Scenes from a Marriage Pt. 21

2020-12-07

Author's note:

As I mentioned in my note at the top of part 19, I stopped writing sometime last summer, and I didn't start again until just now, so there's a gap of several months between the events of part 20 and the point where the story picks up here.

Let me start with a bit of an overview of what's been happening since I last wrote. My wife and I have been continuing to communicate openly with each other and working together to figure out where this crazy journey is taking us. Our process of evolution can be slow; sometimes it takes one or both of us a while to figure out what we like or what we don't, how to communicate it to each other, or how to fully understand something that the other has told us. But it's really the journey that's most important, and we're both enjoying it.

After our discussions in part 20, I haven't been wearing my chastity device, and we haven't been playing with denial. Although I do enjoy those things, I've realized that they don't work as well for her -- she likes having access to my cock to play with it whenever she wants, and she really likes making me cum whenever she wants to, especially when she knows that the only time I get pleasure is when she says so. Since I really do enjoy pleasing her, I'm more than willing to do this her way. And I'll be honest, it's not like there's nothing in it for me: she does tease me sometimes, and she does sometimes give me a ruined orgasm, so it's not like I'm not getting the opportunity to yield my pleasure to her. And I certainly don't object when she gives me earth-shattering orgasms, either! What really works for her is just being in control of my pleasure, and I'm finding it really satisfying to give her that control.

We have had some fun play times since the last time I wrote. For my birthday, she tied me to the bondage board on my back and teased me for almost an hour before finally making me cum. (She even used her wand vibrator on my frenulum, which we discovered is incredibly effective at arousing me, a fact that she's since used to her advantage on a number of occasions.) She's milked my prostate a couple of times when she didn't want to let me have a full orgasm, which is always a love/hate experience for me -- I love how the pleasure lasts longer than a normal orgasm, but it's not really as intense as a full orgasm, so it's somehow still frustrating! There was even one day when she made me jerk off for 15 minutes every hour over a whole day, sending her pictures of my cock as I did it, not allowing me to cum until she said so. (Working from home during the pandemic does have its perks!)

We've been continuing to try to figure out if there's a way that we can make sadism sexual for her, although we haven't really come to a conclusion one way or another yet. And we have had a few more impact play scenes; we even got some new suspension cuffs that are better for my circulation during extended sessions on the cross. We also bought a nice rolling cart with drawers and found a way to add a bunch of hooks on it for the floggers, straps, et al, so that we now have easier access to all of our toys, no matter which room we're playing in.

A couple of months ago, I came to the realization that what I really need from her is to push me a bit, to have me do things that are a bit unpleasant or challenging for me, as a way of "proving" my submission to her. Part of me feels like if the only things she orders me to do are things that I would gladly do anyway, then I'm not really demonstrating submission. I really want to demonstrate to her that I'm willing to serve her in ways that most people wouldn't. And the times when I most feel like I've done that is when she takes sexual pleasure from using me. (I'm not sure exactly why this is so important to me -- to be honest, when I write it out the way that I just did, it sounds even to me like I'm being insecure about what my value is to her, but that's really not what this is about. At the end of the day, I guess none of us can really consciously control what turns us on.) My wife and I talked about all of that, and she said that she would try to find more ways to take sexual pleasure from making me serve her.

Unfortunately, right around that time, she started having a minor health issue (nothing related to covid, thankfully). It's making her somewhat uncomfortable, and as a result she hasn't been interested in playing, so we haven't had much opportunity to explore what we had discussed. She has given me a few handjobs so that I wasn't too frustrated, which I'm certainly not going to turn down, but honestly, I've been missing serving her intimate needs (by which I mean both sexual and sadistic) a lot more than I miss my own orgasms. It's been challenging for us, since I'm worried about her, and I generally need play time more often when I'm more stressed, so this situation has sort of exacerbated our normal mismatch in desire.

Thankfully, just in the last couple of weeks, she's started feeling a little bit better (the issue isn't resolved yet, but she's finding better ways to manage it), and we've been able to play a bit once again. Just last week, she tied me to the bondage board again to give me both pleasure and pain, and she even surprised me by securing my arms crossed over my chest, so that I was far more restrained than usual! It was more challenging to me, and a lot more fun.

So, that basically brings you up to speed on where we are now. I'm going to start writing all the gory details again, and I'll post chapters as I write them.

Going forward, I'm going to try to add dates to events, to make it clear when each event occurs.

I hope you all continue to enjoy the story! Please do leave comments and vote -- it means a lot to me.

2020-12-06

I was laying in bed, geeking out on my phone, waiting for my wife to finish showering before bed. She came out of the bathroom naked and walked over to stand next to the bed, and I looked up at her. She looked back at me, snapped her fingers, and pointed down at the floor.

"Yes, Mistress," I said, quickly putting down my phone. I knelt before her, smiling up at her. She had just recently told me that she liked the idea of having me kneel for her whenever she wanted, and I was more than happy to comply!

She laid down on her back across the bed, spread her legs, and pointed to her pussy, clearly indicating that I should pleasure her.

It took me a moment to realize that this was really happening. I was amazed that this incredibly assertive and confident woman was my wife! I loved the way that she was shamelessly commanding me to give her pleasure.

I moved in front of her and gently kissed her inner thighs, teasing her a bit. I really wanted to gently ramp up her pleasure and give her a really intense orgasm, but I also knew that I wasn't realistically going to be able to hold off for too long; it had been such a long time since she'd felt well enough to indulge in her own sexual pleasure, and I was simply too desperate to experience her orgasm.

I licked my way up her outer labia a few times, trying to slowly stoke her arousal, but then I slid my tongue between them and started licking her in earnest.

Her skin was damp from the shower, so at first I was having a bit of trouble figuring out how aroused she was. But as I focused on the spots that I know she likes, I could hear her start to moan in pleasure.

I stuck my tongue inside of her and licked around the edges of her inner lips. Then I ran my tongue firmly from her hole up to her clit, giving it firm pressure. As usual, that helped stoke her arousal, and I could feel her squirming beneath my tongue.

I caressed her thighs with my hands as I continued to lick her delicious pussy. I repeatedly licked from her hole up to her clit, taking the time to run my tongue all over her clit, giving it the firm pressure that I know she loves.

Finally, I could tell that her arousal was growing nicely, so I kept my tongue up around her clit and gently snaked two fingers inside of her to massage her G-spot.

She gasped in pleasure as I started stroking her G-spot, and I redoubled the pressure on her clit with my tongue. As she climbed closer to orgasm, I started lashing her clit with my tongue in tandem with my fingers on her G-spot.

That did the trick! Soon she was crying out and bucking her hips. I had to get up off of my knees in order to lean far enough forward to keep my mouth on her as she bucked! But I kept my lips and tongue glued onto her clit as she came, loving all of the sensations -- touch, taste, and smell -- of her juices on my tongue and fingers.

As she came down from her orgasm, I slowed my ministrations for a moment or two to let her recover, but I didn't let up. I quickly ramped back up to full speed with both my fingers and my tongue, and soon I was rewarded with another orgasm.

Once again, I slowed down to let her catch her breath after she came. But as usual, I was enjoying myself way too much to stop unless she ordered me to, so I soon sped back up again, bringing her to yet a third crashing orgasm.

After her last orgasm, she finally pushed me away. "That's enough. Thank you."

I smiled at her as she rolled onto her side to recover. "You're very welcome, Mistress. I will do that for you any time you want."

"I know you will," she said, still laying on the bed, trying to catch her breath. "Go wash your face and then cuddle up behind me."

"Yes, Mistress."

I went to the bathroom and washed up, then came back and slid onto the bed, curling around her from behind, loving that she allowed me to satisfy her that way.

Life is funny. If you had asked me a couple of years prior to this if I'd ever be happy in a relationship where my wife ordered me to make her cum and didn't even offer to take care of me, I might have laughed at the idea. But now, I found it incredibly fulfilling.

We snuggled together for a while until she was ready to move. Then she got ready for bed, and she curled up behind me as we fell asleep.

2020-12-12

It had been about a week since my wife had had me service her. That morning, she slept in, and I kept our son downstairs to let her do so.

When we finally heard her stirring, we went back upstairs to say good morning. She was in the bathroom, so I lay down in bed to wait for her, and my son wandered off to play.

When she finished in the bathroom, she came back to bed. She lay down on her back and extended her arm out toward me in invitation. I gladly rolled onto my side, put my head on her shoulder, wrapped my arm around her midsection, and draped my leg over hers. She curled her arm around my shoulders to hold me and leaned down to kiss my head.

(This was a typical position for us. We have an ongoing joke these days that in our relationship, she's the guy and I'm the girl. I'm the one that needs to feel desired and cherished, and I like to be cuddled and held on a regular basis, just like a stereotypical girl. She's a lot less likely to need those things than I am; in fact, after we play, she often quickly gets bored of snuggling and wants to go shower or go to sleep, just like a stereotypical guy.)

"How ya doin', baby?" she asked me affectionately.

I forced myself to be honest. "I'm okay. I'm feeling a bit needy." It still wasn't easy for me to say that to her; it still felt like I was asking her to do a favor for me when she obviously didn't want to do it for herself. But I knew it was important for our relationship for me to be honest with her.

Unfortunately, her immediate gut reaction didn't help. "Already?!" She didn't say it in a mean or upset tone, just a surprised one. I was pretty sure that her reaction was because she just hadn't realized how long it had been, not because she thought I was being too needy. But it still made me feel like she felt that I was wanting a little too much.

I mentally cringed but made myself react calmly. "It has been about a week since we've played, Love," I pointed out with a small shrug.

She thought for a moment. "Yeah, I guess it has. Well, we'll see if we can do something about that."

"Thank you, Mistress."

We moved on to other topics and enjoyed snuggling with each other, but her immediate reaction was still running around the back of my head.

Later that day, I forced myself to tell her that her reaction had bothered me. "You know, Love, it's still hard for me to tell you when I'm feeling needy. I make myself do it, because that's what I'm supposed to be doing, but it's still hard. And when I do tell you and you react by saying 'Already?!', that just makes me feel like I'm imposing on you. I don't know if your reaction was because you didn't realize how long it had been or because you thought I was being too needy, but it always makes me feel like I'm imposing on you."

"I'm really sorry. It was because I didn't realize how long it had been. But you're right, that wasn't a great reaction. I'll try to do better."

"Thank you, Love. I really appreciate it."

2020-12-15

A few days later, we still hadn't played. She still hadn't been feeling that well, so I understood why, but I was still feeling needy and frustrated. But I was trying to set aside those feelings and just be patient.

That night, after I put our son to bed, I came back downstairs and sat back down on the couch with my wife. "So, what's the plan for tonight?" I asked her, hoping that maybe she'd want to play.

"How about we watch some TV?"

I was disappointed but was really trying to set my feelings aside. "Okay."

I picked up the remote and put on the next episode of the show we'd been watching.

Unfortunately, my wife knows me well enough to know when something is bothering me, even when I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it. At one point while we were waiting for a commercial to play, she asked me, "Are you okay?"

I sighed, knowing that I hadn't done a good job of hiding my feelings, as usual.

"Nothing new, Love. I'm feeling needy. But I wasn't saying anything because I know it's my problem. I know that you're not feeling well, and I can totally understand that you're not in the mood to play. It's just hard."

"I know, but you need to tell me how you're feeling."

"I know, Love. I just hate having to do it in this kind of situation. It's hard enough for me to tell you when I'm feeling needy in general, because I feel like I'm just asking you for something that you obviously weren't motivated enough to take of your own volition. But it's even worse when I know that you're not feeling well. The last thing I want to do is to put one more thing on your plate when you're already not feeling well. I know this is my problem, so I'm trying to deal with it."

"I know. But I need to know how you feel."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just so tired of constantly feeling so needy!"

She could see my frustration, and she held out her arms to me. "Come here."

I slid over next to her and leaned down next to her so that she could hold me. At this point, I started to cry, and my feelings came pouring out of me.

"I need to feel desired. I need to feel like you can't keep your hands off me. I need to feel like you need me. I need to feel like I'm serving you in a way that most people wouldn't. Right now, I feel like you don't need anything from me. Like, why am I here? Would you even notice if I disappeared?" I sobbed.

Part of me knew that I was being a little melodramatic -- I had no doubt that she loved me, and I knew she'd be devastated if I was gone. But I certainly didn't feel like she needed me sexually or intimately, and I was trying to find a way to explain that to her.

"I do need you! And I'm so sorry if I've done a bad job of showing you that I do. You are my rock. I'd be lost without you."

"Why do you need me? What do I do for you?"

"There are so many things, it's hard for me to say any one thing specifically."

"Hon, I know that you love me. And I know I give you emotional support. And I know that we do a great job of just working together on everyday household chores -- you do the cooking, I do the dishes, etc. And I'm not knocking any of that -- it really is important to find someone who you're compatible with in terms of everyday living and making family decisions and stuff, and I love that we have that. But I need to feel needed in a way that you couldn't find just anywhere."

"I do need you!"

"I hear you saying that, Love. But just a minute ago, I asked you why, and you couldn't come up with anything. How am I supposed to feel like I'm needed?"

"Okay. You give me emotional support. You give me freedom to be my true self, to explore a side of myself that I didn't even know existed before you."

"But you don't ever seem to actually want that, Love. I need to feel that the service I'm offering you is important enough to you for you to seek it without me asking for it. I don't want to feel like you're doing this for me; I want to feel like you need it from me as well."

I was still crying, and she held me as I paused to catch my breath and gather my thoughts. Then I went on.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel like I'm meeting your needs when I'm always the one who wants to play. You never seem to want to. I know that I don't always do a good job 'reading' you, so maybe I just don't know what to look for to tell when you're really interested in something. But one of the main things that I do think about is whether or not you seek out what I'm offering you. If I am offering you to do anything you can think of to please you, and you never even try to take me up on that, then what am I supposed to think other than that you don't value what I'm offering you? How am I supposed to feel desired or valuable?"

I paused to take a few breaths before continuing. "I know that you've not been feeling well, and the last thing I want to do is make you feel worse about something that isn't your fault. That's why I was trying to not make a big deal out of this. But I am really not feeling like you desire me or need me sexually. And I'm having a really hard time dealing with that."

She continued to hold me and listen until I petered out. When she was sure I was done, she replied. "I understand what you're saying, and I'm so sorry I've made you feel like I don't desire you or don't value what you do for me. I do love so much of what we've explored together. I love your willingness to let me figure out this new part of myself. No one else has ever given me that, and I do love it. I know that I've been really preoccupied with my health lately, but I guess I need to do a better job of making time for us to play during those windows when I am feeling up to it. You are so important to me, and I do desire you, and I'll do my best to find ways to show you that."

"Thank you," I said. "That would mean a lot to me."

We embraced and held each other tight for a few minutes, just reconnecting after such an intense conversation.

Once I'd calmed down, we watched the rest of our show, and then we went upstairs to get ready for bed. When we were both ready, we turned off the lights, and she spooned up behind me, which was one of my favorite positions for falling asleep.

"Are you feeling better now?" she asked.

"Yeah, somewhat. Thank you for talking with me."

"You're very welcome."

She held me for a few more minutes, and I started to drift off toward sleep. But apparently she was still wide awake, because she suddenly spoke, waking me back up a bit.

"I really want to put you over my knee and spank you right now."

I smiled a little groggily. "So what's stopping you?"

"Good question. Go get me a paddle."

"Yes, Mistress."

I pulled myself more toward awakeness, turned on my light, and got out of bed. I went into our closet and got the leather paddle from where it hung on our toy cart, and I brought it back to her.