Sap

I was on my one of my favorite trails, part of the Pacific Crest Trail, in California. It was a beautiful summer day but at 6000 ft it was still hot. I had stripped down to just a t-shirt and shorts. It was a little tougher on my shoulders, but the heat was more bearable. I was in the zone today, five miles and counting, I knew of a great campsite in about three more miles. I should make it in time to cool off in the stream below the campsite before dinner. I could really use a rinse as I wasn't wearing anything under my shorts and was feeling a bit sticky. As I came around a corner in the trail I almost tripped over my own feet. There was a small clearing on the side of the trail and sitting on a stump at the edge of the clearing was the biggest set of boobs I had ever seen. They were simply enormous. They looked natural. If they were enhanced, it was the best job I had ever seen. Ohh and they were attached to a gal in the regular way that most boobs are. She looked at me and smiled. Not a 'pleased to meet you' smile. And not a 'that's a funny joke' smile. More of a 'Jokes on me' kind of smile. I was sure she had hair, I saw it later, it was medium length red, but at the time my eyes had trouble looking up that high. "Could you give me a hand?" She asked in a slight Irish accent. "I seem to be stuck"

"Stuck?" I replied "We're a long way from the nearest road."

"No, no, I'm stuck here, right now. I must have sat in some sap or something and I can't get up"

In the back of my head General Ackbar is saying "It's a trap!" I looked around for someone hiding in the trees, or a camera or something. Didn't see a thing. Doesn't mean it wasn't there.

"Ok, I'm sure I can help you, but before I do I need to video this, so that if it's a scam, I'll have some proof."

"Boy, trusting type are we?"

"Ma'am I've seen enough to know better than rubbing strange lamps, or grabbing shiny yellow geese."

"Alright, do what you have to do. I've been here for hours already."

I set down my pack and got out my phone. "Captains log 20714.5 Its day three of my hike and I came across an anomaly in the trail. This is..." at that point I flipped cameras and got a shot of my new topless friend. "Mary" She supplied. "Mary claims to be stuck to the stump she is sitting on, and is requesting my assistance. Mary, are you really stuck? And why are you topless. Not that I mind."

"Yes, I'm really really stuck. My butt seems to be super glued to this stump. And I really really need help. I'll show you." At that point she started trying to stand up. She couldn't close her legs all the way and couldn't open them further either. She started lunging upward and forward and sideways. Left, Right, Left, Right, each time her breasts would follow a fraction of a second later and keep going after her body had stopped. I almost dropped my phone. I almost came in my shorts. Wow, I'm definitely keeping this video! When she finally stopped, I swallowed hard and asked sheepishly "and the topless part?"

"I'm a redhead, not sure you noticed." I did now. "We burn easily. I was starting to get burned through my shirt, so I stopped, took my shirt off, and started putting on sunscreen. That's when I sat down on this stump. I've been here ever since. I hung my shirt on a tree branch over there..." she pointed to her right. "An hour or so ago a little furry bastard grabbed it and ran off into the woods with it. So here I am, and here I sit. Now can you help me? Or did I just give you a show for nothing?"

"Of course! I'm sorry, I just got a little distracted."

"I can see that" she said looking at my shorts. I had quite a boner and with no undies it was pointing straight at her. "You get me off of this stump and maybe we'll see about rubbing strange lamps"

I stumbled over to her. There was a lot of loose brush and branches between us. When I got closer her boobs looked even bigger, if that was possible. "If I'm going to help, I'm going to have to touch you." I said.

"Well, I didn't think you had telekinesis, and I don't see a wand. Except that one." She said nodding to my shorts again. Ok I may be slow sometimes, but she was definitely flirting with me. This could turn out to be my best hike ever. I finally got right in front of her and then I realized her assets were going to be quite an impediment. "I'll hug you and help lift?" I asked "That's probably a good start" she replied. I crouched down in front of her and was trying to figure out how best to get my arms around her. After the third false start she said "Oh for Pete's sake." she then grabbed my hands and mashed them into the sides of her breasts and held them there. "Just get it over with. They're just breasts!" They were so soft, and so heavy, I felt I could just hold them all day. "Get me up from this silly stump and you can play with them all you want" she finished.

Right. To work. I reluctantly let go of her breasts and reached under her arms and around her back. This of course mashed her breasts into my chest. Oh I'm in heaven I thought. I tried lifting. She tried standing. I felt like I was lifting 150 to 200 pounds. She wasn't moving. If there was any doubt about her being stuck it was gone now. There's no way she could have been faking that. I let her go, and reached around her to get a look at the sap. Yeah, that's sap alright. But I've never seen sap that sticky. I touched it with a finger. It was like touching superglue. I couldn't pull my finger off. After a minute or so I was finally able to slowly peel my finger up and free. "Man, that is some sap!" I said.

"Says the man who doesn't have his entire butt stuck in it!"

"Well, wait. It's not your butt that's stuck. It's your jeans. Have you tried taking them off?"

"Have you ever tried taking jeans off while you're sitting in them. Besides I can't bring my legs together enough. And I touched that sap once when I first got stuck. I almost ended up with both hands stuck behind me. Do you have any way to cut them off?"

"Cut your pants off?"

"I have shorts in my pack. But they're a little out of reach right now."

She then started lunging to the right again. This time I could actually see her butt stretching. She was definitely stuck good.

"Please don't do that" I said

"Why not?"

"Because this is my only pair of shorts, and I don't want to ruin them"

"Ahh" she replied

"Let me check in my pack"

I started rummaging through my pack and wasn't finding much, then Ahh, my first aid kit. "I have a pair of medic scissors. That is literally what they are made for."

I approached her with the scissors and knelt before her. Again, I hesitated.

"Come on. Just do it. I want up"

It was like I was a kid again unwrapping a Christmas present. One that I knew what it was but didn't know the details. It was a firetruck sure, but was it metal or plastic? Did it have lights and sound? Was she wearing underwear? Was she really a red head? I didn't get an answer to the second, she was bald. As to the first? I didn't see any. But I was really too busy looking at the second. I might not have noticed. I stopped admiring my work and stepped back to offer her my hand. She stood up. Or at least she tried to. She didn't get far. Her now naked butt was stuck to the insides of her jeans.

"Arrr" we both said at the same time. She started pounding her legs with her fists. "No No No No No. I'm going to be stuck here forever!"

She started lunging again. Now it was even more distracting as she was completely naked except for hiking boots. "Hey." I said "You seem to be getting further than before. Maybe your butt is not as stuck as your jeans were. Let's try lifting again."

I came in close and hugged her again. Again, her huge boobs were squashed against my chest. I was lifting for all I was worth. She started trying to lunge upward. It seemed like every lunge was just a little further than the last.

"I think it's working!" I said. "OK, Maximum effort!"

We both gave one mighty heave, and she popped free!

"Woohoo"

And we were both totally off balance. I went over backward with her landing on top of me. My hands had slid down from her back to her butt. She was on her elbows with her enormous breasts all over my chest. She leaned down and kissed me.

"My hero" she said.

"Can we get up now?" I asked reluctantly. "There's a stick poking me in the back."

"There's a stick poking me in the front." She replied. "But I have a sleeping bag that would be much more comfortable for both of us."

"Sounds great to me" I replied.

"So let go of my butt for now so we can get up"

"I'm trying. My hands are stuck!"

"You're Joking!"

"If I was joking, I would have said, a rabbi a priest and a duck walk into a bar.

Your butt must have some of the sap on it and now my hands are stuck."

To emphasize the point, I tried hard to pull my hands off. Nope, can't lift a single finger. All I was able to do was pull her butt cheeks apart, and up and down, and side to side.

"Great! Well at least we're mobile. I'm not still attached to that stump. Let's try to stand up." We rocked back and forth a bit trying to figure out how to stand as a couple as we rolled to our right there was a tearing sound as the stick that had been poking me in the back ripped my shirt. We finally managed to sit up with her on my lap. From there we got our feet under us, and tried to stand. As we stood one of our feet had been standing on my torn shirt, and it ripped the rest of the way, falling to the ground below us. Standing facing one another with my hands glued to her butt, her magnificent breasts were continuously squashed on my now naked chest.

"It's almost like having sex, except one of us is still wearing pants." As she said this her right hand reached down and squeezed my raging hardon. "Glargg" I said. Or something like that. Then with her left hand she undid my shorts and belt and unceremoniously dropped them around my ankles. "Much better now. We're even."

"About that sleeping bag?" I asked.

She had it on the outside of her pack at the bottom. It was unrolled and opened in minutes. Hers was an actual bag, not a mummy like mine. Her working around me was fun. She had to press even closer to get any kind of reach.

Eventually it was open and inviting. I gently laid her down on the bag. There wasn't much foreplay with my hands glued to her butt. She just lifted her knees and I entered her. She grabbed my back an pulled me in even closer. It didn't take long for either of us.

She started spasming, and that put me over the edge. Then one final push, and trying to breathe with gritted teeth.

"UNNNG"

"Ahhh"

We just laid like that for a few minutes getting our breath back.

"Umm" she said. "I think we have a problem"

"Other than the problem that I think I'm in love with you, and that my hands are stuck to your butt and that we're five miles from the nearest road, and that we're both naked?"

"Yeah. You left out that now my hands are stuck to your back, there must have been sap on that stick you landed on. So now we have no way to even pick up a cellphone or put on clothes."

Epilogue

One side of a phone conversation between Dr Barnes and an unknown caller

No, it's definitely not one of yours. Yes, I'm sure. No just a couple of hikers that ran into that tree sap I was telling you about. Well, this time we have an exact location. No, the guy with his hand on his penis just had a vague idea of where he had been, could have been anywhere within a five-mile radius. Do you have any idea how many trees there are in a five-mile radius? So, he leans on a tree while urinating and when he goes to tuck it back in, he can't let go. He panicked and ran. That's why we don't even have a compass heading. This couple was on a well-known trail and left physical evidence at the scene. A hazmat team is on its way there now. Should be able to retrieve samples and determine the species of tree. It must be some genetic mutation, probably a conifer. No, it's about twenty miles from the first case so its already widespread. If the first case is a good example It'll take sixty to ninety days for the sap to degenerate enough to release them. Normally yes, but the sap reacts with the natural oils in the skin and kind of regenerates it's stickiness for quite some time. Yes, they'll be fine. Apparently, the female has a sister, dead ringer I'm told. She's offered to take care of them for as long as it takes. Feeding them, bathing them, etc. I personally think the male is in for the time of his life. If his heart doesn't give out first. Yes, of course I'll let you know. Should be later today, it's pretty far up in the Sierras, and just over a mile from the nearest logging camp. That's the closest we can get with a chopper. Yes. Yes. Of-course I will. Goodbye.