Saving the Doctor Pt. 10

"...I mean she's still a beautiful girl, really reminds me of my cousin at that age, have you met her yet? Anyway I keep telling her, Dara my goodness you need to learn to COOK, all she ever brings to the family gatherings are salads, salads, salads, I mean come on my girl, heaven forbid she ever gets pregnant without eating any meat she'll be fainting left right and center. Did you ever call her? Here I am prattling on, you must have work to do. Thank you so much doctor."

He said a kind good-bye as he directed her down the hall and escaped back to his office.

...

"Another good week done doc. You're even caught up on the ones left over from Monday, by the way," Roberta said.

"Good to know, Thanks Roberta," he replied, looking up briefly from typing.

"Anything else then?"

"Nope I think I'm good, enjoy your weekend."

"You too doc. Oh, hey Dr. Gould."

"Hey Roberta, keepin' this guy in line?" Jeff asked, coming around the corner with a grin.

"Oh it doesn't take much," she laughed. "You should get him outta here he works too hard."

Jeff laughed, "I'm on it. Bye Roberta."

Jon smirked and looked up from his computer, "How's it going Jeff?"

"Oh I'm fine as ever. How are um... how are you holding up?"

Jon studied Jeff's sympathetic face for a moment, then sighed, "Word's got around I take it?"

"Well yeah, but why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Because... of wanting to put off having to see looks like that and the inevitable cliche'd words of there-there, fish in the sea blah blah. I just would rather do without all that shit."

Jeff chuckled, "Yeah that's fair. I guess I won't take too much offense then, but come on man, you can keep me in the loop at least."

"Yeah, sorry Jeff. I just don't want to talk about it at this point."

"Sure. But how about a beer or two, and like, talk about literally anything else? The bunch of us were gonna meet up at 8 o'clock, just kick back, drink a bit, shoot the shit, nothing fancy or exciting. How about it?"

Jon really wanted to decline but he told himself it was probably good for him. "You know what, sure, why the fuck not?"

"Atta boy!" Jeff grinned.

"No, like, matchmaking or any of that crap though okay?" Jon said, pointing a finger.

"Haha, yep, fair deal," Jeff agreed and left.

Jon finished up his last note and looked at his phone to see a text from Donna saying there would be another showing of the house on Saturday. He found himself swiping to look at his other messages from earlier in the week.

Beth had sent him text after text since Sunday, eventually asking him what was wrong when he wouldn't reply, sounding like she knew exactly what, but playing dumb, and begging him to respond or answer her calls. She hadn't had the guts to find him in his office though. 3 days ago he finally had responded after the first test results came in.

- Hey, just letting you know I got checked again, and you need to get tested for chlamydia, and tell Jared he should too.

It had been radio silence from her after that.

He wasn't sure if or when he ever wanted to talk to her again. Seeing her gorgeous face and sexy body and hearing her peppy voice, that always filled him full of life... She could've been so perfect... He was afraid he might still be delusional enough to take her back, if she even wanted.

He sat in his car for a few moments while it warmed up, chastising himself for feeling at all like he was some sort of innocent victim. He had gotten exactly what he deserved.

He didn't believe in karma per se, but he had let himself stray and eventually cheat, and the hurt he was experiencing now was probably exactly what he had caused to others. Elaina kept such a cold hard exterior, and had lost her mind for other reasons at the time, but he knew now how much she must have been devastated. He didn't know how much Tabitha knew had gone on, but the same guilt was there too. And then, how much Carly must have felt betrayed just after new years. That one stung more. He was so tempted to call or text her and see how she was doing and apologize for his stubborn rejection last week, but the thought of how much he might have hurt her in the past already made him even more convinced that he had made the right choice pushing her away. He once again told himself he didn't deserve her.

He took a shuddering breath, started the car and drove home in angry silence, trying to figure out what he possibly had left to fill the blank slate of his life with.

...

"More beer!" Rob shouted as the pitcher plopped down on the bar table.

They filled their glasses and Jon, Jeff, Ben, Rob and Chris all raised them in another 'Cheers'.

Jon admitted it was good to get out, and he was having more fun than he expected, but he could tell the guys all knew about his breakup. He couldn't decide if their obvious avoidance of the issue was more painful than if they had just talked about it openly. Rob had still asked a couple questions, confirming it was over and offering brief consolation, but thankfully had left it at that so far.

Ben chuckled, "Rob I think that girl over there's eyein' you up,"

Chris scoffed, "She wishes," and put an arm around Rob.

"The brunette?" Rob asked.

"Yeah."

"Why do you care?" Chris asked in mock jealousy.

Rob laughed, "Just curious. Maybe I can deflect her in Jon's direction."

"Thanks but no thanks," Jon chuckled, sipping his beer.

"Aw c'mon you haven't even seen her. She's the one behind you on the far wall, left of the pool tables, talking with the shorter one in the yellow."

Jon took his time slowly turning and pretended to look at one of the TV's but glancing casually at the girl, who he had to admit was really good looking, with cute freckles, wavy shoulder length brown hair, though he found himself wishing she wasn't quite so skinny.

"Well?" Rob asked with an expectant smile.

"Not bad looking but I'm not really in the mood tonight." Jon said, sipping his beer again.

"Borrring."

"Rob leave him alone," Jeff said.

"I dunno, I'm with Rob, Jon you got nothing to lose," Ben chimed in.

"Look, you guys might think you wish you were in my situation, but I'm telling you tonight's just not the night."

"C'mon I'm a really good wingman," Rob persisted

"She was eyeing YOU up, not me," Jon argued.

"That doesn't mean she couldn't be convinced. You know Jon, as you get older you're gonna have to put in a little more work, you can't just coast on your dashing good looks forever." Rob said with a teasing smirk.

Jon chuckled, "For tonight, I'll take my chances."

"How about this, if I can convince her to talk to you will you at least put in like, the slightest bit of effort?"

Jon shrugged.

Jeff laughed, "You know what man, just say yes, I wanna see this cocky son of a bitch crash and burn."

Chris laughed and high-fived Jeff.

"Fine, go for it," Jon relented.

"Sweet," Rob smiled.

"Don't let her kiss you, I don't wanna have to get in a bitch-fight tonight," Chris warned half-jokingly.

"Aw that'd be so hot though," Rob said with a shit-eating grin.

Chris elbowed him hard and they laughed.

"Pool?" Rob suggested, nodding at a free table.

"You guys go for it, I gotta get home to Jenna," Ben said. "Ava's going through some terrible-twos and not sleeping very much, I might need to bail her out."

"Yeah no problem man, good seeing you."

Jon sighed, honestly feeling like he was jealous of Ben and his simple stable life, and begrudgingly getting up to join the rest of them.

...

An hour and a half later Jon closed his eyes and lolled his head back in the taxi cab and tried to put the events of the night out of his mind. Fucking Rob, he though, though he knew he had meant well. Jon was more mad at himself, though he wasn't sure if it was for his half-assed attempt at asking for her number when he knew damn well she wasn't really interested, or that he had even tried in the first place. He had been having a good night until then. Jeff seemed to understand but his apologetic looks had just been salt in the wound. Rob at least had the decency to simply laugh it off.

The cab rolled to a stop and Jon stumbled out, glad he hadn't driven, but wishing he was drunker. It wasn't even midnight yet, and he considered polishing off the last of the bottle of scotch he had. He stopped and stared up at the few stars he could see and then despondently walked down the pathway to the steps to his oversized gaudy bachelor-mansion. Overblown, ridiculous and pointless, just like his entire life seemed.

He slammed the door and had barely taken off his coat when a fast knocking on the door made him jump.

He opened it to see Beth.

He drunkenly stumbled back a few steps then regained his composure. She was only wearing a simple sweater and jeans but they hugged her figure in a way that Jon's inebriated brain begged him to stare at. Her sad vulnerable face looked up at him like a wounded puppy.

"Don't close the door please!" she said reaching out.

His hand froze on the door, as his mouth and his arm resisted his brain's instructions to swear at her and slam it in her face.

"I just... I just want to say a few things please," she begged. Just a few minutes and then if you never want to see me again then fine. Jon, please just give me a few minutes."

His beer-filled stomach started pushing up through his heart, and he knew it was the wrong decision but he stepped aside.

"Fine, come on in then," he sighed. "I got your stuff in a box, I was gonna run it over at some point, I just..."

"Oh okay, I thought maybe you'd thrown it all out. I couldn't find it."

"You came in already?"

"Yeah... Sorry, you weren't home and I still had a key, and thought maybe it was better to just grab it and run. I figured I'd stick around a bit and wait and... well here I am."

"How long..." Jon burped. "...were you waiting."

"Longer than I should have probably. How drunk are you?"

"Drunk enough. Or not enough, I dunno." he said, turning away and walking to the hallway closet to grab the box.

She leaned against the wall hugging herself. He would never get tired of the way it pushed her breasts up. He kept holding the box, deciding it was a convenient barrier to stop himself from instinctively hugging her.

"I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am," she cried. "I just... it was a stupid, desperate, trashy fucking move, and I don't know why... I guess I wasn't as ready to move ahead with things as I thought. I was freaking out. Everything in my life was changing so quickly, and it felt like I just wanted to pretend to go back in time, even just for a bit."

Jon stood motionless with the box in his arms, remembering holding the fish tank, and fighting away the pain.

Beth continued, "I know that's a pitiful excuse, and I know I don't deserve to have you back, but please, don't think for a minute I don't actually love you. You're the best boyfriend I've ever had. I know I can't expect you to forgive me, but if somehow, you think we can move past this I... I still want to be with you. I still love you... and I'm so so fucking sorry Jon," she sobbed.

His whole body was tense and not just from the effort of continuing to hold the box. He felt his eyes burning slightly in response to her tears, but kept his mouth tightly shut.

"So just... is there any chance? Is there any way you could...?" she asked softly.

She reached out and touched his arm. Her soft fingers that had caressed him so many times and made him feel so good both before and after they started dating. Those perfect perky bikini-model tits rose and fell as she breathed in and out. Her hips curved to the side as she looked up at him questioningly. Her running eyeliner couldn't hide the beauty of her face. She still looked like the perfect girl. She seemed to read his eyes running over her and she squeezed his flexing forearm.

He put down the box slowly, straightened back up and felt a slight spinning, but kept his head on his shoulders.

He reached out to her, squeezing his hands on her shoulders and looking at her intently.

"You don't love me. And I don't love you. But... don't hate you Beth. Not at this point anyway. Part of me still wants to, but I don't really. I don't know if I'll fully forgive you, but I know I'm capable of basically the same thing, so how bad can I really feel right?"

She started to give a cautious smile slightly through her tears.

"But... and I don't know if anything's going to come of it or I'll still end up alone but I still-..."

She interrupted him with a lunging kiss and it felt amazing. He had missed the feel of her lips, missed her tits pressing on his chest, missed the whimpering moan she made as he started to kiss her back. It felt like heaven. ...But it was a lie. ...And even then, that wasn't where he belonged.

He stopped her and pushed back firmly, still holding her at arms length.

"No, Beth, let me finish," he said. Taking a big breath and watching her do the same, then letting go of her and stepping back.

"The bigger problem is... I'm still in love with Carly."

She stared back for a long time, and then finally let her shoulders fall and nodded, as if it was a defeat she had suspected all along.

"She's pregnant... and it's mine."

Her eyes widened and she took a half-step back.

"I didn't cheat on you with her, it was from before," he quickly added. "But... fuck I might as well have. I already wanted to leave you for her, but she told me not to. Then, I swear, after that, I really meant it when I decided I would be willing to move away with you and I... even if I didn't love you I had real deep feelings for you but... Beth, honestly you're better off on your own at this point. Both of us are."

Beth hugged herself again and fought back more tears, "I still don't feel like I would be."

Jon shook his head, "I think we were doomed anyway, Beth. You'll be happier running off to college and having all the fun you want to with nothing holding you back, trust me."

Beth frowned and looked like she was about to argue, but settled for crossing her arms.

He suddenly looked back at her with concern, realizing what he had just admitted. "That's a secret, by the way. Like, her kid being mine. Please don't..."

She nodded quickly, "Yeah I don't worry, I won't..."

He bent over and picked up the box again. "Open the door for me. I'll carry this to your car."

"No, I can get it, don't worry," Beth argued.

"Naw it's heavy as hell, it's a good thing I'm drunk, my back's gonna pay for it tomorrow," he said crassly. "Plus I feel like I want some fresh air again."

She smirked through her tears and turned around to open the door.

He dropped the box in her trunk and stepped back on to the grass, not being able to resist staring at her again as she stepped forward timidly and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, I just wish I could make you feel better," she started to cry again.

Jon shook his head, "Beth, other than last weekend, I think overall you made my life better. There's a lot of shit I regret, but even after everything, the time we had together isn't one of them at this point." he said, looking away in surprise at his own words, and stumbling back slightly on his drunken feet.

She giggled and sniffled and reached out to steady him.

She looked up trying to read his face and then after pausing and biting her lip for a few more seconds, kissed him one last time. It lasted longer than it should have and he started to get into it and almost reached up to her breast when she pulled away with a red face.

"Thank YOU Jon. For what it's worth, I think you and Carly would be good together,"

Jon frowned and looked away. "I think she's better off without me too at this point."

"No, Jon don't think that way. You're not perfect, but you've got a good heart," Beth looked at him sincerely.

"You're a good man," she said. "You're just bad at it sometimes."

Jon scoffed, but eventually gave an appreciative smile back at her anyway.

After one long final stare, she got in her car and drove off. Jon stayed standing in the dark, looking up at the stars again, letting fleeting thoughts come and go as they pleased, but never caring. Eventually he found himself stumbling back into the house and into his large lonely bed and escaped into sleep.

**********

- A lot of it comes down to ego. Even if it doesn't feel like it at the time. Thinking that the world revolves around us, cause our own eyes are the only perspective we have. We get so caught up in our own goals and accomplishments, and even our striving for happiness and 'being the best we can be' can make us do things that hurt people, because we're too busy focusing on ourselves and our own issues. When really it's the people and the world around us that matters far more.

- Wow. That's a really good take on it yeah.

- Thanks, I stole it pretty much verbatim from my therapist.

- Haha. Okay, but still, I like it.

- I just wish practicing it was as easy as saying it.

- Life would be pretty easy then wouldn't it?

- Yeah. For what it's worth it at least gets a little bit easier each time we get to chat. Even if it's just over text like this.

- Thanks. It does for me too.

1 week later,

Jon sat at his dining room table, the big empty house looming around him, staring at the bag in front of him.

3 records was maybe too much, 2 probably would have been fine. She might even have one of them already though, he couldn't exactly remember... Was the chocolate stupid? He knew it was her favourite kind. Flowers would totally have been too obvious and desperate right?

All this to send a message to Carly that he really should just be able to say outright with words, to ask a question he couldn't ask straightforwardly with his mouth.

He had wanted to wait longer before talking to her again, and trying to rekindle what they had been so close to having. He had wanted to wait, both for her sake and his own. He knew he had to make himself become a better, more mature, more reliable and decisive person, and it would be a long journey, that probably would never end. He told himself it was responsible to wait and take a breather after the craziness with Beth, but he was worried. There had been hints that there might be some other guy in the picture already, and the thought freaked him out. It scared him enough that he was sure beyond a doubt that he still loved her.

He had sent her a few texts this week just casually asking how things were. They had turned into brief but pleasant conversations about this and that, nothing too deep or serious, but she seemed pleasant enough, and didn't seem to be uncomfortable or avoidant of him from what he could tell. His last text though, he had finally decided to mention that he and Beth had broken up. She hadn't acknowledged it. At least not yet.

He tapped his fingers on the table and looked at the time. She'd probably be done supper.

Who cares? Like it's gonna make a difference. He thought to himself. Just go and do it!

He set his jaw, picked up the bag and headed out to his car.

...

Jon knocked on Carly's front door, trying not to fidget and to keep his feet still. His heart was pounding, his hands felt clammy.

Nothing.

He knocked again, a bit louder, but worried it sounded angry.

Eventually he rang the doorbell. After a few minutes he conceded she simply wasn't home.

He stood for a long time trying to decide whether to simply leave the bag on the doorknob and go, or to wait around.

He decided to wait around sitting on her doorstep. He daydreamed about her, remembering her voice and her face and how she brightened up his day every time he saw her, almost without fail. He chastised himself for the umpteenth time for rejecting her and staying with Beth when he had. He prayed it would work out for the best, and tried to convince himself that his life could go on without Carly if it didn't. He never quite succeeded.