All Comments on 'Sarah's New Job'

More care for spelling - I think you spellchecked, but the words aren't neccesarily the right ones... example:

"never found anything she was willing to do for a permanent courier." I think you meant career?

...is this: GET REAL!

You wrote, "Uhh.... Ahh... YEEAHSSSSSSS!" she screamed and shuddered violently on the office floor. Her own juice began running down her thighs and spreading in a puddle around her crotch." You obviously did not actually visualize what you were writing about. You are telling me she actually screamed in a bank ... that should have brought the guards. You're telling me she puddled around her crotch when she was on her back on a (not doubt) plushly carpeted floor ... explain that to your next visitor, Boss Man.

I really don't care to comment further. As I said, you need to get real.

Poor effort. She's late for a job and immediately submits to her boss... Please.

Next time, even for a fantasy story, come up with a plausible premise. Don't have the woman suddenly, without any explanation, turn into a submissive slut willing to take rough sex from some pig of a boss.

Awful.

Another commentor said for you to get real. That was the understatement of the century. You must be an 18 year old that just found out about sex and want to sensationalize ALL the things you think people really do. Real people don't have 10 inch cocks that magically morph into 14 inch cocks later in a story. Real women cannot take a 10 or 14 inch cock balls deep on their virgin encounter nor would they be able to accept a fist on their virgin encounter.

Now for your word usage, run don't walk to your nearest dictionary. Now, are you there? Pick the book up and look up the meaning of the word "emerge." See there where it says that to emerge means to come out? You need to know what words mean when you use them. Keep that dictionary close by when you write.

Finally, grow up man and write something people can believe in or give it up.

It wasn't the worst thing I've read here, but it wasn't the best either. You really are trying and you've got a good basic story there in girl being late for work and fucks her boss to save being fired. 14-inch cock though? Not on your life! And a 22-year old virgin would need a bit more persuasion before submitting to make it resemble reality in any way. Go to the favourites portal and read the stories of the top rated authors. See how they develop a story and how the dialogue flows. It's not enough to have a good situation for hot sex in your head, you need to draw the reader in and make them believe what you're writing. Keep trying. It's not that bad for a second try.

Amateurish writing, implausible setup, a dick that is 10 inches AND 14 inches long, a poor grasp of proper word usage, and a modern woman who is a) embarrassed to be a virgin and b) willing to submit to this asshole to keep a secretarial job.

*crinkle**crinkle**toss*

It is very hard to read when you don't use the correct words, or leave words out completely. (You might try using Microsoft WORD or a volunteer editor!!) Then he doesn't even give her a chance to beg for her job till he has his hands on her ass, then his 14 inch cock....that's where I quit reading!! If you are going to write, at least try to make it believable!!! This was a bullshit story. It could have been good if you had the patience and an editor!!!

Next time that boss tries to sexually rape you have someone barge in with a camera and take a picture then take him to court on rape then or threaten him if he tries to do that again you`ll send the photos to the head office and get fired lol.

Pat Murray

some writing lessons. Everyone thing writing is something anyone can do. One look at this submission proves the fallibility of that!

Bull shit 14 inches with what ruler!!!!!!

I know your getting bashed all over the place here.. So I'll try not to be overly offensive in my comment. If you want to keep submitting you should take some writing lessons. Mistakes like courier instead of career shows that while you do use spellcheck you don't edit. Before you release anything for others to read you should read it yourself outloud. Reading it outloud will let you pick up on a lot of mistakes in punctuation and diction. Hell, in this case reading it silently while intoxicated will pull half the mistakes out of the story.

I'd also suggest perhaps having sex with someone so that you can use realisitic reactions. Flush out your idea for the story more. I mean, if you enjoy this sort of completely unrealistic, sensationalistic story then by all means continue.. But you'll always get negative comments.