Ryan Revealed Ch. 01

Ryan Revealed 01

If nothing else, you have to acknowledge that I have some nerve. I mean, you might say that one way or the other, but either way, you have to agree that I found some nerve. And by nerve, I mean engaging back with as good as I get, like with my curious neighbor earlier this summer.

"To tell you the truth Mr. Burns, I wasn't expecting our "get to know each chit chat" to lead to this, but the other truth is that it's not rocket science that I was never going to have rounder hips, so I work with what I have and that's why I wear jeans like this. But don't get me wrong, I wish I had vivacious curvy hips but for now, tight and right is as good as round and bound, isn't it Mr. Burns?"

"Oh, well, Ryan, I was just saying that it's a little more modern to round off and curve the landscaping stones at the corners as opposed to squared off corners, but that other information is good to know too."

"Alright, so it's your turn. Um, it's none of my business, but do you and your friend watch a certain TV program every Wednesday evening or is that just a divorced guy club meeting thing?"

"Oh, you noticed that, huh? Ah, yeah, ah, we watch hockey, um, the summer league hockey and we body check each other all night and put a few back on the couch and stuff. So, Ryan, do you date men? I mean, is that why you dress and act the way you do?"

"Hmmm, no Mr. Burns, I don't date men and maybe that means no, not yet and maybe that means no, all together. My turn Mr. Burns, um, while we're trading "getting to know each other" questions and all, what type of chest does your hockey watching friend have? I mean, hairless like mine or is he the type who has a chest full of hair? I mean, when he pulls his sports logo t-shirt off for game watch night, do you get a good look at his man boobs or are they buried under chest hair? Mm-mmm?"

"What? No, what? No. What?"

"Alright, it's fine Mr. Burns, it's just that your friend really seems to have a bounce about him when he strolls up your driveway and I just thought it might have been a minute since you slurped on a juicy boob, that's all. I meant no offense. Your turn. Mr. Burns? We're done then for today?"

Hah, did you see his eyes just before he spun around and walked away from the fence line where we "getting to know each other" better? He either has or he has thought about it or he always wondered if that was a thing or he had a new idea, right? I'm placing my money on option B for now.

And I say "for now" because he brought that "get to know each" session to end and quick. And our "get to know you" conversations were halted for the rest of the week, but Wednesday's come around every week, just like his friend, ah, bouncy, but not fat guy. Um, dad bod guy maybe? With a bounce about him? Oh, bouncy dad bod guy will do for now.

And you know what happens when you share a property line, LOL, you can stalk right out in the open, from the corner of the garage at least, while waiting for bouncy dad bod guy to arrive.

And by the way, I became curious about things when I picked up that they don't trade off houses for these game watch Wednesday's. It's always at Mr. Burns' place. Not that I was stalking to figure that out.

"Hi."

"Ah, hello, ooh, you startled me from the corner of your garage."

"Hockey watch night? Summer league style?"

"Um, sure."

"I'm Ryan and I'm heading down to park for a while. Do I look nice?"

"Tight and right, I mean, yes Ryan, you look nice tonight."

"Thanks, ah????"

"Oh, Jack, so ah, the park, is that a nice place to hang out in the middle of the week, Ryan?"

"Yeah, it's OK. It's not busy like the weekends, so it's a little more laid back, but it's cool. I don't have many choices when it comes to socializing, so the river park works for me. Anyways, I'm holding you up from hockey night, so."

"Ah, OK, um, it was nice to meet you, Ryan, um, I didn't mean to make a sexiest remark when I said that your, ah, well, when I said "tight and right" and all."

"It's OK, Jack. I actually like the way my "tight and right" is perched on the top of my legs. Is there anything else you would like to know Jack before we part company?"

"Whoa, um, are you one of those who identify the other way, Ryan?"

"Oh, I wasn't expecting that, but um, wow, I identify as the oddball third species, Jack. I'm just a boy who likes certain clothes and light facial makeup and I'm OK with people knowing that, not that I have so many people in my life to know how comfortable I am as the oddball third species. Anyways, this is my real hair and your favorite spot on the couch is probably wondering where you are, so."

"Um, OK, Ryan, I think."

"OK Jack, enjoy the "game" and by the way, I would imagine that my headlights shine right threw the front door side window when I turn into my driveway, so if the two of you aren't fully engaged in the "game", well, I guess you'll know when I get home. Ta, ta, Jack."

I had hoped to make a few other, LOL, judgements about Jack's bouncy dad bod man boobs and the chest hair situation, but it was after dark, so I had no choice but to let my mind wonder on its own. And I forced it to wander towards a hairless chest because ewe, hairy pecks? Not today. And not that I care what Mr. Burns' tastes are either, but ewe.

Anyways, true to my word, ugh, I went to the river park for a while. Listen, I'm happy to have a place to go, but as with every group, there is always a bad apple.

"Hey, Ryan, you ready to slip away with me yet?"

"Ugh, Barry, you know, maybe but not until you can convince me that we're not going to end at your place out of gas with a dead battery and a flat tire. I just don't know that sex is right for me."

"Yeah, well, neither is literally every girl on the planet, but they all get through it, so? Come on, I have a wobbly wheel on the left rear."

"Barry, women do that because as the child bearing side of our species, they kind of have to, sooner or later. My weird third side of the species don't bring much to that party other than a place for men like you to pump, rump and dump."

"Cool, so we're on the same page then? Let's get with it while my clunker still has an electrical issue."

Yeah, the river park, right? Middleton's worst example of guys on the hunt.

"Barry dogging on you again, Ryan? I mean, what did you do? Open your car door?"

"Well, I turned off my headlights too, so. Anyways Angie Jaye, I had a "get to know you" conversation this week with my neighbor and all."

"Say no more, Ryan, we've all been on the "getting to know you" treadmill with a neighbor before. My advice is to turn off the machine and step off. Only in your case, a treadmill might help round out your hips, but I doubt it, but I wanted to end this by saying something nice."

"Thanks, but here's the thing. I've been the aggressor about all this, but I'm afraid that I have landed somewhere between a cock tease, which Mr. Burns mumbled and a lousy CD who refuses to actually tease a cock. So, I should just move to New Mexico and start over, right Angie Jaye?"

"Oh, absolutely because you're waiting for the fourth side of the species, which is a guy who will take you out on sexless malt date after sexless malt date, hasn't evolved yet, so just be sure to give me your new address so we can keep in touch."

"Alright, but what I was wondering is if there is a case where someone like me could, um, join Mr. Burns and his Wednesday night friend Jack and you know, direct the movie?"

"Oh, you didn't mention anyone else, but here's how that will play out. Things might seem spicy for a short while, but sooner or later, you will end up on your hands and knees in between two guys and you will be the spice of the man sandwich. And then they will either spin you around or just switch ends, so don't forget to leave me with your new address."

"Even if I think they have leading roles between themselves already? Of which I have no evidence, by the way."

"I hear that the southern region of the Rocky Mountains in New Mexico is really nice with its high country and all, so start by searching for open apartments to rent, Ryan."

Like I said, sometimes I have the nerve to engage in such risky topics, but I also have the sense to quit while I'm ahead and I will confirm that for you just as soon as I feel ahead of the game. But until then, LOL, I still had the nerve to purposely turn into my driveway as slow as possible as to keep my headlights shining through Mr. Burns' window as long as possible. And I had the nerve to linger long enough for one or both of them to come outside to confront me. I mean, I'm leaving for the high country soon enough anyways, so.

"Hey, Ryan, Dan thinks I'm leaving, but I wanted to take a moment to let you know that I think you're just a weird third species sissy dicked faggot queer with a big mouth!"

"Wow, Jack, that's a lot of titles and labels for just one night, but thanks for not slipping in a "cock tease" and all. And by the way, if the lighting was better, you would clearly see that my mouth is proportionally small and an ear-to-ear smile is impossible. I mean, a banana barely fits in my mouth. And by another way, geez, I just don't get all the fuss over banana practice. It's firm enough, but I'm sure the texture and temperature are all wrong, so, geez."

"Well, I forget already what I was scolding you about, but you have a lot of nerve to ask Dan to have me take my t-shirt off and all, Ryan with the six titles and labels."

"Jack, I made no suggestions or accusations. I may have asked a few questions that seemed a little too personal, but there is no rule that says all risky questions needed to be answered. Anyways, I hope that you and Mr. Burns enjoyed "game" night and drive home safely, Jack. Ta, ta."

"Wait a freaking minute! You mean you're just going to throw out all of your risky questions and other words of freaking third species wisdom and not ask what happened during "game" night? That's bull, Ryan."

"What? And ruin the visions that I have in my third species head? No way, Jack. My visions and certain videos on Chang are all that I have. Maybe we'll see each other next Wednesday."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I mean, you know, what might be an example of one of your freaky third species visions? I mean, I'm asking for a friend, Ryan."

"Oh, you know, just the standard weird third species sissy dicked faggot queer with a big mouth stuff. Like one friend sitting at the end of the couch with his sports logo t-shirt off and then the other friend lays across his bare chest and takes as much man titty as possible into his mouth and then the score of the game doesn't matter. Oh, and the friend with the hefty and bouncy dad bod, the one with his shirt off, well, his chest is free from hair, Jack."

"You're a freak!"

"So? Jack, I am 100% hairless below the chin, are you?"

"I'm cutting this conversation off right now, Ryan!"

"Hm, I was cut as a new born, so that's kind of all I know. Are you cut Jack? And with a hairless chest?"

"I'm about to bitch slap you so hard, Ryan!"

"Hey, your truck is right there, so feel free to jump into the seat and start the engine. And on your way home you can think about how I don't know if I like it rough, or gentle or somewhere in the middle. And I don't think that I will ever know."

"Screw this, I'm leaving!"

"Alright Jack, but you could at least body slam me by calling me a "cock tease" if you're leaving with a boner. I mean, if you peer over your shoulder you will find that Mr. Burns has been listening to us for the last few minutes and he's taking care of business, like OMG, like I've never seen before! And by the way Mr. Burns, I think you should open the button of your pants too or you're going to get chaffed. Or start a fire from friction."

"Wait, what? Dan's behind us?"

"Duh, and he's about to bring my sexless life to an end, LOL."

LOL, no, I didn't have that much nerve, LOL, nor did I have time to exit stage left before Mr. Burns, um, watered his grass???? And no, I had no idea what Jack ended up doing nor did I get a firm answer on if my visions were true or not, but as I said earlier, Wednesday's come around every week, ready or not.

But my next chapter might come from my new apartment in the high country of New Mexico.

End Ryan Revealed 01