All Comments on 'Ryan Ch. 03'

I hesitate to mention this, because I like the chapter, but unless there's something unusual about Dani, you might want to rewrite the part about breaking the hymen.

Hope you don't mind the comment.

Five.

if its been months then one of them should just ask the other to marry them

Apart from you needing an editor, you need to learn where the hymen is! My god, why do so many of you writers on this site insist that it is an inch or 2 inside the vagina? It is at the entrance, so after 'he's popped inside' he's broken it, its not something that the guy bumps up against after he's penetrated an inch or so, don't believe me? GOOGLE will tell you, your doctor will tell you, any FEMALE can tell you that and if you are a female writing this story, you have no idea of female anatomy! 2 *

Who the fuck cares where the hymen is hahaha? It's just a story. A great story at that.

Ryan and Dani are perfect for each and know Karen and Caroline both know it! Karen just lose two good friends, that karma-riffic!!

I didn't mind that comment at all. I just need to pay closer attention to detail. I'm be submitting an edited version and that will take 5-6 days to post. Thanks a lot. I don't mind constructive criticism.

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As for the poster who thinks someone should be proposing marriage, I like the way you think, but this is not a short story.

Your writing is on point! I thought Crystal was annoying a while back, but when she stood up to that juvenile Karen I was like KUDOS! I love that they waited to get it on. I think the ex is coming back but Crystal will be there to check her ass...lol

Ms. P.....awesome. "He is a 'walking wet dream'.." Couldn't have said it better.

Keep it up.

FS

You're welcome. Very gracious of you. I hope you continue writing. You have a great deal of potential, in my opinion.

J

Really enjoy this story so far and will be waiting for the next chapter to come out.

That was some steamy hot...lovemaking. He certainly did 'pave'

the road for her. There is nothing like a slow, juicy building of fire.

The release is volcanic.....so few couples practice the art of restraint

anymore. If nothing else your so very accurate depiction certainly would make it

worth a try. That was killer......K.I.L.L.E.R.!!!!!!

And let's not forget sister Cryst putting that bitch in her place when she called Karen out.

Sometimes a gal needs her sistah to run a little interference for her. All hail to the

SISTAH-HOOD!!!!!!

I'm glad Karen got put in her place. As for Caroline, keep on moving. Ryan was not into her like that.

Now Dani and Ryan are just smoking.

Suspenseful buildup to climatic release. Insertion of drama via Karen and fantastic "check your ass" comeback from Crystal. You go girl!!! Continuation of superb writing!

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