Saving the Doctor Pt. 10

Part 10, Choices and Regrets.

5 days later,

"Butt stuff's okay though right?" she asked.

Jon looked at his patient and managed to keep his face from responding too severely, other than a tightening of his lips.

"...What?" he finally responded.

"Like, I wouldn't have got gonorrhea if I had just done anal like he wanted to, right?" she clarified, with genuine confidence.

"N... no, you can get an STI from any type of sex that doesn't involve a condom, even oral sex," Jon explained.

"Fuck! Really? But my last boyfriend said th..." she trailed off as she looked at Jon's face and then sighed. "I guess you'd know. Sorry. You probably think I'm stupid..."

Jon gave a small reassuring smile, "It's alright. Don't worry about it. I get those kinds of misconceptions a lot actually. It's hard to say if that guy was lying or honestly believed it himself." He reached for a pamphlet, "Here, this is a good website you can go to that's got reliable information."

"Thanks," she said with an appreciative smirk.

"So, you said you thought the patch sounded good, as far as birth control?" Jon asked.

"Oh, um, yeah but I mean if I just use condoms all the time now..."

"Well, like I explained, condoms are good for STI prevention, but they're not as good for birth control, even with 'perfect' use. You'd be better off with both." he said, trying not to be too pushy, but hoping she made the right choice.

"Right. Okay yeah. I THINK it'll be covered."

"Just call me back if it's not, and we can switch to something else."

"K. Awesome. Thanks again for all the info. Man, it must be nice just knowing all this stuff. You'd just like, always know what to do, er, what not to do and never have any problems like this."

Jon cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Um, yeah. Anyway, take care."

"Bye," she said cheerfully as she left.

Jon finished his note quickly and then took out his cellphone which had been buzzing earlier in the encounter.

He saw the number and called it back right away.

"Hey, it's Jon Davidson here, I just missed a call from you guys? ...Yep I'll hold."

He nervously tapped his pen on his knee and took a deep breath as he waited.

"Hi, is this Jonathon?" a woman's voice finally answered.

"Yeah, hi."

"It's Kelly here, I'm one of the nurses at the Woodvale Clinic, you were in a couple days ago and got some tests done?"

"Yep," Jon said, feeling the suspense in every part of his body.

"K, well I'm just calling to let you know all the STI tests came back negative. Did you have any questions?"

Jon closed his eyes and gave a silent cheer in his mind. "No, that's great, thank you so much for the call," he said.

"No worries, have a great day."

"You too."

He hung up and sank back in his chair, finally relaxing and feeling like a weight had been lifted. He had been paranoid, thinking back to the drug-fueled orgy that he still couldn't believe he had taken part in.

Before he could think about it further his assistant came in.

"Hey Jon," Roberta said, poking her head in the doorway.

"Hey Roberta, 2 patients left?" Jon said turning back to the computer

"Actually you're in luck, James just left, had to be somewhere quick," Roberta said casually.

Jon frowned, "Oh, I'm only a few minutes behind, am I not?"

Roberta chuckled, "Yeah, don't worry, you're runnin' a tight enough ship, it sounded like some kind of minor emergency. Family thing. He apologized and said he'd rebook."

"Ah. K. Thanks."

"It's convenient for me actually, I gotta run quick after your done. Unless there's anything else you need?"

"Nope, thanks a lot Roberta, as always," he said, still genuinely happy he had a reliable no-nonsense assistant like her.

"Beth came by a few minutes ago wondering when you'd be done, so maybe don't bolt away too quick yourself though," she added.

"Oh, um... yeah okay," he replied, feeling like he wanted to do exactly that.

She read his face, "Jon... It's none of my business and I don't WANT to know what the problem is, but you're a big enough boy to know that very few problems get solved by NOT talking."

He gave a resigned smirk and finally met her eyes again, "Yeah... I know. You can tell her when I'm done."

She gave him an amused look and shook her head, "Oh, to be young again... See ya Monday," she muttered, and walked away.

Jon found his face feeling flushed as he finished the note, considering the drama in his life and thinking, contrary to her comment, that he was far too old for this shit.

They HAD been talking though. The fresh memory of the last time he and Beth saw each other 2 days ago played out in his mind...

...

"I fucked up okay? And I'm SORRY! I don't know why the details matter so much to you, lets just forgive each other, and at least TRY to move on," Beth pleaded through her tears.

"I AM trying to... to get to the point where maybe we can move on, but it matters WHAT we're sorry for," Jon persisted angrily.

"For... not communicating, like I said, for-"

"No you communicated loud and fucking clear, you told me to go home,"

"Okay FINE, I wanted to fuck him with or without you are you happy?! Just like YOU wanted to fuck Vienna with or without me, you admitted yourself you kissed her and dropped E, so don't talk to me like I'm some irresponsible child that you're scolding,"

"Beth that's NOT what I was implying give me a break, look..." Jon took a deep breath, "First of all that does mean something that you admitted that, and yes I fucked up too, I've said I did. Honestly I'm even more pissed at myself than you at this point. But... is what we did at the party, what we did with all of them, is that the kind of thing you WANT?"

"...No," Beth croaked doubtfully looking away.

"Jesus Christ, thanks, that was SO reassuring," Jon said sarcastically, and shook his head to turn away running his hand through his hair. "Have you done that type of thing before?"

She hesitated, and gulped, "Once yeah. ...oh don't look at me that it's something lots of people do. Lots of MATURE people who love each other and trust each other,"

"Oh FUCK OFF, that's not what that was, there was NO trust in anything that w-"

"I KNOW. I know what we did wasn't that. I mean in general."

"So what are we going to start swinging then, less than 2 months into our relationship?" he quipped bitterly.

"No! I was just making a point th-... You know what fuck you. Just get the fuck out of my apartment if your just here to try to make me feel like even more shit than I already do."

"Fine."

"Talk to me when you're actually wanting to solve something."

"Ditto."

...

Jon finished removing the last stitch as Walter winced and then let out a sigh of relief.

"Whooo, thanks doc, that actually wasn't as bad as I thought," he said, moving his finger around and touching the wound on it delicately.

"That's good to hear. So just still keep an eye out for any redness or swelling or especially discharge and give us a call if you notice any."

"Sure thing. So will I be able to play piano now?" he asked.

"Could you play piano before?" Jon replied with a smirk.

"Haha, Nope!"

Jon gave him a chuckle and sat back down at his desk, "Alright well, anything else today Walter?"

"Naw, thanks again doc, have a good night."

"You too."

Jon typed up the note with a smile. A few minutes later it quickly faded as he knew what was coming.

His mind flashed back to the phone call last night.

...

"It just seems like we're dragging each other away from the lifestyles we want," Jon said.

"No I've TOLD you I'm trying to leave that type of life behind me and grow up," Beth insisted.

"Well you're not exactly succeeding," Jon replied harshly.

Beth tried to hold back a sob and failed.

Jon reigned himself in. "Look, Beth I'm just... starting to think we want different things, I don't know if we-..."

"No! I WANT to, please believe me, I want to move past it. That's... why I want to be with you. Why I STILL want to be with YOU, and not anyone else..." she broke down in tears again.

Jon sighed and started to believe her.

"...why I... love YOU and not anyone else," she continued.

"I'm not sure people who really love each other would have done what we did..." Jon said.

"I don't care. I still feel like I'm in love with you, and I'm not ready to give you up, just please give me another chance." she sobbed.

Jon sighed, "I... I want to, I just can't let this slide like it was nothing."

"I KNOW it wasn't nothing, I just... like he's been a crush for so long and it was just a fantasy but suddenly it was real and... like lots of people have a thing where they have a celebrity that their partner would let them get with if they had a chance and so... like..."

"Oh my GOD, are you fucking serious?" Jon said, suddenly fed up again.

"What? LOTS of people say that!"

"Not SERIOUSLY. They don't ACTUALLY mean they'd be okay if their partner... For fuck's sake I can't believe we're talking about it like this," Jon said, feeling exhausted.

"Okay, fine, I'm sorry. Fuck. Forget it," Beth said defensively.

"I think I'm done talking."

"For... for tonight?"

"Yes, for tonight,"

"When can I see you again?"

"Maybe tomorrow."

"K. I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"Bye."

...

He finished closing out the note and noticed a darkening of his doorway out of the corner of his eye, and finally turned to face her.

Beth leaned against the door frame. It wasn't that long ago that she was his assistant but it seemed like another life. He could almost imagine turning back time, seeing her beautiful figure standing there, only the lack of clipboard in her hand giving away that she wasn't saying goodbye after the end of a long day. Her voluptuous body shone through a fairly tasteful outfit of black slacks and a thin button-up sweater. Her beautiful face was tainted by a look of despondent, almost hopeless nervousness.

"Hey."

"...Hey."

They shared a pained stare as neither moved.

Jon finally sighed and leaned back in his chair, "Come on in Beth, close the door."

"There's still people around, I don't want to get in a fight here," she said, closing the door anyway.

"I... wasn't planning on starting one," he replied.

She rolled her eyes, and then seemed to catch herself and looked at him more sincerely. "I mean I'd rather talk back at your place... or mine. Just, please let's just talk, face to face, and work through this with each other Jon," she said, sitting down next to him and crossing her legs, placing a hand on his. He exhaled at the familiar sight, thinking back to her weeks of flirtations. It made him want to kiss her and carry her back to his car. Instead, he steeled himself.

"I'm still not even sure what I want to say at this point," he replied, looking away.

"That's okay. I'm not entirely sure either, but let's just figure it out. Together. Please."

He sighed. "I don't know."

She tightened her lips in frustration. "Or at least let me come by and get my fucking stuff then, if this is really it," she said bitterly, her eyes starting to well up.

He found himself squeezing her hand reassuringly. It felt amazing.

"No, Beth, that's not what I'm saying either. Look we've just... had a fucking whirlwind of a relationship so far and I think we got tossed a little out of control. I think we both freaked out and did stupid shit. I just think slowing down and taking a bit of a breather is healthier and then maybe we can bounce back better than ever."

She looked at him mistrustfully, "We've barely seen each other in the last 5 days and it's felt like 5 weeks, how much time do you need?"

"I've been wrapped up with work for the most part, I was thinking maybe just one weekend alone... like still text me, let's call and chat a bit too, but..."

"I got tested like you suggested Jon, and I'm not feeling anything... out of the usual, if that's what you're worried about."

"Did you get the results?"

"Not yet, but I mean-..."

He shrugged, "Then maybe that's another reason to wait, just so we know."

She crossed her arms and gave him an annoyed but resigned look, "Fine. You're right I guess. As usual."

"Thanks," he said, ignoring the quip.

"So you're... not breaking up with me?" she asked, looking small and vulnerable all of a sudden.

He stared into those big pretty eyes and felt his heart tighten in a knot. He hadn't been sure, but he couldn't look at that face and not reassure her.

"No Beth. I want us to move past this, but to do it right, and not just act like it didn't happen," he said with a reassuring smile.

"Okay," she said softly, and they squeezed each other's hands.

She took a big breath and her generous chest rose and fell. He stood up and they shared a brief but intimate kiss.

"I love you," she whispered, and a tear fell down her cheek,

Jon simply smiled and kissed her back again.

She waited for a few more seconds, but eventually settled for caressing his cheek walking away as she wiped her tears.

After the door closed again, Jon sat back in his chair, and took a few minutes to settle himself down.

Eventually he turned back to the computer. He finished up his notes and consults, and was turning off his computer when the phone rang.

"Hello, Dr. Davidson here,"

"...Hey Jon," Carly replied.

Jon froze for a moment, then cleared his throat, "Oh, H-Hey Carly, how're you doing?"

"I'm good. Just started back at the pharmacy again actually. You?" she said, with a friendly, surprisingly casual voice.

"Oh, yeah good for you. I'm um, doing okay, you're lucky you just caught me before I left. What's up?"

"Oh, well lucky me," she giggled, revealing a hint of nervousness. "Um, yeah anyway, I have Kaitlyn here, you just saw her and prescribed a contraceptive patch earlier today."

"Right, damn is it not covered?" he asked.

"Bingo," she said. "She kinda has a weird plan but I went through the options with her from what her plan does cover and she wants the depo shot. We can give it to her here, I just need an order from you to make the switch."

"Oh, yeah, perfect, that sounds fine. Thanks for doing that Carly." he said appreciatively.

"Oh no problem. Can I just take a verbal order then?"

"Yeah for sure," he said.

"K, um, cool. I'll get that done for her then..."

There was an awkward pause. It struck him how rare that was for them.

"It seemed like you had done a good job teaching her about all the different options, it was nice to see," Carly said. "It'd be nice if all the docs around here did that."

Jon closed his eyes and found himself smiling regretfully at her overly friendly demeanour. "Thanks. ...That all?" he said, feeling torn between the pleasure of hearing her beautiful voice again and the pain of everything else.

"Yeah, I uh, I guess, er... Hey did you get my last text, or two?" she asked, sounding much more nervous.

Jon had received 3 texts from her sporadically throughout the week asking if they could chat. He hadn't responded.

"Y-... Yeah I did Carly, sorry I just, I've been busy, and kinda just distracted in general, and I... well what was it that you needed to talk about?" he replied, stubbornly pretending to be aloof.

She let out a sigh, that maybe had a slight shudder to it, "Just... can you get back to me. At some point? When we're not at work? Please?" she asked quietly.

Jon suddenly felt like a childish asshole as he closed his eyes and breathed out, "Yeah, I'm sorry Carly, I've just been dealing with my own shit and I wasn't ready to... Look, maybe this weekend sometime, we can have a chat, I guess. If you need to."

"Thanks," she said quickly, a hint of pain escaping.

"...Bye Carly."

"Bye," she whispered, sounding on the verge of tears.

He hung up the phone and felt his own eyes watering up, but a few deep breaths later was able to settle himself. With a flat face, he got up and left.

...

That night he tried to distract himself with a movie, but his mind was elsewhere. He kept thinking back to the insanity from last weekend. He figured Vienna had at least half-planned it, and obviously Blake was on board before the rest of them, but he couldn't believe he had been that suggestible, even drunk, half-stoned and on ecstasy.

He remembered the thoughts that had been going through his head. Devastated by Carly's rejection. Demoralized by Beth's immersion in the dance-club, college-party type crowd, and her shameless flirting with Blake. None of it excusing his behaviour with the other girls. 'Nothing fucking matters anymore' had been his decision. He wasn't sure if it was a depressed lamentation or a childish excuse to do all those things. Either way it was idiotic.

He knew he couldn't think like that. He couldn't live like that. Things had to matter. He couldn't just do whatever the hell he felt like and act like he had 'no regrets', like some naive college kid with too many inspirational dorm-room posters. Not to wallow in regret, but not to run away from it like a coward either. If he wanted his life to have meaning, then things had to matter, and regret was a necessary byproduct of that.

With the thought of not running from things like a coward, he opened his phone, toying with the idea of calling Beth. He still didn't know what he wanted though. They had seemed to be doing so well, but he knew it had been progressing too quickly. Artificially so. He hadn't completely dealt with his issues but merely escaped from them for a while by getting wrapped up with her. It didn't mean that what they had wasn't real, but he knew they had to change gears.

He sighed and took a sip of his beer and then hit 'call'.

His suspense was replaced by surprise when after ringing it simply went to voicemail. He left a brief message, saying he just called to chat, and then sighed as he hung up, in a mix of disappointment and relief.

An hour later his phone rang and he smiled, knowing he already missed hearing her voice again, but he only noticed the contact name was different in the split second after his hand automatically swiped to answer. He stared at it for a second trying to decide whether to hang up again, before begrudgingly bringing the phone to his ear.

"Hey," Jon said nervously.

"Hi Jonathon, thanks for answering," Elaina's voice said, softly.

"Yeah, um, no problem, what's up?" he said, making himself sound casual. She had been acting strangely normal the last few weeks the times they'd met with the realtor, with the occasional practical text, but a random phone call was still off-putting.

"Nothing urgent, but mainly I'm just making sure you're still able to make it to the real estate office tomorrow," she said.

"Yep, 1 o'clock right?" he replied, worried she might ask to have lunch beforehand.