by frederickson866
The is not a story, it's a novel. I need part two. I also look forward to more of your work. Thank you for writing.
A pretty good first effort. I will say, I feel like this story belongs in e.c. and it did feel a bit rushed. I say keep writing. Plenty of potential here.
“Alisa tapped me on my shoulder” should be something like “upon feeling a tap on my shoulder…” since you have it that the MC seems to know who is tapping on his shoulder before she introduces herself. Otherwise a solid story.