All Comments on 'Run Away Pt. 01'

Good start. You're walking in some big shoes there. I can't believe you got permission, but kudos for that.

Sorry, but I will not even start reading this until you post more....Too many people here submit part one of a story and then nothing else.

Good start, hope there’s not a long delay for other parts

Well-written, good start; I hope there is not a long wait for the next chapter.

Holding my vote until I see if you raac this like Randi did with her story.

I think I see where this is going. If this is going to be an RAAC

Good first story!

5

Good story so far. Thank you for the effort.

LWlurker

and we wait...

Good so far

Good start. Keep it coming. Randi.

Good start! Welcome to the Thunderdome.

You are a very good writer. Please write more . Thank you.

where is the loving wife? The wife was lied to and the husband refuses to understand or compromise. So who has made the biggest mistake?

Hell of a decent start .. 5* from me, interested in reading the rest.

Not bad so far. Good characters let's see how you carry it on.

Nicely written and really good start. Looking forward to part 2...

TC Ireland.

Good first effort. Keep going.

so he lives with a couple and doesnt have a girlfriend

sounds like he'll be traveling to cuck city in the next instalment

I have enjoyed this first attempt, well done. I think that this story has some good potential and I am looking forward to the future chapters.

Looking good so far. I give it 4 stars.

Excellent writing. Look forward to the next installment!

5 stars.

It appears that you have an interesting story to tell. Never give the haters any credence, no matter what you do it will never be enouf.gh or them. Accept those comments that may be harsh but are actually trying to make a valid point, but stay true to yourself. This has been a good start.

Good start. Good effort to. Keep going. Don't take any negative to heart. My prayers with the PTSD.

So far, so good. D

A very good start. I am looking forward to you continuing this series. Thank you for your efforts.

All aboard the RACC Express.

You know, for most people, experiencing serve emotional trauma such as thinking your spouse is dead, the typical response isn't having sex with someone you barely know. Grief can absolutely impact desire, and can both cause a stop or a serve decrease in libido. So, not buying the whole she horned dogged it up because she thought her husband was dead. excuse.

Good start. But hard not to empathize with the protagonist.

Burn the wife and kids, I say.

Great bones, you will need to work on story flow if you intend to go places. No one like reading a built point slide show.

Giving it a little more time...

I gave it a 4 star. I liked the story and look forward to part 2.

Very good start to the story.

Good start. Looking forward to part 2.

Loved it.

Nah.

Pretty good keep it going don't abandon it

Really great beginning. Please, don’t be one of those writers who doesn’t publish the next chapter for weeks.

A very good 1st story!

One of the best “first time” posts I’ve read here. Good buildup of the characters and story arc. There is the gap from when he left the confrontation with his wife to his working in a bike shop. It would have Ben better to have at least a paragraph or two explaining his physical and emotional journey, but still a great start. 5* for now.

Very well written, I enjoyed the character build up!

A very good start.

I enjoyed reading this first part of the series. I am sure you will make it a good story/series.

Thanks for writing it. Seeing the potential for it going the way of the original story by blackrandl1958 I will beg off on reading the follow-up. However, saying that I certainly hope you continue writing. This submission holds great promise in the ability to tell stories and spin new tails.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

An over recteded husband ,with unreasosnable mind.

Dying daughter is "Priority" over every thing, including wife's 'one night stand'

good story

Good start. It’s not building up as a tolerable reconciliation though. She thought he was dead for a few days and jumped in the sack with someone else? I’d like to think my wife would wait a month. LOL

The PTSD explains a lot about why he is the way he is, not thinking like a rational man, running away like a little boy.

Great story. Please keep going... Thank you

Good beginning.

Thanks

Good first story. Lowered my score by one ⭐ due to a few incorrect words not caught during proof reading that really disrupted the flow of the story for me.

Normally don't have much sympathy for a cheating wife but, in this case ... Husband is in a foreign country, has to flee due to armed rebels, no contact for weeks and the liaison who's supposed to keep the family safe and updated uses the information as a weapon to seduce the wife. Grief at thinking her husband might be dead and the asshole got her really drunk ... Easy to see a mistake like that happening. In that specific situation it would have been an actual mistake rather than intentional betrayal.

So far so good. Looking forward to the next installment.

Great so far

Good for a first attempt. Just a little confused about Gerry losing three stone and working for the Agency. I’m lead to believe he’s a contractor for the CIA, but he measures his weight using a British scale. It’s nit-picky but it stuck out like the balls on a bulldog. Can’t wait for the rest.

I don't mind that he donates to save the daughter, They are young and stupid and really didn't know the harm they caused. Now, at 19 or so they really should understand how their mother screwed up and see the consequences, if any, of what she did. I mean for six years good old mom could have been sexy with a dozen guys all the while saying she loves dear old dad.

Please, no RAAC. Let him say his peace and go back to his trailer life.

The start is good for me. You put us in the picture and introduced us to your protagonists. In terms of content, I would like to say that the agency he works for would never have let him go without giving him mental help. I'm excited to see how you develop the story! 4*!!!

Great story so far!

I'm wrapped up in it and feel the outrage, anger and betrayal.

Great stuff! Really enjoyed it and look forward to more. 5 stars.

good start. Not enough dialogue when he first confronted her, but not a bad story line.

If you, personally, do not have PTSD, you have read about it in detail, or been around someone who has. The story is outstanding, especially for a a first effort here. The visual of "Putting the beast back into the cage", is spot on. Yes, I have the honor and privilege of having PTSD, so I know. I used to write under a different name, and my stuff is almost always dark. I posted, what was going to be, the first part of a story about recovery, finding love, self-forgiveness, but when it was done, I ended up triggering a massive episode that put me into therapy for two years. I want to try to finish it now, but am not sure if I can. At any rate, this story is outstanding. To those who want to whine about Jerr going to "cuk-city", it must be nice to be so perfect that you can make those kind of statements. Old Roman saying. Don't judge me until you have walked a mile in my sandals.

I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt and read the rest when posted.

What Cringo31 said.

Excellent, thus far. Doing well with the emotional development. Try not to be put off by the jerks trying to pre-write your next installment. You've got this, dude.

I don’t generally give scores to serials until I’ve read the entire, completed work. But this is an outstanding piece of work. If I had to rate it now I’d be strongly leaning toward 5*.

Naysayers be dammed, you have written a very good start to an interesting story, as I read the comments, waitinfg for the next installment

Well done, looking forward to where this goes. Hope you take your time and don't rush the story.

Poor writing. Hard to read in places.

\

The MC needed for a transplant has been done to death, it's a cheap ploy to attempt a reconciliation. And the daughter's a little bitch, she couldn't give a shit about him until he was a potential donor.

This is a good start. I'm looking forward to the continuation.

Good beginning

Yeah….really good so far. Having just re-read Randi’s “Ghost”, this is definitely a variation of the same plot, with the biggest diff being the medical issue. But….

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…. That doesn’t mean this can be just as good a story! Kudos to the author for getting Randi on board, then for making the effort. Your writing is above average for what is posted around here…and that’s a good thing!

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Just hope the continuation is no more than days away, and not weeks!

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5 encouraging *****

Great understanding of PTSD.

Excellent so far … looking forward to the rest, and Yes, you have a good handle on PTSD. Blinding rage, followed by severe depression. 5/5

I gave you 4 stars for an excellent start. As an author, I am going to give you some advice. Once you think you have a story written, let it sit a day or two and then re-read it. Often you get blind and see what you intended to say and not what you did. You made several large errors or were unclear. Re-reading your story later lets you catch many of them.

What you posted was very good. Raw emotions. That is a great. I would have liked to see as much detail in the plot as you put into the sex scene of his last night at home and his breakdown.

I look forward to the next chapter.

yes finish please and soon

5* ! Keep it up !

Excellent start! 5/5. Looking forward to the rest of the story! Thanks for this, it's a breathe for fresh air in this genre.

Great. Not sure if Pat had a greater part in abilities, or is it perhaps capabilities, doing the edit.

Please carry on, I believe you have great talent, voting high to the right.

Off to a good start but you're heading into the white water rapids now. I'll wait and see how you navigate that before I give you a score. I just hope you've completed the story and are just posting it in pieces. Hopefully quickly.

Good start, really drawing the reader in. Look forward to the continuation.

Excellent, imaginative and well-written!! For a first work, truly outstanding!!!

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Looking forward to the continuing story!! Easily 5++/5!!!

Great start for this story, but I'm hoping you don't automatically head into a RAAC just because Randi did. It should be no surprise that some people like her stories, some don't. Personally, I don't know why her stories are held in such high regard, but that doesn't matter here.

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It's always best to post a complete story if possible. I don't know how many parts you have, but you can easily post a 4 or 5 page story without many complaints. Seems like we just started reading when it ended, so hopefully part 2 will be posted tomorrow. Longer stories are usually the best stories, but not if there's days or weeks in between chapters.

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Quite a few mistakes, but they didn't detract too badly. One trick is to read your story OUT LOUD to yourself; you'll usually catch mistakes that way, that you'd miss by just looking. Easiest way is to find an editor, or at least a proofreader.

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At least one comment mentioned the "bullet point" form of writing you used in a couple of places: try and put the narrator's words in approximately 3-sentence paragraphs, it's easier on the reader.

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Looking forward to the rest of your story, as long as it's not a RAAC. If you're planning on reconciling them, it's gonna take more than two pages to make your readers like her again. 5 stars from me, for part 1. Thanks for posting.

It will be interesting to see where this goes. The main character seems like a real shitheel, who abandoned his family after a predator got to them. A predator that HE brought into their lives. It seems like this guys family would have been better off if he died. He would have at least died with some honor. The daughter is pretty righteous. She saw what had to be done and went and tracked her cowardly father down to save her sister. But I just find the guy to be pretty pathetic.

Holding off for the next part. It's your story, but I already dislike the title. When your spouse cheats, and your teenage daughters and your own parents take here side, walking away form disloyal filth is not retreating.

It's like leaving behind an addict who steals from you, or a drunk who abuses you. Or any other sort of toxic sludge you wish to think of. Leaving IS the wise choice.

And do not white-knight the daughters. Our neighbors got divorced when I was 8 years old, because one cheated. Even at that age, I knew right from wrong well enough to understand keeping my promises. By the time I was 12 I understood a lot more of morality, ethics, and character (which are all different).

Sp while the story is engaging so far, the title sucks.

So far, so good. Starting off very well, keeping the readers interest. What is he going to find? Hmmm. That was a nice idea of PTSD which is a real medical affliction, making this story seem realistic to a point. The characters are nicely written, the background checks out too... Please don't keep us waiting for the next chapter. We would like to see how this marvelous tale ends. 4/5 stars only because it needs the next part.

Great start to your story, but it’s only a start. This looks really good, so give us more soon.

Very well written, and a nice start, though for the record stating this "I haven't written anything since high school, please be kind with this my first attempt." Is generally as believable as "This is a true story" just a friendly FYI.

I liked the story but I had an issue with one way over used cliche and it was this "Then my parents turned up to celebrate my return, and they unbelievably sided with my wife." Too many writers use this as often as a cuck does the "I cant please a woman with my tiny 3 1/2 inch dick"

Honestly thats my biggest issue, the smaller one was that it was two weeks and she fucked another dude, and clearly this is most likely going to be a RAAC, and in this case it was more that she WANTED to fuck him than find comfort. I've yet to meet anyone who lost a spouse that automatically thought "Hey I need sex to get over my grief". In a divorce yes, death, not so much.

Okay, so first day in the prison yard. LW is a tough place to start. Good start, keep 'em coming. pappy

Wow! And we're off to the races! Great start, 5* all the way.

PTSD is a real bitch.

Super first story! Keep up the good work!

Hell of a start! 5 stars

Nice start to what could be a good story. However I always wonder why a guy who finds out his wife strayed just runs away? If the guy had any balls at all he would talk the situation out and then make some decisions. But no, it seems most male characters in these stories gets pissed and flees to parts unknown.

Champ or Chump. To early to tell. Ill wait till the story is finished to score it. Im intrigued to see how it plays out.

Love the plot. Great first story!

Sloppy, but it mostly held my interest. Don't wait too long for the final part.

You did great! Keep going

It was a good start but allowing Megan to sit in his lap and hug him is foreshadowing the main character is going to be accepting all the blame for his wife’s cheating and turn into just another cuckold

Currently 1 star for the reconciliation with Megan and agreeing to go help the sick kid. Both kids rejected him and defended their mother’s cheating. He is better off without the slut wife, her kids, his parents, and the former friend that sold out his location. Hope you can turn this around in the next chapter, like the main character has an episode and punches the cheating wife in the face breaking her nose and some teeth.

Good start! Why do new authors always have the lying cheating whore fall to the floor sobbing when their infidelity is brought to light? 4*

good start but shows in the title a typical trait.....when he leave.. he ran but when she leave it was a mistake a bad choice.

No editor, huh?

Thoroughly enjoyable story. Part 2 soon I hope.

Thoroughly Enjoyable. Part 2 soon I hope.

This badly needs proofreading. Case in point, the second last sentence: I took a deep breath and faced her "I guess that I'm going find if I'm a suitable donor,"

It should be: I took a deep breath and faced her (comma) "I guess that I'm going (to) find if I'm a suitable donor (period)"

Is Part 2 even written yet?