Rough Draft: Twisted Ink

"Fuck," Ben called out.

Raine's head snapped up, "Not yet motherfucker," he said. Ben slowed and growled. Raine hurriedly thrusts back into my mouth. They started thrusting quickly. Ben was pounding my sore pussy, Raine my mouth.

I felt Raine harden further in my mouth, "Oh fuck," he groaned.

"Not yet, she's got one more," Ben gruffed.

"Can't. Fuck," Raine gritted and started spurting. I reached up and closed my hand over his mouth. He called out, muffled. I swallowed all he gave me and licked him clean. I moved my hand and licked my lips. Only then did I realize Ben had stilled.

"You, motherfucker," he said to Raine.

Raine smirked. "Couldn't help it." He winked at me and I smiled shyly. Ben grunted and grabbed my hips. He started plowing into me again. I felt the familiar tightening. My thighs went hard. I was going to come again. Jesus.

"Give it to me, baby," Ben rasped at me. "Let me feel that perfect pussy." His words cause me to tip over the cliff. Raine was back swallowing my moans again. As soon as I came down I felt Ben drawing up. I leaned back and took his mouth, silencing his cry. He thrusted through his own orgasm, then stilled. He pulled out gently and turned me to face him. I expected maybe anger or jealousy that I'd enjoyed another man, but all I saw in his eyes was love. He kissed me softly.

"I love you," he whispered to me. Tears filled my eyes.

"I love you, too," I said thickly. He placed a chaste kiss on my lips again. I turned my head to Raine.

He smiled at me and kissed my cheek. "Thank you, darlin'," he said tenderly. Then pulled his pants back on and walked back to his bedroom.

"Are you, ok?" Ben asked.

"Yes," I answered. "Are you? I mean are you...you're not upset?"

He laughed. "I think I talked you into it, angel. And I know you love 'me', but I could give you this fantasy, and I wanted to do that for you." He brushed the hair off of my forehead and smiled. "In case you haven't noticed, this isn't the first time Raine and I have...done this," he said with a smirk.

"I noticed," I said. "With?" He nodded answering my unfinished question. He and Raine had 'shared' Lana.

"It was different then, though," he mused. "With her I didn't care if he had her pussy. With you? I couldn't have bared it."

I beamed at him. Even though Raine and I had now been intimate it made me feel good to know Ben didn't want to share all of me.

"Is this going to be awkward tomorrow? I mean, with Raine?" I asked shyly.

"Only if you make it that way," Ben answered nonchalantly. "Baby, Raine is used to this. He and Deak...they're a...packaged deal."

Oh. Ooohhh? "Really?" I asked and scrunched my nose.

Ben laughed. "Yeah, angel. Really. God forbid one of them falls in love."

"Why?"

"Because I realized tonight that really loving someone, makes a man not want to share. I shared you tonight, angel. I won't do it again."

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you come hold me while I sleep?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

Ben 8

"Hey, man. We cool? Ya know, after last night?" Raine asked me. We were. I knew 'I' was Jen's guy and Raine was just a ride she got off on. He'd never hear those sweet lips say 'I love you'. So yeah, we were cool.

"Yeah. Of course, man," I said and smiled. And turned back to my Coco Puffs. Those things are delicious.

"Fucker, I should have got up first," Deak muttered. "Lucky fucks," he said more forcefully.

"What's the matter, bro. Jealous?" Raine taunted.

"Fuck yeah. I mean, tits like damn. Lips like whoa. Fuck yeah I'm jealous. Not like this cockblocker is gonna share again," he scoffed.

"Nope," I smirked. "And if I catch either of you fuckheads near her, I'll be serving you your balls for breakfast," I said never losing my smirk.

"Chill out, man," Deak chuckled. "We get it. You pissed on her and she's yours."

"Dude, that's kinda gross," I said deadpan. "We're not into that."

"Oh sure. If it would knock every other guy off the scent, you'd totally piss on her," Raine said.

"Yeah? So?" I said with a mouthful of cereal. They both laughed at me. I smiled and chewed, feeling lighter than I had in a week, more really. I had my girl back. I had the black glove to get custody from Lana. I hadn't told Jen that, yet. I didn't want to break the spell just yet. Learning that I may be about to become a full time dad was a definite way to break the spell. She was a little zoned out this morning when I drove her home, but we worked her over pretty good last night. Maybe she was still tired.

"So y'all are good now right?" Raine asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "We're good. Better, really." And we were. I was. I was ready to take on the world. Speaking of which.

"I'm going to look at some cars. Be back later," I told them and stood up.

"Whoa, whoa. You tradin' in the Fatboy, bro?" Deak asked. My bike? Hell no.

"Naw. It's paid for. Its mine. But with a kid I figured I might need some form of enclosed transportation," I answered.

"Oh. Yeah. Good thinkin'," Raine said.

I was now the owner of a brand new Chevy Equinox. It was by far the least masculine vehicle I had ever owned, but it was the top safety rated mid sized SUV. At least it was black. And I refused to let the sales guy talk me into some clown car hybrid shit. And it did have some cool shit. GPS, Bluetooth, push button ignition. The bike had none of that. Oh and air conditioning. The sales guy even drove it home for me.

Raine and Deak immediately ribbed me about my girly car. Fuckers. Raine drove a sweet ass 1968 Corvette sting-ray. Basically if you were between thirteen and seventy and you didn't get wood from looking at his car you were blind or mentally ill. Deak drove a 1975 Dodge Charger. Same principle with the wood. They were both rebuilt by the guys and in pristine condition. Yeah I was jealous, but I had GPS with the sexy voice and my kid could ride in it safely.

I sent Jen a text about the new ride and called Jack. At least he was supportive. Jack was a realistic guy, he saw the point of the new car and congratulated me on 'joining the adults'. Fuck him I still loved my bike.

It was almost midnight when Jen finally texted me back. I'd called her twice, but it went to voicemail. The text only said 'congratulations'. Most people worked on weekdays. I had taken the day off to recover from the long ass hours I'd been putting in. Jen worked, I knew this, but she got off at five. Why was she just texting me back at midnight? I sent her another text.

'U ok?'

'Fine. Ttyl'

Ok? Brush off much. Maybe she was just tired. Maybe she was a little embarrassed about last night? I'd assured her she shouldn't be, but maybe she was anyways. I decided to leave it alone for now and get some sleep.

The next morning I had to go into the shop for an early appointment. I texted Jen a good morning naughty text and got on my 'bike'. Please, not giving that up.

I finished with my client's back piece outline two hours later. I stretched my hand and grabbed my phone. A missed call from Jack, four from Lana, a text from Anya inviting me to dinner Sunday. No Jen. It was Friday. A work day. Maybe she'd gotten busy.

By Sunday I still hadn't heard from Jen. I'd called Anya and she assured me Jen was fine, just probably busy. I was feeling like the psycho that couldn't take a hint, but she was my girlfriend and things were fine when we'd seen each other last. I decided to take the new car to Jack's for dinner. When I pulled up I saw Kyle's and Deak's vehicles but not Jen's little hybrid.

"Hey, man," Jack called when I walked in. He and Raine were in the middle of a game of Mortal Kombat.

"Sup?" I said and chin jerked.

"Nothin' much just kickin' Raine's pansy ass," Jack replied. I decided to find Anya and get some fucking answers. She was in the kitchen, dancing around and cooking, like normal.

"Hey," I called over the music. She started and whipped around to face me. Her face broke out in a wide grin.

"Benny," she squealed. She jumped into an obligatory bear hug. "Can't breath."

I let go and smiled. Jack was a lucky guy Anya was all sugar sweet and bubbly.

"Hey, where's Jen. I haven't talked to her in days. Is she ok?" I felt like a dumbass having to ask about the well being of my girl.

Anya's smile faded. "She's fine. She's not coming tonight," she said softly. That was the last fucking straw. Something was up and I wanted to know what?

"Anya, you'd tell me if something were wrong, yeah?" I asked carefully. She nodded too quickly. "What's going on? I feel like I'm being played, but I wasn't privy to the game."

"Ben," she whisper-whined. "Don't make me answer that."

"Anya, I'm going nuts here. Did I do something wrong? Please. I know she talks to you," I begged.

"Fuck," she whispered and looked up like she was blinking tears back. I felt sick to my stomach. "Ben. I told her to talk to you. She said it hurt too much. She...you...it's...dammit. She thinks this is best. She doesn't want to hurt your chances with Zach," Anya whispered.

"She left me?" I muttered. "Again."

"Ben. She's just trying to do what's best," Anya tried to explain.

"She left me, again," I repeated numbly.

"Ben please, understand..."

"NO!" I barked. Anya jumped. "IF SHE WOULD PICK UP THE FUCKIN' PHONE SHE WOULD KNOW. LANA'S A COKEHEAD." Jack came in glaring at me. Anya was sobbing.

"Don't fuckin' yell at her!," Jack spat.

"You're right. She's the wrong person. Her friend, however. How the fuck could she do this to me? AGAIN! Doesn't even talk to me, just fucking leaves! Whatever, I'm done!"

"Ben!" Anya cried. But I was serious I was over this shit.

I peeled out of Anya's driveway. "Fuck this shit. Who fuckin' needs it," I asked no one.

I was drowning. I physically felt my lungs filling with liquid pain every time I breathed. The calls and texts stopped. Anya called me crying, she told me something about Lana being on drugs. A few days later Jack explained that Lana had failed a court ordered drug test and Ben was suing for sole custody of Zach.

Zach was now Zach Allen and was in the care of his maternal grandmother until the custody hearing in a few weeks. She, apparently, had no problem letting Ben see his son. Anya and Jack had met him and went on and on about how cute he was.

Ben hadn't answered my phone calls. After two weeks I gave up. I hadn't seen him since that night almost a month and a half ago. I missed him. It physically ached.

"Hey! We're heading to lunch. You wanna come?" My co worker, Denise, asked me. I shook my head. Eating. I knew it was important but I didn't. At least not often. I'd gone down to a size ten. Sounds great, but even I knew I looked gaunt. My eyes had black circles under them. My skin was opaquely white. I couldn't bring myself to care much.

I decided to do my new normal lunch routine. Get in my car and sit in the silence. I was walking through the lot when I heard her.

"Hey, bitch!" Great. Fucking great.

"Lana," I said evenly. "You're not suppose to be here."

"You've ruined my life, you fat ass cunt," she hissed.

"Join the club," I muttered.

"They took my son," she wailed.

"Yeah. Sorry," I lied, turning back to my car.

"What's wrong, fatty? Ben get tired of you? Maybe, I should welcome 'you' to the club now?" She jeered.

"Maybe," I said. I felt nothing. I was a shell of Jennifer Devereaux. I couldn't muster the energy to give a damn.

"Don't worry. He's moved on. Some little blonde bitch. Holly or Heather or some shit." My broken heart shattered into irreparable pieces. My eyes welled. He'd moved on. It hurt, but I knew he deserved it. 'You love him? You do right by him no matter what'.

"As long as he's happy, Lana," I said and walked to my car. I had opened the door and she called my name. She sounded broken.

"What happens to us?" She asked, full of pain. She really did care about him. Maybe even loved him in her own twisted way.

"If you love him? You do right by him, no matter what," my voice breaking at the end. "Leave him alone. Let him be happy. He deserves that." I got in my car and drove away.

Everyone was at Jack and Anya's for a welcome home party for Zach. Amazingly, Lana up and signed over custody. No fight. No long, drawn out litigation. She requested visitation. I agreed that until she'd completed rehab, she could visit with him while I was present.

So far it'd been good. She was back on her meds, off of the drugs and civil. She called and talked to Zach nightly. I never wanted to keep him from her, so it didn't bother me in the least. Today was the first day we were testing the visitation stipulation.

She looked healthier. Happier. That was good. I'd warned the guys to be civil to her, they'd agreed. Jack reluctantly so.

Heather turned out to be an excellent babysitter for Zach and had forgiven me for leading her on. She'd taken a shine to Kyle.

"Hi, Ben," Lana greeted me.

"Hey," I replied. "How are you?"

"Taking it one day at a time," she said and smiled.

"That's good to hear," I smiled back.

"Thanks. You were right to do what you did. I was on a downward spiral. My life wasn't my own anymore," she admitted. She furrowed her brow. "I'm so sorry, Ben. For not telling you about Zach and, well for a lot of things. I'm sorry. I know that doesn't make it right and I've got a lot to atone for, but I am sorry."

"I know that, Lana. But in the end, all of this was for the best. We were over long before you did what you did. I wasn't the man you needed and we would've wasted another ten or twenty years being unhappy," I said to her. I meant it. I'd made peace with all of that.

"You seem happy, Ben," she smiled. "Are you?"

"Yeah. I guess. I mean, Zach's given me new perspective. There are some things I wish were different," I said wistfully, "but they're not, so I'm gonna focus on him, now."

"Your girl?" She asked. Jen? Yeah I wished that could've been different. But it wasn't. She ran. I couldn't be with someone who ran when things got tough. She hadn't been talking much to anyone. She'd stopped calling me months ago. Anya hadn't seen her in three months. She'd only talked to her on the phone a few times. Part of me wanted to call just to check on her, but pride didn't let me.

I missed her so much. I'd lie awake at night and see her face. Slowly I was mending myself, but it was painfully slow.

"I saw her, ya know?" Lana said. "It was about a month ago. I'd, um, accosted her outside her office."

"Oh God, Lana. Why would you do that?" I asked.

"I was hurting. I needed someone to blame," she shrugged. "I tried to hurt her, but I don't think I could've brought her down any lower. She looked...it was bad, Ben. She'd lost weight. A lot of it. Not healthily either," Lana shook her head. "She's the reason. The reason I gave you custody. I told her you were seeing someone else and I could see it in her face that it broke her heart, but she just said she wanted you to be happy. She said if I loved you, I'd do right by you, no matter what. So that day I went to my attorney and had him draw up the custody agreement."

My chest ached. She looked that bad? She'd said that?

"She loves you, you know? Sometimes when we love someone, we make mistakes. Even when we think we're doing the right thing," Lana said to me.

Yeah. I knew all about mistakes. Maybe it was time to rectify a few of mine.

"Come on, Jen-Jen. We miss you," Anya whined on the phone. She wanted me to come to Sunday dinner. I didn't want to. I wanted to do what I'd been doing for the last three months. Stay at home and sleep. When I was asleep, I dreamed and when I dreamed, Ben was there. "I miss you. Kyle misses you. Jack misses you. Deak and Raine miss you. Come on. Pllleeeaaassseee. For me?"

"Only if you promise he won't be there," I said tentatively.

"Yes. I promise," she squealed. "Six o'clock. Don't be late, for once in your life."

"Ok."

Sunday came and I dragged myself through the motions of getting ready. I didn't feel like doing anything, so I put on a pair of old sweat pants and a Forever Ink T-shirt Jack had given me.

I must've looked rough, because when Anya opened the door she frowned. "Holy shit, Jennifer!" She pulled me inside and hugged me tight. I blinked back tears. I didn't need for her to tell me I looked as awful as I felt. I already knew.

I saw it everyday I looked in the mirror. My eyes had gotten too big for my face. The dark circles had gotten darker. My skin had lost all signs of a healthy glow. I knew this. I saw it.

Anya led me to the living room. "Hey, everybody. Look who's here." Everyone turned to me.

"Jesus," I heard Raine whisper and those fucking tears welled again. This time I couldn't stop them.

"I need to go. I can't be here. I'm sorry," I said thickly and pulled away. I ran to the door.

"Jennifer!" Raine called. I stopped and turned to him. "Stop. Stop running, sweetheart. It accomplishes nothing." He wiped tears from my face. "The people here, we love you. You understand? Let us help you. Let us be there for you."

"It hurts, Raine. It hurts so fuckin' much I can't breathe," I sobbed. He wrapped me in a hug and stroked my hair.

"I know, sweetheart. I know," he whispered.

"Jen-Jen?" Anya said softly. "Please don't go. I miss you." I cried harder.

"Jen?" I heard Jack's voice. "Jen, don't cry, darlin'. Everything happens for a reason, right?" I pulled away from Raine and looked at him.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Still sucks donkey dick."

Jack smiled at me and hugged me. "Come eat, skinny. You're gonna blow the fuck away." He led me to the dining room and proceeded to put more food on my plate than I would ever eat. Deak came and hugged me. Kyle kissed my cheek, then yelled at me for not calling. My friends did love me. They didn't care that I'd cried. They'd wiped my tears away. The people that loved me would help me. I didn't have to hide from them when the world got too hard. I didn't have to run from them.

"Thank you guys," I said hoarsely. Everyone smiled at me. Raine rubbed my back and Kyle put his arm around my shoulder.

Everyone had just started eating when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Jack said and rolled his eyes at me when no one moved. He disappeared through the living room and into the entry way. I heard a child babbling.

Then I froze. I heard a raspy, low voice. I heard it in my dreams for three months, but it was real this time.

"You promised," I hissed at Anya.

"I lied," she shrugged. Why was she doing this to me? I slammed my hands on the table and stood up.

"I'm leaving. Do. Not. Call. Me," I spat at Anya.

"Jen," Raine said softly.

"You all knew?" I asked incredulously. Everyone looked away. I looked up at the ceiling. "This is how you guys help me? With friends like these," I choked out.

I left the table and grabbed my purse. I heard Jack and Ben coming toward me. Fuck this. I turned and bolted to the side door. I opened it and raced to my car. I had one foot in the door when I heard my name.

"JENNIFER!" Ben boomed. Don't turn around. Don't turn around. I heard his heavy footsteps, then I felt him behind me. "Turn around," he rasped. I shook my head and whimpered. "Turn around, angel."

"I can't," I whispered.

"Why?" He asked roughly.

"It hurts," I sobbed.

"Yeah it does, baby," his voice broke. He moved closer. I could feel his body heat. "Turn around," he whispered. I shook my head again. I let go of a breathy sob.

"Please, Jen, look at me," he begged. I straightened my back and slowly turned to him.

Jesus. She had a gaunt, hollow look about her. Lana was right. She'd lost weight. Too much weight. She looked fragile. The curves I loved were shrunken. Her eyes were too big for her face and her beautiful red lips had lost color. Her normally rosy cheeks were sickly white and her smiling face looked as though it'd been frowning for years.