aimlessly. Liv pushing open the door startled me back into thought.

"You don't knock?"

"I don't need to knock to come into my own room,"

"That's true, but this isn't your room. So you should've knocked,"

"No I'm pretty sure this is my room,"

"I could've been up to anything,"

"Cool, but you weren't." She was technically right, obviously, but that really wasn't the point. "Also, don't wank in my room,"

"Again, not your room,"

"'Again', shut the fuck up. All my stuff is in here."

"All of it?"

"Most of it,"

She picked up a remote I didn't recognise from a table I realised now that I also didn't recognise. She pushed a button and a TV, that I did recognise but knew wasn't mine, lit up.

"Did you swap our TV's?"

"No, yours is in its box in the wardrobe,"

"Why didn't you just use mine? Now there's no TV in your room,"

"I like mine better. Anyway, there is a TV in my room,"

"This isn't your room,"

"Sorry, there is a TV in my other room,"

"You get two rooms now?"

"Yeah I do, that's what you get for leaving the fold for so long,"

"You gonna give your other room to Rosie when she gets older then?"

"I hope I'm gonna be moved out by the time she needs a room of her own, so they can do what they like with it,"

'Fair enough' I thought, but I wasn't interested enough in carrying on the conversation to bother saying it out loud. Rosie was only 3 months old, it would still be a while before Dan would want to give her her own room, and Liv was 19 so in theory she could be gone whenever she decided to be.

She had put on something stupid that I wasn't interested in and flopped herself down on the bed next to me. She didn't look all that interested either, looking at the TV screen for maybe 15 seconds before picking up her phone. I didn't blame her, though; her choice wasn't interesting in the slightest. It did make me wonder why she'd bothered putting it on at all instead of music or something more engaging or nothing at all, but I also wasn't in the mood to ask because I just didn't care.

We sat like that for a good chunk of time, she was probably on her phone for it all but I couldn't be sure because my eyes were shut for most of it.

"Have you had one since you got back?"

"What?"

"A wank,"

"What the fuck?"

"We all do it, I'm just asking,"

"No, I haven't,"

"Do you need one?

"No."

"I can leave you alone for a bit,"

"We had sex on the plane, not that that's any of your business, you little creep."

"Look at you, Mister Mile-High-Club,"

"Fuck's sake,"

"Ugh. Let me in. I'm just trying to get to know you again. We've both changed a lot and I don't really know how to broach the topic with you,"

"And asking if I want to have a wank was what you came up with?"

"My b, I will admit that,"

"Yeah, no shit,"

"Sorry if that was weird,"

"It was,"

"I said sorry,"

"I heard you,"

"So forgive me."

"What?"

"Say it."

"Why?"

"Say 'Livvy I forgive you.' ,"

"What for?"

"Ugh. Say 'Livvy, I forgive you for being weird.' Say it," I could hear her smile tainting the way she spoke, even though I couldn't see it. I felt one of my own begin to creep across my face.

"Livvy, I forgive you for being weird,"

" 'And you're also a sexy bitch. And you're really smart. And you have a fat ass.' "

"None of that is true, I can't,'

"Are you calling me stupid?" Thank fuck she was being normal again.

"You do remember how this conversation started, don't you?"

"Okay fine, but I am a sexy bitch with a fat ass, and I won't have you slandering me by saying otherwise,"

"That's not an area I've done much research into, and I'm good with that,"

"You've seen a lot of my face,"

"I have, that's true,"

"Uh huh. And I'm sexy as hell," I felt her sit up sharply when she said that.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, kid,"

"It will help me sleep. Say it,"

"Y-"

"Open yours eyes so I know you aren't lying,"

I opened my eyes.

"Good boy. Now say it,"

"Liv,"

"I'm not gonna shut up until you admit that I'm really hot,"

"We were always taught not to lie, you know that,"

"That's why we're doing this. To check if you were raised right. If you won't say it I'll know that you're a filthy lying swine, and that mum and dad did a bad job, and that you aren't to be trusted,"

"That's a whole heap of a lot to infer from your own brother refusing to call you sexy,"

"You don't have to be out to fuck me to be able to appreciate my stunning beauty and, honestly, perfect body,"

I wasn't about to relent, but I knew inwardly that she was right. She was hot, hot as hell. And it's not like her reasoning was wrong either, sex and beauty aren't necessarily intertwined. Still, it would be weird to say, and I sure as hell wasn't about to give her this win.

"It's gonna take some convincing to get me to say that,"

"Convincing?"

"Proof?"

"My face is right here. You're looking at me,"

"That's all you've got? I don't see where you're coming from,"

"You're gonna make me sad." Her voice had changed, I don't know if she'd put it on or if she was actually acutely hurt by this conversation.

"You baby,"

"You're infuriating,"

"You're aggressively trying to make me tell you that you're hot,"

"Yeah but only because it's true,"

I shut my eyes again.

"Right, but just because something is true it doesn't mean that it needs to be said,"

"Ha! You do think I'm hot!"

"Oh, fuck," she'd duped me, I'd been had.

"You're so close. Just say it properly and I'll shut up,"

"Yeah?"

"Promise."

I sighed. "Fine." I took a deep breath. "Olivia Ritman," I took another breath. I couldn't believe I'd let her wear me down. I felt my cheeks burning and her shuffling around on the bed. "You are a sexy bitch."

My words were almost cut short, she darted towards me and pressed her lips to mine. For a second that was all I could focus on, when she began to suck my bottom lip between her teeth I finally pushed her off me and opened my eyes. My breaths were heavy, I couldn't believe it'd taken me any length of time at all to stop my little sister from trying to kiss me.

I wiped my mouth with my hand.

"What the fuck was that?" I didn't sound nearly as angry as I was, apparently, because Liv didn't even seem like she'd registered my aggression. She didn't say anything. "Liv, what the fuck was that?" I sounded even less angry that time, and I had no idea why.

"What?"

"The fuck do you mean 'What?'?" That captured it, I was angry at her.

"I didn't even do anything," Cheeky little bitch. She was trying to get me to rise again, she was trying to get me to explain why her trying to kiss me was wrong.

"You tried to snog me,"

"I didn't,"

"Sorry, you kissed me. You think that's just admissible?"

"You seemed to like it until I bit you,"

"I was in shock, you biting me was probably the least weird thing about that,"

"You want me to do it again?"

"Fuck off." I got up, picked my phone up, and walked to the door.

"Don't tell Dani. Please,"

"Whatever." I opened the door and left. I wasn't going to tell Dani, I wasn't going to tell anyone. Who the hell would believe that? Then I'd be labelled a pervert anyway. Telling anyone wouldn't get me anywhere, not that I was sure where I was even trying to go with it, if anywhere at all.

I walked to the bottom of the stairs before I realised I hadn't made a plan. I wanted to get out of the house, but I didn't want to go somewhere on my own. I went to sit down on a couch in the living room to see if anyone I still knew was free. Zach and John were my first port of call, I texted Zach first to see if he was free to hang out and catch up, which he agreed to, and then I asked him if he'd be alright seeing John if I could snag him as well, which he also agreed to. I texted John a similar thing and after he agreed to meet me there I set off to Zach's.

Thankfully, Zach didn't live too far away, he was close enough to walk to without much bother. I would've taken my car but I didn't think it'd been used for 2 and a half years, so I wasn't gonna take a chance on it and be let down anyway; I was wrong, it had been used all the time, but I didn't know that. I didn't need a coat, it was a decently warm day for England, but as I was going to put on some shoes I realised I'd left them all upstairs. Fuck.

I walked back up the stairs, dreading walking into my room and having to confront Liv there again. I reached my door and knocked once, but got no answer. I opened the door, and she wasn't in there. Thank God. I could get changed now too, I hadn't been thrilled about looking like shit to see my mates, but I was willing to put up with it if it meant getting me out of the house. I threw on a pair of jeans and a different shirt, put on deodorant finally and then remembered that I also hadn't brushed my teeth yet, remedied that, and chose some shoes I liked. I ran a hand through my hair before I walked out of my room.

Before I walked over the stairs I thought I should tell Dani where I was going. I knocked on her door.

"C'min,"

I cracked her door open.

"I'm going out to see some of my boys, you need anything before I go?"

"Don't think so, no. I'll text if I do. Respond this time, though, yeah?"

"Yeah, will do. I'll see you in a bit,"

"You gonna be back late or should we wait for you if we eat?"

"I'll text you if I think I'll be back any later than reasonable,"

"Alright. See ya,"

"See ya."

I had myself to myself on the walk to Zach's, I was lost in thought until I almost walked past his house.

I knocked on his door

"Hey, there he is. Welcome back, you big bastard, it's good to see you,"

"Hey, man. John didn't beat me, did he?"

"John's a way out I think, he moved a little bit ago,"

"Oh shit, where to?"

"South side. Come in mate," Zach stepped back to let me in, I followed him.

"Your parents not about?"

"Nah, they fancied a move, too,"

"You still live here?"

"Yeah, me and Nathan rent this place off them, they don't charge barely fuck all though,"

"Oh yeah? Must be nice havin' a place this size to yourselves,"

"It's class, mate, easy livin' innit?"

"Nathan about either?"

"Nah, he's out with his girl I think,"

"Nathan's got a girl?"

"Yeah, I thought he was gay too,"

"Not what I was getting at,"

"I know," Zach laughed. I'd been following him the whole time, and he led me into the basement. It wasn't even really a basement, it was like half underground at best. The first floor was raised 4 feet to make room.

"This is sick as fuck mate, look what we did while you was away,"

There wasn't a door to open to unveil it, but as I walked inside I could see the improvements they'd made were impressive. The room was no longer the grey concrete I'd known while we were kids, but was now a dull, deep red. It looked pretty good with the windows put in finally. It was bright and airy, and they'd got 2 fridges and a storage locker in one corner, a large fish tank on the wall with the doorway. They'd painted the support pillars a bright blue, which could've been jarring with the wall paint had it not been for the decor of the room matching. They'd honestly done a great job renovating this absolute den. The whole place stank of weed, I was surprised I hadn't smelled it from the top of the stairs.

"You've done a cracking job here mate, you and Nathan do all this yourselves?"

"John boy, Billy, and one of Nathan's mates gave us a hand, but yeah. All in house. It was a bitch you weren't back to see us finish it,"

"I knew you'd been working on it, but I never saw. It really does look great,"

"Ah, don't be wet. It's only a bit of decorating," It was a bit more than that, but even so.

He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a can. "You want a beer?"

"We gonna start without John?"

"Long as we don't smoke until he gets here he won't mind. He'll only be one behind anyway," He threw me the can he'd grabbed and took another. He gestured to one of the several couches and I sat down. "So how was Australia?"

"It was good getting out of England and away from the wardens for a while, didn't plan to be gone so long though,"

"Aye I did hear; that Hannah, eh?"

"Yeah, she snagged us jobs and work permits from a mate she'd made on a night out. I was a bit fucked off that she didn't even ask first but honestly I'm kind of glad she did,"

"That why you came back then? Work permit ran out?"

"We might've stayed a bit longer if they hadn't, I don't know. Hannah was desperate to come back though, and she's the boss ain't she?"

"Too right, brother. Happy wife, happy life," he raised his can in the air, a big dumb smile on his face. I raised mine, too

"Happy lives, mate," we both drank.

"How is your missus, by the way? Not seen her in a minute either. She settled back okay?"

"Yeah, she's already applied for some jobs I think-"

"Already? Fuckin' hell, she can't take a minute to breathe,"

"That might give her a chance to relax, mate. Can't be having that," Zach laughed a big, hearty laugh. I'd missed being around him, his jolliness was second to none. "And how's your sisters? I saw Dan's got a kid now,"

"Yeah, she does. I think it's Dec's but I haven't asked,"

"Aye I think it is, I remember him chattin' a bunch of shit about how she'd 'took his kid' when they split. Load of shite, mate, he's a nightmare."

"Never liked him much, myself. Don't think he treated her very nice at all,"

"Should've jumped him back when he was a problem. Woulda deserved it"

"Too fucking right he would've,"

The doorbell rang out while I finished saying that.

"It's open mate," Zach yelled. He was a loud man, Zach. The door clicked open and John's voice yelled back.

"Woulda popped a window if it wasn't,"

"I know you would, you cheeky cunt,"

"Tommy beat me here?"

"Yes mate," I shouted at him. I heard his footsteps coming down the stairs quickly. He sounded heavier than I remembered.

"Ahh, you little green cunt. How you been keepin' fella?"

"I'm not too bad mate," I said

"Grab a beer, John boy," Zach almost spat out through the end of a mouthful. John walked past me and I noticed that he had indeed gotten much bigger.

"You been going gym?"

"Yeah, mate. Got sick of bein' a fuckin' giraffe. You boys ready for another?"

"I'm alright, not done with this one," I said.

"Yeah, we only just sat down. Not been here too long, you came by quick," Zach said.

"Nah, Tommy just took ages. Suckin' face with your woman, yeah?" John laughed.

"She's with her mum today, I think she said. Just forgot to get dressed before I texted,"

"Yeah yeah. Havin' a wank then mate, it's alright,"

"We gonna light up, boys, or are we havin' a sober night?" Zach interrupted.

"Fuck yeah," John said. That left me.

"Spark up, fella, I've missed the English shit,"

"I fucking know you have mate. This is some good shit too, so keep your balls on,"

"Got 'em here mate, you gonna check?" I cupped my groin as best as I could through my jeans.

"Nuts to yourselves, boys," John said.

I'd fucking missed these two. We drank, and smoked, and spoke for hours. Zach had an almost endless supply of beer and weed and I'd been gone so long no one struggled for conversation topics. I kept my promise to Dani and texted her early on that I wasn't going to be home to eat; I wasn't eager to go back. We ordered food in, an assortment of different takeaways that all arrived around the same time and we ate indiscriminately. At about 11pm John was passed out on a sun lounger, we were all outside by Zach's fire pit and the fire we'd lit in was beginning to die down. The decently warm morning had turned into a boiling hot day and a warm night.

"I should get gone mate, I've got plans tomorrow." I didn't, but I wasn't interested in sleeping on one of Zach's couches.