Rosie's Ballad

It was 2 pm before I was given any sort of reason to get out of bed.

"Hey, how you doin?" Dani. The sweetest person I had ever known, just hearing her speak knowing that she cared about me was enough to throw me out of my runaway fantasy.

I didn't know how to answer that question properly, so I didn't. I groaned at her, the way you do when the show goes wrong.

"Bad, huh? Living's enough sometimes, Tommy." She paused, maybe to let it sink in to me, maybe just realising that it was kind of a weird thing to say unprompted like that. "Come for some food."

Living's enough? Did she think I was suicidal? I supposed it wasn't a stretch, I'd been quite volatile up to now. She'd read a part of my mind I didn't even know was thinking, even if she'd not read it entirely right, so I couldn't really fault her for it being 'out of the blue'.

Food sounded good. I hadn't eaten since midday yesterday again, that wasn't sustainable. I sat up.

"Liv's downstairs, go get changed. You're not gonna be gross at the table," and with that she wandered away, back downstairs. She'd left the door open, presumably as some weak assurance that I would at least get out of bed to shut it and convince myself to come downstairs when I was out of bed anyway.

She needn't have, but it didn't matter. I got up, still in the clothes I'd worn yesterday, and went to my room to get changed. I grabbed some clean clothes, stripped, put deodorant on, and got dressed. I was sluggish, so it took longer than it should have, but I was downstairs before very long.

Dani had made tomato soup and bread, and the whole downstairs of the house smelled incredible for it. Liv and my mother were already in the kitchen too, and the three of them chatted for the duration of the meal. I said very little, trying not to let on that I would've preferred the company of just about anyone else I knew at that moment but still not making much effort to be chummy or 'normal' with them.

It was probably only 20 or 30 minutes of my life, but it was a strain to get through without crying or screaming or being pissed off in some capacity. I was around my mother, a person I couldn't stand; and Liv, a woman who served as a reminder to my biggest mistake; coupled with the knowledge that Hannah could be considering leaving me, the fact I might never see her again, and the knowledge that even if I did her heart would be broken and she would never trust or love me the same way again. It was a lot to deal with, and while I had absolutely brought it on myself I was still having a hard time navigating my own brain around all of it.

My mother had finished first, I think, and she thanked Dani and stood up to leave. She'd had a reason, but I hadn't been paying enough attention to be able to remember what it was now. The three of us that were left finished in relative quiet when she was gone, not that it took very long, none of us had been far behind her.

"That was great, Dani, thank you."

Dani made a noise of acknowledgement through a mouthful, Liv might've done that on purpose.

"I'm stuffed," Liv leaned back onto the backrest of her chair, closed her eyes, and took a long, deep breath. She had a small smile on her face.

"Glad you liked it." Dani stood up, "Can you two clear up? I didn't sleep much last night, I need a nap,"

"No problem," Liv said, her eyes still closed, "Rosie not sleep well?"

"No, she didn't. She fed most of the night and when she wasn't she kept waking up to cry."

"We'll do it, go lie down,"

"You're an angel, Livvy,"

Liv waited until she heard Dani shut the living room door to speak again, this time to me.

"I am, aren't I?"

"Let's just clear up."

"Okay. Then you're gonna talk to me,"

"Am I?"

"You are."

There was little point in arguing with her over it, and we did need to speak at some point anyway.

We cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher, and cleaned up around the kitchen until I felt like I couldn't reasonably put it off anymore.

"Right. My room then,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I walked out of the kitchen and Liv followed me at the heels like an attention-starved puppy. I walked into my room and she locked the door behind us.

I sat down on the bed and she quickly tried to jump on me.

"Livvy, no."

"What? Are you still mad from this morning?"

"No, I'm not. I came up here to speak to you, though; not..."

She got off me and knelt on the floor by my feet.

"Go on then."

"I saw Hannah yesterday, you know that," she nodded, "I tried to break up with her."

"You broke up with her?"

"Tried; she said no."

"She said no?"

"She wouldn't let me. I can't refuse her either, Liv; I don't know how you both get to me like that."

"Did she ask why?"

"She guessed, actually. We didn't talk much about it, but..." I paused to take a breath. I had no idea how Liv was going to react to this.

"But?"

"She knows it's you."

"She what?" She sounded more shocked than angry, but that's not to say that she didn't sound angry. She did.

"She guessed, I barely said anything and she guessed it was one of the two of you,"

"Me and Dan?"

"Yeah,"

"Fuck."

"Fuck indeed."

"And she refused to let you break up with her?"

"In fairness, she didn't know it was you when she did that. She didn't break up with me when she did find out, though, so."

"You told her you cheated on her?"

"Well, she guessed that too,"

"How much did you have to explain for her to guess that?"

"I didn't even say 'I want to break up with you'; I didn't want to have sex and she just jumped to that conclusion, I guess,"

"And she's just okay with it?"

"I don't know about 'okay with it', but she's less mad than I thought she would be, she didn't tell me she hated me or never wanted to see me again, and she didn't even ask that I leave you alone,"

"No?" I shook my head slightly.

Neither of us said anything for a brief moment.

"What's she gonna do?"

"I don't know. She said she wants to see me again, so I don't think she's gonna report us to the police or anything."

"Would she do that? Could she do that?"

"She could, yeah. But I don't know what she would do anymore, she's confused me,"

"Right... Fuck"

"Fuck."

The next part of the day blurred by me. Liv and I cuddled in my bed, and watched stupid shit on her TV that neither of us really cared much about, but it didn't matter because we just wanted to be close again. I loved the way she smelled, the way her skin felt on my fingers, the weight she put on my chest, the warmth she exuded. It was the closest I'd felt to true calm since I'd gotten home.

"Will you take me out?"

"What?"

"For food? Can we go out and eat instead of staying here?"

"The five of us?"

"No, Tommy, me and you. Obviously."

"I-" I paused to think for a second, "I don't see why not," I did see a little bit why it might not be the best idea, but it didn't seem any more sinister than what we'd already been doing today.

"Where?"

"It was your idea, what mood are you in?"

"In truth I'm horny, not hungry,"

"I see,"

"But I could go for pizza," she grinned to herself.

"Pizza sounds good, yeah. Where from? You wanna order and bring it back here or sit down or what?"

"Oooh, choices. I think order and take it somewhere else but not here,"

"I'm good with that,"

"Fuck yeah, let's go then."

She grabbed my keys from the dresser I'd put them on when I'd taken them out of my pocket after getting changed earlier, and a pair of shoes to put on.

I followed suit, finding a pair of shoes I liked from the box I'd brought them back in.

"Gimme the keys then,"

"I can drive,"

"I don't wanna run the risk,"

"What risk?"

"You're not insured on my car, are you?"

"Technically it's dad's car, you're just on the insurance,"

"Oh, yeah,"

"And we put me on as well when I passed my test 'cause you weren't using it. I can drive,"

"If you don't mind driving,"

"Alright then. You're driving back, though,"

I laughed, "Fine," I was glad we were okay. "Come here," I walked to her and put my hands on her waist. She dropped my keys and the shoes she'd picked up and put her hands on my chest to steady herself.

I wanted her. So much that I didn't even think.

I pulled her close to me and leaned down to kiss her. It wasn't tender or loving this time, in fairness I did already know she was horny so I couldn't have reasonably expected anything else. She kissed hard, sucking my bottom lip between her teeth, biting me gently. We stayed like that, her hands on my chest and mine on the small of her back for a few seconds, until I pulled away.

"Hey, come back,"

"Do that any more and it'll be obvious to anyone that sees me,"

"Fine, I won't do it then. Please kiss me," her voice was desperate.

I slid one hand up her back, to her neck and the bottom of her jaw and looked deeply into her eyes. Her breaths were deep and heavy, but still quiet. Then I slid my other hand around and down, across her waist and hip and to her crotch. Her eyes widened. I pressed up with two fingers around where I thought her clit was, still covered by her leggings. Her breathing loudened and her bottom lip trembled slightly.

I kept my fingers pressed to her but moved them up slightly, and her expression lightened. I heard her take a deep breath in. I started gently rubbing my fingers in small circles through her leggings. Liv's lips were trembling and her eyes were starting to glass over, her face flushing red.

"Kiss me."

I didn't. A weak smile crept into my face. I couldn't quite gauge how far she'd let me take it, but I imagine if I started stripping her she wouldn't stop me, and if I wanted to fuck her right then I'd get no objection. Fortunately for her, that wasn't the plan; though, I didn't really have a plan at all.

"You have to kiss me or I'll moan." her words were breathy, she was whispering, I guessed that was her way of keeping her moans at bay so she didn't have to stifle them and ruin it for herself. "I mean it. I'm loud, Tommy."

I lengthened my strokes, and pressed my fingers harder. True to her first promise, she let out a soft moan. Her breathing was quickly losing all rhythm, and I could feel the effects of her legs weakening slightly. I wouldn't let up, and she wasn't in a position to make many more requests of me.

Her breath didn't regain its rhythm, but her moans did. They were coming more frequently and she was getting louder. Her face was mostly relaxed, but her eyes were squeezed shut, like she was concentrating.

Her hips began to move, trying to match the pattern I was making, in the opposite direction. Her fingers began to scrape at my shirt, pulling the fabric towards her palms.

She let out a particularly hard, sharp breath that was somewhere between a grunt, a soft moan, and a large exhale through her nose, and that was the cue I was going to take to stop. Which I did.

I didn't take my hand away for a second, and she almost didn't seem to notice that I'd stopped moving. When she did, and started grinding against my fingers harder to compensate for my stoppage, I pulled my hand away. She melted.

Her eyes opened.

"You can't leave me like this you fucker."

"I can,"

She let out a frustrated groan, "I hate you. Now I'm wet."

"Yep. Let's go,"

"I have to change, it's gonna be uncomfortable soon."

"Nah, you can leave it,"

"I'm serious. That's not hot, that's gonna be gross and cold. I'm changing my underwear."

"Fine. I've gotta watch, though; make sure you behave,"

"Yeah, yeah. Pervert."

I hadn't planned to do any of that, but the thought of her being wet all night had been kind of appealing until she'd said that. It was a shame, I thought, but it wasn't that big of a deal.

Liv took off her leggings and started rifling through a drawer in a dresser I'd never used for a new pair of underwear. She settled on a thong, which was a vastly different choice to what I now knew she was currently wearing. She rubbed herself once through the underwear she had on, and then took them off.

"That was a dick move. I don't know how much of a difference this is gonna make now."

She pulled the new pair up her leg, and I looked away. I didn't want to see, not yet at least.

"Oh, that's where you draw the line is it? Can't bear to look at what you've done?"

"It's not that,"

She didn't respond. She pulled her leggings back on and picked up her shoes.

"I'm gonna slap you if you do that again. If I have to change underwear again you're not touching me for a long, long time."

"Yes ma'am, understood."

"Good." She sat on the floor and put her shoes on. They slipped on with the laces already done up, which was very cute I remember thinking.

I sat back on my bed and put my own shoes on; I had to do my laces, unlike her, so I took longer. She stayed sat on the floor, staring at me presumably, until I was done.

When I stood up she reached an arm out to me and opened and closed her hand a couple of times. I went over and grabbed her hand, and she used me to pull herself up.

"Got your wallet?"

"Yep. I'm paying for this idea I guess?"

"You are, but I've got mine if you get cold feet about it,"

"You ready then?" I asked her as I walked to the door.

I unlocked it and she followed me out. In the hallway we were met by Dani.

"Hey, you two going somewhere?"

"Yeah, we were just gonna go chill in town for a bit I guess. He bet me I'm a worse driver than him," Liv said, before I could even think of words for a response,

"Yeah? She's a shit driver, Tommy, I hope you bet loads on it. You gonna be back for tea? I was just gonna go ask mum what she wants,"

"Nah, we're gonna get food while we're out. Waste of fuel if we don't do shit, isn't it?"

"Alright. Have fun then. Makes my job easier, less people to consider,"

"You're welcome to come if you want," I said, I don't know if I meant it because I was sure she would refuse anyway, and I hadn't really planned for if she were to accept, and I especially wasn't prepared for the event that she accepted and invited our mother. I hadn't thought this through at all. I felt Liv's eyes burning through the back of my skull.

"Next time maybe, I don't wanna leave mum with Rosie when she hasn't eaten since noon,"

"That's fair. We'll catch you when we get back if we're not too late," I said, and with that Liv and I walked downstairs and Dani walked past us to go and knock on our parents' bedroom door.

As soon as we shut the car doors Liv laid into me.

"What if she'd accepted?"

"It's not like we're gonna fuck in a restaurant, is it? What would it have mattered?"

"What if she'd bought mum and Rosie?"

"I hadn't considered that when I said it. In fairness, I knew she was gonna refuse anyway,"

"But if she hadn't? You'd have ruined my night."

"Woah there, tiger. We're just going out for pizza, this isn't a date, is it?"

"No, obviously not, but I want you to myself."

She paused to pull away and turn around in the driveway. I'd missed the size of our driveway, we'd had a small residential car park at our flat in Australia, it didn't compare. I'd been reminded of this both times I'd left the drive in a car since I'd gotten back.

"I like you, and I want some time to ourselves out of the house. We haven't been anywhere since you got back,"

"My life's been a tad hectic since I got back, in fairness,"

"I guess it has. My b,"

"Honestly, mostly, yeah,"

"You have a preference, by the way?"

"I'm paying,"

"I'm driving, I'm asking where you want to go,"

"Oh, yeah. I hadn't given it a lot of thought, have you?"

"Dominos? Pizza hut? Papa John's? Somewhere small? The one we loved when we were tiny? I don't mind, I'm just happy to be out"

"Lot of choices. What about the one on the high street? Next to the Mexican place on the corner, they still any good?"

"Yeah, I think so. Zach and dad bought some back from there a couple of weeks ago; they've got better I think,"

"Dad and Zach went to get pizza?" I laughed, I had no idea why they were so close now.

"Nah they just brung it 'cause Nathan's girlfriend works there and they had someone leave a massive collect order past closing, so everyone working close took some home."

"You know Nathan's girlfriend?"

"Nope, Zach said it,"

"Fair enough, then. Maybe we'll meet her,"

The rest of the drive was relatively quiet, Liv turned the radio on to some non commentary station but turned the volume most of the way down so it wasn't properly audible unless we were stopped.

When we got there the place was empty, except for 2 girls gossiping at the counter and at least one other person making noise in the back; no customers. Might as well ask.

I walked up to the counter.

"Is-uh, is Nathan's girlfriend working tonight?"

"Erm, why? Who are you?"

"I'm Zach's mate, I just got back from a long trip. I heard she worked here, that's all. Nathan was an eligible bachelor when I left,"

"You're Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not what I expected you to look like,"

"You heard about me?"

"None of the boys would shut up about you while they doing up Nathan's parents' old house,"

Liv interrupted, "You're Nathan's girlfriend?"

"Oh, hi Liv. Yeah, I thought I mentioned it at some point, maybe not; haven't caught up in a bit,"

"I wouldn't have pictured that, I didn't think he was your type,"

"He's not my type, but he's great. Wouldn't trade him for the world. Anyway, you didn't come in just for a chat, did you?" She smiled warmly and laughed slightly, "What can we start for you?" She looked at me again.

"I didn't think that far ahead to be honest, Liv?"

"If you need some time you've got it, we're empty tonight. Mondays aren't usually this quiet, but hey,"

"What, double pepperoni alright? Can we have a large double pepperoni and 2 cans of coke," Liv took over ordering, not actually giving me any chance to respond. Double pepperoni was just fine, though.

"Large double pepperoni. We've got diet coke, coke zero, cherry coke, pepsi, and pepsi max as well as classic,"

"Regular coke, please,"

"Cans? Small bottles are cheaper per hundred mil, 2 litre bottles are even cheaper,"

"Cans are fine,"

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, can we get some of those cookies if you still do them? And a large garlic dip. Actually, no dip, just the cookies please,"

"Cookies, yep, how many? We don't sell them in boxes of four anymore, we sell them individually. They're also about three times the size they were when we sold them in the boxes, so keep that in mind too,"

"Uhh. Three then, I think,"

"Three, yep. Anything else?"

"Tommy?"

"I'm good,"

"We're good,"

"Great, that's just £15.50, cash or card?

"Card," I said, reaching for my wallet.

I paid contactless, and she printed our receipt and the cook order.

"Thanks, you can take a seat anywhere, that'll all be ready shortly. Here's your receipt." She smiled warmly again, her customer service act was great. She walked back into the kitchen with the cook order and came back a minute later without it.

Liv and I sat down opposite each other in the booth closest to the counter. We talked meaninglessly about not a lot until our order was ready.

"Hey, it's ready for you," the girl at the counter called. I stood up and walked over, Liv followed slowly. "Do you need a bag?"

"No, it's fine, thanks," I picked up our order, it was stacked neatly enough that it wasn't an issue to carry, at least back to the car.

As I turned my back the girl at the counter called out, "Have a great night, guys, come again!"

"You too," Liv called back.

"Who was that?" I asked when we'd gotten out of the doors with the food.

"That's Lauren's sister Pamela, she was in my year,"