Saving the Doctor Pt. 10

- That means a lot, but you've barely started on this journey back out from rock bottom. There's a big wide world out there. You've been more isolated and vulnerable. You'll find out soon enough that I'm not nearly as special as you seem to think I am. You're the reason you're getting better, not me.

- God if I hear one more counselor use the word 'journey' I think I'm going to flip.

- Haha, Sorry. My point stands.

- It's valid I guess, but just because there's other connections I could make doesn't make ours worthless.

- It's not worthless. It'll never be. You've been helping me as much as you. I just don't want us to get co-dependent or too wrapped up too quick. Having been down that road...

- You're scared.

-??

- You're too chicken to make this leap I can feel it.

- Come on now, yes I'm leery about it, but justifiably so.

- The fact that it scares you means it's the right thing to do. It's how you're going to break free of your slump.

- What happened to you learning to be less pushy?

- What happened to you trying to be more self-confident and decisive?

- I just can't win with you can I?

- ;)

- Well, tell me more about what you're envisioning. How would I go about this? How much do you have thought out?

- So much, where do I start...

- How am I not surprised you've got it all down to details already :P

- That's it I'm calling you.

...

Doug strolled into Jon's office, "Hey there champ, you wanted to see me?"

"Hey Doug yeah, if you've got a few minutes," Jon said sliding his keyboard away.

"Was just about to head out for the day but I'm in no hurry. How ya been? We haven't sat down for a while?"

"I'm... decent. It's been a rough few months for me personally, like you know, but I'm heading in the right direction I think."

"Great to hear, feedback-wise you're definitely back to bein' the great doc you always were."

Jon smiled, "Thanks that's good to hear Doug."

"How's Roberta been?"

"Fantastic. Yeah couldn't ask for better. Anyway Doug..." Jon couldn't help chuckling in embarrassment, "this doesn't mean I'm lying with all that, so don't freak out, but I was wondering if we could start looking for a locum so I could take a bit of a... longer leave of absence."

"Oh... well yeah we could, but what's the issue then?"

"Well, there's this opportunity to work on a project for a few months, more of um, charitable type work."

"Ohhh kinda like what you've been doing at St. Augustine's?"

"Yeah... sorta the same vein but not quite. It'd be for a few months and then, probably I'd be back but if I'm being fully honest if it goes well, who knows?"

Doug gave a knowing smirk, "Sounds like the perfect thing when you're still young and adventurous. Why don't you tell me about it? Where is it?"

"Well..."

**********

- It's natural Jon, at least for you. You're a healer. Despite what we talked about with ego being at the core of what we've done wrong, you give up too much of yourself. You accommodate others, you're forgiving and full of second and third and forth chances for everyone. You're all of that to a fault. But, there can always too much of a good thing, and you're walking proof of that.

- You're getting too good at this. I hate it, but I know you're right.

- It's part of what I admire about you still. But, I know it makes you suggestible and lets people take advantage of you. I know I did..."

- And I've told you I forgive you for it at this point, don't dwell on it.

- Lol, I literally JUST told you you're too forgiving and here you are...

- Goddammit.

- You're too cute sometimes.

- You tricked me into that and I DON'T forgive you for it.

- Lol. Baby steps.

- I got your pic by the way.

- And??

- It looks good. The haircut suits you.

- Thanks. Feels good to blush I don't do it often. I don't look too washed out?

- No. You look real. I like it.

- ...can you send a pic to me?

- I didn't get a haircut.

- I know. Come on. I just want one.

- I'm suspicious about where this is going

- ;)

- Is this to test my suggestibility?

- Lol, Dammit, it's backfiring!

...

"Yeah! Just a little to the left-... Ah! YEAH! Perfect! Ohh, GOD you're good!" Melanie moaned out blissfully.

Jon huffed into her ear and smiled as their naked bodies clung to each other, and he worked his throbbing cock into her where she wanted.

"I feel like I got a bit of deja vu," he chuckled.

She giggled as she panted, "Well, you should be glad my suspicions were right and... Ah! You're as good with your cock as you are with a laparoscope."

They shared a laugh and he whispered back, "Well your talented hands are just as good in the bedroom as I had hoped."

She nibbled his ear with a purr, and he groaned into her neck as she pulled her thighs around him more tightly. He flexed his arms around her and adjusted his thrusts again, his cock pumping with determination into her.

She arched and dug her nails into his back.

"AH! Yeah. Oh JON! Fuck. Right there just like that. Yeah. AH! FUCK! Don't stop! AH! JON! Please don't stop! YES! FUCK!" she writhed and moaned and whimpered underneath him in sudden intense affection.

"Oh GOD! Melanie!" Jon moaned, responding in turn with more aggressive excitement.

"Yeah! Ohhhh, FUCK yes. Don't fucking stop, ah, AH, AH! OH GOD! JON!"

Jon held her spasming body strongly in his arms as she started to cum. He worked his cock in and out of her and she thrust her wet ravenous pussy against him. His hips smacked into her fit muscular thighs and he listened to her uncontrolled throaty wails as she came. It drove him wild and headlong into his own climax and he closed his eyes and grunted against her neck as he lost himself too.

They traded moans and panting desperate guttural sounds, sharing their gratifying release together as their sweating bodies gradually relaxed into the plush bedsheets. He lifted his head and shared a breathless giggle and a pecked kiss.

"That was amazing," Jon said.

Melanie nodded, "Yeah."

Her eyes flitted over his body looming over her, and she looked back up at him with a sultry smirk.

"I'm kicking myself now for turning you down back in January," Melanie said with a soft laugh.

Jon shook his head, "No... you were completely justified, and I was in a fucked-up place. Honestly fifty-fifty whether I would have been sobbing into your snatch."

Melanie threw her head back and laughed huskily, "Oh whatever. But yeah I could tell you weren't really ready even before our little chat, I was just, stubborn and impatient."

"I thought you'd never want to even work with me again, let alone... you know," he said gesturing with his eyes over the bed.

"Well I was almost there, but... like I said, you've been seeming a lot better. ...Not that I'm looking for like anything serious here still..."

"Yeah, I know, I'm with you there,"

"...well don't agree TOO quickly,"

He chuckled, "Oh get over yourself, it's not you. I just, don't feel like a relationship is where I want to be at right now."

"I thought you were dating someone for a while there?"

"Word gets around," he said, raising an eyebrow.

She shrugged. "So I take it it's still... complicated with her then?"

Jon chuckled more bitterly, "No... with HER it's definitely not complicated at this point.

"...it's not still... the nephromancer is it?" she said, with a look of concern.

"Elaina? No. At least I'm pretty sure. Not when I'm thinking clearly anyway,"

She gave a wry smile, "Well that was a guilty look if I've ever seen one. I don't judge you too hard though. I have at least one ex that tears at me the same way. I hate how terrible people can still be so attractive. My single-ness is kinda evidence to that."

Jon shook his head, "Yeah, she's seeming to change though, for the better, it's hard not to at least be happy for her."

She gave him a mistrustful look.

"I know, I know," Jon said, then changed the subject. "I wouldn't be too bitter about yourself though. I think once you decide to settle down you'll do fine. ...if you're choosy enough."

"You know I already slept with you, you don't have to butter me up anymore."

Jon laughed, "Hey I can put in some investments for a second round can't I?"

She squinted in a playful smile, "Maybe. Not tonight though. We both gotta work tomorrow."

"Is that code for get the fuck out of my house?" Jon said sarcastically.

"See, you're such a good communicator I like that," Melanie smiled back.

"Thanks again for the booty call," Melanie said as Jon got dressed and she slipped on a housecoat.

"Thank YOU, it was great, just what I needed maybe,"

"K, well again, nothing serious, no one finds out. Right?"

"Right,"

"Goodnight," she said, and batted him a playful smile as he left.

**********

- Jon I'm TELLING you to.

- I deleted the app already.

- Then download it again, the matches will still be on your account if you remember your login. She asked you on a date and you said yourself she seemed nice, so don't be rude.

- Just when I think I'm starting to understand you...

- Jon if and when I convince you to be with me I don't want to be your rebound. Get all that out of your system with some other girl. Charm her, sleep with her, or reject her, or get rejected, either way, it'll be good for you.

- Aren't you worried it might last?

- Are you?

- No.

- See? It's a risk I'm willing to take. Honestly if you find a girl who you genuinely think is better than me all around then you are welcome to her.

- I don't know whether to be impressed or suspicious.

- I care for you and I want what's best for you that's all. But know that the same applies for me right now, I hope that's alright.

- Ah. Well I suppose that's fair.

- Jealous?

- Maybe a bit. You?

- Definitely a lot. ...but I want to be.

- You know, they're not my only prospects.

- ...Tell me her name! (I'm joking... mostly)

- Naw. :P But, honestly you're not the only reason I'm not sure I'm ready to date.

- Still?

- Yeah. She meant more to me than you knew. More than I even knew, I'm thinking now. You'll be happy to hear I did finally finish the song though. I think you're right, it feels like it will be at least kinda cathartic.

- That's great! So are you gonna do it?

- Yeah I think so, tomorrow at the open mic.

- Good! I'm proud of you. This will help I'm sure of it. Is she going to be there?

- Hell no. That's not the point. Honestly, if she is I'm not playing it.

- Okay okay, just curious. So... can you write a song for me next?

...

Jon walked into the bar with his guitar case and looked around. It wasn't anywhere close to packed, but it was an okay turnout, he figured. He didn't recognize anyone he knew, and he was relieved. He found a small table off to the side and got comfy. He flagged down Dave and let him know he'd be doing a song, admitting it was an original when he asked what he was playing. Dave gave an excited high-five and continued through the crowd making his list. Jon settled back and relaxed and was able to enjoy the first few acts before his nerves stared to return. Dave finally called him up and he found his palms were sweating. He couldn't believe how much worse the stage fright was, knowing he was playing his own song, but he felt like he managed to keep it from showing too much.

"Hey everyone. Thanks Dave. It's great to be back up here again. I'm gonna play an original tune I just put together recently. It's called Pure Sunshine. Goes like this."

He started into it, his tense hands struggling a bit and wishing he had chosen simpler finger picking, but finding his groove before the verse. He almost hesitated before starting into the verse but knew there was no backing out now.

The lyrics weren't obvious, at least they shouldn't be to anyone other than him, veiled in metaphor, but the imagery was all there from when he and Carly and fallen for each other.

When your soothin' voice hit my ear. Your silly laugh, lifting spirits, killing fears.

... I knew you before I met you. You're accidental rescue collided into me.

... That whirpool of wonder, almost sucked me under drowning happily.

... I'd wait forever on that park bench, for even one last glimpse of your golden hair flying in the breeze.

... Could we walk a neverending trail and watch an eternal sunset as you lean on me.

... I was leaning on your beautiful soft shoulder, but fallin' just the same.

Jon sung on, losing himself in the song, forgetting about the crowd and only realizing after the fact that he had performed it almost flawlessly. He finished off the final melody with his fingers, letting the notes ring out, until the guitar finally faded to silence.

There was a hush in the bar and he could've heard a pin drop. It freaked him out for a second and looked up uncertainly, but then the crowd erupted in loud applause and supportive cheers. Jon gave a red-faced nod of thanks and left the stage.

"Alright! Jon Davidson everyone," Dave announced again as he left. "Let's hope he keeps writing. So next up we have..."

Jon's pulse had settled by the time he found his table again and collapsed into his chair, feeling mentally exhausted, but proud of himself all the same. In a few minutes Karl and Lisa walked up and sat down with a friendly hello. They gave him excited compliments on the song, Lisa insisting she had been brought to tears. Jon gave an embarrassed thanks, and they had a nice time chatting in between the next few performers.

After another half-hour though, Jon almost spit out his drink when he heard Dave's voice.

"Okay, next up we have another returning performer, Carly Jorgensen."

Karl turned to him, "Oh hey she's the one we met back in December right?"

Jon tried his best to keep a straight face while he nodded yes.

Dave waited on stage, and then looked around the bar with a frown, "Carly?"

There was an awkward silence as everyone else started to look around as well.

"Alright, maybe she had to step out for a sec, lets' move on then, next on the list we have..."

Jon's head felt like it was spinning. How long had she been at the bar? Jon tried convince himself that maybe she hadn't heard his song, but he knew she almost certainly did. He felt a deep gut-wrenching embarrassment. Had she left because of it? He wasn't sure what to make of it but it didn't feel good.

Goddammit.

He had done this to try to move on, but it was having the opposite effect. Even if Carly hadn't been there. He felt like hearing himself performing it and meaning the words so sincerely had made the memories so real and his feelings so obvious. He shook his head at himself and tried to forget about it as he tried to focus on the other performers.

Karl and Lisa kept trying to make polite conversation, but Jon couldn't bring himself to say much in return with his thoughts spinning out of control. After a little while longer he couldn't do it anymore and told them he had to head out.

He looked around the bar as he got up, and thankfully didn't see Carly or Grace or anyone he recognized. He drove home in furious regret, wondering if he'd ever have the guts to show his face to Carly ever again.

**********

- Jon what's wrong, you've barely responded? Did I say or do something wrong?

...

- Please Jon just tell me. What happened to us helping each other work through things?

...

- Can you at least tell me if you're blocking me? At least say a goodbye instead of ghosting me like this? It's getting insulting.

...

- Hey Vienna, sorry I didn't respond. I've been needing some time to think through a lot of things for the past while. I don't think I can go through with anything we talked about. I'm sorry. I hope you still go through with everything on your own, with the research project and all that. It'll be exciting, and fun, and meaningful, and I know said it was a dream of mine to work with MSF, but I just can't do it. Not now. Probably not for a long time if ever.

- I figured as much. Thanks for getting back to me and being honest at least. Go get her then. I hope it works out.

- It's not just Carly.

- Please Jon, don't patronize me.

- Yes I still love her and yes that's part of it, but I want to be a better person on my own before I try to approach her again, and not if she's in a happy relationship. But, I can't abandon hope completely.

- And that's why you deserve her. Just don't expect some 'aha' moment when you'll finally be ready. You're walking that road and that's all you can expect, as long as you realize there's no end to it.

- Is that from your therapist to?

- Lol, fuck you, it's still true.

- Sorry, couldn't resist. ;) You're right though. I hope all this chatting was all still worth it.

- Definitely. :) I know we met in a kinda fucked up way, but I'm still glad I got to know you.

- Me too.

**********

It had been 2 weeks since the open mic, and a 10 days since Jon cut ties with Vienna. He hoped she would do well. She'd be out of the rehab center in not too long and she sounded like she was on a path to a more stable life. ...If gallivanting off on a research project to study TB in third world countries could be considered stable. At least it was a direction. One that he was surprisingly not having any regrets turning away from. Working with Doctors without Borders at the same field site as her project... It had been an enticing fantasy, but ultimately probably not realistic. Just like being happy with her. Possible? Maybe. Probable? Not really. Plausible...? Jon shook his head and laughed at himself sipping his coffee and leaning back on the park bench. The real uncertainty he should be pondering about was hopefully about to walk up the path in front of him in a few minutes.

He wasn't sure what to make of Carly's phone call, and her texts. They sounded... exciting. He had so many questions. Mainly he wondered if she was still with Sean. If not, did she still have feelings for him? Would she still be willing to move on from their fucked-up past and give him a shot? Would she believe him at this point if he told her he still loved her? Would she marry him?

He shook his head at his out of control thoughts, but he knew it was what he wanted. He had never really stopped wanting to be with her, only dabbled in denial. He probably never would stop. He was willing to learn to be okay without her though. That had still been his goal, at least up until 2 days ago when she called. He still talked to her occasionally at the pharmacy but that phone call had been different...

"Hi Dr Davidson here,"

"...Hey, how's my favourite doctor?" Carly's familiar smile-inducing voice asked.

Jon grinned and closed his eyes, "Doing well. How's my favourite pharmacist?"

"How many pharmacists do you even know?"

"Doesn't matter, answer the question," he chuckled.

"I'm... okay. Always better talking to you," she said softly.

There was a comfortable pause as Jon smiled to himself, thinking her voice could soothe him through the end of the world.