S.O.S. Summer of Secrets

"Other models? Other Lovers?" She asked and felt guilty for asking that.

"They were just others." He said softly. "Others I tried to replace her with. Tried to feel the same things I felt with her. Tried to feel anything with."

"Did it work?"

He smirked. "For a time. But do temporary fixes ever really work?"

She nodded her understanding.

"Shortly after she passed, I was a wreck. I needed any and every kind of distraction I could get. I got lost in my art and started drawing more and more." He said as if figuring it out for himself as he went along.

"How did you find so many willing models to pose...like that?" She nodded loosely to the twine ropes on the side of the bed.

"It's easier than you think in a big city." He subtly smirked, trying not to be arrogant that he knew girls found him attractive.

A lightbulb went off in her head. "Is that why you moved...?"

"Yes, I moved around trying to escape the addiction. But every big city I found the same problems. The same habits. The same demons I couldn't escape. Eventually, I met Heather and I knew I needed to stop."

"Did you ever draw her like that? Heather, I mean?"

He shook his head. "I tried to imply I wanted to, but she politely made it clear she wasn't into that."

Jen remained silent, fascinated by this glimpse inside his head.

"At first I was mad about it. I thought we wouldn't last as a couple if she wasn't into that, but actually, it was the first time my mind finally thought about something other than pain." He paused, "It was nice. Something new for a change. Something to put the past behind me and move on."

She kissed his shoulder, silently encouraging him to continue.

"But old habits die hard. Sometimes not at all."

His arm curled around her body holding her close, and he lightly ran his fingers along her forearm.

"But I was still an artist, and I was still drawing women. It didn't take long for those sessions to turn into more...more than just traditional drawing sessions."

She couldn't tell if he was speaking with remorse or just telling her the facts.

"I knew if I wanted to make it work with Heather, I'd need to stop. So, I thought it best to move to a small town and try to put that chapter behind me." He looked over to her, "I thought I could escape it." He kissed her forehead and held her close. "And yet, I couldn't get away from it no matter where I was."

He let out a deep sigh, "I eventually accepted it's something I'm not ready to leave behind."

"Does Heather know?" Jen asked, wondering how he balances this life while being married to her.

"She knows parts of it, not everything. But she knows enough to not ask questions she doesn't want the answers to." He sighed, "She understands it's not something I can ever really let go of. So, she trusts me..." he trailed off.

"It goes both ways, I suppose." He finally added.

"What does that mean?" She asked quickly.

"She trusts me, and she doesn't ask me about certain things. I trust her, and I don't ask her about certain things." He said plainly.

That gave Jen a slew of new thoughts that she wasn't ready for. Things she probably already assumed but blocked out. "Can I see the drawings?" She changed the subject, not at all wanting to think about what it is Heather might be doing that he doesn't ask her about.

A sly smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "I don't normally show these sketches to anyone. You're the first one to ever actually see one...not that I ever gave you permission to look at it in the first place."

She blushed. "I told you I'm sorry about that." It was a mix of an apology and laughing, "but as long as I've already seen it...what's the harm in showing me now?"

He shook his head and couldn't help but smile. "I take it you're not going to let this go until you see it."

"Nope!"

He laughed, kissed her forehead and stood up to find the red sketchbook he tossed aside earlier. Her eyes were glued to his thick penis that hypnotically swayed with every step.

Erik handed her the book and crawled back into bed.

She stared at it curiously. "You sure you're okay with me seeing this?"

"No, but I think you should anyway."

She slowly opened the leather cover and noticed the tattered edge of the page she tore out. Next, there was a beautifully stunning woman with her hands bound, kneeling on a bed.

"Is this her?" She asked, already knowing the answer. "Even I have to admit she looks hot." She laughed nervously.

"She was." He smiled as he looked at her.

Jen noticed the woman didn't have the look of fear she saw when she first flipped through the other time. The woman looked...happy? She had on a playfully pouty expression and looked like she was enjoying it.

She flipped through the next few pages. The woman was bent and bound in almost every angle, always perfectly drawn. So realistic Jen could have sworn some were black and white photos.

A few more pages later she noticed the expression slightly change on her face, it was subtle, but the woman no longer had the look of enjoyment. Jen skipped a few pages later, and the expression had evolved again looking less and less happy. Finally, Jen started flipping through faster and faster, barely scanning each page and it almost looked like an animated flipbook where the woman went from happy, to indifferent, to fearful to a downright terrified-for-her-life look. And then there were a few blank pages, and Jen wondered if that was when he last drew her.

The following pages started to have different women, but all of them had the same terrified look. It was hard to look at, wondering if anything bad really ever did happen to these women. Was he lying all along? And then she came to the last few pages and recognized the sketched hands as her own. Jen saw her body, wearing fishnet stockings and garter belt tied up, exposed and helpless.

It was a surreal experience seeing herself like that. And then she saw she too had a terrified look on her face in the sketch. Sheer panic in the eyes. The look of pure fear and hopelessness.

"Did I really look like that?" Jen started to piece this together. She recalled being anxious, but overall still enjoying what was happening. Not terrified like in the drawing.

"Not exactly, no." Erik said softly, "But it's what I think about sometimes. My last memories of her."

Jen's heart practically stopped as she now had the final piece of the puzzle. The terrified expression on all these women's faces was the look of his lover afraid of dying. Afraid of losing him. And maybe more realistically, him afraid of losing her.

All these other women, they weren't afraid. They weren't in pain. He was. He was still trying to cope with one of the hardest things in his life that he truly never got over. And he recreated that moment in all of his drawings.

She fell silent and looked at the strange beauty of it all, looking at her submissive self on the page was like an out of body experience. She finally understood.

"I'm so sorry, Erik. I'm sure it's not easy."

He sighed and looked her deep in the eyes. Erik removed the book from her hands and leaned in to kiss her on the lips.

She kissed him back and wrapped her arms around him as he rolled on top of her, kissing her neck and cheek. Soon she was breathing heavier and craving more. Her hand moved to his shaft and started stroking his length.

It all happened so smoothly; she was amazed at how quickly he was back inside her. Slowly he slid in further and pulled out nearly all of his shaft before sliding it back in. Deeply. Slowly.

They breathed in unison and she enjoyed the weight of his body on top of hers. This was entirely different than everything that happened before. It was one thing to obey, to be told to do things she knew was wrong. To enjoy the feeling of someone else taking charge for once and removing herself from the responsibility of her actions.

But this...this was just plain wrong with no way to justify it in her head. And the worst part was, she wanted that even more. A tear ran down her face and she held him close to block out a flurry of emotions she didn't want to think about.

Erik kissed her softly and she could feel his length inside her, his whole body on top of hers. His sensual touch was soothing and almost therapeutic. She wrapped her legs around his hips, giving him a slightly better angle inside her.

Jen felt the difference immediately as it felt like his tip was as deep in her as anything she'd ever experienced. It didn't take long for her to approach her climax as she adjusted her hips, so he was hitting everything just right. She bit his shoulder in a subdued breathy gasp until she shook with confusing pleasure.

He looked her in the eyes, and she knew what he was asking. She simply nodded and held him close as he made his own adjustments, dragging out each thrust just right until she felt a powerful pulsing sensation inside her. She closed her eyes, knowing he was cumming inside her. Although this changed nothing after everything they already did, it somehow made it more real for her. More wrong.

Her eyes became heavy and she breathed slowly, drifting off to sleep with him still inside her.

When she finally opened her eyes and blinked a few times, she became fully alert all over again. Erik was still resting on top of her and inside her. He started to wake up as well, and carefully pulled out his now flaccid penis that was nestled inside her vagina.

"What time is it?" She asked losing all sense of her bearings without any windows.

"I don't know. Late."

She quickly got up and scrambled to get dressed. "I have to go."

He nodded and stayed in bed, watching her lovely curves disappear behind her clothes.

Once finally dressed, she stood and looked at him. Class was over. Her family's summer trip was almost over. "I guess this is it."

He stood, completely naked and walked over to her. "Thank you, Jen. For everything." They kissed and enjoyed each other's embrace one last time...the last time.

"Here." He grabbed his sketchbook and tore out one of the final drawings. "Since you were so kind as to give me my drawing back, you can have one to remember me by."

She looked at the page and saw her naked body, bound and looking terrified. Another tear nearly welled up in her eye. She knew she would never forget this even without the drawing. And that was what scared her the most. There was no turning back.

"Goodbye, Erik. Sir," she said softly.

"Ms. Bloom," he smiled at her. "Goodbye, Jen"

She opened the door at the top of the stairs, and she left. She was surprised to see it was dark out. How long was I down there? Jon's going to be worried sick.

She ran home as fast as she ever had all summer. The lights of their house were all off. Maybe Jon is already asleep and won't know about any of this.

Jen went up the stairs as quickly and quietly as she could and opened their bedroom door just wide enough to sneak through. She saw Jon peacefully sleeping in the bed. A mixture of relief and paralyzing guilt ran through her. How could I have done this?

Jen walked into the bathroom and tried to undress without making a sound. The zipper of the hoodie felt as loud as a marching band while she lowered it. She made short work of her bra, lowered her jeans, and realized she still had on her fishnet stockings and garter belt with no panties. What was I thinking with this ridiculous outfit?

She attempted to unhook the clasps and a bright light blinded her as Jon was standing at the bathroom door, using his cell phone as a flashlight on her.

She didn't know whether to cross her arms, cover her crotch or turn around. It was a horrible thought since she shouldn't have to worry about being seen by her husband. Not ever.

"That's quite an outfit you have on there." He said in a way that made her skin crawl.

"Yes, I was going to surprise you with it." She lied. This was going from bad to worse.

He flipped on the light switch and stood there quietly. "I must admit I am surprised."

Jon walked over to her and she had an eerily similar feeling to when Erik walked around her earlier. Only this was so much more terrifying.

He lightly took her hands and held them up, examining the red rope burns around her wrists. His silence was about the worst thing she could imagine. Jon walked to her backside and saw various red marks on her ass cheeks as she stood there sheepishly in her stockings and garter belt.

Without a word he simply walked back to bed and sat down.

"Aren't you going to say anything? Scream at me, yell at me?" Tell me you fucking love me and ask how could I have done this to you?

"What's there to say?" he said softly.

Perhaps he was right. Nothing could change it.

"I guess I had a suspicion, but nothing quite like this," he said.

"Don't act like this is one-sided. I saw the way you and Heather looked at each other the other night. Pretending you just met her...fooling no one."

"Don't go dragging me into this. I'm not the one with slap marks on my ass."

"No, you're not. I don't know what you have on your ass because I've barely fucking seen you all summer. I don't even know when the last time I saw you naked was. You could be covered in tattoos for all I know."

Jon didn't have a reply. He just sat there, his mind far away.

She hid her guilt by attacking him more. "When was the last time we made love? When did we last even kiss? Really kiss, like we used to?"

He shook his head silently.

"Did you kiss her? Did you kiss Heather when you fucked her?" She couldn't believe she was saying these things, but it was better than him just looking down on her while she was still wearing the evidence of her transgressions on her body.

"Even if I did, that doesn't change anything. This is fucked up." He said with a snapping tone.

"Fine don't admit it. Don't admit that we both fucked up. That we're fucked up."

"Is that what you want to hear? That we are fucked up? That we have been for a while? Is that really what you want?"

"It's better than living silently in denial." She was livid. Jen went from being overwhelmed with guilt to screaming things she didn't know were built up inside her.

"I guess you're right then," Jon said as he walked toward the door. "You win. We're fucked."

He left into the darkness and Jen collapsed into the bed, crying her eyes out into the pillow.

32. Adam

Adam awoke before the sun rose, something that seldom happened. At least not without the assistance of an alarm or the threat of being late to school.

Going back to sleep felt like a waste of one of his last days here. As he got up, he noticed a note left for him on top of his laptop.

Up for another hike? Meet me out in the woods when you wake up...you know where to find me.

Ashley

His mind raced with exciting thoughts. Adam could hardly believe she wanted to hike with him again after what happened on the last hike. Maybe she wanted to see if he made any progress. Maybe she wanted to take things further? Maybe she wanted it to be strictly platonic and just end the summer on a high note.

It was impossible to tell what the reason was, but he knew he was not going to miss this for the world.

Besides everything going on with Ashley, an early morning, rejuvenating hike to sounded exactly like what he needed to snap him out of the funk he'd been in.

He quickly got dressed and headed out to meet up with Ashley. He had a feeling he knew where she was referring to for the meetup spot, but there was only one way to know for sure.

It was amazing the things he noticed when he didn't have Ashley's butt in front of him to distract his attention. The air was crisper than he remembered. The subtle sounds of birds singing and the wind rustling through the canopy made for a serene backdrop to a perfect morning hike. It was a shame he was only appreciating his surroundings so late in the summer.

Adam approached the tree where he and Ashley first shared a pee break. He could vividly remember her squatting on the other side while he was practically too hard to go himself. But Ashley wasn't here now, and in a lot of ways, he wanted a do-over for their original hike. Make everything that was once awkward now seem smooth.

He lowered his shorts and pulled out his flaccid, but still blood-filled penis and aimed at the tree. His stream started almost instantly, unlike last time where he stood there with an erection for what felt like hours before going.

The sound of urine splashing on the tree was much louder than he remembered, and frankly, it was a relief, in more ways than one, that he was able to go so freely. He aimed his stream from side to side on the tree and all the way up, chest high and then tried for even higher.

"Wish I could do that," an unfamiliar voice called out.

Adam spun around and nearly peed on the girl standing there. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't know anyone was here."

She was staring at his penis that was still going but now aiming at the ground.

"Gah!" He screeched. "I'm sorry again. I wasn't trying to flash you," and he turned around to finish peeing.

The girl awkwardly walked to his side and watched fascinated as his stream died down, and he shook off the drops before tucking it back in his shorts.

Adam was a bit surprised this strange girl was watching all of this but didn't say anything until he was decent again.

"I'm Adam," he said softly, just to fill the awkward silence if nothing else.

"I'm Natalie," she said back, just as sheepishly.

"I'd shake your hand, but I just peed," he said. "As you obviously just saw." He blushed.

"Sorry about that. I didn't mean to stare," she looked and the ground and back up at Adam. "That was the first one I ever saw."

Adam's heart skipped a beat. He had never been a girl's first anything before. "It's alright," he said with a hint of confidence he hadn't heard in his voice before. "I certainly know what it's like to be curious."

They both blushed and started to wander off together. Everything happened so organically it was hard to believe. As they hiked together, they learned they were nearly the same age by close to only a few days, they were both going into their senior year, and the unsaid thing was they were both equally nervous and inexperienced talking to the opposite sex.

She was a mousy little thing, not nearly the confident goddess Ashley was. But Adam liked that. He adored it.

"What's that sound?" Natalie asked as they approached the hidden waterfall.

"I'll show you," Adam's eyes lit up and took her hand. They traipsed around the rocks and trees along an unmarked path to find the hidden cove.

Her breath was nearly taken away. "I had no idea this was here. I've been living in this town my whole life. How did I not know?"

"Sometimes a little curiosity will take you to some amazing places," he said and inched his way over to her.

"It's beautiful," she said and leaned into him until he put his arm around her. "Have you been here before?"

"Once," Adam said and left out embarrassing details about cumming on his cousin. "It was an interesting experience."

She looked at the ground.

"But not as interesting as this experience," he added and noted her smile.

They sat on the rocky ledge that overlooked the flowing water. Neither one saying a word, but still connecting. Growing closer to one another.

Adam rubbed her shoulder and couldn't believe he had his arm around this girl he just met. He had to adjust his legs so she wouldn't notice his erection that was growing down his thigh.

"Do you want to go for a dip?" She asked nervously.

"I didn't bring my bathing suit," he said sheepishly, knowing that didn't stop him last time.

"Me either," she shrugged and said nervously. "We could go in our underwear...?"